Has LO made you change your mind about having more kids?

HeartLikeMine3 · February 2014

I've always wanted two kids and DH has always said he wanted 3. After having LO I don't feel like I want another. Don't get me wrong I love him more than life itself but he is so all consuming. I didn't realize how long sleepless nights would last and how much stress/worry would cone along with motherhood. I don't feel like I am ever going to want to go through all this again. I know there is a good chance once LO is older I will change my mind but it doesn't feel like that will happen. DH keeps bringing up when are we are going to start TTC for #2. He got tears in his eyes when I told him how I felt. I feel bad knowing he married me thinking we would have at least 2 kids but I feel differently now. Any FTM here also change their mind? Or second time moms do you really forget all the hard times and get baby fever again?

riansmommie · February 2014

I have 7 years between my two and felt the same way as you after my first. Now that this LO is here though and is a lot easier than my first Im ready for #3. Just take your time and things will fall into place.

kelly422 · February 2014

I thought I wanted 2-3. Now I want one more and I'm done. Part of me doesn't even want the one more though. This whole thing is so much harder than I thought it would be (and I have a pretty easygoing baby). Sometimes I think it would be better to TTC now before I change my mind and am one and done!

No longer the best · February 2014

I'm the weird one who kind of went the other way. I always only wanted 2. I had logical reasons why I wanted 2

I never thought I would like the newborn stage and now i miss it so much. Sometimes the thought of just 1 more, only being pregnant once more, only meeting your brand new baby once more, having your new baby grab your finger, when they smile at you for the first time.... Yeah I could be suckered into going for a third.

That is unless my 2nd is the devil child.

ETA: words

momofcatan · February 2014

kelly422 said:

I thought I wanted 2-3. Now I want one more and I'm done. Part of me doesn't even want the one more though. This whole thing is so much harder than I thought it would be (and I have a pretty easygoing baby). Sometimes I think it would be better to TTC now before I change my mind and am one and done!

All of this, except the except the easy going baby part. DD is a bit of a terror and I feel like I'm not loving or patient enough to be a good mother. On the one hand I want 2-4 kids, on the other hand I feel like I'm really not great mother material and feel like I should stop now.

No longer the best · February 2014

araziza said:

kelly422 said:

I thought I wanted 2-3. Now I want one more and I'm done. Part of me doesn't even want the one more though. This whole thing is so much harder than I thought it would be (and I have a pretty easygoing baby). Sometimes I think it would be better to TTC now before I change my mind and am one and done!

All of this, except the except the easy going baby part. DD is a bit of a terror and I feel like I'm not loving or patient enough to be a good mother. On the one hand I want 2-4 kids, on the other hand I feel like I'm really not great mother material and feel like I should stop now

Aww! This makes me a little sad! You are a wonderful Mother! I doubt any of us pay that much attention to our LO's bowel movements as you do!

Seriously though - don't be so hard on yourself!

AlsGal01 · February 2014

I always thought I would just have one, my husband always said one was plenty, too. Now we both want one more. I don't think I could do 3.

Junemom2013 · February 2014

My lo is perfect....I think she's the type of baby who tricks you into having more kids. I always wanted 2 and I want still want 1 more

Dencasa · February 2014

DD1 is a very difficult baby. She nursed what seemed like non stop never slept no kidding if my boob wasn't in her mouth she would be up. This last a year and half and I still wanted more. When I was pregnant with DD2 it didn't hit me until I was 4 weeks from due date that she might be the same way.

I am happy to say she isn't. And I'm glad I didn't wait.

I hope things work out for you no matter which way you go, waiting or taking the plunge for another.

dmlk413 · February 2014

I've always said I would have one and see what happens. After having DD, I'm convinced that I don't want more. I love her to death but being a mom is so hard and DH has weird hours so I'm on my own a lot. I just don't think it would be fair to DD, DH and me if we have another child. I think the kids and my marriage would suffer.

whitney2302 · February 2014

I always wanted two but after those first few weeks, I thought I might be one and done. Now that LO is older, I'm back to wanting one more. I'm no where near ready to start trying for #2 though. There are almost 3 years between me and my brother and I think that was a good age gap.

momofcatan · February 2014

Thanks No Longer the Best, you made me smile.

I will say that I would have no problem being pregnant again. We will see if I get that lucky again, but I enjoyed my pregnancy, and l & d wasn't that bad.

jennOK · February 2014

The awful recovery from DS made me say, no that's it. After being recovered for a few months now, I would really like DS to have a sibling since he's the only child on both sides of the family.

phishgirl29 · February 2014

We still want another. O is a result of an IVF cycle and we have two more embryos on ice. We plan to use them this summer. Hopefully one (or both) will stick and our family will be complete. After I lost O's twin, I would still have dreams that our next pregnancy would be with 2 babies again. Now, I think that's more of a nightmare and 1 would be just fine. I also get the dream where I get pregnant naturally without IVF the second time around. Who knows!

BunnyLove416 · February 2014

L has made me confident that I want more kids, probably 3 or 4. When I was pregnant I had some serious anxiety that I had made a mistake and would hate being a mom, I was a mess and dreaded my due date. Since having L I've been so relieved, this shit is hard and I had no real clue going into it but I'm really enjoying it and I'm excited to do it again (except pregnancy. Hate that.). That being said, I have absolutely no trouble seeing why having a child would make you consider being 1 and done. They change everything, including the way you see the world, and I seriously think there's no right answer for how many kids you should have, it's such an emotional, gut decision.

lioness13 · February 2014

I think my DD is average/easy. I always wanted 2 because I'm an only child and want my DD to have a sibling. I didn't miss having a sibling when I was growing up but now as an adult I am so jealous when I hear my friends talk about their siblings. I still feel that way but I just can't imagine having another. My preference is 2 years apart. I think that is moving to 3 years apart. That is only if my DH, who always agreed to having 2, changes his mind. Now he feels like we're done

tiffletons518 · February 2014

I always said I wanted 2. "Let me see how well I handle 2 and then maybe MAYBE we will discuss 3." Well, I had DD2 and she was the one that made me and H decide really quickly, we were done at 2. Truthfully, I was terrified with this one. I didn't think I had it in me to do it again. And, lots of days I still don't. But, it's exciting to watch the kids play together and I'm really thankful it happened whether it was my intention or not. Having said that, it wouldn't matter if he was the angel baby that never cried and slept through the night at a month old. No. More. Babies. Lol.

Lizzybizzy80 · February 2014

Hugs to everyone who's had/having a rough time. I thought I wanted two and now I'm not so sure. B is awesome but echoing others it all is a lot tougher than I expected.

There may be some genetic component to his Hirschsprung's Disease and quite honestly I'm terrified that DH and I might have another baby who has a more severe case of HD or some related genetic disorder. I'm worried our genes just don't match up well somehow and it makes me so sad because there isn't anything I can do about it.

cafecreme · February 2014

Not per se, but I've been telling myself to start trying in March for #2. And now that it's around the corner, I don't think we should. I want to wait at least until May or June now.

HeartLikeMine3 · February 2014

Wow this got a lot of responses. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I'm definitely not TTC anytime soon but I guess I just hope I come around to the idea for DH. It was so sad to see him all teared up and I can't imagine how hard it would be on a marriage if one person was done and the other isn't. Anyways just thinking out loud I know I will cross that bridge when I get there.

sassygal29 · February 2014

I would love two but DH only wants one, which we agreed on early in our relationship because he was ok with none. He talks about selling our stuff but I am holding out hope that when J is one, he will be easier and DH well change his mind.

Our guy is probably average but his fussy periods weigh on DH

kmkaull2 · February 2014

Samanthaashley93 said:

I have the opposite issue, because I recently realized that when Miley goes to college I will be 38. I thought I wanted two, but now I want more. We are thinking 2 and then 2 more later down the line.

LOL, well, I AM 38! (and suddenly feel very old!) In some ways, I envy you. I love my life, but I definitely see the benefit in having babies young. I always wanted 3. Now I am just happy to have my 2. Give it some time. The first year is such a blur. Eventually you won't be so sleep deprived and the baby days won't seem so awful. Then you might wish for another.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

HeartLikeMine3 said:

I've always wanted two kids and DH has always said he wanted 3. After having LO I don't feel like I want another. Don't get me wrong I love him more than life itself but he is so all consuming. I didn't realize how long sleepless nights would last and how much stress/worry would cone along with motherhood. I don't feel like I am ever going to want to go through all this again. I know there is a good chance once LO is older I will change my mind but it doesn't feel like that will happen. DH keeps bringing up when are we are going to start TTC for #2. He got tears in his eyes when I told him how I felt. I feel bad knowing he married me thinking we would have at least 2 kids but I feel differently now. Any FTM here also change their mind? Or second time moms do you really forget all the hard times and get baby fever again?

Here the thing - once you feel all consumed by motherhood, you can't be doubly all consumed, kwim? It's not to say two isn't harder in some ways than one - it is - but once you've turned your life over to motherhood, it's not nearly as much change from 1 to 2 as it is from 0 to 1. Also, you're going to have stress and worry about your child if you have one or children if you have more. Basically same logic as above. It may increase slightly but it's not the same as the change you experience the first time around.

Before getting pregnant with Quinn, DH and had a long talk about how short the hardest years really are and how many years there are beyond the sleepless nights and teething and toddler defiance and all those shitty things. I'm not trying to change your mind, just giving you something to think about

megandchase · February 2014

I loved being pregnant after the first trimester, and I love everything about being a mom. I always wanted a lot of kids and if I had a ton of money I so would!! DH definitely wants LO to have a sibling but he thinks 2 would be enough. He comes from a family with 2 kids and I come from a family of 3 kids so we have different arguments to why we want the amount we want. So for sure 1 more but I'm sure I'll convince him to have a third

Monkeybutt80 · February 2014

I wanted none at first, then agreed to have one because my husband wanted kids. I'm happy I agreed to have a kid but I'm pretty sure I'll remain one and done. He wants two so we agreed to discuss it when Colton turns one and half. Even though I'm so glad he talked me into having a kid and have loved every moment of it so far, right now, it seems like I'll remain one and done.

peachnectarine · February 2014

I've always wanted 3 kids and still do. LO has been a pretty easy baby. That being said, I might change my mind to 2 kids after we have the 2nd one. We will see. But I definitely want at least one more!

HeartLikeMine3 · February 2014

@workinit that is what I am most worried about potentially causing problems with our marriage because we aren't on the same page. We argue every time he brings it up even though we aren't near TTC.

@elmoali, leave it to you to give me a rational reply. You've got me thinking why not now, lol. I kid I kid.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

@HeartLikeMine3 LOL believe me, I know everyone's perfect family looks different and there are days that I'm all "Calgon take me away!" but the years really do fly by. We can't believe Aiden is going to four (what? I've got something in my eye!) so I'm sure 4 more years is going to go by fast too and a 4 year old and a 7 year old doesn't sound nearly as scary as a newbie and an almost four year old, kwim?

PinkPuffyHeart2 · February 2014

I always thought I would have 2 boys. Surprise, I had a girl. And it took me awhile to adjust to that. We have boy clothes and a name for a little boy that we will probably try for down the road... But I am happy with my girl and terrified to do this all over again. Some days I think we will have another. Other days I think she may be our only one. And now, I kind of want another girl. So I change my mind daily.

Nix55 · February 2014

Samanthaashley93 said:
I have the opposite issue, because I recently realized that when Miley goes to college I will be 38. I thought I wanted two, but now I want more. We are thinking 2 and then 2 more later down the line.

Bahhhhhh. I will be 38 before LO even gets to kindergarten!!!!

Maelara · February 2014

I'm also one of those opposite people. I only wanted one but DH wanted 2 so I just agreed to 2. If I could, I'd have many more. And N is a high needs baby! I just love it though!

TheTamedShrew · February 2014

When we were going through the rough patch with several night wakeups and every nap on me, I really thought I could be one and done (we've always discussed having at least two) because I literally had not a second to myself. Now I am back to wanting two or three. Lack of sleep does drastic things to your perspective.

riansmommie · February 2014

Samanthaashley93 said:

I have the opposite issue, because I recently realized that when Miley goes to college I will be 38. I thought I wanted two, but now I want more. We are thinking 2 and then 2 more later down the line.

Young moms for the win! My DD1 was born 6 days before my 19th bday so she will turn 21 before Im 40!!

HelgaFunk · February 2014

I'm going to be 41 in a couple weeks so as much as I'd like to have another, we're just too darned old for this.

kacelle · February 2014

I thought I wanted a gazillion kids. I had DD #1 and still said that, but the older she's getting the more I realize I don't want to keep having babies that prevent me from getting out and having fun with her (and now LO too)--it just isn't easy when totally sleepless, breastfeeding, and accommodating nap schedules. I'm really thankful that DD #2 has been the perfect baby, because it's showed me that it isn't just that I don't want another difficult baby but that I don't want more babies period.

FunkyPhoenix · February 2014

Ooh girl. Such a complex situation. Initially I wanted 2+ kids. Then I had a little bit of a hard time getting pregnant and staying pregnant, had a fairly complicated pregnancy, have a high needs baby who had colic and is not a good sleeper, I must wait until he is about 2 years old to have a back surgery that will take 3-6 months to recover from, and some pretty serious marital problems we are trying to work through. In my perfect world where my back is great and my marriage is great, I might say yes let's go for another, but as it stands, I very well may be one and done. Sadly.

jennOK · February 2014

ChicagoChic82 said:
Good post! I wanted 4 kids before I knew a THING about what anything entailed (what an idiot!), and dh agreed to 2. After a shit storm induction and unwanted c section, awful, soul crushing baby blues and anxiety, I don't think I can do it again. He has straight up said he wants more kids, and that scares me. If we have another, it'll have to be when we have more $$ and can have some help because I can't go thru those baby blues alone again.

On a related note- for people who had unplanned c sections: have you discussed VBAC with your ob? Mine said she would only let me try if I lost a lot of weight. Has anyone else's OB mentioned that?? On one hand I don't want to go thru labor again, but on the other I don't want to go thru c section recovery. Guess what, DH?? That means no kid!!

I had a similar situation with an emergency csection. I will NEVER go back to my old OB, but I did ask the other doctor in the practice about VBAC before I finished with all my follow-up visits. He told me it would depend on where I go next time whether they allowed my to try a VBAC. He said some doctors and hospitals just don't do it, and others will let you try it. He didn't mention weight as a factor.

I feel like extra belly weight could have contributed to my awful csection recovery. I would want to lose weight before I had another one of those.

HelgaFunk · February 2014

Even if I had another baby I think I'd opt for a repeat a c-section. I was in labor for 24 hours and never dialated past 1 because of some scar tissue. I was really lucky and the recovery was a breeze and was begging them to take out the catheter as soon as I got to my room, and up and in the shower the same day. I almost feel guilty for it being so easy and I'm a chunky monkey so I don't know how much it's a factor in the recovery.

DaisyDuck40 · February 2014

I've always wanted 3 and I still do...I just don't know when I want the other two!

jennOK · February 2014

ChicagoChic82 said:

ChicagoChic82 said:

zigspective said:

ChicagoChic82 said:

On a related note- for people who had unplanned c sections: have you discussed VBAC with your ob? Mine said she would only let me try if I lost a lot of weight. Has anyone else's OB mentioned that?? On one hand I don't want to go thru labor again, but on the other I don't want to go thru c section recovery. Guess what, DH?? That means no kid!!
What type of FTP did you have?

My midwives said they would unequivocally make every attempt to help me VBAC if that was my choice. Mine wasn't under the typical circumstances but it's how they run their services for all clients.
Sorry I'm not sure what FTP is?
Fitness to practice? I think that's what you are referring to. The doctor was an OB, not a midwife. I'll start off with a midwife straight away if there is a next time- I hated my medicalized labor. She literally said, "chubby women just can't push babies out!" I kid you not.

After I went in because I was bruised to the point of being black about 4 inches all the way around my incision, had horrible swelling from the procedure and was leaking blood out both ends of the incision so bad it was running down my legs, my doctor told me I was overreacting. Then, she proceeded to tell me that my problems were purely cosmetic and slapped my belly and said that these things happen when we "have a bit if a tummy."

Yeah, she was a peach.

Lizzybizzy80 · February 2014

@Steamboat1679 thank you for the hugs, I needed them.

I'm sorry to hear about your best friend's LO, it can be a rough road and I hope it gets better for them as their LO gets older.

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