Diapers and Desserts???

Mr&MrsMTA · January 2014

So I received an invite for a friend she is due in April for a diaper and dessert party? Has anyone ever heard of this, someone at work said they are becoming popular. It was explained in the invite that mom and dad to be have already taken care of all of the essentials, but would still like to share in the joy with their friends and family. So they are having this on a Sat evening at 7pm desserts only and they do not have a registry they are only requesting diapers of any size.

I know some folks on here have issues on invites instructing people what they have to buy, but I actually dont mind this one its late in the day so it really doesn't interfere with anything its easy to just run out and grab a pack of diapers rather then hunting for items on a registry.

I was just curious if anyone has heard of this, its all new to me.

sschwege · January 2014

Never heard of it IRL.

EastCoastBride · January 2014

Are they throwing this for themselves? If so - that bothers me no matter the "excuse" for throwing it.

Past that - if they want to celebrate, they can celebrate w/o asking people to bring gifts.

The idea of desserts at 7, though, is fine. I've thrown a "Wine and chocolate" for friends before and while this included appetizers, it wasn't a meal and almost everyone I invited came. An occasional party w/ friends is fun - regardless of the time.

It sounds like this is a casual enough thing that if you didn't come until 8, it wouldnt' be a big deal.

FemShep · January 2014

Never heard of such a thing, and giving it major side-eye for tacky.

I wouldn't mind a "desserts" party (without the diaper admission fee), but would expect it to start a bit later and would also be expecting some pretty serious desserts. And port. Definitely port.

ordinary1 · January 2014

I find this really tacky! If 'mom and dad want to celebrate' they can have a party without telling guests to bring them diapers. I have never heard of these before IRL, because my friends/family respect me enough to not tell me how to spend my money.

Helenahhandbasket · January 2014

I haven't heard of this myself.

I feel like the sentiment of the baby shower is getting lost here.

If the "diapers and dessert" party is being thrown by the couple it's icky. If not, I might consider going if it were for a close friend.

Also, the idea of "diapers and dessers" just sounds gross/ unappetizing to me. I don't want my desserts any where near diapers, so I hope they don't actually put this phrase on the invites.

PrimRoseMama · January 2014

Ick. The tacky, it burns!!! :-q

graciesmurf · January 2014

I'm torn...
I like cake, but I don't like being told what to do (bring).

veetveet · January 2014

I don't understand the difference between telling people where you are registered to buy you a gift off that registry..... or "hey! We need diapers!" I don't see anything wrong with it.

What I do see something wrong with- is inviting people to a party where gifts are expected and not providing food... even just appetizers.

veetveet · January 2014

Darbie914 said:

veetveet said:
I don't understand the difference between telling people where you are registered to buy you a gift off that registry..... or "hey! We need diapers!" I don't see anything wrong with it.

What I do see something wrong with- is inviting people to a party where gifts are expected and not providing food... even just appetizers.
A registry is a list of suggestions, not a "hey buy us these gifts only" demand. People can buy you whatever they want and many times, would like to know what you prefer and use the registry as a guide. People also choose gifts on their own that may not be on the registry. It's just there to give them ideas if they need/want them, not a list of things you're asking them to bring.

I still wouldn't have a problem with someone saying - "Hey, I'd like diapers please!" Rather than the ridiculous over priced Pottery Barn registry suggestion. I think it's practical. When I was a first time mom I registered for a whole whack of things (as a suggestion from a friend).... and honestly I didnt need or use half of it. But I can tell you.... I sure did use a whole lot of diapers.

RibbitGrl930 · January 2014

My decision of whether or not toattend would depend on my relationship with the PTB. If it's a casual work acquaintancem I'd decline. If it was my BF, I'd probably go because I'd be buying her a gift anyway, tacky invite or not.

Mr&MrsMTA · January 2014

Sorry I am just reading the responses now, they are not throwing their own party both of their moms are hosting. She is a family friend so I am going to attend, I didn't really think it was tacky to say in other words "hey you were going to buy a gift anyway but, we just need diapers" no one in this circle would persecute any gift even if it wasn't diapers. I don't think Aunt Margaret would get thrown from the party if she showed up with something else she thought would be helpful, LOLOLOL

I was just curious if anyone heard of this kind of party, I have heard of the beer and diaper ones.

shopnprob · February 2014

I've actually attended a party like this. It was informal and hosted by the MIL. This was the couple's third child and they did a fantastic job keeping everything from their first child. The couple is big on recycling and didn't want to be wasteful. While I don't recall the exact wording on the invite, I do remember it saying something about how the mom and dad have a lot of essentials and clothing left over from the other two kids. Please join mom and dad as they prepare for their latest arrival. I think the invite said to call MIL for gift questions. After calling MIL she explained again that they need nothing but if you insist on picking up something, diapers are appreciated. It's the only thing that wasn't passed down. It ended up being a pool party with kids and adults. We didn't play any games but they had food and goodie bags.

Going along the lines of Bridal Shower etiquette, it's actually tacky to include the gift registry location as past of any invite. That was in almost every single bridal book that I've read and I have to assume the same etiquette applies here. Anyone that thinks asking for diapers is tacky and listing registry location is not should think about invitation etiquette in general. It's the same exact thing. I guess some of you will fell better if the PTB created a registry at Babies R Us or Tatget but only registered for diapers and wipes. Same concept people!

Sorry guys, I appreciate a couple that isn't trying to rack up on gifts child after child. Only asking for diapers is totally acceptable.

PrimRoseMama · February 2014

shopnprob said:
I've actually attended a party like this. It was informal and hosted by the MIL. This was the couple's third child and they did a fantastic job keeping everything from their first child. The couple is big on recycling and didn't want to be wasteful. While I don't recall the exact wording on the invite, I do remember it saying something about how the mom and dad have a lot of essentials and clothing left over from the other two kids. Please join mom and dad as they prepare for their latest arrival. I think the invite said to call MIL for gift questions. After calling MIL she explained again that they need nothing but if you insist on picking up something, diapers are appreciated. It's the only thing that wasn't passed down. It ended up being a pool party with kids and adults. We didn't play any games but they had food and goodie bags.

Going along the lines of Bridal Shower etiquette, it's actually tacky to include the gift registry location as past of any invite. That was in almost every single bridal book that I've read and I have to assume the same etiquette applies here. Anyone that thinks asking for diapers is tacky and listing registry location is not should think about invitation etiquette in general. It's the same exact thing. I guess some of you will fell better if the PTB created a registry at Babies R Us or Tatget but only registered for diapers and wipes. Same concept people!

Sorry guys, I appreciate a couple that isn't trying to rack up on gifts child after child. Only asking for diapers is totally acceptable.

I disagree with you here. Telling your guest what buy "only" is rude.

shopnprob · February 2014

@ PrimRoseMama

How is this any different from picking out a full list of registry items? I'm simply suggesting that it is the same exact thing, especially if the couple only included diapers and wipes on their Babies R Us registry. People are either going to buy what you registered/asked for or buy something that they want to purchase. I've seen registries that have overpriced items on them like a $900 stroller and personally think that's more out of line.

FemShep · February 2014

shopnprob said:

@ PrimRoseMama

How is this any different from picking out a full list of registry items? I'm simply suggesting that it is the same exact thing, especially if the couple only included diapers and wipes on their Babies R Us registry. People are either going to buy what you registered/asked for or buy something that they want to purchase. I've seen registries that have overpriced items on them like a $900 stroller and personally think that's more out of line.

You're missing the point. Registries are simply suggestions, not requirements. No one is required to buy an item from the registry. However, a "diapers and desserts" party is rude because it states that the only acceptable gift is diapers, and it's never OK to dictate what your guests give you.

And why get offended by a $900 stroller? We put things on our registry (like our $800 stroller) that we fully intended to purchase ourselves, but the completion discount adds up. We also had very generous family members go in together on larger purchases. If a registry item bothers you, don't buy it.

shopnprob · February 2014

FemShep said:

shopnprob said:

@ PrimRoseMama

How is this any different from picking out a full list of registry items? I'm simply suggesting that it is the same exact thing, especially if the couple only included diapers and wipes on their Babies R Us registry. People are either going to buy what you registered/asked for or buy something that they want to purchase. I've seen registries that have overpriced items on them like a $900 stroller and personally think that's more out of line.

You're missing the point. Registries are simply suggestions, not requirements. No one is required to buy an item from the registry. However, a "diapers and desserts" party is rude because it states that the only acceptable gift is diapers, and it's never OK to dictate what your guests give you.

And why get offended by a $900 stroller? We put things on our registry (like our $800 stroller) that we fully intended to purchase ourselves, but the completion discount adds up. We also had very generous family members go in together on larger purchases. If a registry item bothers you, don't buy it.

@FemShep

I don't think the Diaper and Dessert party mentions anything about requiring diapers. It's a suggestion just like a general registery for 20 different items is a suggestion. And you are correct, if I think the $900 stroller is unacceptable to purchase, I won't purchase it; the same goes for the diapers, if someone doesn't want to buy them, they do not have to. I don't care for a lot of things that people put on their registries, but I can either get them because the couple requested it or ignore them and get what I want. As a PP mentioned, the guests will likely not get turned away if they either showed up empty handed or showed up with a gift that didn't resemble a diaper. I think people have to be open minded. I'm just pointing out the facts - a registry is a registry even if it has 50 of the same types of items. People ask for library books instead of cards, this is the same thing - I can honor their request or buy a greeting card. Furthermore, if an invited person is that disappointed with the "suggested" list of items, the invited person can RSVP with a No. I'd also like to add that several DTB have Diaper and Beer Bashes thrown by friends. You never know what your host/hostess has in mind for you bash. The intent is to shower the PTB with gifts, theme or no theme.

@Mr&MrsMTA, I hope you have an open mind and buy what you feel like getting if you do not like the requested item.

Disneygeek77 · February 2014

Required, maybe not, but since it is on the invite they are certainly expected.

Anyway, it put the guests in an uncomfortable and awkward position. That simply isn't a polite thing to do.

Unknown · February 2014

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Disneygeek77 · February 2014

SmileyGirl18 said:

If someone else is throwing it and it is their first, I don't really see an issue. But if they are throwing it and already have kids, I would simply decline.

Disneygeek77 said:

Required, maybe not, but since it is on the invite they are certainly expected.

Anyway, it put the guests in an uncomfortable and awkward position. That simply isn't a polite thing to do.

So what is the difference including registry info? You aren't required to by from the registry. You can but whatever you want. I just don't understand why people get up in arms about these things.

Not everyone likes buying diapers. My sister likes to buy bath supplies, my mom likes to buy clothes, my cousin likes to buy books, my friend likes to make gift baskets. At least with a registry there is a variety of gifts to choose from if you so choose. A diaper party indicates that is the only option, diapers.

Again, it puts people in an awkward position. Will they feel like a putz if everyone else shows up with diapers and they bring a blanket ? Will they feel like a putz or a bad friend if they don't show up ? Should they just suck it up and buy diapers even though they might be short on funds and it's not really the kind of gift the want to give ? When it comes to things like gifts that people are generously giving out of the kindness of their hearts, it is best to not put limitations on them.

In my opinion, a registry is just a list of suggestions for those that might be interested, but a gift that is actually part of the theme of the shower makes it sound like that is the only option for people.

Unknown · February 2014

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kimberpoo · February 2014

Maybe it's just the culture where I'm at, but the 'diapers and desserts' doesn't bother me at all, especially since it's hosted by mom/MIL. I think that if someone wants to get you a gift they are going to get it and give it no matter what. If they don't want to bring it to the party they can give it beforehand. I haven't ever seen or had issues with people coming to a party empty handed....everyone assumes the gift was given prior to the event and is NBD.

I'm lazy when it comes to gifts so I would love if it was made this easy for me. If I wanted to get something extra/different/special, I would, and I'm sure the MTB would be grateful. If she were the ungrateful 'why didn't you give me diapers' type, why would I get her anything to begin with?

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