Healing after Ectopic Pregnancy

Flowerstar1023 · January 2014

Hi all. I'm new to the forum. I found out on January 14th that my husband and I were pregnant for the first time. I'd had an IUD in for eight years and we'd had it removed December 27th. I was surprised to be pregnant so early and cautiously optimistic as I'm in the healthcare field. But, I thought "I have no reason to fear the worst."

I had some cramping off and on but convinced myself that this was normal and that it was my uterus growing and also related to my pregnancy constipation.

This past weekend, I started bleeding and was diagnosed with a right tubal pregnancy at 5 weeks and 2 days. I keep replaying the "You have an ectopic" announcement by the ultrasound technician. I got a methotrexate shot and am waiting a week before checking to see if my hormone levels have decreased. In the meantime, I'm scared that I'll rupture, scared that I won't be able to be pregnant ever again, and really sad about this loss - the potential of a baby that perhaps if it would have just gone a couple more inches could have been ours. I've been healthy up until this point and being in the healthcare field also makes it super hard to be the patient.

I was wondering if anyone else has been through this and has come out the other side. What helped you? Are there books you read, things you or someone else told you, that helped you heal in time? Did you seek counseling? Did you pray? Now instead of wanting this baby so bad, I just want it out of my body and done. And I feel betrayed by my body because I had no risk factors for an ectopic pregnancy (no history of PID, no history of abdominal surgery, no fertility treatments) and this was my first pregnancy.

Thanks for letting me get some of these thoughts out there. Aside from my husband, I still feel like I can't really talk to family and friends and have been avoiding making phone calls to the few people who know including my parents. I just can't get the words out without turning into a ball of mush.

MissErika16 · January 2014

My first pregnancy was an ectopic. I also had zero risk factors. It was a "fluke" and I was terrified I'd never have children. I can't say that anything made it better but time. It's a true grieving process from sadness to fear to anger. I chose to get a momento of the baby, in my case a birthstone ring of when the baby was to be born. I let myself be sad when I wanted to be sad and mad when I wanted to be mad. My best friend was pregnant and that ended up helping me. As much as I wished I still had my baby I was encouraged that life goes on. She had a miscarriage and was now having a baby so I felt like the chances that it were just something that happened was possible and the idea that I was forever infertile was less likely. I had my ectopic in May and by Nov I was pregnant and went on to have 3 children until this miscarriage (had a D&C yesterday). Having been through a loss before my best advice is just let yourself feel what you feel and try not to listen to the stupid things people say, they try to help but the truth is you just need to be sad for a while and grieve the loss of your baby. I'm doing that again now and it's not any easier this time except knowing that I won't feel this bad forever. I hope that was helpful. Sorry for your loss.

PS I also used methotrexate and it worked well for me. No rupture and my numbers went down relatively fast over the following 2 weeks.

Flowerstar1023 · February 2014

Thanks for the response. It's been a rough week. I went back today for repeat methotrexate as my beta had barely budged (4771 day 4 to 4415 day 7). Here's hoping for a bigger drop the second time around. I'd like to take comfort in the fact that it at least dropped, but it's hard to think positive.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss as well, but so glad that you had three beautiful children following your ectopic. Hugs and comfort to you in this difficult time.

5895WolterA · February 2014

@Flowerstar1023 - I am so very sorry for your loss. I had what sounds like a very similar experience this past summer. My husband and I learned we were pregnant for the first time but I found out about 2 weeks later that our pregnancy was ectopic. I ended up needing 3 doses of methotrexate, but in the end my betas did finally drop down to 0. I hope that you are feeling okay and taking care of yourself. The methotrexate was horrible for me. I was thankful in the end though that I didn't end up needing surgery. I received my first dose of MTX in early July and my beta's were finally down to 0 on 9/9.

It has been a long process of healing for me. It's been about 7 months now and things did get better for me emotionally after some time. I went through a long period this fall of being angry and jealous of anyone who was pregnant (we seemed to have a lot of friends, family and acquaintances who announced they were pregnant this fall and during the holidays). I finally reached a place of (mostly) acceptance, however, my EDD would have been next week, so these past few weeks have been rough for me.

What helped me the most was knowing that others out there were praying for me and praying myself for the baby. Every week at church now I light a candle for the baby and every week it brings tears to my eyes. I will definitely pray for you and your baby as well.

Anyway, sorry that this is kind of a rambling post. Please feel free to reach out to me via a private message if you'd like to talk at all or have any specific questions. I would be happy to chat or help in any way that I can.

T&P are with you. (((HUGS)))

KC1212 · February 2014

Hi I'm so sorry you are going through this. I got pregnant in October and lost it November. I got pregnant in November but, didn't realize it. I had a fancy Christmas party to attend, took a pregnancy test, it was negative. I had 3 glasses of wine and got what I thought to be my "period" the following day.

Except, it was stop and go, on and off spotting for a month. I thought that it was a "wonky" period from my previous loss.

Weeks later, I was still spotting and googling way too much. I thought "what if"? And I took a pregnancy test and it was blaring positive.

I thought I was having another miscarriage but, I found out I roughly 8-10 weeks, baby had a heartbeat but it was in my left tube. I then, had to have emergency surgery and had my left tube removed. So, it is good you "caught" it early and hopefully your tube at least, will be saved. Though I am very very sorry and I know nothing I can say will take the pain away.

Time helps. After I recovered from surgery I massively re-organized our closet. I watched junk tv and read a lot. I'm still dealing with it all and my doctor put me on anti-depressant as well.

I'm catholic, after I was released I went to the adoration chapel (it is an empty chapel reserved for prayer) and bawled my eyes out .

((Hugs)) I'm so very sorry.

Mlilahtiger · February 2014

I understand. I will be 6 weeks tomorrow and am going in for an ultrasound to check if it's implanting where it should because last July I went through a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. It was all very dramatic and painful because I live in Playa del Carmen Mexico and didn't receive good medical attention at first and lost a lot of blood. Now it's all starting again and I'm trying not to get to excited but I'm 37 and want a baby. Now I've got a great doctor and she is keeping a close eye on my progress.

Kalidawn523 · February 2014

@mlilahtiger as much as I get that you want to offer support to us- talking about your current pregnancy (especially without a warning) is very insensitive. We are all in the midst of our losses and would not like to see someone else's pregnancy thrust in our face. Please hop on over to the PGAL board to discuss these matters.

Flowerstar1023 · February 2014

Update: Ruptured two days ago (day before I was supposed to see if my beta-hcg had dropped enough with the second round of methotrexate I had to have - it had gone up despite going down the week prior and the baby developed a heart beat) and got rushed to surgery with a four point drop in my hemoglobin. So much for all of that methotrexate and the crappy symptoms it caused. If I had to do it again, I think I would have gone straight to surgery. It wasn't worth the worry of rupture and perhaps if the pregnancy hadn't progressed over two weeks I would still have my right tube and wouldn't have hemorrhaged. Hindsight is, however, 20/20. Now to start healing from the surgery, the loss of my right tube, and the loss of a baby two weeks older with a heartbeat. Ugh.

KC1212 · February 2014

I'm so sorry. I lost my left tube

and my baby had a heartbeat too. I understand completely. I'm so sorry.

danielle1290 · February 2014

So sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I also had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and was immediately sent into surgery where they removed part of my right tube. It is a terrible experience, but over time it gets a little easier. I did a lot of praying and had a lot of support from my fiance, friends, and family which all helped quite a bit. I hope that things will get easier for you.

hnrogers2 · February 2014

I yesterday was diagnosed with an ectopic and had emergency surgery .

It all began 2 weeks ago when I was told my miscarried . I was devastated . My numbers had dropped 1300-600... A week later they wanted to make sure they were dropping, they had not they rose to 2100... I then had to wait till yesterday where they had risen to 4800. We did a sono and saw nothing in my uterus ... But a shadowy mass in my right tube . Mind you I had zero pain I felt fabulous besides tired and my breasts hurt.
That was at 1030 and by 130 they were removing my tube that was the size of a golf ball .. Thank goodness they found it because it was about to burst . Today I'm in a lot of pain mostly hurts to move.

Hoping everyone the best and speedy recovery

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