When Does it Really Get Easier?

SWA80 · January 2014

My boys are 5 months, 3.5 adjusted. First people said the first week is the hardest, then the first month, then the first 3 months. Now they say the first 6 months but it honestly just seems like it continues to get harder. It is so difficult to manage them alone. We're trying to keep them on a schedule but getting them both down for a nap at the same time is so hard. And then they never wake up at the same time so one is always ready for the next nap sooner than the other. When they are awake, they eat and have maybe 15 minutes of play time before they just cry. Even if they should be well rested. Some nights they do well, but others they are up several times and we have to rush in to keep them from waking each other.

I really thought it would be easier by now. I'd appreciate any advice or suggestions.

Rynleigh · January 2014

I think it just keeps getting more difficult until they are probably out of toddlerhood... I can't say that from direct experience yet given that my twins are only a year, but having two older singletons, having worked in childcare, and seeing what it's like managing my own boys on my own for the first year, I imagine that it isn't going to ease up until they're old enough to understand how to use their words and to understand and avoid danger... They're way more work now that they move than they ever were as infants. On the plus side, though, I get more sleep now. I imagine that once they really get their legs under them with walking I'll just have a new challenge in babyproofing again, learning to use spoons and forks will be an improvement, learning to take off clothes will be a pain, learning to speak instead of grab will be a bonus... everything has a trade off, but I think the first couple years are spent looking forward to the "little triumphs" more than the "gets better".

melcass · January 2014

My twins are now 19 months old and it has just started getting easier a month ago. I still think it's hard but not as bad as it has been. The whole first year was tough, even the few months after. Now it has it's fun parts where as before it was all work. They are more independent now, try to talk and are able to tell me if they want to eat, drink etc....

caden · January 2014

I had major feeding issues and those got better at 4m (-5w adjusted). It got easier at 6m when they were sleeping and napping well and predictably. I felt like I could leave the house at that point without screwing everything up. It got better at 9m because they were happier (reflux was pretty much over at that point) and more interactive and could actually enjoy being taken somewhere. The ability to eat Cheerios solved a lot of public "crises." 1 yr was way better because no more formula! That alone deserves a mention. By 2 years they get more opinionated but they're also so much better at communicating. I think it's much easier to deal with a toddler crying about a stolen toy than a newborn crying about....bottle? Nope. Sleep? Nope. Gas? Who knows. Needing to be held? I dunno let's try it. Oh look if I walk around my kitchen island while bouncing every 3rd step and humming, that seems to work. My kids are 3 now and at 3 they are getting more independent and able to understand things like, "if you throw a fit you will go to your room alone." I don't need a stroller and I don't usually carry a diaper bag either. And if you're a SAHM, like me, sending them off to school is glorious. So basically I think it just gets better and better. Each stage has it's challenges for sure but I still think the newborn phase is for sure the hardest, and that it only gets easier from there.

SWA80 · January 2014

I appreciate all of the honest answers. I think we often tend to sugar coat reality to avoid sounding too negative or scaring each other. I find myself doing it with an acquaintance that is expecting twins because I don't want to freak her out.

raraavis28 · January 2014

When you find out, let me know..... j/k

I agree w/ PPs: every next level makes certain things easier but also brings new challenges. At least that's how I feel 13 months in. I feel a lot more laidback than I did at the beginning, and I'm getting more sleep (sttn made a HUGE difference....for us that came at 6.5 months). This is also a really fun age and I feel like I sort of know what I'm doing now and am enjoying it too.

Hang in there....everyone's experience is going to be a little different, so the best thing you can do is just focus on the challenge at hand and not set any unrealistic expectations for how things are going to go or how you're going to feel. Then one day out of the blue you'll look back and say "Man, it's gotten so much easier!"

shaunah816 · January 2014

Months 6-12 were really, really awesome for me. I started to feel like I was getting the hang of things, and that having twins was so special and I loved it. Angels sang.

And then they hit a year old and everything's gone haywire again

But, early toddlerhood is always tough. They're 16 months now, and I can see things easing up soon. I think it goes it waves and phases.

Once they start STTN everything changes. You're physically and mentally capable of handling so much more on a night of mostly uninterrupted sleep. We figured how how to get them both down for their morning nap at the same time around 9 months, and even if they woke up at different times and needed to stagger the afternoon nap at least we got one break during the day. That made a big difference. You're doing great, you really are.

AB87 · January 2014

My twins just turned 10 months old and honestly the things that were tough in the beginning had been replaced by new challenges. I rarely get mine to nap at the same time and they're so busy trying to explore that feeding them is a hassle. They are more interactive now and they play with one another so that's helpful. One of mine still gets up at least once most nights. You have made it this far..you are doing great. Keep it up!

Wishing35 · February 2014

Mine started getting easier around the age yours are adjusted to now. Naps are still a challenge , some days go better than others. I have one that always falls asleep faster and for longer. My other has always fought naps but at least now she is less cranky. I hate the days of whack a mole napping! It is nice to have one on one time but it's impossible to get things done those times. Days like that I just give up on being productive and try to squeeze in only the necessary things like bottle washing and laundry. I also am lucky enough to have an older niece come by once a week, she hangs out with them while I do my cleaning and catch up on things around the house. Do you have anyone that can help you like that? It really helps me because I know all week long that I have that break coming!

nuttycoconut · February 2014

For me things got easier at 7 months (6 adjusted). They started STTN. That is a glorious life changer. They are so smiley and responsive and I loved (mostly) every moment.

But then they started teething so that was tough. There were amazing, wonderful weeks, and some weeks that were awful because they weren't sleeping and were cranky teething grumpy babies. I'd say months 7-12 were mostly fantastic.

I agree with PP that said formula to whole milk deserved an honorable mention! Hooray! We just started on Monday with 100% milk (no formula).

Now my babies are almost 13 months and things got a little crazy this week. They are fighting over toys, whining, needing attention, have separation anxiety, naps have been weird, etc. They both are trying so hard to walk but can't and are frustrated. They also want what they want when they want it and aren't afraid to let me know! So we are in a bit of a tough phase now but I'm sure there is another phase around the corner.

Good luck to you! Yes it gets better. And will be good for a while, until you're in another phase.

But I believe you have a couple of really great months coming up soon.

meldoo2002 · February 2014

I think it ebbs and flows. The first 6 months were the hardest for me.. then around 15-18 months was really frustrating when they couldn't walk yet, but really wanted to and were constantly whining/crying. 2 was a tough year with tantrums… 3 wasn't bad except for the talking back started… I also like 4 except for all the negotiating we have going on and not listening… but I do think it gets easier than that newborn stage. I didn't clean, cook, decorate for holidays, etc. that first year I swear, but since then those things have happened gradually (c:

xoexpat · February 2014

For me, months 8-12 were really tough...I was just so burnt out. But since then, I've had so much fun with them. FWIW, naps were the hardest part for me. I just stopped trying to make them nap at the same time, but kept our schedules pretty consistent. Now at 16 months they are pretty much on the same schedule naturally (except DS has been refusing to nap the past few days!)

I feel your pain on the night-sleeping. How much does your partner help at night? That might be something to look at. Also, is it possible to split them up if you're worried about one waking the other? To be honest, mine slept in my room until they were 10 or 11 months just so I could save the time going back and forth from my room to theirs.

Hang in there.

Felicity86 · February 2014

I can totally relate! I kept hearing that after x months it will get easier. And it kept getting pushed back. I would say that 10-11 months it got easier. They started sleeping better, napping regularly, and got to be more fun. I also got better at handling them and being out and about with them. I still count down the hours until my husband comes home, but things are definitely better. I also found that making other mom friends helped tremendously. Being able to have play dates and friends to just vent to has helped me.
Also - around that time my husband took over night feedings. I feel a little guilty about this but it's really helped me. Maybe see if there's some way your SO could help out more?

SWA80 · February 2014

Thanks ladies. My DH actually stays home with them because me not working was not an option financially. So, it is really him that gets the worst of it and he is usually so frustrated when I get I get home. I try to give him breaks in the evenings and weekends but he ends up still helping a lot because the extra set of hands makes things so much easier. Right now the nap thing is exhausting, working for an hour to get them to sleep only to have them up again in 30 mins. Sounds like this particular struggle will likely improve soon.

xoexpat · February 2014

I was thinking more about it, and it's strange because while you are living it, it certainly doesn't feel easier. But when you look back at the last year, you'll see that there were waves when things are less chaotic, or at least chaotic in different ways. Time is so weird! Sorry, I don't think that helps anyway, I was just thinking about it.

When Does it Really Get Easier?

Re: When Does it Really Get Easier?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards