T&P needed, death of friend mentioned

melody921 · February 2014

A friend of mine died yesterday. She had been battling cancer, and had a complication with a bone marrow transplant. I can't even wrap my head around this. She was 42, has two teenage kids and a husband. We had been friends since we worked together 10 years ago. When we lived near each other, we hung out all the time, and even after I moved, we'd get together when we could. But I had no idea she was as sick as she was or that she was even having the transplant.

Her husband had reached out to me (and some of her other friends) when she was diagnosed in last spring. But whenever I called her, I'd get her daughter on the phone, and she'd say, "Oh, I'll have my mom call you." My friend was always a little flaky, so when she didn't call me back, I just chalked it up to that, coupled with being busy with kids and now her illness. I'd call again a few weeks or months later, and same story. But now I feel like I didn't push hard enough to reach out to her, to make her realize she had people she could talk to. Her husband said last night that she was like that with everyone outside of the family. He was encouraging her to reach out to friends, and she just kept saying, "They don't need to know right now," etc.

I'm heartbroken for her kids and just stunned that I'll never get to see her again. I feel like there is truly no justice in the world that this could happen. And I don't even know what to do for her family right now.

MomtobeNJ · February 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to make peace with things like this.

Don't let yourself feel guilty. You did reach out, so she knew you were thinking of her. Maybe she didn't really want to talk about it so she distanced herself a little.

(((hugs)))

thebanich · February 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will definitely keep you and your friends family in my thoughts.

Pokedot · February 2014

I'm so sorry. There is never a good reason why these things happen. Cancer sucks. You did reach out to her and did your best. Please don't blame yourself.

My grandma was the same way when she was diagnosed with bone cancer. She didn't want anyone but family to know or visit her. After she realized there was no coming back from it she enjoyed visits. I think it's a defense mechanism.

Send over a hot meal, help in any way you can and just be there for and with them. They'll appreciate that the most.

MarisaKathleen · February 2014

I'm so sorry. Send a nice card and make sure you go to the funeral to show your support.

Stasi · February 2014

I'm so sorry to read this. You really did try to reach out, so you shouldn't feel guilty about it at all. I'll be thinking about your friend and her family...

BeebopandBuddy · February 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. You do the best you can in your life and it sounds like you did that. That's all you could have done. Don't beat yourself up about it. Be there for her family in any way that you can. I know this is so hard for you. Hugs.

GR8TDANEMOM · February 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's so hard to lose friends and it isn't fair when they are so young. Don't feel guilty at all. You and their family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Unknown · February 2014

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melody921 · February 2014

Thank you to all of you. This is really hard, but I appreciate the support so much.

AKB090609 · February 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

BPer · February 2014

I'm so sorry.

MRoxy0628 · February 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I'll echo what others have said that you shouldn't feel badly, because you did reach out. It sounds like she wasn't in a place where she wanted to talk with others about it. Hugs.

bosha711 · February 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree to not feel guilty about it. You cared about her & you reached out. I'm sure she knows that.

MeatballEsq · February 2014

I am so so sorry for your loss. Please do not feel guilty about it. She knew you were calling and that you cared. Hugs.

Bighair12 · February 2014

I am so sorry for your loss.

melody921 · February 2014

Thanks again, ladies. I just got off the phone with a mutual friend of ours, and he also had no idea that she was as sick as she was. It's just a hard situation to reconcile. I'm definitely going to the funeral, even if it involves planning around two more snowstorms forecast for this week to make sure I can get to where it's being held. This kind of stuff makes me realize acutely how short life is.

willy_gert · February 2014

Oh Melody, I am so very sorry to hear this! I am sure she knew that you cared! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family's friend!

jenndub · February 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please try not to feel guilty, she knew you cared because you called multiple times. Life definitely is not fair, I'm sorry that you're hurting.

ellebee2 · February 2014

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you, and her family as well.

tinyhumantoe · February 2014

Oh my goodness

I am so sorry for your loss.

Holly_1007 · February 2014

How heartbreaking. So sorry

Bluebird2318 · February 2014

I am so sorry. You did everything a good friend should, and she did what she thought was best for everyone involved as well. I am sure she appreciated all those calls and knowing that you cared, even though she chose not to call back. T&Ps to you and her family.

kelbel527 · February 2014

((Hugs)) so sorry for your loss.

miss50 · February 2014

Sorry for your loss. I'm sure she didn't want to bother you. I agreed that sending a hot meal would be a great way to take care of your friend's family if even just for one night.

melody921 · February 2014

Thanks again, ladies. I ended up sending food to her family through a mail-order company since I'm not close enough to cook and drop it off. I'll be sending a donation as requested in the obit, and heading to the funeral Saturday. I suppose that will offer the closure that I really feel is missing right now. Three days later, the situation still sucks. I just can't believe I'm at a point in my life where friends are dying. Really makes me think twice about how I approach life and how I interact with people I care about.

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