Moms w/@ least 2 - sibling dynamics

IA2TXGirl · January 2014

Hi there!

When we started TTC #2 it was driven by a lot of things, but in large part due to us feeling like DD needed a sibling. And when I say sibling, in my mind, I only imagined her having a sister. Not because I have a gender preference in our second child, but because that's what I know. I only have a younger sister. That said, I've been told by a number of different U/S techs and doctors that I am expecting a little boy. Naturally my mind is having a bit of difficult time imagining what this sibling dynamic will be like having never experienced it myself. So my question is this, for moms who have at least 2 kids and the older sibling is a daughter, what is their relationship like? I realize that every kid and every sibling relationship is going to be different, and there are countless factors (other siblings, age, etc) that play a part. But I'd like to hear what your experiences are with this dynamic. For some reason I have a stereotype in my head for DD/DD, DS/DS, and DS/DD dynamics, but not DD/DS. TIA!

ncbelle · January 2014

My oldest is a boy and 2nd a girl but I would focus on what you said about kids being individuals - children aren't defined by their sex, nor are their relationships defined by their sex! Let go of stereotypes

FWIW I'm the older sister with a younger brother - we've always been great friends (aside of course from the usual squabbles that all siblings have).

janinekrause · January 2014

I have 2 girls and they are so unbelievably close. my sister has an older boy and younger girl- 6 and 4, now, and they too are best friends.

I think you can help guide the dynamics in some part. I made sure that my older one felt really special even when my LO was born. She made decisions about the baby (at least she thought she did), we bought gifts before baby was born just from her, and I had special outings with just her after baby was born, I didn't stop what I was doing with her when baby cried (for 5 mins or so..), etc. She was never jealous at all, but I think we helped in not creating that jealousy by how we approached things. My older one is very protective of her, and now that they are 5 and 2, really play together. It is amazing to watch....

Spin313 · January 2014

I have a DS and DD, but my son is the oldest. They have their squabbles, but they are buds and are fun to watch together. They have different personalities, but my DS tries to be patient with her and DD loves to trail along and try to do everything DS does.

jlpev · January 2014

Well I have a ds/dd but they are still really young but I have an older brother & an younger brother. My older brother & I are 3 yrs apart & have never gotten a long. Still cant stand to spend more than an hour with him.
However my younger brother, 2 yrs apart & I are really good friends!!! We have always been really close.

sunnyday016 · January 2014

I have a DD and a DS. My DD was about a month shy of 3 when DS was born, and she really didn't pay much attention to him. My DD is awesome in so many ways, but I wouldn't say she is awesome at being nurturing. Not the typical "little mommy" type of big sister. She tolerated him and was helpful to me in bringing me a diaper if I needed it for him, but she pretty much did her own thing for the first 18m of DS' life. Fast forward to the past 6 months, and they have been having a blast together! Now that DS is old enough to walk, talk, and really PLAY with her (not just wreck whatever she was doing) they've been best buddies. I really hope that continues because it is so sweet and really makes things a lot easier for me! They play together and don't always need me to entertain them.

InLovewSB · January 2014

My niece and nephew are older girl, younger boy. They play and carry on just as you'd think any siblings would. She tends to be a bit bossy, and for the most part, he follows along. Now they are 8 and 6, and they still play games together, draw, play some make believe.

In our house, we have an older son and younger daughter, 5 and 3.5. They get along beautifully. Sure they bicker sometimes, but we are always teaching them to love each other, to share and take turns. Still, I LOVE seeing them play games and toys and pretend together. They are definitely best friends!

ashiscute · January 2014

My DD is 19.5 mos older than DS. They are best friends. She just turned 3 and is starting to get to that age where she doesn't like boys as well as girls but she loves her brother. They play together all of the time. Obviously they are still very young but I really don't think gender is a huge issue for sibling dynamic. Personality is much more important.

FWIW, I have 2 older brothers and no sisters and I have always been super close to both of them. We played together lots growing up and are still good friends now.

I can understand that you are disappointed that you aren't getting what you had pictured for your family but do not worry about your DD. She will love her little brother!!

aglenn · January 2014

My DD is 2.5 years older than my DS and they get along great! I grew up with an older brother and I secretly hoped that #2 would be a girl because I always wished I had a sister, so I get where you are coming from, but DD absolutely adores her little brother. Yes, they are different in personality and interests, but it's hard to say that the same wouldn't have been the case with two girls. DD definitely loves playing with DS and teaching him things and helping him do things, and I honestly think DS pushes DD to be a bit less physically timid/cautious than she was before as well. It is a really neat dynamic for us.

IA2TXGirl · January 2014

Thanks everyone for your input. I know there is no magic answer on what to expect, but I think all the responses go to show that gender has less to do with it than I had imagined.

LSU628 · January 2014

DD was 3 1/2 when DS was born. At first she had a rough adjustment and regressed a lot. Once he was able to coo, smile and then definitely when he was able to sit up and interact she was all about him. Now she loves to entertain him- he cracks up and beams when he sees her. He can be screaming crying, I can't console him, and she does peek a boo or some other silly thing and he instantly smiles. He still irritates her when he knocks over her blocks or takes her stuff, but overall they get along great. It's really fun now that they can play and entertain each other. Like you I had a little sister and wasn't sure about the dynamics of older sister/younger brother but so far it has worked out wonderfully!

funchicken · January 2014

I have two DDs, and they are joined at the hip. They play together almost all day long (when one of them isn't in school. But they play just as well with their boy cousins. My sister's family usually stays with us for a week at a time when they visit and my nephew and DD1 play together really well. My sister and I love that the kids can entertain themselves for hours at a time with minimal intervention from us.

ThatWasAHoot · January 2014

I have one of each and it's great! They're 20 months apart and so far, they both really love eachother. One of DD's firsts words was DS's name. So cute! And he loves helping with her, even though she's 16 months now lol
I think everyone is right. It's fine to feel slightly disappointed about gender, but their relationship won't be based on their gender or sex!

capulet · January 2014

DD is four years older than DS. I also just have a younger sister so I had no idea what to expect. They get along really well. DD was very excited to be a big sister, though she was kind of disappointed at first that she was having a brother instead of a sister (at the anatomy scan, when the tech told her she was having a little brother, she shook her head, but she got over it eventually). They have some squabbles now that DS is old enough to get into DD's stuff, but no more than you'd expect. DD has always been interested in babies and likes to play with dolls and all that, so I think a lot of how they get along has to do with her personality.

As DS gets older, it's fun to see how DD influences him. He is showing interest in potty training a lot earlier than she did (my boy might be out of diapers younger than my girl was, which I never expected!), and he likes playing with her doll stroller and some of her other toys. He imitates her and seems to look up to her a lot. And I think he's more gentle than a lot of boys his age, although still very rambunctious, as all toddlers are.

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