STM's which was harder? 0 to 1 or 1 to 2?

bglovesbabyk · January 2014

Yes, I am already getting antsy to get ready for baby #2. Before you call me crazy, I'll be 37 in March and DH is 42, so the clock is ticking. My question is, which was harder going from no kids to one, or one to two?

I am trying to picture myself taking care of two little ones, and it seems like it would be insanely difficult. But I am curious, was it any harder than adjusting from having no kids? I know it is going to be a challenge but I don't have time to wait for this guy to become more self sufficient. I am just trying to mentally prepare myself for this. I had no idea what an adjustment #1 would be. But I also had no idea how much I would LOVE being a mom. Is anyone else planning to have another one right away?

Edit: I don't proof read.

SamanthaPo · January 2014

FTM here. SO has been ready. I'm too busy enjoying my snuggles. We plan to wait until LO is a year, then we will start trying.

katmac17 · January 2014

Definitely 0 to 1 for me. DS was a crazy hard baby, whereas DD is on the easier side and I am getting far more sleep, so I think that's the bulk of it. But I am also far less anxious, and I knew to expect total loss of independence, etc. I know how much easier things will get with time, and that some day DH and I will get to go out on a date again, sleep through the night, etc.

DH thinks 1 to 2 was harder.

brandeeteer · January 2014

I think 0 to 1 was more difficult. Since my two older kids are 12 and 9, it's like doing 0 to 1 all over again. I forgot how nice sleepless nights and independence are.

LibberDuck · January 2014

This is a tough one. I'm not going to lie, both are hard, I think it's just in different ways. The first time around, we had just moved and I had basically no friends. Our closest family is over 2000 miles away. DH works on a rotating schedule, so sometimes he works days, sometimes evenings, and sometimes nights. I felt so alone! I had no one to help me and it was really hard. This time, I had made friends and knew what to expect with a newborn. What I had not anticipated was how hard just having two would be! Our town is so small that DS1 has few friends, so much of his social interaction is with me. While he wasn't jealous of the new baby, he definitely didn't understand why I couldn't drop everything to play or read with him like I used to. I think there are more tears because of it - from the baby and from DS. I was really good about getting DS1 everything he needed before he started crying when he was a baby, so he hardly ever cried. It's much more difficult with this LO, so I feel like he cries more. I also feel guilty because I don't have the great 1-on-1 time with LO that I had with DS1. But honesty, it's hard to decide which is harder.

Sorry if that was a bit rambling.

tiki8286 · January 2014

0-1 was definitely harder. The only part of having two that I find difficult is keeping with DS's schedule. Luckily, DD is an infant so she has no choice but to tag along

DD cluster feeds and is super fussy after 5pm. We have had to be way more flexible with DS night routine but he adores his sister. Once you have a second child, it's much easier although you will still be exhausted

juliane2004 · January 2014

0-1. I had no idea what I was doing.

1-2 was the easiest since I had just done it. My oldest are 14m apart.

barista411 · January 2014

Going from 0 to 1 was just a shock and a huge adjustment realizing your time wasn't your own any more. Going from 1 to 2 has been really challenging because I am now juggling two kids with very different needs. I at least feel like I have the newborn stage under control but I have to balance a babies needs with a toddlers needs. I am now just used to being tired and my house in a complete state of chaos. I think the juggling and prioritizing of needs can be very exhausting. I am also dealing with regression in DD which is emotionally exhausting on top of being physically exhausted from sleep deprivation. The upside with two is that DD can help entertain DS and grab diaper or help me pick up the house. They are just hard in different ways. I can't say one was easier than other. Either way adding a child to your family is a big life change and come with challenges.

SharonB222 · January 2014

0-1 since my 2 are 2y4m apart. With 1, DH and I shared baby care; with 2, I do most baby care and DH does a lot of toddler care. For me the baby part is far easier since I've BTDT and DS has less medical needs than DD did, however DS is taking longer to space his feedings, so my sleep deprivation is harder which makes the toddler aspect moderately challenging with the little time I have. I would have liked 3y separation, but TTTC was a concern for me. To make it easier, my mom helped me for 5w pp and the toddler goes to PT daycare. I am 41 and DH is 45; we have 1 more IVF snowbaby left so are thinking to try our luck again in a couple yrs. Even though the pressure is off (2 LOs is a miracle), I feel crazy considering another child especially nearing mid-40s. All my friends freaked out at 35. It wasn't my choice it took so long for us, but it is my choice to continue! Here's to miracles!

sarenu1 · January 2014

They each have their challenges. Having the first was a shock and stressful.

The second is a balancing act, but at least you know what you're in for.

Mine are 22 months apart, I don't know if I would have spaced them closer. I'm glad I waited for my daughter to be more independent.

mmm50 · January 2014

FTM but my midwife said "Going from 1 kid to 2 is ten times harder than just having 1 kid. You would think it would be twice as hard, but it's much more. After 2 you could have 12 though, and it would still be the same." She had 4 kids in about 8-10 years.

I think it depends on your personality/parenting style. I've heard that with one child the baby just kind of tags along with the parents' lives, but once you add the second your lives revolve around the babies. If you really like structure/routine/independence, I think maybe the 0 to 1 is most difficult. If you didn't have a hard adjustment going from 0 to 1, I think the 1 to 2 may be more difficult because you're balancing the needs of 2 children.

inlove0509 · January 2014

This is a tough question!! I think it depends a lot on the personalities of LO 1 and then LO2.

For me, going from 1-2 has been way harder! But LO1 was a very easy baby and the 'hard' part was learning how to care for a baby. But I could sleep when she slept and devote all my attention to her. Adding a LO2 to the mix two yrs later has been very tough b/c this baby is very high maintenance, and I can't nap during the day. My attention is divided all day and I have mama guilt for not spending as much time with LO1 as before. It is heartbreaking when both cry at the same time! I really miss only having one, but it'll get easier one of these months.

I definitely understand why you want to add another LO sooner rather than wait. Please involve your doctor in this decision before you become pregnant though. I've heard to have the healthiest pregnancy possible, wait 12 months before getting pregnant if u had a vaginal delivery or 18 months if you had a c section first time around. Something about when your body's iron and other nutrient levels return to normal.

drcolleen · January 2014

I think it matters less how many you have and more what stage they are in. I remember DD1 at 2 and it was horrible but that screaming phase stopped by the time DD2 arrived a few months later and going from 1-2 was no big deal. DD2 is now hitting the terrible "I don't nap anymore but I'm so tired I'm going to be a hot mess" stage and this is horrible and has nothing to do with DS's arrival, DDs love their brother. DS is no problem, I love the newborn stage (95% of the time) but I think I don't like the 2-toddler stage and cross my fingers that adolescence isn't terrible. DH does not participate in infant care if I'm around, he wrestles the older 2, but since I work he has all 3 alone for at least half of each work day and does well, even manages to experiment with dinners!

rbtrumpet · January 2014

very interesting thread. FTM and 0 to 1 has been rough. On the one hand, I can't imagine trying to take care of another child with all the time I devote to DD. On the other hand, I really want my kids close together. My siblings and I are pretty spaced out, and I never felt that "close" to them growing up. I figure I started this mommy thing, so I might as well just keep going.

sands42 · January 2014

0 to 1 is harder no question. My life and schedule was already based around DD once DS came around.... Before that it was all about ME! So- adding my second child into the mix hasn't been bad.

CarrieB. · January 2014

1 to 2 for sure. DD1 was such as easy baby and DD2 is the complete opposite. She had colic and cried for hours and has reflux and still sleeps terribly. Plus now we are dealing with a crazy potty training 2 1/2 year old.

Kim22 · January 2014

For me 0 to 1 was the hardest but baby 1 had terrible colic. Giving up my freedom was hard because I was the only one of my friends with a baby (I was 26 but that is young in my area.) Baby 2 was much easier and number 3 is very laid back. I do have 3 years between each which I am learning is a different set of challenges. My sister did 2U2 and I think she has it worse now while they are young but hers will be able to do the same type of activities at the same time. I will be dropping 3 kids off at 3 different schools for a long time!

My mom just asked the other day what I would have done if my kids were born in reverse order!

McJen715 · January 2014

1-2 has been much, much harder for me. Both of my girls have been tough in the newborn stage, though DD2 started out a little easier. I have had PPD/PPA this time around. I was a much more go with the flow mom with DD1, but my PPA this time has me nervous about literally everything. She caught a cold from DD1 at 13 days old and I was a mess over it. She had a bad rash (eczema/drool and spit rash) and I was sure it was infected. Ugly crying as my H washed it out and put aquaphor on it. It's been a little easier since talking to my OB and getting on Zoloft three weeks ago.

DD1 is 3, and FWIW 3 year olds are the devil.

Mostly kidding. But she was a terrific 2. Adorable, snuggly, precocious, listened great, and was just an all around joy. A month or two before she turned 3 it all went to hell. DD2 was born a month and a half after she turned 3 and it's been interesting. She love, love, loves her sister luckily. She just doesn't listen anymore and the attitude. Oh the attitude!!

I wouldn't change having two for the world though. But I used to think maybe I'd like three. Not anymore.

KallieandJustin · January 2014

For me (this is our third) the hardest transition was from 1-2. I think I was pretty prepared (as much as I could be) for 1 and it didn't seem like it was awful as he was a pretty easy baby. #1 and #2 are 21 months apart so that was tough, but now going to three has been much easier. I think it's because my boys are 4 and 2.5 and are more independent, can entertain themselves more and have more fun playing with each other rather than only playing with me.

Kaymee · January 2014

I think a lot of it depends on the type of baby you have. For me, 0-1 was much harder. He was our first, so everything was very new to us. He was also a very high maintenanced baby. DS2 is the complete opposite. He is my chill little man...very thankful for that!!

Princess_Lily · January 2014

0 to 1 was scary. I had no clue what to do.

1 to 2 is calmer, yet harder. You now have to balance house chores, 1-on-1 time with DS, and caring for DD

Looking back to when DS was an infant, I often say, " What was I so stressed about? This is easy!.". I just realize now all the things I could've done differently too

GracieBlue · January 2014

0-1 was so much harder for me. It literally rocked my world. 1-2 was not a huge adjustment. OP - I am also of a "certain" age so we wanted to have #2 asap. The kids are 17 mos apart. You will be fine.

Dreamingmommy4 · January 2014

I am a FTM, so I don't have any experience to pull from here. I do feel like 0-1 has been very easy. We are very fortunate the DD is so easy going and laid back, the adjustment hasn't been hard at all. As for the 1-2 transition, I want to have kids close together because my brother and I are so close together (18 months) and it was great growing up since we were so close. I'm super nervous about the 2u2 and how to juggle it all without forgetting/neglecting the needs of the different kids. DH and I are thinking about probably TTC by the end of the year when DD turns one.

EandIMommy86 · January 2014

I think it depends on how far apart in age they are and the temperament of each child. Mine are 15 months apart and it gets hard when they both need something at the same time, but of course you have to cater to the youngest first. The good thing is that once you have had a child and you have a second, you learned a lot about what did and did not work. You also learned about what is and isn't always necessary.

So I would say for me, it was easier going from 1 to 2. With my first I worried and had a question about EVERYTHING. The second time around you learn not to "sweat the small stuff."

bglovesbabyk · January 2014

You guys are great! Thanks so much everyone who took the time to reply. It has really helped me mentally prepare for this! I guess it just all depends on the kids. Today I started the process for short term disability insurance so I can stay home longer when #2 comes.
I am a little worried because DS is such an easy baby. I have this fear the next one will be a nightmare because I cant get that lucky two times! I guess you just never know, and do what you have to do! Good luck to the rest of you ftm's on your path to #2!

finallymom16 · January 2014

0-1 for me. I wasnt used to getting so little sleep and having to care for someone other than my self and ex. It was a big change and very hard. 1-2 has been a breeze and for me, it doesnt feel any different than having only one baby. Probably because im used to running on less sleep, and constantly being aware that I have a tiny human to watch after, or two to watch after and care for, now.

my so and I are going to discuss lo#3 in march. After 3 I think we are done though. I want 4, but he doesnt... twins run in both our families though, so I may get what I want after all!!

Mum2Be28 · January 2014

I'm a FTM, but I was a full time nanny for many years. I would say having two under two is more challenging than like a 4 year old and a newborn.

I'm EBFing so I likely won't get pregnant this year. If it happens that's great! But hopefully ill be pregnant some time in 2015. DH is 45 and if its meant to be we would love three kids, so we aren't using any birth control.

SoonToBeRCarlin · January 2014

Interesting thread. I'm a FTM but DH is already ready for a second!

LoveOfMikesLife · January 2014

1 - 2 has been WAY harder for me. With 1 you just focus on that 1. Do what that child needs and call it a day. With 2, you have 2 tiny humans that need attention, that each have their own schedule and each think their needs are greater than the others. Good news is, I've heard once you have 2 the rest are super easy!

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