Questions about donating ticker warning and children mentioned

10-4LilBuddy · February 2014

Forgive my ignorance, but I wanted some honest feedback about donating embryos.

Background - After three heartbreaking years of trying, we were finally successful via IVF. I got pregnant with twins after implanting two embryos. We were left with three embryos in storage and our initial plan was to implant them in a couple years. However, my pregnancy was difficult with 13 weeks of bedrest - 9 of those in the hospital. My complications were all my body - short cervix and contractions. The babies were and are healthy and strong. We are so blessed that we made it to 36 weeks and they never went to the NICU. My OB has confirmed that these issues would happen in any subsequent pregnancies and does not recommend any more.

So, we have three little sweethearts that we want to give the chance at life. Ideally, we'd win the lottery and have a surrogate (or three) carry them, but it doesn't look like that is happening.

As a DE recipient, what concerns would you have with getting three DE and having the stipulation of no genetic testing prior to implantation and no terminations unless life threatening or terminal situations? I realize it's a lot to ask, but when we prayed for these babies, we committed to God that we would accept whatever he gave. We were on the more mature side at 39.5 years old and we had the frustrating "unknown" infertility diagnosis. Also, how closely would you want your ethnic background to match the embryos? Could I ask that they donate any unused embryos to others with the same stipulations afterwards?

I hope I don't offend anyone. We really struggle with the decision to donate, but when I see my kiddos, I think that there is no way that I could not give their siblings the same chance. We were blessed with an unlikely success and want to help others complete their family. Thanks in advance for reading my novel and any feedback you have.

ArgyleBride · February 2014

I am not a DEmbryo recipient, I'm an egg donor, but my understanding is that if you find someone yourself--for example, on MiraclesWaiting--you should be able to meet all of your criteria, and legally (I believe, again this is beyond my ken) stipulate that the same criteria be followed should they donate. You could likely find someone with very similar values who would embrace your promise to God. Frankly, the concerning part of your post is that you'd still like to use a surrogate--it would be devastating for an adopting family to have you pull out after offering, so be sure you are ready to follow through before you do. You do not need to rush--some donated embryos have been frozen for a decade or longer when their parents decide it is time, and they are ready.

Finally, thank you for considering this route. Your embryos would be recognized as the miracles they are.

Edit grammar

2MamazInSeattle · February 2014

What a heartfelt post! I'm sure our resident Embryo Adoption mama @Liz4Paws will chime in.

@Argylbride is spot on, you can do a private adoption/donation and stipulate that the mom wear a yellow bow when she delivers

- basically anything you'll both agree to. The good news is that there is always a "match" out there - someone who feels right and agrees with all your principles. Frankly a lot of EA folks are coming from a pro-life-ish perspective and so I think you'd have no trouble finding a fit. Liz's blog has loads of resources too.

You are awesome for doing this. We have lots of EA moms on this board who are blessed with children because of people like you! Bravo on making a tough choice, but you will change someone's life while honoring the siblings of your babies.

brooklynesque · February 2014

Just wanted to say hi, 10-4! I'm glad your twins are doing well! I'm sure you'll find the right family to donate your embryos to if you decide to go that route. It is a truly wonderful thing to do.

liz4paws · February 2014

Hi and thank you for posting! I am so grateful for people like you because I am expecting our first baby thanks to selfless couples like yourself.

I'm a huge advocate for embryo adoption and have learned lots about it as I've traveled down the path myself. I put together a "where to get started" blog post which you can access by clicking on the embryo adoption badge in my siggy. It's geared more toward recipients, but the information can be useful to donors too!

I know you also mentioned that ideally you'd win the lottery and use a surrogate, and before going full force into EA, I'm not sure if you've considered other surrogate options. One of the board members here is using a surrogate overseas and it has some advantages over using one locally, namely cost. I'll let Jalara talk about that a bit more if you're interested!

But all in all, if/when you're ready to donate these precious snowflakes, you will most certainly find a match. If there's anything at all I can do to help answer questions, just let me know! We "adopted" two batches on our own without an agency/clinic and know most of the ins and outs of it.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

BeckyP005 · February 2014

Waving hello to 10-4!! Glad your all doing well. Everyone has given you great input! Thanks for thinking of donating and take care

Good luck on your decision.

poohniki · February 2014

Hello- I sent you a PM about some things to consider.

10-4LilBuddy · February 2014

Thanks ladies. We are sure we will donate as we don't have the resources to care for more kids to the level we would want.

I'm just trying to reconcile my heart with this. I would rather me be without them vs never having them be at all. But it still hurts. Seeing your stories helps me know that they will be loved.

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