Toddler morning wake up

maidmarian83 · January 2014

I'm a newbie here (I intro'ed last week but haven't had much of an opportunity to post since then) with a 23 month old DS and a 9 week old DS. My 23 month old has NEVER woken up happy. He always wakes up crying, but normally will calm down once we go in his room, say good morning, etc. Recently, he has been inconsolable in the morning. Wakes up screaming and says "NO" to everything... No breakfast, no milk, no books, no light, no crib, no diaper change, etc. We've resorted to having to get him dressed in the dark since he absolutely refuses to have the light on (I know I can always just turn the light on regardless of his wishes, but it's not worth it sometimes). He usually calms down within about 30 minutes, but it makes for very stressful mornings, especially because he inevitably wakes up the baby. It's just me in the mornings (DH goes in to work around 4 AM), so I'm trying to make it a little easier for myself, and I feel terrible that his day seems to start on such a bad note.

Is this something that just happens to kids? He's still in a crib and still in a sleep sack (Halo sleepsack, with feet openings). He sleeps with a blanket, too, but mostly uses it to cuddle with. Is this maybe a sign that he's ready for a toddler bed and no sleep sack? We've just started giving him a pillow, although sometimes he freaks out about that, so I take it away if he asks me to. He naps on a cot in daycare with no sleep sack.

This may be tl;dr. I'm not really sure how that etiquette works, so, sorry if this was way too much information. I know very few people IRL that have kids this age, so I'm just interested in some other perspectives! TYIA!

RayRay007 · January 2014

I'm sorry, I have no advice about grumpy wake ups. I know a few kids like that; it seems to be that's just their personality.

As for sleeping arrangements, I don't think a blanket or no blanket or a crib or bed would really make a difference in their mood when they wake up. Does he get startled awake or something? I know when DD gets woken up against her wishes she's not as happy as she would be if we let her wake up on her own.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

RayRay007 said:

I'm sorry, I have no advice about grumpy wake ups. I know a few kids like that; it seems to be that's just their personality.

As for sleeping arrangements, I don't think a blanket or no blanket or a crib or bed would really make a difference in their mood when they wake up. Does he get startled awake or something? I know when DD gets woken up against her wishes she's not as happy as she would be if we let her wake up on her own.

Nothing startling him awake. We have a video monitor, and I do notice that some days he wakes up on his own and starts rubbing the blanket and sheet for a while. He makes absolutely no noise, and I would never know he was awake if I didn't randomly look at the monitor. I try to go in and get him before he starts the screaming when I notice that he's awake. However, this is not really consistent.

His screaming is startling the baby awake, which then makes HIM super crabby, and then I end up putting Bailey's in my coffee.

littlestjerry · January 2014

DS is like this most mornings. I just try to ignore him and he eventually calms down. I think he's just not a morning person, but I feel for you. It's not fun at all.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

Darbie914 said:

Hmm, sometimes DD has mornings like this but it's usually after an uneventful night's sleep. What time does he go to bed in the evenings? Is is possible that he wakes up in the middle of the night?

I agree with PP, I don't know if his blanket/sleep sack have an effect on his mood. Have you tried white noise for the baby so he doesn't hear your son when he screams?

He's in bed by 7:30. Sometimes he doesn't fall asleep right away, but he never makes any noise. If I didn't have the video, I would never even know. We used to do bedtime earlier, but it's been hard with daycare pickup, dinner, putting both kids to bed, etc. Every once in a while he wakes up at night and needs one of us to go in and rub his back to calm him down, but not usually. Other than that, I have no idea if he's waking up at night. He seems to be sleeping whenever I check the monitor.

We do have white noise for both of them. Their bedrooms share a wall, so I think it's just sort of going to be an ongoing issue. I'm just happy he can't hear when the baby wakes up at night. Little baby screams definitely aren't as loud as extreme toddler meltdown screams.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

Little Jerry said:

DS is like this most mornings. I just try to ignore him and he eventually calms down. I think he's just not a morning person, but I feel for you. It's not fun at all.

Thanks for the commiseration. For some reason, it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one this is happening to. Sorry you have to deal with this, too!

maidmarian83 · January 2014

BunkinMama said:

My DD1 had a stint of super crabby crying wake ups. She was sleeping like crap, tossing and turning. Turns out her molars were coming in. How is he sleeping at night, restful or lots of movement? Teething or a growth spurt. Maybe he needs a little more sleep, earlier bedtime? I hope it passes quickly for you!

I totally forgot that he has another set of molars to get. Awesome. He is moving around, but he's always been like that. That's why we've been holding off on the toddler bed. I have no idea how he would stay in a bed, but obviously he stays on a cot in daycare, so who knows.

I think we're going to try earlier bedtime. It means that we really won't be spending too much time together in the evenings, but we should at least try it out.

Thanks for the suggestions!

littlestjerry · January 2014

maidmarian83 said:

Little Jerry said:

DS is like this most mornings. I just try to ignore him and he eventually calms down. I think he's just not a morning person, but I feel for you. It's not fun at all.

Thanks for the commiseration. For some reason, it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one this is happening to. Sorry you have to deal with this, too!

I've totally been through the "what the hell is wrong with him? Why does he hate everything?" phase and only recently moved to resigning myself to the fact that most mornings will suck phase. Just this morning, he screamed and cried about his muffin for like ten minutes. By the time I left for work, he was eating it and asking for another. So frustrating!

maidmarian83 · January 2014

Little Jerry said:

maidmarian83 said:

Little Jerry said:

DS is like this most mornings. I just try to ignore him and he eventually calms down. I think he's just not a morning person, but I feel for you. It's not fun at all.

Thanks for the commiseration. For some reason, it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one this is happening to. Sorry you have to deal with this, too!

I've totally been through the "what the hell is wrong with him? Why does he hate everything?" phase and only recently moved to resigning myself to the fact that most mornings will suck phase. Just this morning, he screamed and cried about his muffin for like ten minutes. By the time I left for work, he was eating it and asking for another. So frustrating!

Some mornings I'm OK with it, but this morning I had a moment of "WTF has happened to my life? This can't be the way things go down." I feel better about it now after a few cups of coffee.

I'm not a morning person either, so we're not really a good combo. This is also all happening way earlier that I would like, but I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be getting up early forever. I can't expect a kid who goes to bed at 7:30 to sleep too late. I need to start going to bed at 7:30.

I was hoping there was some miracle fix that I was just missing, but alas, that doesn't seem to be the case.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

bearsbearsbears said:

I would probably at the very least, take off the sleep sack. My daughter is about the same age and I don't think she would do well being confined like that.

We transitioned B to a twin bed with rails in early December. She sleeps so much better now that we've switched her and typically STTN (before she usually had at least 1 wake up). We were so scared about the transition and, looking back, we almost wish we did it sooner.

We are moving towards taking away the sleep sack. It's probably not as big of a transition as I think, but I'm terrified of screwing up his sleeping. His mornings may suck, but he is generally an awesome nighttime sleeper. With a newborn waking up fairly regularly, I get twitchy thinking about him having a bad night's sleep on top of that. It's good the hear that maybe the transition won't be so bad. We did switch his room before the baby came, and he had absolutely no problem with that. I was expecting it to be terrible and I don't think he even noticed.

He has expressed interest in having a "big kid bed," so we're trying to get rid of the sleep sack, introduce a pillow, and then put the toddler rail on the crib. I'm trying to take it slow since I feel like he's had a lot of transitions lately. We just had a baby, he just switched rooms at daycare, where they are starting to push potty training more, he's starting to sit at the table instead of a high chair, etc. I don't know, maybe it's better to just do it all at once and rip off the band-aid.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

mbenit4 said:

My DS wakes up an ass most mornings. It's better on weekends when he gets himself up. Like PP I just assumed he is not a morning person. I usually ignore him. Giving it attention here makes it worse.

I usually do ignore it. I make him get up and I change his diaper and get him dressed and give him breakfast through the screaming.

When DH is home on the weekends, he really tries to figure out what's wrong and pretty much gives in to anything. The other weekend, they sat in the rocking chair and rocked for almost an hour before he was ready to really "wake up." I told DH he can't set that kind of precedent because there's no way that we can continue to do that.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

LuckyDad · January 2014

Not sure how much help this is, but my 21 month old often wakes up cranky. He'll say "NO" to the idea of food, but when I take him to the kitchen and offer him specific foods, he normally eats something and his mood improves.

Or try coffee? That works for me!

maidmarian83 · January 2014

IamInigoMontoya said:

DS has always been this way too. As others said, I just assume it's part of his personality and give him his space. Some people just like don't like mornings - kids are no different.

I 100% agree about him not being a morning person. He generally hates waking up at any point, morning or naps. I also hate waking up, so I totally get it. Recently he's seemed to have gone from cranky/crabby to full-out meltdown - screaming, shaking, actual tears, the whole 9 yards. I guess this is just a version of a tantrum, but it totally sucks that it has to happen at 6 AM. Ugh.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

LuckyDad said:

Not sure how much help this is, but my 21 month old often wakes up cranky. He'll say "NO" to the idea of food, but when I take him to the kitchen and offer him specific foods, he normally eats something and his mood improves.

Or try coffee? That works for me!

Coffee always works. Pot auto-brews at 5:45 AM.

missymo · January 2014

Ugh. That sucks. I feel for ya.

My kid is not like that, but my husband is. Normally he is the nicest guy, but for 20 minutes post wake up he is a rude asshole.

TiffanyBerry · January 2014

DD had trouble with waking up from sleep (nap or overnight) until she was ... 2.5yrs old? I don't remember. But the only thing that helped was to be with her and be patient and not make any - ANY - demands on her until she had adjusted to being awake.

klondikebar · January 2014

Just food for thought here. You said he isn't a morning person and he's very confined on top of that when he wakes up. Maybe he'd be better without the sleep sack and in a bigger bed he can get out of. He might enjoy getting up by himself and being able to grab a book or toy to pull back into bed with him while he fully adjusts to being awake. My kids all slept better after transitioning to a big bed. I think they enjoyed the space.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

KlondikeBar said:

Just food for thought here. You said he isn't a morning person and he's very confined on top of that when he wakes up. Maybe he'd be better without the sleep sack and in a bigger bed he can get out of. He might enjoy getting up by himself and being able to grab a book or toy to pull back into bed with him while he fully adjusts to being awake. My kids all slept better after transitioning to a big bed. I think they enjoyed the space.

This is what we're going with. I know at daycare they have to stay on their cot until naptime is over, but they can read books and play with toys there if they wake up early.

Last night, we got rid of the sleep sack. Not as bad as I thought. He did get up way earlier, but sort of rolled around and moaned for a while. I think we're going to switch to the toddler rail after he gets used to this transition, so probably in a week or so. DH is kind of hesitant to switch to the toddler bed, so I have to talk him into it.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

My daughter is ASD and also has sensory issues. When she was around two, she would cry for an hour or more after naps. Completely inconsolable crying, tantrums. It would push me to tears every single time because there was literally nothing I could do to calm her. If i so much as touched her, it made things worse. I was fine when she stopped napping and didn't push the issue. Now she only does it if she isn't gradually woke up. Bedroom lights are on a dimmer and all noise is gradually louder. It helped tremendously. Her morning has to be 100% predictable. Obviously, that doesn't mean your kid is on the spectrum or has sensory issues. But those might be things that help him be less irritable in the mornings.

Thanks for these ideas! We do have a bedtime light (one that projects stuff on the ceiling), and we've been putting that on instead of turning the big overhead light on. I usually switch the white noise to soft music and we rock in the chair for a few minutes before having to "get up."

He doesn't seem to have any problem with us touching him and this is pretty much the only thing that seems sensory related, but it definitely crossed my mind that it could be something bigger.

maidmarian83 · January 2014

Thank you everyone for your input with this! It helps to know that he's not the only kid that does this. I kind of thought I was crazy for having to do these things in the morning, but it makes me feel better to know that other people do it, too.

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