Husband going to school 2 weeks after due date. Very anxious about it!

trevlucy · January 2014

Hi! I'm a FTM and my husband will be leaving to helicopter school for 4 months a couple of weeks after the baby's due date (March 25). I have been feeling a lot of anxiety about not being able to handle it all by myself. My mom will be coming for a few weeks after the hubby leaves to help me but it's not the same. My heart breaks when I think of all the memories we're going to miss out together as a family. Has anyone else gone through something similar? And if you did, how did you cope? I would also like to find ways to keep my husband involved for those months he's away.

LaciJaxx · January 2014

Will he be able to skype in the evenings? Sorry to hear, I would feel anxious as well.

ufsandra85 · January 2014

my husband is going away for 8 weeks soon after the baby is born. Can you go with him? i am hoping to get some time off and go up there for a week or 2. He is staying at a marriott so I will just hang out in the hotel if i can get off of work

divinemsbee · January 2014

Agree with PPs that taking lots of pictures and making sure to update him on the little things is so important. If he has e-mail, e-mail him when things happen and he can see what's going on throughout the day (try not to be totally 60 e-mails a day obnoxious, but a couple of 'hey, this happened' might be nice). It's great that your mom is able to be there. Also, memories are what you make them. What I wouldn't recommend doing is staying inside your house all day and not doing anything for fear of your husband missing it (a wife in H's squad did that, and it was a nightmare for her). Get out, do things. You'll make yourself crazy if you sit and wait for him and trap yourself in the house.

Smudges*Mom · January 2014

My DH was deployed for our son's birth and first nine months. (And he deployed again for, basically, the year our son was three years old.). Let me tell you, it's a heck of a lot easier on your LO for daddy to miss part of his infancy as opposed to the toddler/preschool time frame.

Keep busy. Make a plan to get out of the house every day, even if it's just to walk around the mall or the PX. Do your best to Skype/FaceTime on a schedule that works for you and your DH. Take pictures. But, keep in mind, the first couple of months, newborns are like potted plants--besides nursing/feeding, sleeping and diaper changes, fresh babies don't do much.

Honestly, with my DH away, life was easier for me. Less laundry to do, the house was easier to clean (he's not messy, but one less person), I did not have to cook dinner for us ("dinner" for me was often a beer and "natural" Cheetos)(my son was formula fed) and I was not resentful of having to do all the baby care because DH was not there. Our relationship suffered less of the newborn-sleep-deprived-mama challenges.

Ask for help if you need it. Look into support groups for new moms at the hospital where you are delivering and at the support center through your DH's branch (Army has ACS--Army Community Services).

ufsandra85 · January 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:

ufsandra85 said:

my husband is going away for 8 weeks soon after the baby is born. Can you go with him? i am hoping to get some time off and go up there for a week or 2. He is staying at a marriott so I will just hang out in the hotel if i can get off of work

You are really going to hang out in a hotel for 2 weeks with a newborn?

That sounds absolutely awful. He won't be able to help. It will be ridiculously expensive. What if you have a colicky baby? Everyone around you has to deal with your screaming child. What is he going for? Something that might require him to get some sleep? Because he won't with the two of you there. And you can't even go to another room to get away.

I highly suggest you rethink this, because it's a horrible idea. We took a weekend trip with DS when he was 5 weeks (and I had someone else to drive me 5 weeks post c-section because I would have had to stop every hour, plus stopping to change DS and feed him. Something else you need to factor in since yours is a planned c-section). A 3 day trip was pushing it. And he was an extremely easy baby.

And you are going to take 2 weeks off work right after taking maternity leave? Really?

yep! he is staying in a 2 bedroom suite at a residence inn, i have lived in smaller apartments. It wont cost us anything because he already has the hotel. Most of the wives who dont work go. I was planning on taking extra leave anyway. we are also taking the dogs

ufsandra85 · January 2014

WhoCanItBeNow said:

ufsandra85 said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

ufsandra85 said:

my husband is going away for 8 weeks soon after the baby is born. Can you go with him? i am hoping to get some time off and go up there for a week or 2. He is staying at a marriott so I will just hang out in the hotel if i can get off of work

You are really going to hang out in a hotel for 2 weeks with a newborn?

That sounds absolutely awful. He won't be able to help. It will be ridiculously expensive. What if you have a colicky baby? Everyone around you has to deal with your screaming child. What is he going for? Something that might require him to get some sleep? Because he won't with the two of you there. And you can't even go to another room to get away.

I highly suggest you rethink this, because it's a horrible idea. We took a weekend trip with DS when he was 5 weeks (and I had someone else to drive me 5 weeks post c-section because I would have had to stop every hour, plus stopping to change DS and feed him. Something else you need to factor in since yours is a planned c-section). A 3 day trip was pushing it. And he was an extremely easy baby.

And you are going to take 2 weeks off work right after taking maternity leave? Really?

yep! he is staying in a 2 bedroom suite at a residence inn, i have lived in smaller apartments. It wont cost us anything because he already has the hotel. Most of the wives who dont work go. I was planning on taking extra leave anyway. we are also taking the dogs

Then you are all committing fraud. Good for you. It's still a horrible idea. You'll learn that a couple days in.

And good luck keeping a job with that kind of attendance record. FMLA doesn't protect you once you go back.

There is absolutely no fraud being committed. To each their own.

erinmc1 · February 2014

My husband left for school in Georgia 3 weeks after our son was born, then came home for 10 days and deployed for 9 months. He's due home sometime around his birthday, give or take.
We Skype all the time and I made a share site on shutterfly of photos so that he can see special ones that I don't just post publicly on Facebook.
Are you going back to work? The hardest part when you're doing it solo is the sleep deprivation. I went back to work part-time the same week my hubby deployed and I wish I'd taken a little longer to get used to all the changes before throwing myself back into everything.

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Husband going to school 2 weeks after due date. Very anxious about it!

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