Tobacco + Pregnancy (long)

Lbarron915 · January 2014

Good morning, ladies. I'm in a bit of a situation, and I don't quite know how to handle it. And before it gets all crazy - No, I don't use tobacco now, nor have I ever. But I AM super emotional right now, and seem to cry over everything. My husband has used chewing tobacco for YEARS, and decided to give it up for New Years this year. He said it's because he wants to set a good example for our son, and I am SUPER proud of him for it!

He has gone this far without using anything. I try to keep encouraging him. I leave him little notes, buy him little treats and continually remind him how proud of him I am for doing this. Lately though, his mood swings have been worse than mine! He snaps at me for the tiniest things, and that of course, sends me into a fit of tears, usually ending with me just going to bed early. The past few days have been the worst. We are constantly fighting and I hate it.

I guess my question for all of you is how would you handle this? I know I'm partially to blame for being so sensitive, but I don't know how to deal with BOTH of us being so emotional. If any of you have experience with this, how can I continue to support him while still letting him know that it's not ok to take it out on me? How long does it 'usually' take for the mood swings to stop? Any advice would be MUCH appreciated! Thank you!

carissa32581 · January 2014

My dad quit using chewing tobacco and he was moody for about 6 weeks (so my step-mom tells me) so maybe you're over the worst of it!

Mittens14 · January 2014

It's great that your supporting him and proud of him, I'm not discounting that at all, but, I can't imagine the constant reminder of something he's trying to quit is very helpful. Have you ever tried to quit something or tried to diet or something to that effect? Years ago I quit smoking and while it was nice to know DH was supportive and proud of me, it was a tad annoying that out of nowhere he would say something like "so, how long has it been since you had a cigarette?" and even though I hadn't been thinking about smoking at that time all of a sudden I was and wanted a cigarette more than anything. I finally told him he had to stop mentioning it because it was making quitting harder that he kept bringing it up. I know it came from a good place of love and support, but did really make things more difficult.

ETA: If he sticks with it, in a couple more weeks I'm sure it won't be an issue Hang in there!

theoryofwhat · January 2014

I used to smoke but was able to kick the habit a few months before I got pregnant. I have to say, it was very hard. Tobacco companies don't make it easy for you to quit. It's very addictive and leaves not only a mental dependency on its users but a physical one as well.

Irritability is very normal when trying to quit, and I know this must be extra hard on you since you're getting a lot of his irritability and moodiness taken out on you. I know it's unfair and it really sucks, but he's probably feeling some withdrawals (which are not fun at all). The sweet notes and treats are great, but perhaps you could suggest him trying the patch or gum? Hard candy also helps with the oral fixation (think Jolly Ranchers). Also, a doctor can write a script for Wellbutrin (this is commonly prescribed to help people quit smoking) if neither of those routes work for you and him. Quitting cold turkey is really difficult and with you being pregnant, it may not be the best option for you and your husband right now.

I used Wellbutrin and it worked for me. Within a week I had lost a lot of interest in tobacco. By the second week I was almost repulsed by it.

Good luck to you, if you have any questions regarding this I'm always happy to answer them.

julesf817 · January 2014

My husband smokes, and he's tried to quit several times before. i find the more i try to be supportive and encouraging, the less it helps. he really just wants me to NOT mention it at all. the first time he tried to quit i bought him a bunch of candy, told him i was so happy he was quitting, etc. i think it put even more pressure on him and when he went back to smoking made him feel worse. i know you are trying to be supportive, because i did the exact same thing, but it might actually be having the opposite effect.

i've told him though that he absolutely NEEDS to quit before the baby comes. i refuse to have him smoking and handling the baby. and we also won't be able to afford his habit.

i'm really worried about it though, because i know how hard it is for him to quit, and he gets super moody when he does. he's tried patches, chantix and gum so far. maybe i should mention wellbutrin to him.

cristykaye · January 2014

Hang in there. The mood swings are worth it!!! I know it's hard but seriously just ignore the fact that he is trying to quit and he will start feeling better and noticing that things taste better on his own and eventually his moods will get back to normal!!

honey740 · January 2014

E-Cigs have been great for my family members who have been unable to kick the habit. I would much rather that than cigs or chewing tobacco.

SaraB221 · January 2014

My husband has been using an ecig for a year after quitting smoking. It has worked great but now he has decided to also quit that. He doesn't want our son seeing him smoke anything. It's been a rough few weeks but he is getting better. He will get better

dp1320 · January 2014

Jules51814 said:

My husband smokes, and he's tried to quit several times before. i find the more i try to be supportive and encouraging, the less it helps. he really just wants me to NOT mention it at all. the first time he tried to quit i bought him a bunch of candy, told him i was so happy he was quitting, etc. i think it put even more pressure on him and when he went back to smoking made him feel worse. i know you are trying to be supportive, because i did the exact same thing, but it might actually be having the opposite effect.

i've told him though that he absolutely NEEDS to quit before the baby comes. i refuse to have him smoking and handling the baby. and we also won't be able to afford his habit.

i'm really worried about it though, because i know how hard it is for him to quit, and he gets super moody when he does. he's tried patches, chantix and gum so far. maybe i should mention wellbutrin to him.

Same situation here...DH says he'll quit when baby comes... all i see is a sleep deprived new mom and a moody tobacco craving new dad...should be FUN!

theoryofwhat · January 2014

honey740 said:

E-Cigs have been great for my family members who have been unable to kick the habit. I would much rather that than cigs or chewing tobacco.

This is also an awesome option! They have vapor cigarettes that have 0 nicotine but still taste like a real cigarette, and of course they have ones with nicotine. There are also flavors like skittles and stuff. I think Dragonfly and Clearsmoke are the best e-cig brands.

yvanehtnioj · January 2014

All I can say is there is light at the end of the tunnel. When I quit smoking a few years ago I became depressed for a few weeks. Like, stop-leaving-the-house depressed. It must be very hard to deal with, I know I've been feeling extra sensitive to every little thing my husband does lately. I handle it by keeping it to myself, honestly. I know it's just me.

BTW congrats to you and your husband on quitting! I don't know how old he is but at least at my age (32), tobacco use starts becoming a life or death matter.

JAM85 · January 2014

Well my DH did it a different way...he got hooked on nicotine gum for years to stop chewing and then he made it a goal to quit by our wedding in September. So he didn't have crazy mood swings, but he would get shaky and irritable and i tried not to make the focus on his quitting. I would check in a few times a week and make sure he had his regular gum (he chewed a crap ton of Spry gum to replace the habit) but it was easier for him to do his thing with me not reminding him about it. It took him probably 2 months to get over the bad cravings and shakes and irritability and it wasn't until 4 months after that his gum consumption went down to occasionally rather than compulsively. Sometimes being supportive is being silent but if it is really being disruptive then he should definitely look into ways to moderate that- whether it's go to gym more to burn off steam coupled with Wellbutrin or other coping habits.

Lbarron915 · January 2014

Thanks for the advice! I guess maybe I was being a little too "in your face" about it. I will try backing off and see how that goes. I mentioned other options to him - even suggested the beef jerky chew - but he doesn't want to (as he says) substitute one addiction for another. He prefers to go cold turkey. I really appreciate all of your suggestions! Maybe with a bit of backing off on my part, and silent things (like leaving candy out) and/or picking up a new hobby, we can make it through it!

Peaceb0ne · January 2014

Good luck to your husband! The discipline and self control it takes to quit using tobacco is astonishing. When I quit, I was a monster for probably about a month, but it gets easier. I'm sorry you are dealing with his mood swings and irritability, but it will be so worth it! Sounds like you have the right idea.

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