Feeling scared

AandStilltrying · February 2014

So, we have 3 tries left on IUI with DW before we have to consider other options. So now I'm freaked! Each BFN gets harder and harder for her. We have taken a break since Oct/nov and are getting ready to try next month. We so badly want to join all of you lesbian moms out there!!!

DW really wants 1st baby to be her egg since she is older, but with so many tries I just want a rainbow baby!

. Every time I try to talk to her about it she gets really mad and says she feels like a failure. I'm out of ways to try to help her see things from a different perspective. On paper she is the better carrier....better control of weight, normal periods as opposed to me with PCOS and over weight. I'm thinking I have trouble making lining because when I take progest. It takes 2 full doses and cycles of it for me to have a LIGHT period. However when I take the provera...great period and on time. When not on meds, I have a good period every 3-4 months. However this month they were on time! 32 days! Woo hoo

I got so sad on Wed. It had been 8 years to the day since my dad died so I was already emotional. Then I forgot that when we had our 1st BFP on 1st try that ended as preg. Of unknown location, I joined a meet up site for local LGBT families. A lady private messaged me and it came to my email that day saying our kids should be the same age an wanted to get together. It was like getting punched in the gut!

Feeling very scared about the future of our ttc journey and looking for some friends to confide in and help keep my head on straight. Looking for some hope that this isn't impossible for us.

JGY · February 2014

Amber, I have no advice but wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you two are struggling. I'm glad you've found this board and hopefully we can all provide the support that you're looking for!

clairmeij · February 2014

I just wanted to offer support. The journey is brutal. I remember feeling broken, hurt and totally useless whenever I had a BFN, and I never had the heartache of a loss.

I often think of all the difficult journeys on this board, and I send love and healing energy all the time. I know that the others do too. I sincerely hope that this happens for you, and I wish you peace and calm for your broken hearts during the process.

trisholio · February 2014

I wish I had magical words to make things better, but I don't. This journey is brutal and challenges part of yourself, your relationship and your beliefs in the world. My advice is to continue to try as you can, educate yourself, and be kind to yourself and your wife.

Best of luck to you both.

HollynLeana · February 2014

I'm so sorry. This sounds so heartbreakingly frustrating. I hope you find comfort in each other! FX for your BFP!

2MamazInSeattle · February 2014

Stay the course. It is often darkest before the dawn. After our loss (and still) we just go one day at a time. I feel like I'm counting sidewalk cracks and enjoying the milestones of crossing to the next block sometimes...when I really want to look up and see my big prize at the end of the road, far off in the distance! But that overwhelms me and you sound a little in that place. Just do your best to trust the process, your docs, and try to be patient. It is unfortunately a longer road for some of us.

SweetPea0307 · February 2014

I'm so sorry the two of you are struggling. This sounds like a really tough time. I hope things get better for you soon.

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