How not to use the term rainbow and why.

kateitho · February 2014

This is a subject that is near and dear to me and several other Bumpies who are active members of this board. I usually try to not blow things out of proportion, but I also want to speak up about his. A rainbow baby is a LO who was conceived after one or more pregnancy losses by their mother and father. I consider myself a Rainbow Mom and DH a Rainbow dad. That would make us Rainbow people. We worked very hard to make it back to a birth month board. We spent a lot of money and underwent a variety of embarrassing, nerve-wracking, and painful testing before we made it to where we are right now. I am proud to be who I am where I am.

Rainbow people are not filled with blind happiness, unbridled hope, and naivety. It is more than a little off-putting to see the word rainbow used like that in a pregnancy forum. The rainbow mothers that I know are pensive, reserved, and overly cautious because they know what could go wrong with their pregnancy. The worst has happened before, sometimes multiple times. Rainbow mothers may be on a constantly monitored medication regimen to simply stay pregnant. These women are not taking pills, giving themselves injections, going in for weekly blood labs, and abstaining from sex for months at a time because they only see the good, happy, and perfect things in the world. It is quite the opposite. Most of us are barely balancing between excitement and terror at any given moment.

I know that many people may not read this far into my post. And to answer the question that's probably on your mind, yes, this is in reference to a few comments on the UO thread today. If you feel the need to flame me for this post, have fun, I don't usually get worked up easily. This is just a sensitive topic that I feel should be treated with a little respect.

kateitho · February 2014

Thanks @mmnumber5 . I try not to rant like this too often, but I am pretty emotional today.

portentosa · February 2014

I totally respect rainbow parents, but wanted to point out that 'rainbow' commonly has a second usage around TB. I think the people in UO meant 'rainbow glitter unicorn farts' (paraphrasing)... a phrase used often to represent people that want the board to be happy all the time, no drama.

ie:

I totally get your feelings if you thought they were referring to rainbow parents. I know a rainbow baby is a precious gift and that the parents of rainbow babies have been through unimaginable heartbreak. ((Hugs)) to you for your losses and I wish you a boring pregnancy and a beautiful rainbow baby.

bumpuser10199668 · February 2014

trombgirl said:

I totally respect rainbow parents, but wanted to point out that 'rainbow' commonly has a second usage around TB. I think the people in UO meant 'rainbow glitter unicorn farts' (paraphrasing)... a phrase used often to represent people that want the board to be happy all the time, no drama.

ie:

I totally get your feelings if you thought they were referring to rainbow parents. I know a rainbow baby is a precious gift and that the parents of rainbow babies have been through unimaginable heartbreak. ((Hugs)) to you for your losses and I wish you a boring pregnancy and a beautiful rainbow baby.

This exactly. I said it in UO and honestly didn't even consider the fact that it might offend because I was thinking in terms of the above pic. I definitely would never intentionally use that term as a means of offense, very sorry!

kateitho · February 2014

@trombgirl It was the wording of the post. I understand the phrase "rainbows and glitter." It was the way this exact post was typed:

People aren't getting upset because the rainbow people here think that's a GREAT idea! Then you can keep your baby close FOR.EV.ER

So, yes, I do find that phrasing disrespectful. And yes, I think that a little forethought when typing is preferred.

kateitho · February 2014

Thank you @carmstr4 .

MrsLaLaBug · February 2014

SmileyGirl18 said:

As someone who is hoping to take home my rainbow baby in September, I have never felt the "rainbow" and "glitter" comments were directed to make light of my situation.

I am sorry that you felt that anyone would be insensitive to those of us who have suffered a loss. I am sure I can speak for the vast majority of the board when I say that was not anyone's intention.

What Smiley said. And I have suffered two losses myself and I use the word rainbow all the time, in the glittery puppy unicorn fart kind of way that has been described. I never say it with any intent to make someone feel uncomfortable nor would that ever even cross my mind because really, what kind of a jackazz would do that? I think anyone who has ever used the rainbow puppy glitter unicorn fart whatever reference would totally agree. I'm sorry this is a sensitive subject for you and hope you understand no one means it offensively, and that moving forward, it doesn't upset you.

CplusJ=S · February 2014

I hope that when September comes you will be holding your rainbow baby in your arms. Big hugs!

Flowerchica · February 2014

I honestly have never heard this term ......although I guess I'm having a rainbow baby too? I guess this is my second rainbow baby?

Does it count if there's a baby between the loss and the current pregnancy? I'm more familiar with the term PAIL / PAIF

Pregnant after infertility or Loss or Parenting after Infertility / Loss

I dunno.....

kateitho · February 2014

It was late, I couldn't sleep and was overly emotional. I am not usually bothered by the rainbows and glitter comments, just the one particular comment got to me last night. I've been a member of theKnot, theNest, and theBump, since 2008, and I usually don't let things get to me. Everyone recats differently to things at different times. For some reason, last night was my turn to have a break down. Thanks to the ladies who offered hugs and support last night. I was kind of a wreck.

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