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Hollykathleenr
member
My story/vent
Hollykathleenr
member
So I have lurked around here for a while and decided to come out of hiding and thought I would share my story and vent a little bit.
DD1 is 7 and her BD is not in the picture at all, he has never even seen her. I had a rough time with that at first and while I do feel sad for DD1 because I think everyone should have a chance to no their father, I am also so relieved that I don't have to deal with any drama with him! (Selfish but it is so much easier)
DD2 is a different story. I started dating her BD in 2012 and became pregnant. While I was pregnant DD1 (who was 5 at the time) I found out was having her mind messed with by BD. He told her things like no one loved her, I wanted her dead, she was only being kept around to be a servant for the baby, no one would ever want to be her dad and if she ever told me any of this she would be in a lot of trouble and I would give her away. She finally one day got the courage to tell me, I imidiatly broke up with BD and put DD1 in counseling (she is loads better now) but BD then decided to start harrassing me and stalking me. One day I couldn't take it any more, plus all the stress was effecting my pregnancy symptoms which I get severe cases of anyways without the stress, that I ended up at the sherrif's office in years not knowing what to do. They imidiatly sent me to the courthouse and within 2 hours I had a restraining order against him. BD tried to fight it, after a 4 hour long court hearing the judge told him that the order would remain in place and that just because I was pregnant we did not HAVE to be together (that was is 4 hour argument to get it removed) I had DD2 in Jan 2013 and BD decided at that point he had to have a paternity test done before he would see her. We live in two different towns but it's a rural area so everyone in both towns know each other and instead of admitting his demand BD told people I was refusing to let him see the baby and that I had demanded the paternity test to try to prove DD2 was not is to be a bitch. Well then he got his test and still wouldn't see her until she was 4 months old. Then 2 weeks before our first court date and 1 week before his mom moved to the town he lived in he started to see DD2, but threw a fit that it was supervised.
Then we went to our mediation and him and his lawyer tried to play it off that he had been seeing DD2 the whole time, that in fact he was the better parent and all my rights should just be removed. He even tried to argue since I already had a kid I can keep DD1 (since she wasn't his) and he could have DD2 and then it would be fair we would both have a kid. The judge looked at him and called him an idiot then asked how he was proving I was a terrible parent and needed my rights removed. He tells him I'm a great mom to DD1 but that he was the better parent because he took parenting classes and I didn't. The judge asked me how old DD1 was I said she is 6 now he asks is her BD in the picture and I responded no he isn't i do it on my own then he turned to BD and goes tell me again why your the better parent? Anyway we get our CO where BD had supervised visitation for 2 more weeks then he "graduated" to daytime unsupervised visitation then "graduated" to one overnight and so on until he was able to keep her his entire time. We have 50/50 (state law) on visitation and custody while I am the primary custody parent. The visitation works out for his days off so she is with me 4 days then him 4 days then me 5 days then him 5 days.
I knew DD2 was mostly at his mom's house and he only fought for this for his mom but I could never prove it. He started paying CS and he almost always got her the days he was suppose to. He also since there was no more restraining order started his we are a family I love you come back to me blah blah blah stuff.
Well then he starts telling me I will meet you in town to pick up DD2 (CO states I drop her off at his house the start of his visit and he brings her home at the end) I figured he was just being nice and saving me the extra 20 minute drive to his house outside of the town in lives in and so I was agreeing to it. Then in November he drops DD2 off tells me his little I love you be with me speech I tell him no and he leaves.
Well a couple of days later I get this random Facebook message from this guy asking about BD because he is dating his ex and has been living with his ex and his 3 kids for two months and wanted to know what kind of person was around his kids. I wrote back are you sure you have the right person? BD is single and in fact keeps trying to get back with me and he lives outside of town. He responds no they are very much together and him and DD2 moved two months ago into my ex's house. Then I get a message from the GF asking me to call her. So I do and find out that yeah they have been together for 6 months and living together for 2 and as far as she knew I knew about all of it. Then I get a message from GF's best friend confirming this as well. I was pissed! It states in our CO that we have 2 days to inform the other parent of a move and he was delibretly deceiving me about where DD2 lived when with him. He ignored my texts about it so I went to the courthouse got granted a hearing within two weeks. The judge have him a slap on the wrist since it was the same town and he had "forgot" to tell me of the move and that if I had been following the CO and not meeting him at wal mart instead of his house I would had known. He was told if he did it again or did anything else to violate the CO he would lose custody and I learned a lesson to follow that CO exactly.
Well now i get blamed for ruining their "perfect" relationship all the time and he was not happy GF did not stay hidden like she was suppose to and contacted me. Now they have decided to try to twist it that I was just jealous and had been spying on him that's how I knew even though the hard evidence says otherwise. But he is being more careful at least for now.
So then I get a text from BD asking if on the Sundays DD2 is with him if he can take her to church ( it is in our CO I have full decession making on her religion and he has to ask permission to take her to any church or for anything religious) I asked which church so he tells me. I knew my cousin and his family were in that church so knowing that I contacted my cousin, him and his wife agreed to make sure to keep an eye on DD2 and would prevent any religious things being done to her without my knowing about it first so then I tell BD that was fine.
So they go to church, BD GF DD2 and her three kids. My cousin's wife sees DD2 and goes up to them and at the last second decides to not tell them that she knows DD2 and is related to me. She introduces herself and welcomes them and then GF introduces herself and her "four" kids then calls DD2 her "miracle baby" and tells her she is so happy to be a mother to a little one again. Cousin's wife goes along then asks around descretly and finds out GF is telling everyone at church that DD2 is her daughter and her kids sister. She calls me tells me and also brings me some signed statements from people she trust saying this was going on. I tell her don't say anything DD2 is with me next Sunday so see what happens then.
The next Sunday comes cousin's wife asks GF where her adorable little baby is and is told she is sick and stayed home with her grandma. WTF!! So I confront BD about this and he denies it and says I'm just being jealous and paranoid so I send a picture of just one statement and he responds back that person just misunderstood and to stop trying to destroy their "perfect" family. I told him it wasn't a misunderstanding I had more and he changes the subject and tries to tell me I'm a bad parent who always has CPS called on me (hello! They are always called on me by BD I know because they come over with wild claims look have bored and get pissed cause it's a waste of time and while CPS can't tell me who calls I know it's him cause the reports are always about DD2 "unsafe" situation not both DD's) one CPS worker asked if their were problems with BD because it doesn't make sense if it was an actual claim it would be about both DD's not just DD2.
So then this last time I take DD2 to her BD she clings to me and is shouting Mama! (She is 13 months now and knows mama and hi it drives bd crazy she doesn't say any form of dad) and I get her off me to BD and he goes yeah she always spends her time here looking around the house like she is lost calling Mama but when I or someone else takes her to GF she just pushes GF away and cries harder for mama. We tell her mama is right there she just pushes GF away do you know why? I tell him that's because GF isn't her Mama and DD2 seems to be smart enough to know that she has only one mama and it's me not GF no matter what you guys try to convience her otherwise. He gets pissed tells me if I would just get back together with him he wouldn't have to confuse DD2 and I go I wonder if GF is close enough to the door to hear that and leave. Later I get a text cause my "jealousy" is "ruining" his "perfect" relationship and GF is mad cause I had the decency to "beg for him back" at the home they share together.
I know I have nothing to worry about he is just this annoying fly buzzing around that won't go away! I just have to keep documenting things and no matter what they try to do to prove me an unfit mom I know it won't work because the courts and CPS have been on my side on that one while if he doesn't show up for even one day he loses custody but ugh it annoying!
DD1 is 7 and her BD is not in the picture at all, he has never even seen her. I had a rough time with that at first and while I do feel sad for DD1 because I think everyone should have a chance to no their father, I am also so relieved that I don't have to deal with any drama with him! (Selfish but it is so much easier)
DD2 is a different story. I started dating her BD in 2012 and became pregnant. While I was pregnant DD1 (who was 5 at the time) I found out was having her mind messed with by BD. He told her things like no one loved her, I wanted her dead, she was only being kept around to be a servant for the baby, no one would ever want to be her dad and if she ever told me any of this she would be in a lot of trouble and I would give her away. She finally one day got the courage to tell me, I imidiatly broke up with BD and put DD1 in counseling (she is loads better now) but BD then decided to start harrassing me and stalking me. One day I couldn't take it any more, plus all the stress was effecting my pregnancy symptoms which I get severe cases of anyways without the stress, that I ended up at the sherrif's office in years not knowing what to do. They imidiatly sent me to the courthouse and within 2 hours I had a restraining order against him. BD tried to fight it, after a 4 hour long court hearing the judge told him that the order would remain in place and that just because I was pregnant we did not HAVE to be together (that was is 4 hour argument to get it removed) I had DD2 in Jan 2013 and BD decided at that point he had to have a paternity test done before he would see her. We live in two different towns but it's a rural area so everyone in both towns know each other and instead of admitting his demand BD told people I was refusing to let him see the baby and that I had demanded the paternity test to try to prove DD2 was not is to be a bitch. Well then he got his test and still wouldn't see her until she was 4 months old. Then 2 weeks before our first court date and 1 week before his mom moved to the town he lived in he started to see DD2, but threw a fit that it was supervised.
Then we went to our mediation and him and his lawyer tried to play it off that he had been seeing DD2 the whole time, that in fact he was the better parent and all my rights should just be removed. He even tried to argue since I already had a kid I can keep DD1 (since she wasn't his) and he could have DD2 and then it would be fair we would both have a kid. The judge looked at him and called him an idiot then asked how he was proving I was a terrible parent and needed my rights removed. He tells him I'm a great mom to DD1 but that he was the better parent because he took parenting classes and I didn't. The judge asked me how old DD1 was I said she is 6 now he asks is her BD in the picture and I responded no he isn't i do it on my own then he turned to BD and goes tell me again why your the better parent? Anyway we get our CO where BD had supervised visitation for 2 more weeks then he "graduated" to daytime unsupervised visitation then "graduated" to one overnight and so on until he was able to keep her his entire time. We have 50/50 (state law) on visitation and custody while I am the primary custody parent. The visitation works out for his days off so she is with me 4 days then him 4 days then me 5 days then him 5 days.
I knew DD2 was mostly at his mom's house and he only fought for this for his mom but I could never prove it. He started paying CS and he almost always got her the days he was suppose to. He also since there was no more restraining order started his we are a family I love you come back to me blah blah blah stuff.
Well then he starts telling me I will meet you in town to pick up DD2 (CO states I drop her off at his house the start of his visit and he brings her home at the end) I figured he was just being nice and saving me the extra 20 minute drive to his house outside of the town in lives in and so I was agreeing to it. Then in November he drops DD2 off tells me his little I love you be with me speech I tell him no and he leaves.
Well a couple of days later I get this random Facebook message from this guy asking about BD because he is dating his ex and has been living with his ex and his 3 kids for two months and wanted to know what kind of person was around his kids. I wrote back are you sure you have the right person? BD is single and in fact keeps trying to get back with me and he lives outside of town. He responds no they are very much together and him and DD2 moved two months ago into my ex's house. Then I get a message from the GF asking me to call her. So I do and find out that yeah they have been together for 6 months and living together for 2 and as far as she knew I knew about all of it. Then I get a message from GF's best friend confirming this as well. I was pissed! It states in our CO that we have 2 days to inform the other parent of a move and he was delibretly deceiving me about where DD2 lived when with him. He ignored my texts about it so I went to the courthouse got granted a hearing within two weeks. The judge have him a slap on the wrist since it was the same town and he had "forgot" to tell me of the move and that if I had been following the CO and not meeting him at wal mart instead of his house I would had known. He was told if he did it again or did anything else to violate the CO he would lose custody and I learned a lesson to follow that CO exactly.
Well now i get blamed for ruining their "perfect" relationship all the time and he was not happy GF did not stay hidden like she was suppose to and contacted me. Now they have decided to try to twist it that I was just jealous and had been spying on him that's how I knew even though the hard evidence says otherwise. But he is being more careful at least for now.
So then I get a text from BD asking if on the Sundays DD2 is with him if he can take her to church ( it is in our CO I have full decession making on her religion and he has to ask permission to take her to any church or for anything religious) I asked which church so he tells me. I knew my cousin and his family were in that church so knowing that I contacted my cousin, him and his wife agreed to make sure to keep an eye on DD2 and would prevent any religious things being done to her without my knowing about it first so then I tell BD that was fine.
So they go to church, BD GF DD2 and her three kids. My cousin's wife sees DD2 and goes up to them and at the last second decides to not tell them that she knows DD2 and is related to me. She introduces herself and welcomes them and then GF introduces herself and her "four" kids then calls DD2 her "miracle baby" and tells her she is so happy to be a mother to a little one again. Cousin's wife goes along then asks around descretly and finds out GF is telling everyone at church that DD2 is her daughter and her kids sister. She calls me tells me and also brings me some signed statements from people she trust saying this was going on. I tell her don't say anything DD2 is with me next Sunday so see what happens then.
The next Sunday comes cousin's wife asks GF where her adorable little baby is and is told she is sick and stayed home with her grandma. WTF!! So I confront BD about this and he denies it and says I'm just being jealous and paranoid so I send a picture of just one statement and he responds back that person just misunderstood and to stop trying to destroy their "perfect" family. I told him it wasn't a misunderstanding I had more and he changes the subject and tries to tell me I'm a bad parent who always has CPS called on me (hello! They are always called on me by BD I know because they come over with wild claims look have bored and get pissed cause it's a waste of time and while CPS can't tell me who calls I know it's him cause the reports are always about DD2 "unsafe" situation not both DD's) one CPS worker asked if their were problems with BD because it doesn't make sense if it was an actual claim it would be about both DD's not just DD2.
So then this last time I take DD2 to her BD she clings to me and is shouting Mama! (She is 13 months now and knows mama and hi it drives bd crazy she doesn't say any form of dad) and I get her off me to BD and he goes yeah she always spends her time here looking around the house like she is lost calling Mama but when I or someone else takes her to GF she just pushes GF away and cries harder for mama. We tell her mama is right there she just pushes GF away do you know why? I tell him that's because GF isn't her Mama and DD2 seems to be smart enough to know that she has only one mama and it's me not GF no matter what you guys try to convience her otherwise. He gets pissed tells me if I would just get back together with him he wouldn't have to confuse DD2 and I go I wonder if GF is close enough to the door to hear that and leave. Later I get a text cause my "jealousy" is "ruining" his "perfect" relationship and GF is mad cause I had the decency to "beg for him back" at the home they share together.
I know I have nothing to worry about he is just this annoying fly buzzing around that won't go away! I just have to keep documenting things and no matter what they try to do to prove me an unfit mom I know it won't work because the courts and CPS have been on my side on that one while if he doesn't show up for even one day he loses custody but ugh it annoying!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My story/vent
Also if you dont have a lawyer, you should set up a meeting with one. I might be wrong but i think there might be laws against what they are doing. Since shes esentially trying to take over as mom.
Also, im a vindictive bitch. Id make an apperance at the church and expose the lieing bitch. Just saying im a bitch.
Im sorry for what he did to your older daughter and im glad shes doing better now. Both your daughters are beautiful and lucky to have a mom like you whom is willing to go to bat for them.
My mom is seriously mentally ill. My dad died so I didn't have a sane adult around. It was really confusing as I grew up and slowly realized that she wasnt like other people. I suspect your DD2 is already having to deal with these feelings. Thank goodness your kids have you to look out for them.
@Hollykathleenr definitley record interactions, its another way of documenting. You might have to tell him your recording the conversations, i dunno. Another good reason to talk to a lawyer to answer questions like that
No he didn't know it was my cousin he still doesn't know. We have different last names and I have a lot of family here, we've been here for 100 years and no one leaves and we seen to think a "small" family is 4 kids. To make things easier for everyone if we are any sort of cousin, 1st, 2nd, 3rd ect we just claim each other as cousins since our extended family is close. BD never believes me when I say my family is huge!
I spoke with a lawyer and there isn't anything I can do about her claiming to be her mom but there is no law against it here. But to keep documenting it and it's something that can be added when he screws up, sort of like icing on the cake. But on it's own there is nothing that can be done.
Lol I thought about showing up at the church one Sunday when DD2 is with me and then let them try to figure it out but right now I want to keep who my cousin is a secret and I wouldn't ask their kids to pretend to not me. So for now I'm waiting until it's not useful for them to stay a secret then we w
Until then we will go to church with them when DD2 is with me.
Also yeah if GF tries to take DD2 to the doctor or something stating she is her mom then it's illegal otherwise there's nothing I can do.
I have an app and I record our conversations. I told BD once I do this he awknowledge it in a text but he doesn't believe me because all he ever sees is me holding my phone.
But hey sounds like they are perfect for each other
Oh there was one time he decided he "needed" all DD2 medical records and so he called her doctor, who is in the town I live in, and asked over the phone that they give him all the information. The office told him we can't give you that info over the phone you will need to come in the office with id to get it. So BD told his lawyer that I had told DD2's doctor to refuse to give him information. His lawyer sends me this angry letter demanding I tell the doctor he can no longer refuse to give BD DD2's medical information and I had so many days to do so or they would take me to court over breaking the CO because it says both parents are allowed to have access to it.
So I confront BD about it and get it recorded him saying i have no idea about my lawyer contacting you and they just said they couldn't give me the info over the phone but if I went in the office they would give it to me and he has no idea why his lawyer is claiming he said he was told that the doctor has been told to refuse BD any medical info.....let's just say his lawyer was not to pleased when I showed up at his office and played the recording and told him so what was that about going to court? Let me know the date because I will love to see the judge's face when I play this recording and give her a letter from the doctor's office stating it is office practice to not give medical information over the phone.