I need opinions! Shower Date 2nd UPDATE

linds2417 · January 2014

Hi everybody, So my MIL wants to have a shower for me in my DH's town which is an hour and a half drive from where I currently live. (DH would be coming along) She wants to have the shower when I'm 33 weeks which I think is too risky. I'm making my own mother have my hometown shower no later than 30 weeks. I plan on asking my Dr what she thought about it. Does anyone else think this is risky or am I just being crazy?? Also, how do I tell her no without hurting her feelings? I think the reason she wants it later is so that she has her tax refund by then.

LegallyBlonde217 · January 2014

I wouldn't never agree to that. With a multiple pregnancy, you should try to have everything done by 28 weeks. There's a good chance you could be on bed rest by then, if not already delivering your babies. Tell your MIL that your OB doesn't want to you be more than 30 minutes from the hospital after 30 weeks.

PurpleIris30 · January 2014

If your dr lets you travel, just make sure she is aware of the likelihood of cancellation. If possible to do earlier, then that's probably best.

katieg314 · January 2014

As long as you don't have complications, I would be ok with going an hour and a half out of town at 33 weeks (if your doctor OKs it). However, I am exhausted right now at 32 weeks and a shower would definitely be tough and exhausting. My biggest problem would be that there's no way to know how things will be going and there's a high likelihood that you won't be up for it or your doc says no. MIL needs to be ok with the fact that it could get cancelled. I would ask to move it up, and if it's not possible & you don't feel comfortable with it, I would play the "doctor said no" card and decline.

linds2417 · January 2014

Thank you ladies!! I was starting to feel guilty or like I was overreacting glad to know I'm not!

raraavis28 · January 2014

You're definitely not overreacting. When I was 34ish weeks DH's family had their Christmas get-together an hour away. We didn't go. Granted, I was also under orders from my MFM to come in for monitoring if I had more than 6 contractions in an hour....which I did that night. Point is, anything goes at the end....you might be feeling great, or you might not be able to get off the couch, or anything in between. When you bring it up to your MIL, approach it like you're doing her a favor b/c you'd hate for her to do all that planning just for you not to be able to attend. And feel free to blame your doctor (regardless of what your doctor actually says, kwim?

) GL!

nblondheim · January 2014

I had mine scheduled for 28 weeks...my water broke at 26 weeks and I was on hospital bed rest until I delivered. They did the shower anyways without me there!

Ylvelill · January 2014

Having mine at 25w if I can help it, but no later than 28.

chickaboo1974 · January 2014

My shower was 2 hrs away- my hostess also wanted to host it at 32 weeks- I said no. The shower was when I was 28 weeks- and trust me I was wiped from all the traveling when I got back.

Jamie718 · January 2014

I wouldn't agree to have it that late. I'm having mine this Saturday and I'll be 26 weeks. I would hate for someone to spend a bunch of money and plan a shower for me and then have something happen where I couldn't make it.

Showers can be done inexpensively and still be nice, I wouldn't push back the shower just to wait for her tax refund.

StacyH0507 · January 2014

I am having mine at 25 weeks, granted it is a plane ride away. Locally I would want it to be less than 28 weeks for sure!

katekat8721 · January 2014

Mine are 25 and 28 weeks. My mom wanted to plan the 28 week one at 32 weeks and I politely pointed out that I'd be more comfortable (physically!) having it earlier.I wouldn't want to do 33 wks

NBA0703 · January 2014

I had this problem when scheduling mine.. I wanted mine to be before 30 weeks.. I wanted only 1 or 2.. but people insisted on having their own soo I have 5 different showers.. 2 of them were scheduled before 30 weeks.. but my shower last weekend got canceled and rescheduled for 32 weeks (stupid weather ).. I didn't want them that late but now I don't have a choice because I dont have any other dates available because of working weekends and then I have 3 other showers to work around. I hope I don't end up on bedrest but I am almost 30 weeks soo I hope I can make it a couple more weeks! My cervix was great today, Soo I will keep my fingers crossed! But yes I know I will be uncomfortable and wish I could of had them earlier! Especially I like to have things ready and be prepared soo that is killing me !!

linds2417 · January 2014

Hi All! I just wanted to post an update. After speaking with my Dr. who advised me to stay close to home after 30 weeks, my DH told my MIL....who offered to move it from 33 weeks to 31 weeks. She told him it was too late to have it Feb 22nd which was the original date we had all agreed upon before she asked about March 22nd and said that if March doesn't work then we can just have it after the babies are born.... ugh!!!! So now my options are 31 weeks or post babies with 2 newborns?!?!

Jamie718 · January 2014

Why does she need that long to plan?? I figure you need two weeks max and that's really only for invites and to give people time to rsvp. Personally I'd tell her no thanks. Is there anyone else that would throw you a shower?

linds2417 · January 2014

Jamie718 said:

Why does she need that long to plan?? I figure you need two weeks max and that's really only for invites and to give people time to rsvp. Personally I'd tell her no thanks. Is there anyone else that would throw you a shower?

I'm not sure.. at this point it seems like shes being difficult just to be difficult! My mom is throwing me a shower in my town at the 30 week mark... But my MIL insisted on doing her own separate one because a lot of DH family is elderly and wouldn't make the trip up.

Burberry0421 · January 2014

Now she's being difficult. Your dr advised you against it. Why wouldn't she want to do what's best for you? She needs to calm herself down a little and be respectful of your situation.

loupgarou · January 2014

That's crazy! But you're also kinder than I am. I told my mother she could throw the shower anytime between 20-24w but no later. We'll be traveling 9+ hours to get there with all the stops I know I'll have to make, so I don't feel bad cutting her off. I haven't issued the same ultimatum to my MIL because they live 20 minutes away. However, I will be having a conversation with her about just how uncomfortable I'll probably be in the final weeks and that earlier is better than later.

My only advice would be to do what's best for your health and the babies. Just the fact she wants to go against your Dr.'s instructions makes me wonder about her priorities.

kgs0505 · January 2014

This isn't a wedding, if invites go out this weekend, people have three solid weeks to decide if they are coming and shop for a gift.

I had my shower at 31 weeks. I was on bedrest, at the point of exhaustion all the time. We just did it at my house. No way in heck would I had been up to a 90 minute drive to be at a party were I was away from my recliner.

And after babies? You want to pack up two newborns for a 90 minute drive when they eat every 2-3 hours? Forget it. I'd tell her if she wants to host a shower and have you present, it must be by Feb 22 (or whatever date), or not at all, including after they are born. If it's any later there is zero guarantee that you will be able to attend.

FWIW - I delivered mine at 35w6d, and they were in NICU for a week. We didn't take them anywhere but to the doctors for a couple months (then we flew cross-country because we are crazy).

LittleLady77 · February 2014

I would say "thanks but no thanks". Your MIL is totally being difficult. You can't do it before and there is no way I would do it after with 2 newborns.

raraavis28 · February 2014

Yeah, you're not going anywhere w/ two newborns....and 31 weeks also isn't a great option. At that point I'd just say "thanks but no thanks." If people really want to get you gifts they can send them to you, but expecting you to show up to a party over an hour away is not the most realistic....and your doctor said no travel after 30 weeks, so that's that.

Ditto PPs; if she really wants to throw a shower, she can simplify and throw it sooner. That's what would be in your best interest, anyway, which is all that should matter.

curlylocks3 · February 2014

You aren't being crazy, your MIL is just being difficult. I second/third/fourth saying if it can't be by X date it doesn't happen at all. End of story. My doctor actually said no long distance travel after 24-26 weeks so my family shower (7 hours away) is at 23 weeks, shower with my friends is at 27. Supposedly my ILs are throwing me a shower but they know I can't travel to them so who knows. I've not heard anything else about it so I'm ignoring it all.

LucyRicardo3 · February 2014

not to mention, I would not want to have my newborns exposed to all of the extra germs, especially knowing that everyone would want to hold/kiss/pass them around. Personally, I would be a nervous, sleep deprived wreck and end up going off on somebody.
or... it's a small possibility that you may have to spend some time in the NICU.
I also question her motives. Sounds like this is more about her being the star of the show as the Grandmother of the year, rather than catering and pampering to you that is doing all of the hard work!

Kershnic · February 2014

Eh, I'll dissent and say that 90 minutes is not that far. When your doctor said no travel did s/he know you were referring to a 90 minute drive? It's not that far in distance, but it probably takes me 90 minutes to get from work to my hospital and I'm still working at 31 weeks. I think your biggest risk at 31 or 33 weeks is if you deliver early you could miss it, but I wouldn't refuse a shower because of that possibility.

linds2417 · February 2014

Ok so as of today, I accepted her offer of a shower at 31 weeks. She explained to DH that she really wouldn't be able to afford one for Feb 22. So me being me I started to feel bad, I just explained that if something happens beforehand I won't be able to make it, obviously. My mothers is the week before and its pretty much the same thing if i deliver early I won't be there. Yes I wish it was closer to home or earlier in Feb and most likely I will be miserable since I'm uncomfortable every day. It just wasn't worth the fight and added stress anymore and DH really wanted to have a shower with his side of the family, even though he knows how difficult his mom is being. Thanks for all the opinions wish it could have worked more in my favor!!