Will you let visitors come to the hospital?

nl1672 · February 2014

My husband and I have been talking about whether or not to let people visit us at the hospital after baby is born. Our thoughts are that we want that time to bond with our baby, allow her to get to know us as parents, and make sure we establish a good breastfeeding routine. It's only two days - and then we would slowly let people come to our house to visit. I would even prefer a few days at home without visitors. We're concerned about how our families will react to this - they will obviously be upset and/or angry. What are your plans or thoughts for this situation? Second-time Moms - would you have done things differently? How did you deal with upset reactions if you didn't allow visitors at the hospital?

bumpuser9058414 · February 2014

I think it depends on how you feel in the moment. I felt great after I had her and loved having my friends and close family come see me. It was also nice to have some company while DH ran home to shower or grab a bit to eat or whatever. It's a very personal decision so maybe just wait and see how you feel when the time comes. Maybe not the first day but the day after?

katykatykaty · February 2014

Last time we let close family come, but when a few family members showed up while I was in a ton of pain and having issues breastfeeding, my mom told them that I wasn't up for visitors right then.

This time we've invited our parents and other family members as well. It's a planned c-section, so I'm hoping it will go a little more smoothly than my last labor/delivery did. Honestly I'd rather them come to the hospital than to the house because I don't want to feel obligated to clean and/or entertain guests at home.

katieg314 · February 2014

I think it very much depends on your family - are they going to cause you stress? I am asking that no one come to the hospital until we call them- after the babies are born and we know if they will need nicu time, etc. If your family is one that will respect your boundaries, then I would allow them to come when you are ready. If not... Then you may want to wait. But I also know our mothers would DIE if we didn't let them come to the hospital at all. It would not be worth the drama.

jbelle · February 2014

FTM, so we're going into it ignorant, but yes, we'll let whomever come, and probably whenever.

However, our families have zero interest in being their while I labor and deliver, so we have a fair amount of control over when people find out she's arrived. And while they will be excited when she arrives--even if it's 3 am--I think they'd just as happily wait until a reasonable hour to actually come meet her.

BoogieMonster629 · February 2014

I had some visitors last time, besides our parents, it was nice. This time I am not sure because I just got a handout at my last Dr appt with visitor restrictions on it during flu season. I am really hoping that does not mean the end of March otherwise my DD won't even be allowed in

novelblessings · February 2014

We have a plan in place that we will notify our parents and my brother that we have been admitted but have asked that they do not come to the hospital. That will give my parents a heads up so they can make the drive in to town and we told them they can wait at our house.

Once baby is born and I've been moved to the mother/baby unit, we plan to call our parents, my brother, and DHs siblings (who do not live close) to let them know baby has arrived and if they want to visit they can come up then. If there are no complications we will only be in the hospital for 24 hours, so at this time we don't plan on having friends visit us there. If we are feeling up to it, we may notify a few close friends.

eta: grammar

AriaAmante143 · February 2014

If I have to have a c-section, we're letting family know what time I'm going in, and we will let them know once she's born and I'm in recovery, but besides possibly my mom and dad, we don't want visitors until I'm feeling better and we've had some time to bond with the baby. I have no idea what recovery time is like, but I don't really want to see people until I'm able to get up and freshen up a little.

lalaith50 · February 2014

the plan is no, but I'll be flexible depending on what I feel like. I guess it will depend on the time of day everything happens, and also if there are medical complications and we end up having to stay longer than a day, then I'd be more likely to invite people.

TX08Aggie · February 2014

We aren't having any visitors aside from my mom - and that's just so she can sit with LO while DH helps me if I need it showering when they let me. We had visitors with DD1 and it just added stress. We were ok to be discharged after 24 hours and we were trying to fill prescriptions, deal with all the paperwork, and having visitors was just additional hassle. I don't think it's a necessity to have people come to the hospital, baby will still be there at home.

That being said, we aren't sure when we want people to visit at home yet. I want a few days to get breastfeeding into a routine (took a few days with DD1) and I want DD1 to be comfortable with everything before we add more people to the mix. She was very shy at first last time relatives she hadn't seen much came to visit - sat on me for 45 minutes before she would even acknowledge they were talking to her. I think for all of us, anyway, it just makes sense to have everyone wait a few days.

I'm not sure if I would do things differently with DD1, it all turned out ok to have a few people there. But, you are the one who has just been through childbirth and if you want to wait a few days before you have people come and visit you, don't worry about their reactions. It's about what makes you and baby comfortable. They will be happy to see your LO after a few days too :-)

Natty13umppo · February 2014

I did not want any family there while I was laboring. I was very open about that from the beginning yet at the end, my mother kept saying she didn't understand why they couldn't come see me in the hospital once I got there. ????!!!!?? Whatever, woman. No. My parents did show up shortly after she was born and the ILs showed up the next day.

Honestly, I didn't like everyone being there. Maybe it's because I had a c-section and was mostly tethered to the bed with a catheter and stuff, but it was just such a crazy hectic time (and I was exhausted from lack of sleep) and they made the room feel so crowded and I just didn't like having all these people around. (I also don't like having my parents and the ILs together so that was probably stressing me out too)

Also, emotions are high all around and my mother said some things that really upset me and I kicked her out of my room. She apologized and realized she screwed up but I think she's probably okay with no invite to the hospital this time...

This time, I plan for no visitors (at least no family....maybe a friend or two who would only stay for 30 min).....just DH and DD coming by. I don't know how that will go over....the plan (hopefully) is for the ILs to come to town to stay with DD while I'm in the hospital and they can see the baby when we bring him/her home (I don't know if they know this yet). My parents will probably come a couple weeks later when DH goes back to work and I may need the extra help.

Between lack of sleep and hormones/emotions, the first week or two were very emotional for me and I want to minimize visitors (at the hospital and at home) during that period this time. I may be fine this time or the emotions may be around longer/hit later/who knows....but going off of last time, I was not up for visitors the first couple weeks. And this time I just want to get used to our little family of four for a while.

angelsnight · February 2014

Yep, I'm excited for people to see her. I also think it will be an emotional time, I am delivering in the same hospital, and almost a year to the day (probably about 2-4 days prior) of when I delivered my angel. I am sure there are going to be a lot of conflicting emotions, both happy and sad tears, and my immediate family will be the same way. They've been so supportive of us and they cannot wait for her arrival, so I can't imagine denying them visitation for the first few days.

But our family isn't the type to come stay all day and for there to be a ton of people. Unless she comes early, I'm being induced so we'll likely call everyone once she is here. I'd like to wait until I can feel my legs again, take a shower and spend some time with her, but after that they're welcome to come see her. Probably grandparents and aunts and uncles that day and then our best friends can come see her the next day.

karacakes98 · February 2014

We'll have visitors after baby is born. The only people who will know I'm in labor are my mom and grandma, and that's because they'll be watching our kids. I want DS and DD to meet LO before the ILs start filing in. They all came at the SAME TIME last time and there were about 13 people in the room, including a kid with a nasty runny nose. They kept passing my baby around and I got angry because I wanted her back.

This time, DH is in charge of making sure the visits are staggered and that his siblings don't bring their kids. Honestly, my nephews are all complete brats and I really don't think I could handle them visiting. If that means no one comes, that's fine by me.

fish8412 · February 2014

Don't worry about making family/friends upset. This is your birth and whatever you and your husband want is what you should do. We are only having my parents come to the hospital once they move us to the postpartum room. Those are the only hospital visitors we are having. We aren't having any visitors to our house for 3-4 weeks, other than my parents. My husband is taking 2 weeks off of work and we want to really enjoy that time as a new family to bond. And I want time to recover and figure out breastfeeding without worrying about visitors! Also, we are not allowing any overnight visitors for 8 weeks.

We have not had any upset reactions. If anyone said anything/complained, I would just say something like please be respectful of our wishes during this special time for us. And then in my head I would be thinking "RUDE".

aLsMay24 · February 2014

We had lots of visitors when DS was born. They knew not to stay long and honestly it was easier to have them there then over to the house. We were there for 2 days and honestly the interaction was great. The parts I didn't like were the amount of time my ILs were there. My family is fine I can tell my dad to take a walk if I needed to nurse and didn't want to in front of him. My ILs were harder to just say take a hike too. This was also the case during labor. They all just hung out. Not this time. My mom and sis will hopefully be there for the whole delivery and then the ILs will be with DS. They will bring DS up to meet him once and then they can see him once we are home for a bit.

I guess for us visitors are ok if they know boundaries and just are there for a short time. We had quite a bit of downtime in the hospital.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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teaforthree · February 2014

Our plan (which we've already told everyone, and they are all on board with it) is to let immediate family know when I've been admitted (probably via text message), and then once the baby is here, we'll call and announce. We will accept visitors at the hospital once we're settled and I'm cleaned up, we've bonded with the baby, tried BFing, etc. I don't know how long that will take, so they may have to wait a while, from a few hours to a day. I definitely want people to come to the hospital though, because once I'm home there will be no "entertaining" for quite a while, at least a few weeks to a month. I don't want the stress of having people over and having them overstay their welcome. At the hospital a visit can be relatively short and sweet.

ETA: The first person to come in and see LO will be DD, and she can stay as long as she wants. People can wait to come in until after she's had as much time as she needs to bond with her sister.

myfriendscallmemeg · February 2014

FTM, but I plan on having our brothers & sisters & Parents all come visit in the hospital. My mom will be there for delivery, and my Das called dibs on being the first grandpa to hold her. He also expressed a wish to wait in the waiting room (fine by me, I'd love his support!) I think it's all very dependent on the relationship you have with the ones who want to come visit. In my community it's "normal" to go visit women in the hospital after they've had their babies. I went to the hospital to meet my friends' twins...so for me it's not a big deal to expect visitors at the hospital.

LolaBelle11 · February 2014

we are only allowing our parents and our siblings at the hospital and no visitors at home for a week after except for our parents.

Nickiechan · February 2014

We didn't tell family or friends that I was in labor. My MIL would be waiting at the hospital if I told her. They were pretty upset about it, but they got over it. They are our plan B for DS, so they may know. We didn't call until I want to say and hour after he was born. My in laws live pretty far from the hospital so they didn't get there until it had been 2 hours and it was late at night (9 or 10pm). The next day my brother my my grandparents came. Most of the others stopped in after he was brought home. We will be doing a meet and greet after about a month for her... since I didn't have a sprinkle or shower.

erind0213 · February 2014

With DD I only permitted family to visit, and it was primarily it was DH's side that decided they couldn't wait till we got home, which is fine as they live within closer proximity to the hospital for the most part and it was the first grandchild for his parents and great niece and grand-grandughter for his mom's side.

This time I will only have my mom MIL and DH in the delivery room, and I am then requesting no additional visitors until DD gets to meet her baby brother and adding that I'd prefer visitors wait till we got home. And will again limit it to just family.

CruiseGirl28 · February 2014

My due date is the 17th. A couple we are friends with got concerned because they're going to a hockey game that day. Another friend hopes I don't go into labor that day because she has a work event. I don't know why they concerned. I hope they aren't planning on coming to the hospital while I'm in labor.

We're going to call our moms when I go into labor, and they are both welcome to come to the hospital. We will tell his dad, but he's across the country. We will also tell our siblings, but his bothers will have no desire to come to the hospital, one of my brothers is across the country and the other one just had a baby, so he knows what its like. I'm sure our moms will tell our grandparents, but they will know to wait.

Once we are ready for visitors, we will let everyone know. I am not sure when they will be, and I don't feel any pressure to invite people. My brother said they wanted to have all the visitors at the hospital (they were there 3 nights due a c section), rather than have visitors at their home.

SmittyPants · February 2014

Nope. I was overwhelmed last time with people visiting when all I wanted was to rest and recover. Everyone can just wait until I'm good and ready this time around.

clo1982 · February 2014

I'm going to be having a c/s and day 1 was rough for me last time. Luckily we had decided ahead of time that no one would be in the waiting room and we would call when I was ready to have visitors. Day 1 we didn't have anyone. This time people obviously know when it is but we will be doing the same thing with calling when I feel up to it . My hope is that it'll go better because I'd love for my parents to bring in dd to meet her brother. If not it'll be the following day. We will not be having anyone other than immediate family visiting at the hospital. Honestly I don't want to feel like I have to be even remotely presentable and I'm fine being a big ol mess around family! Last time a random distant friend showed up and it sucked. I wanted him out and he wouldn't leave until finally dh booted him out saying I had to feed dd. Then this priest that dh knew from growing up was giving last rites in the hospital and he stopped up. He wouldn't leave either. My boobs were leaking, I had to pee and all I was wearing was a hospital gown so I couldn't get up. It sucked!!

nlane0723 · February 2014

Close family and friends will be allowed after we've had time to bond. I'm a FTM, but I think it's a great idea to have people visit while at the hospital so you don't have to bother with hosting/cleaning at home.

lb1117 · February 2014

I didn't really want visitors at the hospital. Rob thought we needed to at least have our parents come and my sister.

However, with the flu season, there is a visitor restriction at the hospital. I am only allowed one person the entire time. That person is my DH. Our families don't like it, but it is what it is. I am there for a max of 24 hours, so really, they can wait until we are home.

I am letting my parents, sis and ILs know when I go into labor and am headed to the hospital. My parents are minutes away, but my DH's parents are 4 hours. They are coming to stay and watch our dog for a bit, so they'll already be here but the time we get home.

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · February 2014

FTM so my DH and I don't really have anything set in stone. No one will be in the room with me while I deliver except my MIL, Mom, Sister, and husband. I don't care who's out in the waiting room dying to see. I've also made it clear to my husband that I don't want anyone posting a picture of her to Facebook until WE have posted our birth announcement/picture/whatever else we want to include. I anticipate that we will probably have lots of people wanting to come visit (especially the nursing students in my class. They all can't wait for this baby to get here. And they literally have class across the street, and clinical shifts in the hospital, so I fully anticipate them finding a way to visit.) I've just decided to play that part by ear, but my DH has already told me that he will be monitoring how we feel/the rest me and the baby needs, and if it looks like we've had enough for the day he has no issue saying no more visitors. So I guess we will see how it goes

KariB509 · February 2014

We let visitors come when I had DS and will this time too. My MIL stayed at the hospital through the whole labor and delivery and my only rule was that she wasn't allowed to see DS until I was moved from the labor/delivery room to the mother/baby room. So we got to bond with him and I got to BF for the first time in private.
In all honestly I liked having visitors. It was a bit boring sitting in a hospital bed for two days and as a brand newborn DS slept a lot. It was nice having our families come entertain us and we got to show off our beautiful and very best creation.

Edit: our family was also respectful enough to schedule visits and not just show up. They would never just show up unannounced.

ndpoole · February 2014

We are struggling with this question too.

craftiemommie · February 2014

No one while in labor, but we will have my parents come up after. His sister and my brother (and their SOs) also. There are only 3 visitors allowed at a time, and if all goes well we won't be in the hospital for more than 2 days. I don't really feel like a steady stream of people visiting on a normal day, I'm sure I won't be interested right after giving birth! The 3 visitor thing may make it complicated and if it gets to be too much I will just have DH kick everyone (except my parents) out.

For anyone who remembers that my SIL wouldn't get vaccinated, she actually announced the other night that she decided to, for her brother and the baby. Like she's a hero or something.

lwebley · February 2014

FTM, but I've said no one at the hospital since we found out we were pregnant. We haven't really had any push back or hurt feelings (that we know of). Most of our family lives 6 hours away, so I think it takes the pressure off of everyone a bit

Edit: We have also said no one staying with us the first month. We would love to see everyone, but don't want company while we are figuring everything out

Ceventa · February 2014

My in-laws live 12 hours out of town, so I have a feeling they will make sure they are in town around my due date to be in on the action. My family is about 30 minutes away and we were planning on giving them a call to let them know when we were heading to the hospital. So the "plan" as of now is for our parents and my sister (DH's sibling lives a few hours away) to be there at the hospital. If they plan on hanging out in the waiting room for however long it takes, more power to them. I already told DH that who is in the room while I'm laboring will greatly depend on my state of mind at the moment, so to not be surprised if I start yelling "everybody out!" lol I honestly have no idea how I'm going to do, which means we are playing this by ear.

Regarding once the baby is born, I don't think I'm going to want anyone immediately in the room until we've had alone time with LO and have been able to breastfeed. Plus, I know I would really like a shower after if I can. Since the in-laws will be staying with us, I pretty much have no choice but to have visitors at the house. If anything, I have no problem locking myself in my room with my little family (DH, the baby, and my dog) when I need quiet time.

ring_pop · February 2014

I went to the hospital at midnight and DS1 was born early in the morning, so we only notified our families after he was born. I didn't want anyone there during labour, but no one really planned on it anyway.

Only my parents and ILs visited us. My brother would have come but he happened to be out of town for work. I actually felt pretty good after the birth and was very excited to show off the baby, so I felt a bit lonely that no one else came. I would have loved if my brother's girlfriend or my BFF had dropped by. The nice thing about the hospital visits was that they were relatively short. I didn't like it a few days later when our families came and hung out at our house for hours on end.

laurendom · February 2014

I had visitors and other than being exhausted and occasionally "entertaining" rather than sleeping, I didn't really care, I have my whole life to bond and many sleepless hours. It kept people from hanging around too long, like they would if it was at my house.

Plus, it is really common in my circle that friends and family visit in the hospital. Much less visited after we got home.

jwls84 · February 2014

We called our parents once we were admitted to the hospital, they all knew before hand that we didn't want anyone there until after.
We called again once he was born and we were a allowed visitors (3 hrs after birth).
I don't mind visitors, it was nice because everyone kept it short and sweet. When they come to your house they tend to not leave ever!

saisongbird · February 2014

FTM - but the plan is DH only during labor. Once we've had some skin to skin and some time to rest, we will contact parents and three specific sets of friends - my BFF, who is like a sister and who allowed me to visit in this hospital, his best friend who is like a brother (we have no siblings), and a third set of friends because she is a midwife and has experience in working with women who have had difficulty BFing. We want her there right away due to my reduction. Everyone else will wait until we get home, and our hospital has been given a list of permitted visitors. If they are not on the list they will be turned away.

pepperedmoth · February 2014

nl1672 said:
My husband and I have been talking about whether or not to let people visit us at the hospital after baby is born. Our thoughts are that we want that time to bond with our baby, allow her to get to know us as parents, and make sure we establish a good breastfeeding routine. It's only two days - and then we would slowly let people come to our house to visit. I would even prefer a few days at home without visitors. We're concerned about how our families will react to this - they will obviously be upset and/or angry. What are your plans or thoughts for this situation? Second-time Moms - would you have done things differently? How did you deal with upset reactions if you didn't allow visitors at the hospital?

Why on earth would they "obviously" be upset? I asked my parents, my sisters, and my in-laws about this and to a person they all said, in so many words, "oh, we wouldn't want to intrude! We will visit whenever you invite us. We assumed you'd want to wait until you're at home---hospitals are so stressful to begin with."

Sometimes I think setting it up like it's going to be a Big Fight is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

pepperedmoth · February 2014

Accidentally quoted myself instead of editing! Whoops.

aLsMay24 · February 2014

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe said:
FTM so my DH and I don't really have anything set in stone. No one will be in the room with me while I deliver except my MIL, Mom, Sister, and husband. I don't care who's out in the waiting room dying to see. I've also made it clear to my husband that I don't want anyone posting a picture of her to Facebook until WE have posted our birth announcement/picture/whatever else we want to include. I anticipate that we will probably have lots of people wanting to come visit (especially the nursing students in my class. They all can't wait for this baby to get here. And they literally have class across the street, and clinical shifts in the hospital, so I fully anticipate them finding a way to visit.) I've just decided to play that part by ear, but my DH has already told me that he will be monitoring how we feel/the rest me and the baby needs, and if it looks like we've had enough for the day he has no issue saying no more visitors. So I guess we will see how it goes

Yes definitely make it clear to people you send pictures to not to share until you are ready. I was so sad to get on post our announcement only to realize one of my friends got excited and posted the picture I'd sent her right after I delivered. I know its silly but it was a major bummer.

BabiesFTW · February 2014

We let people visit but if I wanted to have privacy to nurse or whatnot I asked them to leave. I also said no to those who weren't coming at a convenient time for us.

Eta: I didn't tell anyone I was in the hospital the first time. I'll have to tell someone this time because of DD#1 but I don't feel the need to tell anyone the baby had arrived until I'm good and ready b

SurpriseAt39 · February 2014

I'm hoping no one comes.

My family doesn't live near, but the ILs are 10 minutes from the hospital. If they have to watch my 15 month old, they will obviously know I'm at the hospital in labour. But if my sister comes to visit, we won't call the ILs until afterwards, when I've had time to rest.

As long as I don't have a c-section, I can go home in 24 hours if LO is ok.

We are inviting NO ONE.

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