Anyone else feeling apprehensive?

supgabs · February 2014

Between my son having a bright spot on his heart, finding out he has MCDK affecting his right kidney and the recent losses on our board I have been feeling extremely apprehensive about my pregnancy.

I was so excited prior to this and loved talking about my pregnancy with anyone who would listen. Now I dread people asking me about it and thinking about it almost brings me to tears. I was so excited to start buying things for my baby but now I am afraid to just in case the worst happens.

I have another ultrasound with MFM on the 24th and I am hoping that will help ease some of my fears but it seems so far away. I am sorry if some of you feel like this is a SS post. I don't mean it to be I just don't have many people I can talk to about these feelings. When I bring it up to my SO he just tells me everything will be fine...but what if it's not?

/vent

crhein26 · February 2014

I think all of us are on edge, especially this week. Even those of us who have had a/s appointments and have had baby check out healthy. We are all angry and upset and hurting right now because of all the losses. However, I think you should try to remain as positive as you can. Easier said than done, I know. But it's not going to do you any good to focus on negativity. So I say, do your research. Learn what you can about the spot on LO's heart and MCDK. And try to be prepared as possible, but don't start thinking the worst about this pregnancy. Take it one day at a time. Keep saying your prayers and talking to your LO. And keep talking about LO in general. You never know who you talk to that could have experienced exactly what you are going through with a positive outcome. Stay strong mama! We are here for you.

lscal20 · February 2014

I haven't had my a/s yet so I'm terrified now

ddd2 · February 2014

I havent had my scan yet but im still freaking out. I cant help but ask morbid questions like.. how were they feeling the day before? In case i have the symptoms. It makes me scared to be happy and every little pain feel like doom. Every day i hesitate to log on. Bleh

kibean · February 2014

I think it is normal to be apprehensive when it feels like we have so little control of what goes on with our babies and bodies. FX that you can get some relief on the 24th and that you can try to relax and keep positive. Sending you T&Ps!

chaysefaith · February 2014

Honestly, ladies, I had a feeling my pregnancy wasn't going to last very early on. Maybe it was a mother's intuition, but I told a good friend of mine very early on that I couldn't see my pregnancy resulting in a baby. After Steph's loss, I knew I was next. I know it's terrifying and hard, but please remember you have no reason to think anything is wrong. Please continue to grow and love on those babies.

elsa1688 · February 2014

I think this week has made everyone anxious. I know I am already prone to horrible anxiety and I am freaking out. I still haven't put anything on Facebook and am still waiting for the other shoe to drop- even though every test and ultrasound has come back normal.

ricecakes1216 · February 2014

Pregnancy is scary. It's uncertain no matter how far along we are. Unfortunately, anything can happen and it is pretty much out of our control. Personally, I am a control freak and it stresses me out. I hate not being in control of what is going on. This week has brought to surface those fears and insecurities, but at the same time it has made me realize how lucky I am in THIS moment. At this time I have a healthy baby boy growing in me. For that, I am thankful.

So, what I am trying to say is that we need to be thankful for the moment. I know what you are going through must be scary and I can't imagine having to face that.

Luna C · February 2014

Everyone is on edge I think ... and it's got to be particularly hard in your case where there's nothing you can do but wait and see.

I know when I face a problem and there's something I can do it never fazes me -- it's the stuff that's out of my hands that makes me a mental case.

Totally normal to be worried, but just try to relax as much as you can, focus on the good things, and know we're all here.

Hugs.

supgabs · February 2014

Thank you for the thoughtful replies ladies. It is comforting to know that I belong to such a great group of women. It makes me feel better to hear your perspective on things. Some of these replies made me emotional but in a good way. Thank you all so much for the support. I will do my best to stay positive and be thankful for every day I get to spend carrying my child.

LKHoffa · February 2014

I totally agree- the lack of control is terrifying! Sometimes I also don't want to get too excited bc I don't just want to end up devastated. I know where you are coming from! *hugs*

Unknown · February 2014

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fferreiralynn · February 2014

God I dreamt I was bleeding. I had a fetal echo Thursday. (I have a heart condition. There was some concern I could pass it to my LO)The LO is fine. But the way this board has been I was a mess leading up to it.

CrysW08 · February 2014

I worry constantly and each step I take to prepare for baby gives me anxiety. I thought it was because I went through IVF but am glad to hear it's a "normal" person thing too.

MrsP419 · February 2014

I definitely have anxiety this week. Partially from hearing all the sad stories on this board, and partially because there is a thread on the multiples board right now about how many women (LOTS) ended up having a totally normal pregnancy then going to the OB somewhere between 20-30 weeks and ending up on immediate bed rest, hospital bedrest, or having early babies. I have to realistically prepare for that, and it is hard to wrap my brain around.

JmeJoLee83 · February 2014

I'm right there with everyone feeling so sad for all the mamas who have lost this week. I m/c my last pregnancy and was on edge my entire first tri with this LO. Then, I started to feel happy and excited but I must admit that I'm on edge given the recent trauma our board faced. My love to you all and here's hoping and praying that healthy babies are in our near future.

MissBHaven1024 · February 2014

I agree with all PP's. This week with the losses has been tough, more so because we all feel that we're in the "safe zone". I can relate to you because every time I go to the doctor, there seems to be a new problem with the baby that arises. We all have to remember that tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us, but we cannot walk through life being scared and analyzing the many "what ifs"; it will drive us all crazy. Embrace your pregnancy, pray for the friends who are grieving, and hope for a good tomorrow. It's all we can really do.

tbmadeamistake · February 2014

The losses have me reeling. I do not remember my last BMB being like this, and maybe it wasn't, or maybe I wasn't as invested. It's difficult. I just keep reminding myself that their experiences are not my own. Each of us are having our own pregnancy, with its own ups and downs. As long as I keep that in the forefront of my mind, I'm less anxious. Sending out love and positive vibes to all of you!

sjn00 · February 2014

I'm so terrified.

I had my a/s and they said everything was good.. But to come back in 2 weeks cuz they couldnt get a good picture of her spine. I wasn't able to talk to the doc then cuz he was busy so they sent in someone else to go over everything with me. After this week, I am so glad I get to go back at week 22 and really make sure everything looks okay, my cervix looks good, my placenta, everything. I am so terrified im going to lose this baby and I have felt that way all along. I am glad I see my counselor this week as well... I am so sorry for everyone who had had a loss. I pray nothing else happens to any of us.. June needs to hurry up and get here dangit!!!!!!

Mrs_D_in_KY · February 2014

The losses have me reeling as well, so very heartbreaking.

I've been apprehensive from the get go, I feel like I cannot get overly excited about this pregnancy/baby until I have the baby in my arms. I had a pretty crazy pregnancy with my son and had thought things were calming down in the third trimester. I was having what I thought was BH and my OB sent me to labor and delivery at the hospital. Turns out I was 2 cm dilated at 28 weeks and contracting pretty regularly. I was in and out of labor and delivery over the next 4 weeks while on strict bedrest at home, I made it past the first hurdle of 32 weeks. Then my OB said let's just be safe and get you to 36 weeks, so more bedrest and weekly visits. My son was born in my 36th week and stopped breathing on me a few hours after birth. The nurse was able to bring him out of it, numerous chest x rays and test were ran. He's 4 now, but any gagging/coughing from still worries me.

My anxiety level is high with this pregnancy. I've had bi weekly cervical length checks and anatomy scans of my new little guy. Even as the doctor says - your cervix is long, baby is fine, I still wait for the other shoe to drop.

lest12 · February 2014

I don't have much more to add, but want to just say I'm glad to have you ladies. I feel very close to our board lately. I'm glad we have each other and am always thinking of you all.

Puka99 · February 2014

SNLT1012 said:

Honestly, ladies, I had a feeling my pregnancy wasn't going to last very early on. Maybe it was a mother's intuition, but I told a good friend of mine very early on that I couldn't see my pregnancy resulting in a baby. After Steph's loss, I knew I was next. I know it's terrifying and hard, but please remember you have no reason to think anything is wrong. Please continue to grow and love on those babies.

I will say that with my second trimester loss last year, I had that same feeling. I knew something was going to go wrong and even after each appt he was there and doing well, I knew it wasn't going to end well. I really wanted to buy this stroller system and it was on sale (for a fantastic price and I am a bargain shopper) and I couldn't pull the trigger. The next week we found out our little boy was gone.

I just try to take it one day at a time and am grateful knowing that today I am pregnant.

Happydance80 · February 2014

Yes, I am feeling a lot of anxiety as well. I've been really terrified from the beginning d/t my two losses. I kind of live my life in a constant state of fear when I let myself think about all of the bad things that can happen that I have zero control over. What I keep telling myself is that my subconscious does not know the difference between real life and worry. So when I worry my subconscious thinks I've actually experienced what I'm worrying about. So I've just been picturing a perfectly healthy baby girl in my belly and being so grateful for every single part of being pregnant. It is heartbreaking to hear about the losses and so easy to put yourself in the place of a woman who has experienced such heartache. I feel like one of the ways I can honor our ladies who lost their baby is to be grateful for every single part of carrying this baby, with as little complaint as possible. I wish there was more I could do. ETA: Sorry I can't seem to make paragraphs.

SchoolPsychSteph · February 2014

I agree with SNLT and Puka. I had the same feeling of never feeling satisfied or content I would have a baby at the end of this. Chorio is a silent killer I've learned. Just a few short years ago, I thought if you got a BFP you would have a baby. There was nothing that could stop it unless you terminated. I was so wrong. So naive.

SchoolPsychSteph · February 2014

Also, everything was too perfect. Another girl, a June baby, no morning sickness. It was bliss. All to be taken away so suddenly.

sjn00 · February 2014

SchoolPsychSteph said:
I agree with SNLT and Puka. I had the same feeling of never feeling satisfied or content I would have a baby at the end of this. Chorio is a silent killer I've learned. Just a few short years ago, I thought if you got a BFP you would have a baby. There was nothing that could stop it unless you terminated. I was so wrong. So naive.

This terrifies me =[

SchoolPsychSteph · February 2014

@sarajoy00 I don't mean to scare you. I hear late term losses are relatively rare. I just happen to be in the minority.

sjn00 · February 2014

SchoolPsychSteph said:
@sarajoy00 I don't mean to scare you. I hear late term losses are relatively rare. I just happen to be in the minority.

=[ I am so sorry for your loss.

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Anyone else feeling apprehensive?

Re: Anyone else feeling apprehensive?

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