Niece shower update

bebemac · January 2014

curlylocks3 said:

lellymine said:

curlylocks3 said:

MrsAMB07 said:
It actually sound like her family doesn't want to throw her a shower, they want OP to throw one, which I still say is very peculiar when the girl's mom and grandmother are in the picture.
Not so peculiar when you consider that the grandma was originally going to throw a shower- for her DIL and granddaughter. Honestly, considering OP insisted on having her own shower it's not that unreasonable that they expect her to help defray the costs of the second shower.

I didn't insist on my own shower. I also said if they couldn't afford two I was having others and it wouldn't be a problem.

And when phrased that way, do you think they really had any choice but to still host a shower for you?

curlylocks3 · January 2014

bebemac said:

lellymine said:

It actually sound like her family doesn't want to throw her a shower, they want OP to throw one, which I still say is very peculiar when the girl's mom and grandmother are in the picture.
Not so peculiar when you consider that the grandma was originally going to throw a shower- for her DIL and granddaughter. Honestly, considering OP insisted on having her own shower it's not that unreasonable that they expect her to help defray the costs of the second shower.
I didn't insist on my own shower. I also said if they couldn't afford two I was having others and it wouldn't be a problem.

And when phrased that way, do you think they really had any choice but to still host a shower for you?

My tits are plenty calm, but thanks.

lellymine · January 2014

bebemac said:
.
lellymine said:

CDK211 said:

lellymine said:

They want to have the shower based on the timeline when I should've had my baby the month prior so I won't be on bed rest or go into labor and be unable to help with the shower. Just tired. It's not an ideal situation for sure but I'm so emotionally exhausted from dealing with the whole thing I didn't have the energy to cause a fuss with them about co-hosting. Plus, like I said earlier I'm really hoping it'll help me get over being upset.

I'll be co-hosting with SIL's sister. I'm wondering if niece's mom is pushing the issue because she doesn't want to host it herself since around here it's thought to be tacky having your mom host but that's just speculation. I'll definitely bring up the sandwich or light buffet ideas to my other SIL. Thanks for all the input!

Could you offer to just do the cake, decorations or something that you typically enjoy doing? That way it will be easier on you, because you like doing whatever it is, you will still be involved and helping...but you don't have the stress of dealing with planning the actual shower? You're clearly struggling with this, and that's ok...but it might just completely stress you out to be co-host.
~~~quote fail~~~
From what they discussed I'll be planning the food, games and decorating, bringing a diaper cake, being there during to help out and paying for it. I think I'll try to get out of actual set up and tear down of it since I'll a 1 month old and I'm expecting to be a bit tired. I'll just say it's time for her to eat

Wow! That's quite a lot for a co-host! Are your duties shared evenly? You are a saint. And like @Internationalkate says, you deserve a medal.

She'll be helping me plan it, do the invitations and picking up the food. I think she'll run the games too if we go that route.

justme04 · January 2014

snuff9861 said:

lellymine said:

I didn't insist on my own shower. I also said if they couldn't afford two I was having others and it wouldn't be a problem.

This sounds so unbelievably conceited to me.

I see nothing conceited in saying you'd rather not share a shower with someone else. Regardless of their age. And there is nothing saying she can't ask for her in-laws to be invited to the shower her family is throwing. Hell I only had one shower that was hosted by my sister and cousin and included my all I've my family, DH's family an my friends. It is an all inclusive event after all like a wedding so why not have one big shower for everyone? And let the niece have her own shower with her family, boyfriend's family and any of her friends who are still hanging around. It will be more special to both OP and her niece if they each get to be the focus of their own showers.

bebemac · January 2014

lellymine said:

bebemac said:
.
lellymine said:

CDK211 said:

lellymine said:

They want to have the shower based on the timeline when I should've had my baby the month prior so I won't be on bed rest or go into labor and be unable to help with the shower. Just tired. It's not an ideal situation for sure but I'm so emotionally exhausted from dealing with the whole thing I didn't have the energy to cause a fuss with them about co-hosting. Plus, like I said earlier I'm really hoping it'll help me get over being upset.

I'll be co-hosting with SIL's sister. I'm wondering if niece's mom is pushing the issue because she doesn't want to host it herself since around here it's thought to be tacky having your mom host but that's just speculation. I'll definitely bring up the sandwich or light buffet ideas to my other SIL. Thanks for all the input!

Could you offer to just do the cake, decorations or something that you typically enjoy doing? That way it will be easier on you, because you like doing whatever it is, you will still be involved and helping...but you don't have the stress of dealing with planning the actual shower? You're clearly struggling with this, and that's ok...but it might just completely stress you out to be co-host.
~~~quote fail~~~
From what they discussed I'll be planning the food, games and decorating, bringing a diaper cake, being there during to help out and paying for it. I think I'll try to get out of actual set up and tear down of it since I'll a 1 month old and I'm expecting to be a bit tired. I'll just say it's time for her to eat
Wow! That's quite a lot for a co-host! Are your duties shared evenly? You are a saint. And like @Internationalkate says, you deserve a medal.

She'll be helping me plan it, do the invitations and picking up the food. I think she'll run the games too if we go that route.

Good to hear it! You still get an award, you are being quite generous. I admire you!

lellymine · January 2014

curlylocks3 said:

lellymine said:

curlylocks3 said:

MrsAMB07 said:
It actually sound like her family doesn't want to throw her a shower, they want OP to throw one, which I still say is very peculiar when the girl's mom and grandmother are in the picture.
Not so peculiar when you consider that the grandma was originally going to throw a shower- for her DIL and granddaughter. Honestly, considering OP insisted on having her own shower it's not that unreasonable that they expect her to help defray the costs of the second shower.

I didn't insist on my own shower. I also said if they couldn't afford two I was having others and it wouldn't be a problem.

And when phrased that way, do you think they really had any choice but to still host a shower for you?

That wasn't verbatim what I said to them. It wasn't my intention to make them feel forced into it. I wanted them to not feel like they had to do one since my aunts on my dad's side were throwing me showers. And that they could be invited to one of those.

lellymine · January 2014

snuff9861 said:

lellymine said:

I didn't insist on my own shower. I also said if they couldn't afford two I was having others and it wouldn't be a problem.

This sounds so unbelievably conceited to me.

It wasn't my intention. I was hoping it'd take the financial pressure off them or help not make them feel guilty like if they didn't give me a shower I'd have no shower. My aunts on my dad's side are throwing me my other showers and I let them know they (DH's immediate family) could be invited to one of those instead of feeling obligated to pay for 2 showers.

lellymine · January 2014

bebemac said:

lellymine said:

bebemac said:
.
lellymine said:

CDK211 said:

lellymine said:

They want to have the shower based on the timeline when I should've had my baby the month prior so I won't be on bed rest or go into labor and be unable to help with the shower. Just tired. It's not an ideal situation for sure but I'm so emotionally exhausted from dealing with the whole thing I didn't have the energy to cause a fuss with them about co-hosting. Plus, like I said earlier I'm really hoping it'll help me get over being upset.

I'll be co-hosting with SIL's sister. I'm wondering if niece's mom is pushing the issue because she doesn't want to host it herself since around here it's thought to be tacky having your mom host but that's just speculation. I'll definitely bring up the sandwich or light buffet ideas to my other SIL. Thanks for all the input!

Could you offer to just do the cake, decorations or something that you typically enjoy doing? That way it will be easier on you, because you like doing whatever it is, you will still be involved and helping...but you don't have the stress of dealing with planning the actual shower? You're clearly struggling with this, and that's ok...but it might just completely stress you out to be co-host.
~~~quote fail~~~
From what they discussed I'll be planning the food, games and decorating, bringing a diaper cake, being there during to help out and paying for it. I think I'll try to get out of actual set up and tear down of it since I'll a 1 month old and I'm expecting to be a bit tired. I'll just say it's time for her to eat
Wow! That's quite a lot for a co-host! Are your duties shared evenly? You are a saint. And like @Internationalkate says, you deserve a medal.
She'll be helping me plan it, do the invitations and picking up the food. I think she'll run the games too if we go that route.

Good to hear it! You still get an award, you are being quite generous. I admire you!

Thanks!

chickpea912 · January 2014

I don't have anything really constructive to add to this particular conversation that hasn't been said before, but having never had a shower, and will never have one, it has been fascinating/bizarre to read this whole thread. An entirely different world.

babygabe614 · January 2014

You are being beyond generous and flexible by not only cohosting your niece's shower but also contributing financially toward it... During your final months of pregnancy and first month post-partum no less!

I personally would have declined the request to cohost because it seems like so much to take on during what will be an already busy and stressful time for you, but I understand that you want to still show your niece support and I think it is very gracious of you to do this for her despite the reservations you and your family have about the decisions she's been making. Good luck to you!

lellymine · January 2014

CDK211 said:

lellymine said:

bebemac said:
Snip
She'll be helping me plan it, do the invitations and picking up the food. I think she'll run the games too if we go that route.

Did you offer to pay for it? I'm having a hard time understanding how they went from wanting to throw a joint shower, to you planning and paying for your nieces shower and now they aren't contributing financially. Or did I miss something?

Edit - @Lellymine, I don't think it's fair you all of the sudden have to pay is what I'm trying to say.

After I said I'd rather not do the joint shower and MIL was trying to convince me to reconsider SIL said she understood and that they would do separate ones. Then she asked if since we were doing separate ones if I'd be willing to co-host the niece's shower and I said yes. I think I'll only be covering half of the costs while the other SIL will do the rest.

lellymine · January 2014

yellowbird219 said:
Uhm, from what I've seen, there isn't a conceited or selfish bone in @lellymine 's entire body.

Thanks

colllydon · January 2014

I have nothing productive to add except I couldn't help her, so kudos to you for doing so.

Side note: has it always been bad etiquette for mothers to host showers? My mom hosted both of my sisters and offered to host mine. I didn't know that was in bad taste.

babygabe614 · January 2014

colllydon said:
I have nothing productive to add except I couldn't help her, so kudos to you for doing so.

Side note: has it always been bad etiquette for mothers to host showers? My mom hosted both of my sisters and offered to host mine. I didn't know that was in bad taste.

I didn't know this about moms hosting, either. Perhaps it's a regional thing? My mom is hosting my shower and my friend is cohosting. My bff did the same for her shower and it's totally normal where I grew up.

diagonalley · January 2014

colllydon said:
I have nothing productive to add except I couldn't help her, so kudos to you for doing so.

Side note: has it always been bad etiquette for mothers to host showers? My mom hosted both of my sisters and offered to host mine. I didn't know that was in bad taste.

I think it is a geographical thing. Where I am from it is not weird...I think my mom will probably throw me one and several of my friends who have babies had theirs thrown at least in part by their moms.

colllydon · January 2014

Thanks ladies, good to know. OP where are you from?

lellymine · January 2014

CDK211 said:

lellymine said:

CDK211 said:

lellymine said:

bebemac said:
Snip
She'll be helping me plan it, do the invitations and picking up the food. I think she'll run the games too if we go that route.

Did you offer to pay for it? I'm having a hard time understanding how they went from wanting to throw a joint shower, to you planning and paying for your nieces shower and now they aren't contributing financially. Or did I miss something?

Edit - @Lellymine, I don't think it's fair you all of the sudden have to pay is what I'm trying to say.
After I said I'd rather not do the joint shower and MIL was trying to convince me to reconsider SIL said she understood and that they would do separate ones. Then she asked if since we were doing separate ones if I'd be willing to co-host the niece's shower and I said yes. I think I'll only be covering half of the costs while the other SIL will do the rest.

I can not even imagine the family just expecting you to host and pay (because really, you aren't the co-host, you're the host). I'm so sorry it happened this way, honestly. I know you're struggling with wanting to be there for your niece and also all of the issues she's going through, and emotions you are facing. Try not stress yourself out too badly with this and know it's ok to need to take a step back and heal, it doesn't make you mean or uncaring at all.

And p.s. Sorry if I sounded bitchy earlier! I didn't mean to,

Thank you very much! I didn't think anything you said was bitchy

lellymine · January 2014

colllydon said:
Thanks ladies, good to know. OP where are you from?

We're in UT

cristykaye · January 2014

My mother and 4 of my really good friends are doing mine and sadly I have been with them every step of the way. They can not just call each other even though they are all close. They all call me to ask questions about what I want. I told them I don't care as long as there is no games I'm fine. My mother is going overboard and I have tried to keep her calm. Anyways, all I my friends mothers or step moms have thrown their showers.

At OP you def deserve a medal!!!

kd&cd · January 2014

JuneMom3 said:

I would do a regular old fashioned shower. Have a timeline, eat or have snacks out, play a few cheesey games, open gifts, send everyone home. She's going to be a big girl now, she deserves a big girl shower.

Agreed!

temursgirl · January 2014

colllydon said:

I have nothing productive to add except I couldn't help her, so kudos to you for doing so. Side note: has it always been bad etiquette for mothers to host showers? My mom hosted both of my sisters and offered to host mine. I didn't know that was in bad taste.

My family feels that way. I thought it might be a super traditional outlook. Other female family members can host though, like aunts.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

I haven't read all of the posts on here yet, but from what I have read, it seems that the niece has some severe emotional issues that need to be dealt with as soon as possible. She's also potentially dealing with addiction issues if she is still choosing to do drugs and drink to excess. I think the "let's throw a fun party" time is for the future (if at all), when the "let's make sure you don't cause irreparable harm to your baby" discussion has been had (meaning dealing with her immediate health issues, including the drugs). Since she got pregnant intentionally, while still a child, I do think there need to be consequences to her actions. As a parent, I would support her, and my grandchild, as long as I was able to do so. But to take a child who made an intentional decision to do something she is in no way capable of dealing with herself (emotionally, given her specific circumstances, or financially), I do not think "rewarding" her with a party is appropriate. I think sitting down and having a very serious discussion about what is going to take place in the near future, including privileges that she was once granted by her parents (my child would not be going out late with friends anymore, she would be staying home and helping prepare the house for her new baby, taking extra classes, whatever I felt was most appropriate), and how she will be expected to financially help out as much as she can, given that her parents are now taking on the burden of a child that she intentionally created, and can't care for. Now is the time for her parents to establish some ground rules and limits and help prepare their child for the enormous responsibility coming up....so no, I do not think throwing a party is priority number one.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

It won't let me edit so I'll also add, if you do throw a shower, I think keeping it small and family only is a good idea.

Want a personalized experience?

Niece shower update

Re: Niece shower update

Choose Another Board

Search Boards