Two much harder than one kid?

Divallyn · January 2014

Hello, My SO and I go back and forth back and forth about having a second child. We both work full time. Our jobs are mildly flexible. I would not stay home with a second child as I still make more than enough to easily cover daycare for two. Plus the stay at home gig is not for me. I am worried about the extra load of having another and if we can handle it. I had bad bad bad post natal insomnia which lead to PPD, and breastfeeding issues, and then a son with health issues. My issues have been long gone since my son was 7 months (he is 2 now) but our sons health issues continue but the future looks promising. So the first year I felt I was "just surviving" and I feel like we just got a hang on things recently. Basically, I guess I am wondering what your experience was going from one to two? I have had one person tell me if was way way harder and them another telling me if wasn't that much harder at all as your already bathing one so you bath the other, your already doing bed time story so you add another, etc. Any thoughts or experience you have to share is appreciated

Meery82 · January 2014

Divallyn said:

Hello, My SO and I go back and forth back and forth about having a second child. We both work full time. Our jobs are mildly flexible. I would not stay home with a second child as I still make more than enough to easily cover daycare for two. Plus the stay at home gig is not for me. I am worried about the extra load of having another and if we can handle it. I had bad bad bad post natal insomnia which lead to PPD, and breastfeeding issues, and then a son with health issues. My issues have been long gone since my son was 7 months (he is 2 now) but our sons health issues continue but the future looks promising. So the first year I felt I was "just surviving" and I feel like we just got a hang on things recently. Basically, I guess I am wondering what your experience was going from one to two? I have had one person tell me if was way way harder and them another telling me if wasn't that much harder at all as your already bathing one so you bath the other, your already doing bed time story so you add another, etc. Any thoughts or experience you have to share is appreciated

I occasionally wondered the same thing and my husband definitely did, but what helped me decide is try picturing the future both ways: with one child and then with two. Can you really see yourself going one way or the other? Thinking about things this way usually tells me what I really want.

mittensonkittens · January 2014

When you have the first kid, your life changes. That change is harder for some people than others. Any more kids after that don't change your life, they just make it harder. The first year is hard with every kid. Going from 1 to 2 is hard because you have to learn to juggle the needs of 2 kids and sometimes one of them has to wait. An infant and a toddler is hard because they need different things at different times. The toddler gets into trouble when you are trying to sit down and feed the baby, every time. Babies don't want to nurse when mommy is yelling at someone. Or when the toddler is screaming. Once the younger kid is a toddler it gets much easier. They play together, which sometimes makes it easier to have 2 kids than 1. And you can do everything with both of them together. Baths together, making 2 lunches instead of 1, etc.

shannm · January 2014

We did well with the transition but DS was almost 4 when DD was born. I think that made a huge difference.

LauraChicago · January 2014

I found it really, really hard in the beginning but things have been getting easier the last few months (DD 1 is 2 and DD 2 is 14 months). Now they eat the same things, can take baths together and they are actually starting to play together and they both sleep great for now. Also we are down to only one kid in diapers and one nap a day to worry about. So no matter how bad it is it does seem to get easier.

emberlee3 · January 2014

DS was almost 3 when DD was born. The first year was tough because DD had colic and didn't sleep, like, ever. Feeding her was difficult because of GI issues. She is very high-energy, and I think she just hated life as an immobile infant. Once she started crawling, she finally started taking naps. Around a year, she became an excellent night-time sleeper and generally a super-happy toddler. Since then, I would say it's not much harder than having 1. And I think we have a great family. I'm really happy with two kids. I hear you about being worried about another baby. My babies have both been high needs. I don't like the odds on having a third

jlaOK · January 2014

I have a 3.5 yr old DS and a 7 month DD. Going from 1 to 2 hasn't been that much more difficult. Age 3 has been a challenge with DS and sometimes that makes things difficult but it would be that way whether DD was here or not. DH and I definitely have to "divide and conquer" because you just don't have enough hands to take care of everyone's needs at once.

The good thing is that things keep getting easier as DD gets older.

mexicolombiana · January 2014

Going from 1-2 was not hard for us. However, I had very good pregnancies and very fast recoveries. Also both girls were "good" babies, more so my 2nd DD, who has been a pretty easy baby. Mine are only 18 months apart and I found that adding a 2nd child wasn't bad at all.

This answer depends so much on your family dynamic. My husband and I both work but we work good hours and have some flexibility at work. We also have a great nanny and that made the transition from 1-2 much easier.

massdreams · January 2014

Having two is harder in some ways and easier in some ways. The first year with a new baby is always hard. And there are always adjustments to make. The good thing with your second though is that you've been through things before and you know what to expect. If you had PPD in the past, you can be a bit more proactive about things in case it happens again. Ours are just over 2 years apart. While DS1 was still a demanding toddler when our second son came along, they are able to play together now, and that is what makes things easier! They have each other to entertain themselves, which is wonderful.

I agree that it is also important to look past the first few hard years to what you want your family to be, but also keep in mind how much you can balance and handle. I would love to have a third, largely to have a bigger family as they get older. DH just doesn't think he could go through another cycle of babyhood/toddlerhood again though. So for us, the choice was right for the second, but may not be right after that.

sweetsunnyc · January 2014

As other posters mentioned, I think that the spacing of the ages has a lot to do with the transition. I had my most recent daughter when DD1 was four, so their needs were very different. Shortly after the baby was born, my 14 year old step daughter decided to come and live with us full time. So basically, I went from 1 to 3 in a matter of a few months. That was a difficult transition, but we worked through it and now I couldn't imagine it any other way. I truly love having a large (by my standards) family and I look forward to our future with the girls.

What's your job flexibility like? Do you have a good support system? These are all important factors to consider too. We are lucky that we have somewhat flexible jobs and we have a great family that helps us out.

Divallyn · January 2014

mbenit4 said:
Going from 1 to 2 was much easier than I thought. I had PPD/PPA but I think knowing that going in helped so much more this time. I had no issues.

Everyone is different but it didn't overwhelm the household or anything. They are 5 years apart though.

I think by the time we are ready our kids will be either 3.5 to 5 years apart so I think it will make some things easier as you won't have a speedy toddler. But do kids with that age difference play together? Or enjoy the same things?

legalbeagle1 · January 2014

I totally feel you. My son is 15 months and has been in physical therapy for the past eight months. He's doing really well now, but I'm always watching his development and worrying about him. Like @SandAndsSea we both work more than full time. We also live in a really HCOL area and will probably need to send DS to private school or buy a house out in the expensive suburbs. And I had (am still having?) PPD from my life changing so much. My husband is firmly in the "one child is enough for me" category, but I waver because DS really is the joy of my life. At the very least, we'll have a 3-4 year age gap between DS and any other kid due to careers, finances and husband's current view.

Shameless plug for joining the "One And Done" board on the bump. Lots of mommas there who are happy with one and also some "on the fence." Very welcoming place to discuss these issues and other things.

aglenn · January 2014

Mine are 2.5 years apart. I think it is harder and not all at the same time. Two is definitely harder in some ways, or at least busier, because you have two little people with lots of needs all at the same time. There are definitely days that get chaotic. In the winter time someone is sick at pretty much all times, because when one gets over something the other one catches it and then the cycle starts again. There is always a lot of laundry and there are always toys all over the place. Somebody is always waking me up.

(My kids and sleep do not get along). But, of course, it is also not that much more difficult because you are already doing and planning and serving foods for one little kid, and adding another to the mix is easy to do. Now that DS is older and more interactive they are playing together a lot, and while of course there is inevitably fighting involved, there is also so much cuteness that it is hard to describe. Having two is different from having one; it is a different dynamic all around.

Lilly&Co · January 2014

1 was the biggest adjustment,

2 was difficult in the juggling sense

3 was VERY hard with 2 active kids,

4 is on its way and we have a live in nanny now, anticipate this will be an adjustment for a few weeks but not totally concerned since they are in school

ebp913 · January 2014

I think 2 is way harder than 1 but my second is a handful. Handful being the understatement of the year. I think temperament has a really important role in people's responses to this question.

ETA - mine are also only 16 months apart so it's been hard. Getting easier now that DS is getting older but of course that will all reset come August.

MommaP12 · January 2014

shannm said:

We did well with the transition but DS was almost 4 when DD was born. I think that made a huge difference.

Same here. DS was 3.5 when DD was born and I am grateful for that spread because DS was potty trained, slept well, could be a little helpful and a little self sufficient.

I do think going from 1-2 is challenging - it takes us longer to get out the door and DH and I always each have one to take care of.

Maybride2 · January 2014

I agree very much with ms. mittens - going from 0 to 1 kid is life changing, going from 1 to 2 is an adjustment. Mine are almost exactly 4 years apart, and the hardest part was balancing the needs of a newborn and preschooler that first year. Things are smooth sailing now.

2-Step · January 2014

For me it wasn't that hard. However, my first was fairly difficult as a baby, he had colic and was and still is a needy kid, and my second was pretty easy and still is. For me the hardest thing about having kids was losing independence, so going from one to two wasn't a big change, since I was already doing all those kid things and packing kid things etc. I felt like I was able to roll with the punches better on the second one. The first year was still hard because I dealt with engorgement and I travelled for work and it took DH awhile to be comfortable being home with both of them alone. I ended up scaling back on my job, mostly because I didn't like my job situation.

I would say you need to look at how many kids you want long term, not just the first year. Yes, the first year might suck, but you will get through it and it will get easier, just like it did with your first. If you want two children, you might just have to suck it up and prepare for a year of hardship for a lifetime of having the family you want.

2-Step · January 2014

Also want to add that I don't know what I would do without my second now. Not just because of how much I love him, but because my first is super needy and likes to always have someone there to entertain and play with him. It gets exhausting, but number two is his little buddy/best friend. They totally entertain each other and it makes it much easier on me. Of course going to Target with both of them is a circus, but at home they really have a great time together!

thedash · January 2014

Going from one to two has been really hard for our family. I didn't get much of a maternity leave, our toddler is still very much my baby and had a really hard time with adding the new baby, and the baby has reflux so lots of crying and troubles with feeding. However, it is getting easier every day and I really think that in 2 years it will be great to have the two of them this close together. I just need to survive the next two years!

litzo27 · January 2014

Of course it's hard - you have a baby again, but for me 1 to 2 was a hundred times easier than 0 to 1. DS1 was 3 when DS2 was born and generally easy (potty, great sleeper, eater, etc) and did not have any jealousy issues. We found routines which worked for us and amended them as needed. And now when they are 5.5 and 2.5 it's great because they play together so much (of course it is hard to make sure each gets enough one on one attention). Let's see how 2 to 3 goes for me.

DiveFrog · January 2014

Divallyn said:

Going from 1 to 2 was much easier than I thought. I had PPD/PPA but I think knowing that going in helped so much more this time. I had no issues. Everyone is different but it didn't overwhelm the household or anything. They are 5 years apart though.
I think by the time we are ready our kids will be either 3.5 to 5 years apart so I think it will make some things easier as you won't have a speedy toddler. But do kids with that age difference play together? Or enjoy the same things?

My brother and I are 4yrs apart and we played together all the time growing up. And are still very close now. Granted, I was a bit of a tomboy and more interested in sports and climbing trees then tea parties and dolls.

SoMoNY · January 2014

We just had our second in mid-Dec and I will say I thought the first month was rough. Our older son will be 4 in Feb - he was excited to have a brother so he was no problem.

What was hard was getting back into the swing of interrupted sleep, the constant feedings (this kid eats A LOT) and getting out of the house without going crazy.

After 4 weeks and the passing of the holidays we found our groove and are now in a better place.

What I think will be hard is when they are older and balancing their activities with our work schedules. Right now everyone is just going with the flow and couldn't be happier.

CarrieB. · January 2014

Having a second baby gas been very challenging especially since she had colic, reflux and has been a very demanding difficult infant. Things are starting to get better now, but we are trying to potty train our 2 1/2 year old so that increases the stress in our house. I know once we get past the first 9 months, it will be way easier and I think there is so much value in having a sibling and someone to play with that it is worth it. I'm 99.9% sure we are done at 2 though. The 3 hours of colic crying was pretty terrible with this baby.

mrsseguin · January 2014

For us going from 0-1 kids was easy, going from 1-2 kids was horrendous. It's amazing we even considered a 3rd. Well, here we are with 3 kids and so far (knock on wood) 2-3 has been good so far. I think the biggest adjustment going from 1-2 was having less 'alone' time, someone always needing something and learning how to juggle 2 kids. Now that we are used to that, I think that will greatly help going from 2-3.

ebp913 · January 2014

mrsseguin said:

For us going from 0-1 kids was easy, going from 1-2 kids was horrendous. It's amazing we even considered a 3rd. Well, here we are with 3 kids and so far (knock on wood) 2-3 has been good so far. I think the biggest adjustment going from 1-2 was having less 'alone' time, someone always needing something and learning how to juggle 2 kids. Now that we are used to that, I think that will greatly help going from 2-3.

Thsi gives me hope because I felt the exact same way about going from 0 to 1 and 1 to 2.

thedash · February 2014

ebp913 said:

mrsseguin said:

For us going from 0-1 kids was easy, going from 1-2 kids was horrendous. It's amazing we even considered a 3rd. Well, here we are with 3 kids and so far (knock on wood) 2-3 has been good so far. I think the biggest adjustment going from 1-2 was having less 'alone' time, someone always needing something and learning how to juggle 2 kids. Now that we are used to that, I think that will greatly help going from 2-3.

Thsi gives me hope because I felt the exact same way about going from 0 to 1 and 1 to 2.

Me too! And we also want a third...

yeah. · February 2014

For me, 1-2 was a lot harder than 0-1. It still is, and mine are 3 and 5. It's really hard.

BUT it's also awesome. They are so in love with each other. THey are starting to play really well together. I don't regret it at all. But yeah, 2 is hard.

Want a personalized experience?

Two much harder than one kid?

Re: Two much harder than one kid?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards