Add me to the list of "i have a crazy sister in law"

KirstenAlecia · February 2014

WARNING: Long Vent.

Soooooo. My parents are amazing people. They have 4 kids total and have done SO MUCH for all of us. I think all 4 of us have gotten a car from them at one point or another. The payed for a large sum of my wedding and 100% of my Maui honeymoon. My brother (oldest boy) got married and they paid for his Carribean honeymoon 100%. My youngest brother lived with them for a looooong time and they recently gave him there just paid off (3 years new) car when his POS was totaled in an accident that was not his fault. They just gave him one of theirs and went and bought themselves a brand new one. The other brother (middle boy) has been living with them with his wife (the SIL) and their 2 kids.

Mind you they live there rent free. They have been there for a few years and being that my dad will be retiring in a couple years my parents have said they can stay till the little one gets to school since it will then be easier for SIL to get at least a part time job and work so they can better afford their own place. This has been the plan for over the last year and half.

My SIL is an awesome mom…….BUT she is a horrible wife and member of the family in general. If it aint her kid it matters not. She is ungrateful to my parents. to my brother who works his but off and just all around self centered. I realized this when the oldest brother got married and decided to skip the wedding because of nieces girl scout activities……REALLY??? Skip a once in a lifetime event of family member for Disneyland with the girl scouts?? They went to Disneyland over 200 times the previous year…..Dland is NOT special…..its a more than once a week thing for them. She treats my brother like CRAP and my poor mom listens to it and it breaks her heart to hear her son being treated like crap.

Well its coming up on the time where she would be sending the little one to school….. and she is pregnant. Just in time to be due when he goes to school. My mom is convinced this was planned on her part because its well known she wants to stay home with the kids and quite honestly she has little education and whatever job she gets will not cover child care for 3 littles. Now she won't be able to work. Perfect.

I can care less…..not my business EXCEPT my parents are stressed. My mom is SO SO upset.

She has a shopping problem and that is clear. The kids stuff (toys and clothes) overflow to multiple areas of the house. Christmas is such a gross display of gluttony that every year my other brother can't bring his 2 kids over for christmas morning cause how do you explain to his 2 why the other 2 cousins are still opening presents 2 hours after everyone else is done and they don't have any more.

She has not only unfriended me but blocked me on FB for I have no idea why…..I have never said anything to her. I have had messages with my mom and maybe she somehow read those cause well…..my mom can't sit and talk to me on the phone about it when she is there so we message.

I just wanted to vent I guess. My poor mom is having a hard time and i don't know how to help her…..

hooligans4 · February 2014

All you can do is support your mom and dad. They have to either accept the life they have created or do what is necessary and make your brother and SIL move out.

But your brother really needs to grow a pair. Not for nothing but he and his wife should be able to provide for their family. If they aren't paying rent or a mortgage what are they doing with that 2000+ a month. If they were saving it they would have enough saved to get a place of their own.

I am sorry that you are stressed about this. I am very protective of people taking ad atvantage of my mother. Try to encourage her and your dad to make your brother responsible for his family. That is all you can really do.

Samuelismomma · February 2014

Totally agree with pp 100% your brother needs to grow a pair. If your mom is convinced this was a planned pregnancy then your brother was there too not preventing it and your mom needs to tell him things haven't changed and they need to still get out..maybe that's what they need to take responsibility of their family. If they can afford xmas presents like that they can afford rent.

Davie813 · February 2014

Yeesh--I guess there really is one in every family! Sorry this is so rough on your parents, and that you're caught up in it, too. It does sound like something your brother needs to address himself...

ksgsmu · February 2014

So sorry--- but I also agree with the others. They need to not change the plan on your sweet parents.

KirstenAlecia · February 2014

Oh man I totally agree with the "my brother needs to grow a pair: statement. The oldest brother and i have told my mom that as much as we love him and HATE seeing him treated bad and being taken advantage of he did this right along side her AND he chooses to tolerate the treatment he receives.

I tell my mom that if the way she treats him bothers him SOMEDAY he will get sick of it and remedy it one way or another.

@hooligans4 I think what is happening with the $$ since they are not paying rent is she spends it…..on christmas on season passes to Disneyland not to mention the gas to drive the 70 mile round trip at least 2 times a week in their gas guzzler! (gas is $3.50+/gal out here) And she has a shopping addiction my mom thinks. My mom walked me into the kids room the other day when she was gone and each child has a huge rubbermaid container of shoes each in sizes that fit them NOW and the clothes are OUT OF CONTROL….mom mom doesn't understand.

On top of it all my brother will work hard and he is in the IT field (entry level) but is continuing his education and every time he reaches a goal she downplays it. For instance. He post on FB "I passed such and such test! I am "whatever" certified now" and she will comment "yeah it took you 3 times!"

When he got a job at Big 5 Sporting goods in the IT department he posted about his new job she comments "retail lifer" Ok THAT IS MEAN. His job is not retail. he has an IT job for a retail company.

A few weeks ago i visited my dad and i was asking where he was and he was as always at work. She then said "yeah he has worked 7 days straigth between the 2 jobs and I told him he should keep doing that" I turned around and looked at her and said "why so he can end up in the hospital for exhaustion??? He can get worn down and really sick if he tries to do that forever!"

Im so so concerned at this point.

Agreed though my parents need to stick to their guns for sure. I feel like its really non of my business but i am protective of my parents.

mindaa · February 2014

That stinks! Of course you are going to be protective of your parents. I wouldn't know what to do either, but glad you have some good advice.

Yes, must be one in every family. In our case it's DH's cousins - they are horrible $$ drains from his sweet (currently unmarried) aunt. It's mind boggling to the rest of the family how they have no shame in letting her support a lifestyle that is beyond their current means (pricey hobbies, fancy vacations, etc.), at a time when she should be preparing to enjoy her retirement.

Anyway, it's not remotely any of my business but it's pretty stressful for MIL, who is really close to her sister.

Davie813 · February 2014

On top of it all my brother will work hard and he is in the IT field (entry level) but is continuing his education and every time he reaches a goal she downplays it. For instance. He post on FB "I passed such and such test! I am "whatever" certified now" and she will comment "yeah it took you 3 times!"
When he got a job at Big 5 Sporting goods in the IT department he posted about his new job she comments "retail lifer" Ok THAT IS MEAN. His job is not retail. he has an IT job for a retail company.

That is horrid. Just plain mean.

on42 · February 2014

Your sister-in-law sounds like a piece of work. Blech! b-(

KirstenAlecia · February 2014

Yeah this is just the short list of her crap. I really feel for my brother.

He was such and still is such an introvert and i think SIL was the first girl to take interest in him and he just kept her……he could have done so much better.

hooligans4 · February 2014

KirstenAlecia said:
Yeah this is just the short list of her crap. I really feel for my brother.

He was such and still is such an introvert and i think SIL was the first girl to take interest in him and he just kept her……he could have done so much better.

Oooh DH's brother is the same.

BeckyP005 · February 2014

Davie813 said:

On top of it all my brother will work hard and he is in the IT field (entry level) but is continuing his education and every time he reaches a goal she downplays it. For instance. He post on FB "I passed such and such test! I am "whatever" certified now" and she will comment "yeah it took you 3 times!"
When he got a job at Big 5 Sporting goods in the IT department he posted about his new job she comments "retail lifer" Ok THAT IS MEAN. His job is not retail. he has an IT job for a retail company.

That is horrid. Just plain mean.

What a bitch! That's awful.

KirstenAlecia · February 2014

Im trying hard to keep my opinions to myself lately……

dragonfly711 · February 2014

Oh man. Your parents should say that the plan was. Once little one is in school you need to find a place to live.

Why are they having more kids if they don't have a place to live? Your parents need to set some rules and say this is it.
Your brother too needs to step up. I am so sorry that you have to deal w this. I have a crazy SIL too but she is just so into herself family is nothing to her.

I hope that it all works out. I know you care about your family and you want what is best for them.

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