Oh its Saturday. Open letter time!

amdecker1016 · February 2014

I totally forgot..all this snark had me distracted.

Dear full moon:
Thanks for nothing.
Sincerely:
The girl thats tired of walking like a duck.

Dear H:
I do not care if you meant for that kit kat to be yours, it looked good so i ate it.
Love:
Your wife.

SomersIsles · February 2014

Dear Baby,

No you are not suppose to exit from above my belly button or near my waist. So stop trying to claw your way out from that direction!

Love,
Mom

lb1117 · February 2014

Dear body, Please get your act together. I'm tired of feeling like crap. My trip to OB triage was not fun and I want to leave with my baby next time. Keep meds and fluids down, but please pretty please go into labor sooner than later. From, Your groggy, over medicated, dehydrated, threatened pre-e self

theluckiest9 · February 2014

Dear H,
If I have to ask you to clean the kitchen one more freakin time I will lose my shit.
Regards,
Your wife

cierravictoria · February 2014

Dear dad,

STOP WITH THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COMMENTS. They are completely unnessecary and you are meddling in our marriage. My husband does not need to hear you say, "what, she couldn't do it herself" EVERY.SINGLE.TIME he decides to help me with something. He's doing it because he loves me and we are a team, not because I'm forcing him to do anything. Our marriage is actually in a really good place right now, so stop projecting your issues onto us.

Love,
Your daughter who hasn't talked to you in almost a week because you're being an ass.

tsmith312 · February 2014

Dear baby , please please please stop jabbing my vag ! Every night for 4 nights straight you punch , kick and stab my vag ! I feel like your going to wiggle out ! If you want out just come ! Love , your loving caring mother !!!

CherryPicked · February 2014

Dear husband,

You made me cry yesterday when I came home to 12 red roses for me and a single pink rose for our daughter Caroline. You are the best and I couldn't get through this without you.

Love,

Your wife

saisongbird · February 2014

Dear LO and my body,

Thank you for letting me sleep last night! Granted in was in three blocks, but each block was at LEAST 2.5 hours, and the longest was 4. SO GRATEFUL this morning! Still considering going back to bed though...

Love, Mommy/me.

Dear colleague who refused to pick up her class,

Grow the fuck up. Are you seriously badmouthing me behind my back? Thank G-D we are now on vacation, that I have four weeks of work left, and one of those days, I have a doctor's appt and won't have to deal with your pettiness.

Signed,

The colleague who wants you to just do your fucking job and STFU.

Dear DH,

I know the clutter in the house is bugging you. It WILL get better once her furniture arrives Monday and we can put the piles and piles of crap away. But please chill in the time being. Babies have stuff. We have to learn to live with it.

Love,

your wife who knows it's not going to get better once she's here and there's tons of baby crap out all of the time.

AnonymousMotherOfOne · February 2014

Dear cold and flu season,

Go die.

Hate,

The girl who can't swallow the post V-day breakfast her loving hubby made her.

Dear baby girl,

Please stop holding a candle to mommy's ribs. Heartburn is bad enough, I don't need you finding new ways to torture me.

Love,

Mom.

Dear DH,

You are amazing, and I appreciate the giant teddy bear card you got me yesterday, and the pizza you got me so that I could have cold pizza for breakfast, even though I can't swallow worth shit right now. Now please, go partake of 50% off chocolate day.

Love,

Your choco-holic wife.

AriaAmante143 · February 2014

Dear woman at my church,

A few weeks ago you posted on our FB page asking for food because you ran out of food stamp money, the same day you bragged on your personal page about getting 2 new Wii U games and a smart phone. Last week you were complaining about the government lowering your food stamp amount and how you were broke, a few days later you were asking if anyone had a car for sale because you had $900 to buy one. Today you posted asking if anyone knew anything fun you could do during the day while your kid is at school because you're bored. I'm not going to say anything to you because I'm sure it will go in one ear and out the other, but might I suggest A JOB. Get a job, make some money, support your son. Stop spending your child support money on stupid shit and take care of your kid.

Sincerely,
Woman who actually wanted to help you before she realized you were just looking for handouts, not actual help.

sebullows · February 2014

Dear MIL,

No, DH and I do not need you to do our taxes. Your son is an accountant.

Love, a mind blown pregnant woman.

cdnmomma · February 2014

dear chelleski578,

as much as i am thoroughly enjoying your posts, please stop posting. i have so much to do today and if i don't walk away from my computer mh will soon be royally pissed.

sincerely,

torn...cause i love it as much as i hate it

myfriendscallmemeg · February 2014

Dear feet,

Thanks for not swelling up a bunch on a normal basis, that's really sweet of you. Today's gonna be a long day, and I'd appreciate if you could keep your ish together and not blow up like balloons.

Sincerely,

Your top heavy counterpart.

Zriseon3 · February 2014

Dear Baby,
You are getting evicted in a week so you better get your act together and get out on your own.

Love, Your very uncomfortable mommy

Dear MIL,
Your son is starting to believe you've gone insane. Just a heads up.

Love, the girl you didn't want your son to marry

Dear Mom and SIL,
You rock! Thanks for being my cheerleaders.

Love, me

nlane0723 · February 2014

Dear H,

WAKE THE FUCK UP! I'm sorry you decided to get all sloppy-Jo-doppy last night, but we have a nursery to finish, a house to clean, and shopping to do.

P.S. Thanks for giving me a reason not to give you that BJ last night.

Xoxo,
Your ball and chain

Dear Harper,

Thank you for giving me 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. It was glorious.

Love,
Your very appreciative, well-rested mommy.

AriaAmante143 · February 2014

Dear DH,

I'm really sorry you have to go up to the attic and lug down the giant suitcase again. My dad is travelling this week and I thought since our parents are always so helpful, it would be nice to let him borrow it, instead of spending a ton of money to buy one, for one trip. Instead of getting pissed off at me, perhaps you can actually clean our a spot on the garage wall like you've been promising for months so we could keep it in there, instead of you lugging it up into the attic every time.

Also, come onnnnn, let's go. You realize we have ONE MORE weekend after this one to get our house ready for baby before shes HERE. We have STUFF TO DO MAN!

Love,

Your wife

PS The only reason I'm not yelling at you is because you got me chocolate covered strawberries yesterday, and took me out for Chinese food. That will keep you out of the doghouse for a little while.

Pinecone21 · February 2014

Dear H,

Hurry up and finish masterbating. We need to work on the nursery!

Love, your pregnant wife who can't move furniture by herself

aLsMay24 · February 2014

Dear Hips,

Why must you start feeling like you are just going to break away from my body at any time? It sucks, it hurts horribly and makes walking harder than shit.

Love,
This pregnant lady who would like to continue walking for the next 4+ weeks

Dear Pregnant lady at swim lessons,

Thank you for making me feel like shit because you are due 3 days behind me and need no help getting off the side into the water with your child. Also, you look awesome for being this far along.

Sincerely,
A very jealous me

[Deleted User] · February 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

WoodShopGirl · February 2014

Dear body, Please stop having contractions even if they are irregular. We still have 5 weeks. Plus husband has 2 windows and an exterior wall opened up right now. I really need those to be done before you start anything serious.

Renik20 · February 2014

Dear DH,
I'm really sorry that my patience for you is done. You went skiing and broke your leg, which has in turn broken our lives. I have four weeks left (maybe,) and you have at least twelve more weeks of recovery before you can even walk. Thanks for that.

Also, you can stop being such a suck about doing stairs on crutches. You're almost six weeks post-surgery, and you still do stairs on your ass. Even the two measly stairs to leave our house. People with crutches learn to do stairs - I don't understand why you have some sudden mental block that you can no longer hop a five inch step. My patience for this sh*t is gone.

Oh, and thanks for the Valentine card. That you took out of my stash of cards. Which is a fall scene of a lake. A picture that I TOOK.

Your wife

chapel2012 · February 2014

Dear DH,

Remember back in October when I told you that you should probably get a flu shot and you told me why bother since you never, ever, ever get sick? Well... I told you so. At least I got my flu shot and feel just fine and at least it happened before baby arrived otherwise you would have been staying with your parents until you kicked the flu

Love,

Your not flu infested wife

Dear water heater,

Thank you for springing a leak somewhere and caused mold growth on the lower part of the baby's room. Lucky for us that we wanted to move the book case and happened to find it before baby was born and living in there. No so lucky that we now have to throw out the book case and remove the drywall because that area was unpainted waiting for the baseboards. Oh... but you have seen your last days because you're being replaced... I guess whenever DH actually gets over the flu. You have such perfect timing

missyishere · February 2014

Dear March 2014 BMB,

I be creepin' in yo bushes.

Signed,

Missyisherefortoday

missyishere · February 2014

Dear Mother Nature,

Okay, so I'm totes down with the warming of temps next week, but it will literally be an eighty degree difference in a week's time. WHISKY.TANGO.FOXTROT.

Missfunball · February 2014

(Sorry I'm totally in a fucking rage dear diary mode)

Dear DriveBys and dumbasses,

I hate your face and I know I know your level of dumb does not know what google is and is SHOCKED when you as a question thats either in our FAQ or if you read one fucking baby book you'd know the answer. Kindly fuck the fuck off. Unless you are completely batshit and defensive, than please continue posting so we can feed Larry.

Sincerely,

A regular on M14

Dear GlobalRose and UPS,

I hate you so so much. We worked our asses off to be prepared and the fact you fucked up a guaranteed delivery of flowers, and that they came in rather poor condition (which we received well after they were needed, making us scramble to find moderately priced flowers the NIGHT BEFORE VALENTINES DAY makes me rage so hard. Not to mention I was already working overtime at my job and this was all for fundraising. So just FYI I hate you and we will most definitely be getting our money back. Oh and UPS lady, when someone calls your facility to have someone pick up the package because they cant and y'all say its fine and then throw a fit when they get there.....not cool, you were almost throat punched.

~ Sincerely the person who never wants to laser eyes just to stare at you with the power of a thousand suns

Body/Baby,

Come out or don't, just stop with this false labor shit. I don't want to have timeable contractions and then for you to be all JK! I really need the sleep at night.

~ The 38week preggo

DH.

I love you, but you are pushing it. I swear if you want to do one more thing before the baby project list is done, I will go psychotic. I've been patient but motherfucker its go time.

~ Your wife who is losing all patience

ProudMommy030614 · February 2014

Dear ds#1 and ds#2

You guys are awesome and I am glad that you're mine

Love,
Your lucky mom

Dear H,
Tell me again how my belly jiggles like santas when I laugh and I will throat punch you!

Love,
Your extremely pregnant wife :P

BethRN1987 · February 2014

Dear Sloan,

I promise you are as high up as you can get so there's no need to keep pushing your but up like you have been doing recently. Also as long as you are strong enough to avoid the NICU you can come anytime despite what daddy says

Love mommy.

karacakes98 · February 2014

Dear self,

Please stop over analyzing every single thing that goes on with your body. Every timeable BH isn't labor, every cramp isn't the real thing, and feeling incredibly off means nothing.

Signed,
The not-so-insane half of your brain

Dear BH,

Please stop effing with my head by being timeable and strong for hours and then disappearing.

Thanks,
Woman who hates you

Dear body,

Please get your shit together and eject this baby before I drive myself insane. I'm done being pregnant.

Love, The exhausted and miserable pregnant woman who will go crazy each and every day she goes longer than she carried DS. And she carried DD 10 days longer than DS. Those 10 days shall not be repeated.

pepperedmoth · February 2014

Dear M14,

I love you sooooo much, but isn't starting letters with "Dear DH" hilariously redundant?

Yours forever,
Pepperedmoth

saisongbird · February 2014

DH = darling husband

pepperedmoth · February 2014

Laura8388 said:

pepperedmoth said:
Dear M14,

I love you sooooo much, but isn't starting letters with "Dear DH" hilariously redundant?

Yours forever,
Pepperedmoth
Not if they are addressed to the dear Dick Head, which mine would be this week

Ahhhhhhh. It all makes sense now! ;-)

I suppose I could also read the letters imagining a plummy British accent --- "Dear, dear, husband --- how COULD you allow the butler to carry on with the housemaid in such a way?"

Downton Abby on tomorrow night......

theluckiest9 · February 2014

@laura8388 my sister posted this on my fb the other week and your post reminded me of it.

pepperedmoth · February 2014

Dear Queequeg (my beloved female tabby cat),

I want to cuddle with you, too, but could you please refrain from affectionately digging your claws into my stretch marks? This will not end well.

Your companion,
Pepperedmoth

missyishere · February 2014

Dear house,

Clean yourself. Kthnxbai.

Signed,

Hateshousework

cawettig · February 2014

Dear uterus,
Stop being so dang irritated!! Just because lo kicks you does not mean you can just go throw a fit and start with the BH.
Sincerely, the pregnant woman who just wants a day to feel normal.

Sanibel21 · February 2014

Dear power, please come back on.
-Getting chilly

TradeMama · February 2014

Dear Husband,

Cake for valentines day? Wtf??

--your diabetic wife

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · February 2014

Dear Pelvis, Hips, Sciatic Nerve, and Swollen Legs,

I just want you to know that I'm getting tired of not being able to sit/stand/walk without tears springing to my eyes. You are making these last few weeks of pregnancy absolute misery for me. At this point I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it for another 3-5 weeks.

Sincerely,

A pregnant woman you are causing ALOT of pain

Kewii · February 2014

Dear baby,

Please hang in there until March 2. If I don't make it back to school after our holiday, my maternity leave will be screwed.

After March 2, the world is yours.

Love,

Mom

Dear DH,

You're awesome. Thanks for forcing me into taking those maternity photos. You're right. It will be worth it.

Love,

Wife

Lauren659 · February 2014

Dear DH,
It is past midnight--six hours after you made your promises of "I'm just grabbing dinner with the boys and I swear to god no drinks or going to the bar after." I'm debating on texting you that I think I am going into labor just to freak the shit out of you, but I don't want to be responsible for bailing your butt out of jail when you get a DUI.

Love,
Your wife on strict bedrest and dog you forgot to let out before you left and now clearly has to pee

avigailandcharlie · February 2014

kirotea said:

Dear baby:

This

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Want a personalized experience?

Oh its Saturday. Open letter time!

Re: Oh its Saturday. Open letter time!

Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **

** BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **

Choose Another Board

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Married : 09/09/2011 BFP : 07-18-13 Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14

BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 EDD 09-11-15 **