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February 2014 Moms
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Post CS complications and feeling like a screwup

mlynn333mlynn333 member
in February 2014 Moms
Just two days after getting discharged, I've been admitted back into the hospital with some sort of infection from my surgery. Because I had to have a CT scan, I have to pump and dump my breast milk. Poor.DH is out scrambling to get formula and to pack up.everything we need to have baby stay in the hospital with us, which includes her bili light for her jaundice.

I'm struggling with feeling like a total screwup, even though it's out of my control. I know a lot of it is post birth hormonal fluctuations, but I'm having a hard time not blaming myself. Especially not being able to breastfeed for a while is hard - I felt like that was the one thing I was doing well for her. I know we.can work to get her back to.BF soon, I'm just worried that she'll struggle with the transition back.

Anyway, all that to say.I would really appreciate advice on how to deal with these emotions. Intuitively I know its not my fault, but how do I convince myself?

Me: 25 DH: 26 First-time Mom EDD 2/2/2014

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Re: Post CS complications and feeling like a screwup

  • cla40749cla40749 member
    HUGS!!! I've been right where you are in one way or another with each kid. 1st kid, had to have a second surgery and then was readmitted for an infection. 2nd kid she was re-admitted due to worsening jaundice. 3rd little girl is in NICU 30 miles away as I type this.
    And to be honest, I'm having the same mental issues this time as I did the first. Especially with Kaylee looking so perfect until she was born, I feel like a failure for not noticing something that would have given us warning/prepared us to face this.(Her lungs were immature with no sign of distress for the first 24 hours) Coping/surviving is a minute-by-minute thing. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of deep breaths, and repeating of mantras like "there were no signs;" "Do what I can for her now. That's all that matters." "Take care of me so I can take care of her when she comes home." 
    I'm afraid I'm not much help with the BF advice, tho. I"m pumping for Kaylee but have no idea if we will be able to BF when she's home. Right now I know pumping the liquid gold will be her best medicine, so it's my main concentration....not to say that it's easy, esp considering my first two were FF. 

    All that to say, don't be so hard on yourself. Its not your fault. Do what ever you can for her. And even tho right now you can't BF her, you can hold her, and reassure her you are there for her. Kangaroo care and a few diaper changes were all I could manage after the second surgery w my first baby. I honestly think the kangaroo care kept me strong and did just as much for me as it did for her.
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  • MamaAllisonMamaAllison member
    Oh man, that is awful! Clearly this is not your fault! Did you ask your doctor how this could have happened? Perhaps hearing from a medical professional will help you absolve yourself. And pumping and dumping sucks but it will be worth it in the long run. BFing is harder in the beginning, but I think it is arguably easier in the long run. And with my first I had to supplement and use a nipple shield and she moved between bottle and breast without a second thought, so hopefully your transition back will not be hard. Make sure DH or whoever is feeding her knows how to bottle feed a BF baby, kellymom is a great resource!
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    DD2 - Charlotte Avery - 1/27/14




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  • Amyjoy1972Amyjoy1972 member
    Hugs. I hope you feel better soon. Your not a screw up
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  • ziggy903ziggy903 member
    (((Hugs)))


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  • slwprincessslwprincess member
    Hugs sweetie! Don't beat yourself up over this. Take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place. I hope they are able to get you healed up ASAP and you can go home soon. Rest rest rest!

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  • keags5496keags5496 member
    I don't have anything new to add they PP didnt mention but I wanted to send along my hugs!!
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  • sweet*18sweet*18 member
    I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with the PPs. Sending big hugs your way
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  • ErinGoBragh77ErinGoBragh77 member
    I was re-admitted to the hospital after having my son.  I didn't have a c/s but my BP skyrocketed the day after we came home and I had to spend 4 more days in.  I didn't even have him with me because I was in ICU and there was mersa there that I didn't want him exposed to.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I felt like the worst mom.  Please know that you are doing everything you can and that it's important for you to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of DD!  Hang in there, everything will workout!
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  • KatieKTKatieKT member
    Oh sorry to hear you're having complications! I hope they can get you home soon.
    If you are interested, the hospital might have one of the supplemental nursing systems that you basically attach a hose with the formula to a nipple shield so the baby still gets the feeling that they are nursing. I don't know if they are appropriate in your situation but you could check.
    Get well!


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  • emar129emar129 member
    Best of luck. You guys will get thru this!
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  • cattuccinocattuccino member
    ((((Hugs))))
    I have no experience, but agree with pps. I hope complications don't get worse and you're all able to recoup and get back home soon
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  • slwprincessslwprincess member
    KatieKT said:
    Oh sorry to hear you're having complications! I hope they can get you home soon.
    If you are interested, the hospital might have one of the supplemental nursing systems that you basically attach a hose with the formula to a nipple shield so the baby still gets the feeling that they are nursing. I don't know if they are appropriate in your situation but you could check.
    Get well!
    This is a great idea.  See if the LC will come see you while you are there!

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  • notreal2notreal2 member

    You are in a good place, you KNOW it's not your fault.  Nothing but good thoughts your way, and remember, your small one needs you no matter how you feed her.  And remember, it's like the safety announcement on airplanes.  Put your oxygen mask on then help those around you.  You need to take care of yourself first, so you can take care of the baby.  Good thoughts, you've got this.


     

     

     

     

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