Advice needed re sleep

CNYBride05 · February 2014

I'm in tears right now - so tired and frustrated with the minister that we've created. My girls are still waking every 2-3 hrs to eat at nite and naps are often hellacious and out of sync. I adore them and am only home PT with them now that I'm back to work 3 days/week, but I get so frustrated with the struggles to get them down at nap time!

At nite, they are still in RnPs by our bed. At DC, they are rocked to sleep and then sleep in a PnP and at home, for naps, they sleep in a swing and bouncer. I know it's too many different routines, but I am not in favor of CIO and I cannot rock them to sleep for every nap like at DC. At nite, they go down easily in their RnPs, it's just the frequent (I guess normal?) waking that's tough.

Advice? TIA!

dmurrie · February 2014

I have a couple ideas for things to try:

You can try to do naps in the RNPs. Draw the curtains and do whatever the normal bedtime routine is. That might help.

Alternately, what's the plan for when they're older? A regular crib is more similar to a PNP than the RNP is and that might make things more consistent to have naps always in some sort of crib thing.

I'd probably also talk to the DC about their routine there, because it doesn't sound like it's helping your cause. See if there are specific times the DC puts them down, and try to keep their nap times consistent. If it's louder at DC when they nap and that's what they're used to (or do better with), you may have to add some background noise at home at nap time to make them more comfortable. I'd also definitely see if they can stop the rocking to sleep at nap time. You just can't do that with 2 at home, and you don't want them getting used to something you simply can't do all the time at hone. Even if they hold their hands or stand by the crib for a bit for now, that's easier than rocking!

dmurrie · February 2014

Also, if you're going crazy, it's okay to set them down somewhere safe and escape to the other side of the house for a few minutes. Better that than a triple meltdown.

Ylvelill · February 2014

Try to make sure they are up at the same time so they are more likely to go down close together

and don't forget to sleep when they sleep.

Consistent routines and place for naps as pp said is also helpful. Let the DC work with you to all get on one page.

Snugly Ael · February 2014

I can completely understand and feel what you're going through. I am a SAHM and I go crazy when I'm alone with them. My husband travels for work for 3 days every other week and I'm with them for 3 and a half days. When he's gone I've a nanny who comes 2 days for 4 hours (that isn't much help, but still gives me time to nap, eat, cook, shower, etc). Why don't you let them play for long? Like playing in the bouncer, play mat, tummy time etc. They'll exhaust themselves and be dead tired. I do this most of the time and it works, but I make sure I don't tire them more than they can handle because later they'll become crabby. But at the end, I still have to hold or rock or hug them when they nap or go to bed. They don't sleep on their own. They'll be 6 months on Feb 9.

About DC I'd suggest to talk to them. That seems to be one reason why they're having a hard time napping at home. Like the previous 2 posts said talk to them and tell them how you want things to be done. You're paying them a good amount of money.

Another thing is don't keep them up for long. My twins usually nap after every 2-3 hours. I watch them closely when they show signs of tiredness and seem sleepy. They either yawn or make sounds or rub their eyes or just end up resting their head on my shoulder when they're sleepy. I keep a track of their feedings and nap time.

I don't know how old your babies are, so I adviced you as per my experience. HTH! All the best and this too will pass.

pillowass · February 2014

You lost me when you said you are not in favor of CIO. I respect that, but holy hell I cannot imagine my life if we had not started sleep training around 6 months. Have you read Ferber? He has lots of great info on the science of sleep regardless of whether you ultimately decide to CIO. The thing that swayed me was learning about how damaging the poor and broken up sleep was to the kids (in addition to me and DH). The results we got with all of our kids (quick and dramatic!) made me a convert.

PurpleIris30 · February 2014

Oof - that would be really rough still waking every 2-3 hours at night. Do they seem really hungry every time or more just waking from habit and not being able to go back to sleep?

Do they cluster feed at night or have one really long nursing session before bed?

CNYBride05 · February 2014

Thanks ladies.
I can't sleep when they sleep because they are cat nappers and have different sleep needs so even if they go down at the same time, they wake up staggered.
And @purpleiris30, they neither cluster feed or do a long feed before bed

raraavis28 · February 2014

I agree that talking to DC and getting a consistent routine is your first step. How long are they awake when you put them down for naps? Honestly, at that age my LOs were taking three naps a day (the last one was a catnap) and could only stand being awake for 1.5-2 hours. You could try putting them down earlier to see if it goes more smoothly.

Another couple things to keep in mind:

1. Are the babies waking up happy from their catnaps or are they fussy? If the latter, they aren't really ready to wake up. A lot of babies struggle to transition between sleep cycles and will wake up around the 45-minute mark. This happened to my LOs a LOT between 4 and 6 months (sucked). My rule, though, was: if they were awake and crying, or if it's been less than an hour that they slept, naptime wasn't over. For awhile, I would soothe them back to sleep (sometimes successfully, sometimes not). I often ended up walking crying babies in a dark bathroom w/ the fan going....but there was no "getting up" until an hour and a half had passed. Eventually, when the walking wasn't working, I would just pat their backs until they settled down.....eventually going in the room at all would get them more worked up, so they had to do a little fussing before falling back asleep. But being consistent paid off, and they are now excellent sleepers (for the most part).

2. Like @pillowass said, sleep training can be a God-send for both parents and babies. I personally hate the term CIO b/c it paints a picture of leaving a sobbing baby alone for hours with no discernment about what's going on. Of course no one should do that. But sometimes babies need to fuss for a few minutes before settling down....as long as they're fed, warm, have a clean diaper, etc. there's nothing wrong....crying in and of itself won't hurt them. Naturally you'll use your mommy-instinct and listen for sounds of pain, hunger, etc....but if they're just crying b/c they're tired (or mad b/c they don't want to sleep lol), letting them learn how to fall asleep on their own is the best thing you can do. I haven't read Ferber's book myself, but a lot of parents swear by it, so it might be worth a shot.

GL! I'm sorry you're going through this, and hope it gets better soon!

TheDairyQueenx3 · February 2014

I went through something similar with my singleton. He was waking every 2-3 hours until he was 1 and every 4 until he was 2 and he never napped and when I say never I'm serious he took 5-10 naps in my arms and was wide awake again. Thank goodness he was just a happy baby or I would have lost it. It was beyond exhausting times that by 2 and I too would be in tears. What helped us was offering a bottle of formula before bed after nursing and bed sharing. It was literally the only thing that would get him to sleep at all. I'm not proud of it at all but it was totally last resort efforts. Looking back it was because we had no routine with him. He called the shots and I followed his cues and it was exhausting. The twins we have one baby that's more "assertive" with his actions like naps, eating , etc so the other one we put in his scedual and then I modifyed it to my daily scedual. So bed time is always the same every day, they tandem nurse every single feed, they lay next to each other for their naps ( they too cat nap but at least they get some sleep) I only swaddle them when nap and the rest of the day I have them in halo sleep sacs with their arms out so once the arms get tucked in they know it's sleep time. I also only offer pacifiers at sleep times too. These guys feed for what seems like ever before bed but it took consistent work to basically train them to do so buy undressing them for the last feed to keep them awake longer then eventually they did it on their own. Hang in there it passes before you know it and life will be enjoyable again. My oldest is 4 now and I hardly remember him doing it. Also later on

kgs0505 · February 2014

FWIW - I think it's time to transistion them to cribs or whatever you plan to do for the next stage. They are going to be too big for the RNPs in very short order. Especially if they are rolling, they will not be happy to be stuck in a single position. This actually might be why they keep waking up overnight if they aren't hungry.

That said - I had issues with naps too prior to 5 months or so because I let them just nap where they were until then (floor, swing, rocker, whatever). They'd never get good naps and wouldn't sleep through the night. Once I started putting them to nap in their cribs for the long afternoon nap (curtains drawn, in sleepsacks...identical to bedtime), they did so much better. They also started sleeping all the way through the night once I could get them to eat 6 oz bottles at a feeding. But treating at least the longest nap like bedtime should help a lot. They will recognize the routine as "it's time to sleep now" once they get used to it.

I'd also just put them down when you get those sleep signals (rubbing eyes is big in my house), without rocking as much as possible. I'd also try and get daycare to do the same. I love rocking my babies too, but it'll become an issue later. Rocking should be reserved for other purposes than sleep.

Oh and CIO - you don't have to go whole hog. I give myself 5 minutes. If they dont't settle in 5 miniutes, I will respond, or if they are panicked screaming, I'll respond right away. But they usually quiet down within that time frame, and rarely is it a panick cry.

ETA: When I was trying to get them nudged over into STTN all the way, I would offer them a short bottle to top them off right before sleeping (2-3 oz), especially if they hadn't eaten in a few hours. It did help, but I found the 6 oz mark to be the magic number for these girls. My son STTN at 2 months (parents so spoiled), so having the twins take months longer was tough!

Wishing35 · February 2014

I agree with PP about transitioning from the rock and play. We did at 3 months, I was super nervous because they slept so well in them at night but I'm so glad we did. They may actually sleep through once you switch , mine did and I'm sure it was because they where ready to stretch out. As far as naps we uses to try and look for sleepy cues but would miss them and start the cycle of over tiredness. Right now the magic timing is every 2 hours they go down, even if they look wide awake. I have one that always wakes earlier and if my other is still sleeping a half hour after she wakes I get her up too- providing she has had at least an hour nap. This way they are on somewhat of the same schedule instead of being staggered all day. We nap in the swing right now but I know I need to switch soon. The first thing I would try is working on consistency with the naps, always in the same place and routine. I think once naps are better the nights will be too, then you can work on weening the night time feedings which they are probably doing out of habit at this point.

Want a personalized experience?

Advice needed re sleep

Re: Advice needed re sleep

Choose Another Board

Search Boards