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Balancing ideas between "it's never the right time" and "wait until things are perfect"

adelaide03adelaide03 member
in Babies on the Brain
I'm 31, going to be 32 this summer.  All through my 20's, I didn't think I'd ever want kids and did not spend my money wisely.  So I have some debt, and no savings, but working towards reversing the trend (my husband is in the same boat, after spending a few years unemployed).  Now that I'm in my 30's, I've realized that having a family is important to me, and I feel the pressure of time running out.  I've heard the statistics on how women's fertility nose dives after 35, and really don't want to find myself in a situation where I can't get pregnant.  Some people say "it's never the perfect time to have a kid, so if you want one, just do it!"  and then there's the other argument "Make sure you have 6 months of savings built up, own a house, etc. etc."  If we choose the latter route, it's going to take a few years and some patience.  If we do it now, are we being stupid and setting ourselves up for disaster?  How did you choose it was the right time, and would you do it differently in hindsight?  Thanks so much for any advice!!!!
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Re: Balancing ideas between "it's never the right time" and "wait until things are perfect"

  • SmileyJaySmileyJay member
    Well I have never had anyone tell me to "wait until things are perfect". I don't thinks are ever perfect, no matter if you are a millionaire and everything is figured out. Pregnancy and childbirth have a way of breaking all of your plans.

    Still, being prepared will go a long way in allowing you to actually enjoy the experience. Millions of mothers have children (planned and otherwise) when they don't have a dime in savings and can't even pay their bills. It doesn't mean they are bad mothers, but I can guarantee that their pregnancy and first few years with that child will be shadowed with stress that could have been avoided. You can't plan for everything - jobs can be lost at any time, illness can happen, etc. But setting yourself up with some resources can help a lot when the unexpected happens.

    My husband and I prioritized children from the beginning. Got married at 21. Now at 24 we are ready to have our first. Things could always be better, but we have little debt, own a nice home, and have plenty of extra income and savings. Even in a low cost of living area, a baby will cost us about $1500 a month considering insurance, daycare, and everything else. They are expensive! So it took us around 5 years total to get things where they needed to be, but a lot of that time was finishing degrees before marriage.

    This is something you need to discuss with your husband and work out the numbers for yourself. I would think if you focus very hard, you can have things in order in a year or two. Most people spend money in places they don't need to - like expensive cable packages, cell phone plans, eating out a lot, or things they don't need like jet skis or expensive vehicles. Look at downsizing, lowering your bills, increasing your income, and working towards the goal of parenthood. 
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    Figure out your priorities. A house would not be a requirement. The a ability to afford your baby is, like pp said, if having a baby is very important to you, you may need to make drastic sacrifices to accomplish this (second job, cutting out unnecessary expenses, get a second job, move to a LCOL area, etc). There's no perfect time, but you still have to be smart. 31 is not even close to too old,
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    BFP 6/15/14   EDD: 2/24/15

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  • anitabanitaanitabanita member
    Write out a very strict budget, give yourself time to get in a better position financially, whether that means raising some savings funds or paying off debt or both. You depending on your level of debt, you can do both within 5 years if you really buckle down - and it would be good preparation for budgeting with a baby anyway. You dont need 6 months of savings - I dont know where that number comes from but most mothers in this country do not have that. That said, debt plus zero savings is a bit beyond pushing it and would very likely put your child at risk as well. Try to remember raising a child is about being a mother to that child, not having a child to mother.
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  • anitabanitaanitabanita member
    And good luck!
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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member
    You should look into meeting with a financial planner. I think intentionally conceiving when you have debt plus no savings is a bad idea but you'd be surprised how quickly you can pay off debt when you cut expenses and start living on a budget.
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  • FemShepFemShep member
    edited February 2014
    First, you're not old. I had my first at 32 and my second at 39, and both are happy, healthy, and beautiful.

    Second, being a new parent is one of the most stressful times of your life. Adding financial concerns makes a tough time even worse. I would strongly recommend having the following in place before you start trying to conceive: 6 months living expenses, life insurance for you and your partner, LTD and STD insurance for you and your partner, health insurance. Ideally, pay down as much "bad" (high-interest, unsecured, often credit card) debt as possible. Put yourself on a baby budget so that you can see if you realistically can afford children right now; set aside the cost of daycare (which can be anywhere from $1000-$2500+ per month depending on where you live) plus an additional $250-500/month to build up your savings, experience the financial trade offs you'll make as a parent, and get comfortable with the expenses you'll incur as well as building the savings you'll need to be comfortable.
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  • SmileyJaySmileyJay member
    edited February 2014
    @nicb13 - I just noticed your new siggy pic of your son. He is incredibly cute!!
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  • Wine&CupcakesWine&Cupcakes member
    I'm 30 and DH is 29. We are working to pay down debt now and hopefully buy a house by September. We will TTC beginning this summer so we figure that after we buy the house, even if I was to get pregnant immediately, it would still leave us 9 months (hopefully) so get an emergency fund going, which we would decrease while I was on maternity leave (not paid for me) and re-build after baby.

    The key to this for us is having enough money to do it all. We have enough money for a mortgage, purchasing baby stuff, as well as monthly baby expenses like daycare, diapers, etc. We also have already planned for college funds, etc. and we will still have money left over. Not as much as we do now, but certainly enough to be comfortable and to top off our emergency fund after we use some of it. From there, our money will mainly go into investments with some reserved for a short-term savings.

    I would say you don't need 6 months off the bat, but have enough to cover your deductible/birth costs and whatever you would need for maternity + any money you would need if the baby was born a couple months early - it happens. Also make sure you can cover daycare with a few hundred extra  a month as well.


    TTGP December Siggy Challenge: Favorite Holiday Movie:
    ~Santa Claus is Coming to Town~

    image


    image

    TTC #1: July 2014
    Me: 31  DH: 29
    DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests
    DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder! 
    7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!
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  • adelaide03adelaide03 member
    Thank you ladies for the advice!  It goes along with what I was thinking, but I've also had people say "don't wait, there's never a right time" and I wasn't sure how seriously to take it.  For what it's worth, DH and I both have great jobs and health insurance, no problem paying bills.  The reason there is debt and no savings is because I foolishly put a huge part of my earnings into the very expensive sport in which I compete.  The sport is my lifelong passion, but now that I'm older, I realize that it's not everything.  So I am scaling down in that department, and can put the extra money into becoming more financially "grown up."  Thanks again!
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  • Wine&CupcakesWine&Cupcakes member
    Its amazing how fast you can pay off debt when you really put effort into it...DH and I have killed thousands in about 3 months...you can do it! Good luck!
    TTGP December Siggy Challenge: Favorite Holiday Movie:
    ~Santa Claus is Coming to Town~

    image


    image

    TTC #1: July 2014
    Me: 31  DH: 29
    DX (me): Inborn error of metabolism - protein restriction, metabolic formula & weekly blood tests
    DNA Results (7/1): DH is NOT a carrier for my genetic disorder! 
    7/3: Metabolic clinic gave the green light to TTC - holy crap!
    Report Reply
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