I shouldn't have to tell my nanny this, right?

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

It's kind of a moot point because we are going to fire her anyway, but I'm legitimately curious if this is my oversight. We interviewed someone we really liked, and had a short trial/training day today. I was home for the first hour, showing her the house, where things are etc, then left for work for 2 hours, then came home for the last 1/2 hour, when I put the baby to bed (I have a 7.5 mo old and a 2 year old). When she came over the house had folded laundry all over, as I was desperately trying to get caught up, and dishes in the kitchen...just generally a little messy. As I was showing her around, the house got messier as I couldn't really attend to things between showing her around and getting ready for work, so when I left for work the house was pretty messy - toys all over, dishes from snack and some food that my kid was still snacking on, etc (I did get all the laundry put away though).

I came back 2 hours later and the house is TRASHED. Definitely messier than I left it, including things like her half-empty soda can in the kitchen and one of those plastic 6-pack rings from a soda six pack on the floor. I had to feed the dogs and my toddler (who hadn't really had dinner) (during which she played with the baby and changed her diaper), then show her how I put the baby down, and by that time it was like 6:58 so I pad her and she left. Without cleaning up a thing (dished she had used, her soda can, the many toys they had gotten out and played with etc).

I get things are crazy when you are getting to know a new family, and to her credit both kids were awake the whole time, but I feel like it's a little insane that she didn't do even the most basic picking up after herself at all. She did say, on her way out, sorry things are such a mess, that will get better when I'm more in the groove. We hired her because she said she had a lot of experience. She works PT with 2 year old twins now so I know she can watch 2 kids. And yeah, it's a packed, short day with a new house and new family, and honestly sometimes the house is trashed at the end of the day when I'm home with them (I've been home full time since the baby was born), and 2 small kids is A LOT...but really? She felt it was OK to leave everything completely trashed?

Or should I have been more clear? Maybe because it was messy when I left for work she thought it was "my" mess and that she should leave it?

Avion22 · February 2014

Maybe I'm not understanding correctly, but the house was a mess to begin with. She left out one soda can that she hadn't finished drinking yet, the plastic rings (which probably got pulled off the counter by the dog), and a few toys that they played with that she just hadn't gotten around to putting away yet, and now you think the house is "trashed"? There must be more that I'm missing here.

If the house was spotless to begin with, and you got home two hours later to trash and toys all over the place, then I would understand being really upset. But it sounds like it was pretty messy when she came over, and then was only slightly messier when you get back, probably because she just didn't have time to attend to some of these things. I can understand that her first day on the job she wanted to focus on playing with the kids and getting to know them, instead of spending the whole two hours cleaning up. If it were me, I would have at least made sure to throw away my own soda can and picked up the toys before leaving, but maybe she felt like you were ushering her out and wanted her to leave.

Are you firing her just because of this, or is there another reason? If it were me, and there was no other reason, I think I'd give her another (longer) trial, and explain your expectations again, and see how it goes.

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

Cleaning up the mess that was there when she got there would have taken maybe 5 mins. By the time I left it was a 15 minute cleanup. When I got home it was a 30 min cleanup.

Yes there are other reasons we are firing her but the mess is probably 50%.

VegasGal1978 · February 2014

She was only there for a short time with two awake children that were new to her. Honestly, I would prefer her to spend that time getting to know my kids instead of cleaning the house. She took responsibility for leaving a mess and said it would get better. I think maybe you could give her a longer trial as PP said. Of course I don't know what other reasons you have for firing her; that info may change my opinion.

VOR · February 2014

VegasGal1978 said:

She was only there for a short time with two awake children that were new to her. Honestly, I would prefer her to spend that time getting to know my kids instead of cleaning the house. She took responsibility for leaving a mess and said it would get better. I think maybe you could give her a longer trial as PP said. Of course I don't know what other reasons you have for firing her; that info may change my opinion.

On the mess, this. she had TWO hours. Thats really not that long, especially when the kids are brand new to her and shes trying to learn them. If it had been a full 8 hr day, I might better understand your perspective - but after only 2 hours? I think you're being unrealstic. Especially as she said something about it. This won't be the norm.

Now I'm curious about your other reasons.

VOR · February 2014

I also tthink it's unfair to expect her to clean up the exisiting mess- from before she got there. Her mess, yes. Your mess? no.

shannm · February 2014

I agree with pp. under the chaotic and new circumstances, I wouldn't judge her too quickly. And 5 minute, 15 minute, 30 minute....you sound like you may be hard to please. With that in mind, yes, you should make it very clear upfront that you expect the house to be clean when you return.

laurakaz13 · February 2014

I think you are being unrealistic and unfair. You did not specify exactly what you need from your childcare worker and you say your house was a mess to begin with. She was there getting to know your kids and that should be her focus.

One soda can does not equal "trashed". You need to specify exactly what you want and will be paying for with anyone you hire in the future.

SunAndRain · February 2014

I'm sorry but I don't see this as reason to fire her. It really is on you to set clear expectations. But keep in mind that nannys are interviewing you too when you dish out the job demands.

thedash · February 2014

I totally agree with PP's. That situation doesn't sound like anything close to a good reason to fire her. It's not like she came into your pristine house and left with cookie crumbs ground into your furniture. Sounds like things were pretty messy when she came and she acknowledged that it didn't get cleaned up while she was there even though it normally would. I'd rather have my nanny change and play with the baby than ignore her and run around cleaning up, especially on their first day together.

I am also curious about the other 50% of the reasons she's being fired.

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

Ok thanks, this is a good reality check. I'm not hard to please and a soda can doesn't equal trashed at all to me. I'm totally messy and we are super laid back actually, though reading my post I totally get why I'm sounding uptight and impossible to please!

I would not expect her to clean up messes from before she got there at all. I WOULD expect her to pick up after stuff she used after I left. The mess that happened between when she got there and when I left... I guess I was hoping she would have been able to manage that too but I can see the point that she would have considered it "my mess".

The soda can was not the only thing going on. The kitchen counter had dishes all over, food spills, cutting board and knives (within reach of my toddler!) with food etc. The living room had toys all over - we have two short bookcases w toys and literally just about every toy on there was on the floor. I called the soda can out particularly because it felt a little weird to be cleaning up after her dishes.

Like I said, I'm a slob by nature and not fastidious or anal my any stretch. I guess I just can't imagine going into a workplace and leaving it so much worse than I found it. Even if she had taken two minutes on her way out to throw her dishes in the sink and move toy piles from doorways/pathways I would have honestly appreciated the effort. While I was feeding the dogs and the toddler I was a little bent out that she was just playing w the baby - that would have been a good time in my mind to spend a few minutes picking up (the baby is pretty independent and would have been fine in a high chair w some toys).

VOR · February 2014

was the mess in the kitchen all after you left? if so, how much food was she/ the kids eating in that short time? If she actually ATE while there for only 2 hours, that seems odd to me too.

However - you question why she was playing w the baby after you came home? I could see that go the other way. I could see a mom say "as soon as I showed up, she stopped playing w the kids and started cleaning up. As messy as it was = was she actually ever really playing w my kids or was she busy the entire time doing other stuff?"

This was her first day. She ws probably nervous and trying to say "hey! Look - I like your kid!!!"

VOR · February 2014

And remember - she doesn't know your child. she doesn't know the baby would be ok in the highchair just playing w/ some toys.

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

The other reasons we are firing her are part that she said she followed a certain care giving philosophy which we were really excited about but as I saw her interact w the kids it wasn't like that at all, and that the kids didn't seem to connect w her (which I know they wouldn't after only a day). I don't know, any one of their things wouldn't have been an issue at all, I just overall didnt connect with her. And she's also more expensive than the others we talked to with similar experience.

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

Also I am usually the one reading nanny posts on here thinking the OP sounds like an impossible to please jerk...good to know I am being that OP, haha! Really though, thanks for the perspective.

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

Most of the kitchen mess was after I left. I had made up a plate for my kid and cleaned up from prepping it. She added food, cut the stuff I had put on the plate into smaller pieces etc

VOR · February 2014

MagickalNarwhal said:

The other reasons we are firing her are part that she said she followed a certain care giving philosophy which we were really excited about but as I saw her interact w the kids it wasn't like that at all, and that the kids didn't seem to connect w her (which I know they wouldn't after only a day). I don't know, any one of their things wouldn't have been an issue at all, I just overall didnt connect with her. And she's also more expensive than the others we talked to with similar experience.

Look, in the end, she's taking care of YOUR kids. You have to be comfortable! Don't 2nd guess yourself on this.

thedash · February 2014

Sounds like it's just not a good fit and a general feeling that you are not comfortable with her, which is a totally valid reason to let her go.

Avion22 · February 2014

If it's not a good fit, then it's not a good fit. If you're on the fence, then I might give her another chance, but if you can already tell that it's not working (for whatever reason) then trust your gut. It's okay -- you don't need our permission to find a new nanny :-)

RachieTK · February 2014

If you wanted her to clean up rather than play with the baby, why didn't you say, "it would be great if you could put away the toys you took out for the kids - the baby can play in her high chair for a few minutes" - I can't imagine a new sitter payi g more attention to toy clean up than an awake child:

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

RachieTK said:
If you wanted her to clean up rather than play with the baby, why didn't you say, "it would be great if you could put away the toys you took out for the kids - the baby can play in her high chair for a few minutes" - I can't imagine a new sitter payi g more attention to toy clean up than an awake child:

I get the thinking behind this. However, my kids very rarely have overlapping nap time. On a good day I might get a half hour when they are both down at the same time but its pretty common for someone to be awake at all times. So, at some point, a care giver is going to have to pay less attention to an awake kid to keep up with stuff right?

MagickalNarwhal · February 2014

VOR said:

MagickalNarwhal said:

The other reasons we are firing her are part that she said she followed a certain care giving philosophy which we were really excited about but as I saw her interact w the kids it wasn't like that at all, and that the kids didn't seem to connect w her (which I know they wouldn't after only a day). I don't know, any one of their things wouldn't have been an issue at all, I just overall didnt connect with her. And she's also more expensive than the others we talked to with similar experience.

Look, in the end, she's taking care of YOUR kids. You have to be comfortable! Don't 2nd guess yourself on this.

Also, I'm not second guessing... We're still letting her go. I just wanted some perspective on how much I should be spelling out in regards to my expectations. We've had pt nannies before and it was never an issue. If other things weren't an issue though I'd probably be way more chill and see how it went next time.

*sparky* · February 2014

It sounds like there is more to the mess than what you initially indicated, but since this was her first day with the kids and she only had a couple of hours while you were at work, I would probably be a little annoyed about the additional mess she left but straighten it up and be a little more clear next time. Also, I think if someone comes into a messy house then they think messy is ok, whereas if they walk in and everything is neat and clean then they feel like they have to make more of an effort to keep them that way. So she may have thought that, given the state of the house, leaving a little additional mess was no big deal. Of course she should be trying to make her best impression on her first day but she may have thought the kids should be her focus 100% of the time and not straightening up.

Also getting adjusted to two new kids is not always easy and even with my own child there were days when he was younger that it looked like my house had been ransacked.

It sounds like she is getting fired either way - that is just my perspective. Given what happened I would try to have things as straightened up as possible for the next person and/or ask that she spend some time straightening toys if she's got things under control with the kids.

VOR · February 2014

As you said, there were other issues. But just on the issue of the cleanliness/ her paying attention to the baby instead of cleaning.... it was her FIRST day and she had a short period of time there. She's trying to impress you. YOU would have been impressed had she started cleaning up, but I absolutely 100% assume that SHE thinks you want to see how she interacts w/ your kids.

Especially, as sparky pointed out, she walked into a somewhat messy house. She may not feel that cleaning up is a priority.

If this were the ONLY issue, I'd be saying you're way too uptight. But again, the fact that there are other issues, I can see how you're overall heightened to what else she did/ didn't do.

NicoleWI · February 2014

I wouldn't be very picky about that on the first day. On the other hand, I do totally get where you are coming from. I would be very clear with whomever you hire about (reasonable) expectations for the house. I think this is actually a big part of the job, even though the kids are the main thing. I am also messy by nature, but having the house get progressively more trashed all week creates a lot of extra work on weekends. It drives us crazy that our current nanny leaves her soda bottles out, doesn't wipe tables, etc. She's supposed to do kid laundry and occasional other things but NEVER does anything unless specifically asked, and then with kind of an attitude about it. Meanwhile, she's on her e-reader usually for at least 2 hours a day while the kids nap. Not kidding. We kind of let this go b/c I was quitting my job, but otherwise we would have had a lot of issues to work on.

Our previous nanny was AWESOME and would ask, "is there anything else I can do today while they are napping?" and just brought our trash cans in for us on garbage day, etc without us asking. If I were hiring someone again I would be very clear about house-related expectations. And truly, I am NOT a neat, orderly person and totally NOT anal about the house, but with three little kids and limited time it's important that whoever is here all day keep things under control and keep laundry moving, etc.

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