Insensitive comments

emslade982 · February 2014

How do I respond to people saying "wow you're huge! I can't believe you're only halfway there!"? I have only put on a few lbs but my bump really is big for a FTM. Usually I just smile and say I know right? But it hurts. I want these comments to stop but how do I give a response that isn't as rude as the comment itself? Advice?

emslade982 · February 2014

That's me.

cnchavez69 · February 2014

You don't look huge to me. I'm not sure how far along you are but you look great! Don't take the comments to heart. Just smile and move on. People are going to say what they want regardless. Just enjoy your bump! It means you are growing a healthy baby and that is all that matters!

deedee830 · February 2014

You look fanstastic! When it's not hubby saying these things (I just tell him to stuff it), I'm generally just honest about how I'm feeling about my body and say something like "Yeah, it's been hard getting used to how my body is changing, but it's all for the greater good, right?". They tend to simmer down at that point and generally feel embarrassed for being such douches to begin with.

emslade982 · February 2014

I'm 21 weeks. I was pretty slim before getting pregnant but was in full blown maternity clothes by 10 weeks. It's all bump. Thanks for the feedback!

rattlecanqueen · February 2014

That's how I was with my first, but I was also a chow hound with him. I usually responded with "I know right?"too, ignoring it, Or a dirty look. I'm not witty or confrontational. Fwiw you're not huge, and it looks like all belly(baby).

*LrCg* · February 2014

I agree you don't look huge. I think every woman carries different. I think its great you don't want to be offensive in return. If it was me I'd probably just say "I'm just glad me and the baby are healthy and luckily for me its all just temporary"

ktwils2010 · February 2014

People will always have a comment one way or the other - you can't be the "perfect" amount pregnant lol either you'll get oh my gosh your huge! Or wait you are how far along? Are you sure there is a baby in there?
I think you look beautiful - don't listen to other people's comments. For whatever reason, society seems to think pregnant women's bodies are public property and make all sorts of comments they would never dream of making if you weren't pregnant. Annoying!

yvanehtnioj · February 2014

I get that too, stuff like "You have FOUR MORE MONTHS? You're not going to make it!!1!" I just go "I know huh." Being on these boards has taught me that pregnants of all sizes/shapes get all kinds of comments and most of them don't even make sense! I think either ignoring it or "I never understood why people feel it is okay to comment on someone else's weight" (suggested by a PP) are both good responses, depending on your mood that day

iqwedding3 · February 2014

Why do you need to be polite when they're not? I like passive aggressive. How about "thanks for letting me know, I'll be sure to do the same".

curlylocks3 · February 2014

I roll my eyes a lot. I had a coworker tell me last night that I didn't need to eat dinner, my stomach was big enough already. So I gave her the evil eye, said skipping meals is not recommended and now then mentally flicked her off with each bite. I'd say I'm ignoring her like I should but I've still been doing the mental flick off while I eat even though I'm off today and nowhere around her.
Just roll with it as best you can and ignore them.

cecilyandgautam · February 2014

It only gets worse as the pregnancy goes on. I worked til I went into labor and I think people just have no idea what a normal full term pregnant woman looks like. I got fed up with it and started replying with "oh, I hadn't heard that one yet - funny." smile and walk away.

veetveet · February 2014

emslade982 said:
How do I respond to people saying "wow you're huge! I can't believe you're only halfway there!"? I have only put on a few lbs but my bump really is big for a FTM. Usually I just smile and say I know right? But it hurts. I want these comments to stop but how do I give a response that isn't as rude as the comment itself? Advice?

"So are you.... are you expecting too??"

emslade982 · February 2014

Haha! I would love to say that!!

Taylorgabbitas · February 2014

How far along are you? I don't think you look huge at all! I feel like I'm about the same size (24 weeks) and all people keep telling me is that I'm still so small/wouldn't even guess you were pregnant if I didn't know! Type things. It drives me nuts because I'm very obviously rounder and it just makes me feel like they think I just look fat. You just can't win

Pepper6 · February 2014

Sarcasm always works wonders for me and I'd probably say something along the lines of "Oh shit, really? Thanks for telling me otherwise I might not have known that I'm getting bigger. I mean, it's not hard at all to deal with the changes to my body, so I really appreciate having other people point it out..."

taylorjeanne84 · February 2014

You look great! Tell them to shove it.

mamabird19 · February 2014

I agree with everyone that you are beautiful! I know its hard, I am much bigger now than people I know were with their first baby, at least thats what I have heard.. But, its the baby! Try not to take it to heart and embrace that a big belly is beautiful and you have a beautiful baby!

rattlecanqueen · February 2014

emslade982 · February 2014

I made an honest mistake and apologized. Didn't realize it would hurt feelings.

Unknown · February 2014

This content has been removed.

emslade982 · February 2014

Haha not at all. I was just wondering how to handle people's rude comments. As someone who has struggled with her weight her whole life it's hard to hear "you look huge." I think others can relate. I'm not looking for compliments at all!

roadspeckle · February 2014

emslade982 said:
I'm 21 weeks. I was pretty slim before getting pregnant but was in full blown maternity clothes by 10 weeks. It's all bump. Thanks for the feedback!

You've been struggling with your weight your whole life.... Except you said you were "pretty slim" before you got pregnant?

sarahjanisse · February 2014

In a single day I got 2 completely different comments:
"You've barely grown at all/ you look great."

"Wow look how big you've gotten"

Same day/ hours apart. What is wrong with people? I would never comment about how big someone is- regardless if they are pregnant or not. What woman wants to be called big?

emslade982 · February 2014

Yeah I had been on weight watchers and lost 40 lbs before I got pregnant. Not easy but I did it so I was surprised I looked so pregnant so fast.

AndreaKae27 · February 2014

rattlecanqueen said:

I've been staring at this for several minutes. It's only 5 am here but this made my day.

bjlucas1 · February 2014

During my last pregnancy a woman I worked with told me I gained weight in my face. Okay, thanks. I was hoping someone would point that out.

reecespieces714 · February 2014

I just had a..."You're HOW far along? Are you sure there aren't twins?"

I responded by saying - "actually there are 5 in there" - with a pointed look.

She got the hint and spent the rest of the evening back pedalling. Then I ignored her and just smiled patiently - like dealing with a 2 year old child that has no filter.

emslade982 · February 2014

Haha I've gotten the twins comment too. Love your comeback!

tealowl · February 2014

yvanehtnioj said:

I get that too, stuff like "You have FOUR MORE MONTHS? You're not going to make it!!1!" I just go "I know huh." Being on these boards has taught me that pregnants of all sizes/shapes get all kinds of comments and most of them don't even make sense! I think either ignoring it or "I never understood why people feel it is okay to comment on someone else's weight" (suggested by a PP) are both good responses, depending on your mood that day

My first child was a month early and it wasn't fun, so if someone says this to me, I will be telling him how inappropriate it is. I'm not a confrontational person usually but this one irks me!

atmaloney · February 2014

first things first. I love your bump. I think it is awesome. Why? Because you're growing a human. If anyone says anything like "WOW YOU'RE HUGE" tell them to kindly fuck off. You rock.

second. I wish my bump was that big already! I know it will be soon, I'll be 4 months in a week or so, and I can't wait until I'm showing!

charley0624 · February 2014

Lurking...

I like the suggestion about asking why people think its OK to comment on pregnant women's weight/size.

Also, to sympathize, here is a comment I got: lady at restaurant--"are you pregnant with a boy?" Me--"no girl". Lady--"oh I thought boy because youre so big"

Wait it gets better.

While I was still stunned, she asks for my ID for my credit card and says "this doesnt look like you, pregnancy has changed your face, your nose is bigger".

WTF?? Anyway try to shrug it off when you can.

emslade982 · February 2014

Omg thats awful! People don't think before they speak do they?

allrightmeow · February 2014

You just have to smile and keep it moving. I got "WHA IS THAT!" from a good friend who is a mother of three. I said "This is what 20 weeks looks like" and she said "I was never that big at 20 weeks".

I smiled to keep myself from pointing out that even though we are almost the same height I am smaller framed than her so there is really no where for my belly to go but out.

AmandaWarneck · February 2014

I'm 24 weeks and a FTM too and receive these comments as well, BUT am also guilty of saying the same thing in the past to my expecting friends/colleagues. I never realized how the comments could be perceived as rude until being on the receiving end. I agree with everyone who says not to take it personal and beat yourself up over any weight gain, enjoy every pound of it and know that you are beautiful!

MrsAuton · February 2014

Glad I'm not the only one who gets offended by those comments! I'm 18 weeks and have been posting a pic on my Facebook every couple of weeks to show my progress to my family and friends that I don't get to see often and I have had several of them comment "ARE YOU SURE THERE IS ONLY ONE IN THERE?!?!!?" it really pisses me off to the point where I have deleted their comment everytime (there is one that says it on every picture - sooo annoying!) And I also get the comment from people at work. I mean HELLO I am growing a human here, yes my belly is growing and it will get huge - who are you to ask me that? Every woman carries her baby differently. People need to learn to keep their mouths SHUT.

momthatlifts · February 2014

I've been told "you have 3 months left and you barely look pregnant" and I've been told I apparently look like a cow all in the same week

fsumom · February 2014

I hate to say it but it'll probably only get worse. With my DD, I was asked if I was having twins several times, and when I'd say no, I was given shocked looks and told that I probably was. I did gain 50lbs with DD and she was almost 9lbs at birth but the comments are hurtful.

Read247 · February 2014

LindsRockies said:

I think you need some sensitivity training yourself. Who posts this on TTGP? You understand what you posted is horribly rude and also spam?

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12251273/sperm-meets-egg-plan-smep-bfp-mentioned/p1

Thanks for the link @LindsRockies

OP - after reading this....

emslade982 · February 2014

I recognized my mistake and promptly apologized for it. I was in no way trying to hurt anyone.

anderson92207 · February 2014

I emailed my mom about this earlier today. A new coworker told me this morning she was shocked the other day when she asked me when I was due and I said May and she thought I would say March. When I said nope, it's May, she then asked if I felt like I was having twins. Seriously?! I have gained 4 lbs and am almost 27 weeks. This is my second child so of course I am started showing faster and look bigger.

A few weeks ago, I had a client ARGUE with me about whether or not I was having twins. Then told me she was going to check back with me later and see if I was having twins. What part of NO didn't she understand! I wanted to knock her out!

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