Out of state wedding 2 weeks after due date

jenniferurs · January 2014

stlucia_wife said:
But guises!!! She HAS to be there!! It's her BFF. Her BFF means more then her baby. How dare her new baby get in the way of a wedding?!

Also, guises I'm not asking my pedi if it is wise to take my newborn on this trip. They will say no. So if I don't ask I'm doing nothing wrong!!!

I don't have any kids and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. Why would I have a pediatrician at this point?

jenniferurs · January 2014

CFox815 said:
These are all very different things than flying/driving to NJ from FL to *be in* a wedding.

You are going to do whatever you want, you made that clear. No one thinks you should but you're so selfish you can't see that. You came here for advice but you won't take it because your two ivy-league obs and 3 easy delivery friends said otherwise. Not quite sure why you're here. But I'm done with you, you're either MUD or the worst person on the Internet today. Either way, I'm not interested in finding out. I'll check back in September. Guaranteed you're at home with your baby.

Lol. I'm the worst person on the internet, because I said if I'm healthy and baby is healthy and adjusting well and the doctors all clear us to travel, I'm going to go to a wedding. And that I fully understand that that may not be the case.

Okay love. Methinks you're a bit dramatic.

And for the record, how is flying from Kansas City to Charlotte that different from flying from FL to NJ?

jenniferurs · January 2014

CFox815 said:
That's not what you're saying. But I'm not dealing with this anymore. You have no clue. Plain and simple. You won't respond in September or you'll lie to make yourself look good (like you're doing now), but I promise you I'll be right.

For the record, there were two parts to my sentence: flying and being in a wedding. The asterisks emphasize being in the wedding. Understand now, *love*?

How is that not what I'm saying? Please go back and re-read the thread. I've said multiple times that I understand that there's a high likelihood I may not be able to go, but that I'm going to think optimistically and come up with a plan on the off chance I can.

And I've been in weddings before. It's really not that hard.

irishgrl317 · January 2014

Why does it seem like so many of the commenters in this thread are taking OP so personally? What do you care if she wants to try to make it to this wedding? If she feels up for it and the bride doesn't mind if she needs to back out, who cares if she is trying to plan to make the trek? The baby will likely sleep and/or nurse through a flight at that age.

And, for whoever called bullshit on minimal bleeding and no postpartum crying, I've had four kids and all have been vastly different. My bleeding after all four, though, was no worse than a heavy AF after I got out of the hospital. And, I was a little weepy after my first, but no crying whatsoever after the other three.

All of that to say, I'd never attempt it myself and I can't even begin to imagine how to properly size a bridesmaid dress 1-2 weeks postpartum. But, to each their own. Hope it works out for you, OP.

Mum2Be28 · January 2014

I would absolutely, 100% not go to this wedding. If your best friend doesn't understand that you can't make it, then she's not a real friend. And then in a couple years when she has a baby, she will call you up and apologize for being mad at you.

But, if you're set on going then I would take your MIL with you. That way you would only have to be away from little one for 6-8 hours tops (getting ready, ceremony, reception). You would most likely have enough breast milk pumped to be ok for that amount of time.

You are assuming a lot though. What if little one refuses a bottle? How will she be fed while you are at the wedding? There are so many other what ifs to consider as well-- too much to type.

Good luck!

irishgrl317 · January 2014

shanbp said:

irishgrl317 said:
Why does it seem like so many of the commenters in this thread are taking OP so personally? What do you care if she wants to try to make it to this wedding? If she feels up for it and the bride doesn't mind if she needs to back out, who cares if she is trying to plan to make the trek? The baby will likely sleep and/or nurse through a flight at that age.

And, for whoever called bullshit on minimal bleeding and no postpartum crying, I've had four kids and all have been vastly different. My bleeding after all four, though, was no worse than a heavy AF after I got out of the hospital. And, I was a little weepy after my first, but no crying whatsoever after the other three.

All of that to say, I'd never attempt it myself and I can't even begin to imagine how to properly size a bridesmaid dress 1-2 weeks postpartum. But, to each their own. Hope it works out for you, OP.
My bleeding was also like a heavy AF, but I don't consider that to be minimal.

Not minimal, but I certainly don't refuse to travel because of AF.

JennOH85 · January 2014

shanbp said:
::snip::

At some point you're going to have to stop asking if doing something is possible and start asking if it's in the best interest of your child. That is your number one job as a mother.

::snip::

Boom. Nail, you hit it on the head, @shanbp. I've just been watching all of this glorious mess unfold and truly, OP, you've gotten off easy here. This could have really taken a turn but PPs were honest and not nearly as snarky as could be justified.

I'm sitting here with a 12-week-old and even now I wouldn't get on a plane with my baby nor leave him overnight if Oprah, Kate Middleton and the Virgin Mary all wanted me to be their MOH at once. You do what you want. Clearly I'm just a stick-in-the-mud.

barista411 · January 2014

mysticl · January 2014

OP you specifically asked if it was dangerous to switch between breast feeding and formula feeding. No it is not, some women do a combination of both. Here are the problems you could face.

1) As others have mentioned you will still be establishing your supply and it is highly unlikely that you will be able to pump enough to leave behind for your baby for an entire weekend (which is approximately one ounce for each hour you will be apart, and you'll want some extra in case of spills, spoilage, etc). You may not even get enough to leave at the hotel for the duration of the ceremony and reception either. So you say no problem and leave formula for the baby. Only the baby doesn't like the formula and refuses to drink it because he/she is used to breast milk. This is medically dangerous for your child if you are now several states away with the only thing he/she will eat.

2). You do manage to pump enough to leave behind only the baby won't take a bottle. Women who still breastfeed after returning to work do some trial runs with bottles and nipples and sometimes they go through several types before finding one that works. Two weeks does not give you a lot of time to do these test runs and it means pumping a lot more milk to use for them. So again you have a baby that is not eating. This is the same problem as I mentioned above.

3). Bottle feeding and/or formula feeding goes off without a hitch and now your baby has no desire to breastfeed. I know a woman who gave her baby one bottle of breastmilk and it led to a nursing strike. She was able to get the baby back to the breast with some work but it might have been a different ballgame if it had been a whole weekend.

Also, if you wish to continue breastfeeding after the wedding you will need to pump at the same schedule your baby is eating. This means every 3 hours at the absolute most and it is from the time you start not the time you finish. So let's say baby is eating about every 3 hours. So you pump form noon to 12:30, then you pump from 3 to 3:30 and so forth and so on. That's not so bad but if it's every 2 hours or even every 1 hour that could become really difficult for you.

Kfran84 · January 2014

DebateThis said:
Since this hasn't been brought up yet, you can have bowel incontinence postpartum, too. I had an easy delivery, med free, and an easy recovery but I farted uncontrollably for weeks and had to be within feet of a bathroom in case I needed to poop - LO was sunny side up and my MW said his position stretched rectal muscles. Super fun.

OMG @debatethis I thought I was the only one! Nope! I had a perfect vaginal delivery- no tearing, no hemi, but I had no control of my pooping/farting for WEEKS. like 8 weeks and I finally got that shit under control, literally.

ranaverde · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

Absolutely. I'm by no means claiming that I will be able to go. My doctors seem to think I will. Some of my friends seem to think I will. But after reading this thread, I'm definitely no longer convinced. Like I said, I'll play it by ear and see how I'm feeling and if the baby is healthy and adjusting well. IF that's the case, I'll attempt to go. Otherwise, I'll bow out. If I've taken anything from this thread it's that all experiences are different and wildly unpredictable, so I'll do what I can and hope she understands either way.

You hope she understands?

Good lord. You're thinking of undergoing this stupid, painful course of action for a friend who you can only hope understands if you can't come?

Damn. All of my friends would understand absolutely, and without exception, and would be bending over backward at this point to reassure me that they wouldn't ask such a cruel test of loyalty of me.

Because that's what this is, if you haven't grasped it yet. Going to this wedding would be cruel. Cruel to you, cruel to your selfish friend, cruel to your newborn baby. What a terrible, terrible idea.

DebateThis · January 2014

Kfran84 said:

Since this hasn't been brought up yet, you can have bowel incontinence postpartum, too. I had an easy delivery, med free, and an easy recovery but I farted uncontrollably for weeks and had to be within feet of a bathroom in case I needed to poop - LO was sunny side up and my MW said his position stretched rectal muscles. Super fun.
OMG @debatethis I thought I was the only one! Nope! I had a perfect vaginal delivery- no tearing, no hemi, but I had no control of my pooping/farting for WEEKS. like 8 weeks and I finally got that shit under control, literally.

Can you imagine? Heads are all bowed for a prayer in the ceremony and Rrrriiiipppp. It would be an embarrassment of epic proportions.

mysticl · January 2014

mishkaroni said:

I'll play. I'm the chick everyone hates after birth. I shrank back down that same day. I looked slightly bloated, that's it. So by two weeks pp, I fit back into all my clothes easily. I had supply issues with baby girl so I did have to supplement. She had no issue switching from nipple to bottle. I wasn't super emotional. I think because I am naturally, I became a regular person during those hormonal weeks. My bleeding? Light. I just wore regular pads after I used up my free hospital ones. I also wore my regular undies after I ran out of my free hospital mesh ones. Would I have been able to go to a wedding that soon? No. My daughter busted up my tailbone so bad I am in physical therapy still. It's 12w1d later. Even with supply issues, my booby all kinds of leak every twoish hours. Those pads? Yup, soaked through them on more than one occasion. I cried hardcore leaving my daughter when I had a severe sinus infection 9 days pp and HAD to go to urgent care. Oh and six weeks later when I HAD to start physical therapy. I was gone maximum 2 hours. That wasn't hormones. That was me not wanting the best thing ever not to be out of my sight. You WILL be asked about baby. You WILL talk about baby and delivery. Pooping and peeling after labor was not fun for awhile. Sometimes, you don't know when you need to pee. Nice side effect of a catheter. I checked in on a Wednesday to deliver, checked out on a Saturday. That was an uneventful, easy labor...mostly. I had clotting and BP issues immediately after...never had any issues with BP. Now, onto LO. Her first pediatric appointment was that Monday. They detected a heart murmur. It developed that quick. Two days. She also had a touch of jaundice. Every day we were either at the cardiologist or her Dr for tests. You're being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

Over a year later I still have that happen. I'll realize I haven't gone in a while so I head to the bathroom and it turns out I was full. I also had a c-section on top of the catheter.

ETA: typos happen

Mum2Be28 · January 2014

mysticl said:

OP you specifically asked if it was dangerous to switch between breast feeding and formula feeding. No it is not, some women do a combination of both. Here are the problems you could face.

1) As others have mentioned you will still be establishing your supply and it is highly unlikely that you will be able to pump enough to leave behind for your baby for an entire weekend (which is approximately one ounce for each hour you will be apart, and you'll want some extra in case of spills, spoilage, etc). You may not even get enough to leave at the hotel for the duration of the ceremony and reception either. So you say no problem and leave formula for the baby. Only the baby doesn't like the formula and refuses to drink it because he/she is used to breast milk. This is medically dangerous for your child if you are now several states away with the only thing he/she will eat.

2). You do manage to pump enough to leave behind only the baby won't take a bottle. Women who still breastfeed after returning to work do some trial runs with bottles and nipples and sometimes they go through several types before finding one that works. Two weeks does not give you a lot of time to do these test runs and it means pumping a lot more milk to use for them. So again you have a baby that is not eating. This is the same problem as I mentioned above.

3). Bottle feeding and/or formula feeding goes off without a hitch and now your baby has no desire to breastfeed. I know a woman who gave her baby one bottle of breastmilk and it led to a nursing strike. She was able to get the baby back to the breast with some work but it might have been a different ballgame if it had been a whole weekend.

Also, if you wish to continue breastfeeding after the wedding you will need to pump at the same schedule your baby is eating. This means every 3 hours at the absolute most and it is from the time you start not the time you finish. So let's say baby is eating about every 3 hours. So you pump form noon to 12:30, then you pump from 3 to 3:30 and so forth and so on. That's not so bad but if it's every 2 hours or even every 1 hour that could become really difficult for you.

Great points!

Mum2Be28 · January 2014

cagoldi said:

In addition to all the horrific bodily changes you are going to have to contend with PP, I just want to offer some information about what you can expect when you finally have to go # 2.

Even if you are taking stool softeners, which you certainly want to, you WILL be constipated. Not a little bit, like you will feel as though you are delivering an alien baby out of your ass kind of constipated. If you tore and had any stitches at all, it's fucking terrifying!!

I'd love to know how you plan on dealing with that on a roadtrip or a flight.

OMG exactly!! That first BM was just as bad as giving birth!!!!!

RuralRoots · January 2014

The number one question you need to ask yourself..... what is more important- Your friend who is an adult and will understand that you cannot be there or a newborn baby that depends on you and only you??

Your life is going to change as soon as that baby is placed on your chest.

I'm completely shocked that your doctor or pedi would tell you to take your baby on the plane. Mine recommended to wait 6 weeks before taking him into public!!

KimS17 · January 2014

I'm going to preface this by saying I haven't read all the comments.

Good luck with the bridesmaid dress, in the very slim chance it actually fits, you may want to cut holes in the nipple area. They will hurt like a bitch and you won't want anything to touch them. Should make for some good pics.

jenniferurs · January 2014

I'm scared.

outnumbered · January 2014

I can understand why you want to attend your friends wedding. I do not think that you are being selfish, but you are being naive. Traveling a long distance with a brand new baby is extremely difficult especially if you are breastfeeding.

I am not a germaphobe and I did not isolate myself in the house with my newborns, but I would have never gotten on a plane with a 14 day old baby. They have no vaccines at that point. The baby will nurse on the plane at least every two hours. The clock starts from the beginning of the nursing session, not the end. Some babies nurse every hour. It could be difficult to get situated for an ideal nursing session on the plane. You will need to bring snacks and water for you on the plane. You will need to have a companion so if you go to the bathroom somebody can watch the baby.

Driving might sound easier, but I think it might be harder. Remember the baby will need to nurse at least every two hours. Can you imagine finding a safe place to pull over that frequently? You could start nursing at 10. Finish at 10:15 if you are lucky. Burp and change diaper and you are back on the road at 10:30. 12:00 rolls around and repeat. Many newborns will not tolerate a car seat for long periods of time.

Where will the baby sleep at your destination. Will you rent a pack and play? Will the baby sleep with you? Just some additional things to consider.

ETA: I did not want to add any post postpartum horror stories because you already have plenty, but I cannot resist adding what happened to my nipples 2 weeks PP. They were bleeding. Yes, bleeding. It hurt so much to nurse those first two weeks I would sweat through my shirt and cry while she latched on. It got better quickly, but I could not have been at a wedding under those conditions.

meabtahi · January 2014

Ftm here with an 8 week old dd. I have always been pretty laid back and before having a baby I didn't understand why everyone didn't just continue life as normal pp and bring their babies along. It's what I planned on doing. I even had a relatively easy birth with good recovery, minimal bleeding and pain, etc. I think I actually may have felt similar to you 7 or so months ago because of course you want to go to your bffs wedding, I'm sure every woman on here can understand that. They are jst trying to help yiu be realistic and forward thinking and I now have to agree with everything that has been said. We are invited to a wedding in 4 weeks that is 30 minutes from our house and I'm already freaking out about the logistics going, something I would have never believed of myself pre dd. i worry about being away from her for that long, she HATES the bottle and will not take it, etc. and as for me nothing i own fits, my boobs leak like crazy and are aleays sore, and i know the whole time i am there my thiughts will be on dd and not this beautiful wedding. And my situation is altogether much easier than yours. I guess what I'm saying is you just never know what your obstacles will be and having a baby changes you at the core. All previous plans and good intentions just go out the window.

jenniferurs · January 2014

Thanks girls! Truly appreciate the insight.

Like someone said, I don't think I'm being selfish, but I'm no doubt naive. When my doctors made light of it like they did, I assumed that it'd be okay, but still had lingering doubts due to common sense practicalities (or lack thereof). Hence why I came here.

Definitely learned a lot, so I appreciate everyone sharing. Best of luck throughout the rest of your babies' childhood

.

mysticl · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

Thanks girls! Truly appreciate the insight. Like someone said, I don't think I'm being selfish, but I'm no doubt naive. When my doctors made light of it like they did, I assumed that it'd be okay, but still had lingering doubts due to common sense practicalities (or lack thereof). Hence why I came here. Definitely learned a lot, so I appreciate everyone sharing. Best of luck throughout the rest of your babies' childhood .

I could totally be wrong but I think that your doctors may have answered it from a strictly medical point of view. If you have a vaginal delivery, on or near your due date, with no complications then it's possible that you could medically attend the wedding. As in it wouldn't kill you or cause you serious harm if you attended. However, that doesn't take into account being uncomfortable, constantly having to change your pad, leaking breasts, bathroom issues, establishing breastfeeding, etc.

Don't be scared. Just understand that birth is completely unpredictable and may not go the way you planned/hoped. If it did I wouldn't have a 4 inch scar across my abdomen. The same goes for breastfeeding and parenting in general. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and you have a smooth delivery. Just understand that the minute that baby is born everything about your life will be different. And that's a good thing.

Evee30 · January 2014

I delivered twins 1 month ago, I'm going to a wedding in another state in 2 weeks (but AZ to CA), my mom will be with us caring for our babies and we will get a hotel near the reception so I can pump. I feel everything has already been said, but 1 extra thing crossed my mind... How do you plan on fitting into your bridesmaid dress so soon? After 1 month I still have 9lbs to lose before I'm at pre-preg weight, but I couldn't imagine getting fitted for a dress months ago, I have gone up a bra size and my belly still pertrudes a bit, it's not flattering

LibberDuck · January 2014

I finally got through this whole thing! @jenniferurs, you have received some great insight. I'm not going to get into the PP stuff, because that was pretty well covered. I'd like to add on to the "taking a newborn on a plane". My baby is now 3 months old and my whole family got colds two weeks ago. While DH, myself, and DS1 are totally symptom free at this point, I had to take LO to the pedi last week for a lingering cough. Turns out he developed bronchialitis from all the mucus and coughing. He now has to have breathing treatments through a nebulizer every 4 hours or so. Let me tell you, it is so heartbreaking to see such a young baby coughing, then with a mask over their face to help them breathe. I would never willingly put my infant into a situation where that could possibly happen.

With that being said, make sure you get your Tdap vaccine while you're pregnant to give your LO some protection. I know it won't really be the season to get sick, but 10 infants in CA have passed away so far this year from pertussis - it's no joke.

I wish you and your baby the best of luck.

Edited for typos.

Speshul · January 2014

@jenniferurs

You won't know what kind of complications you will have so purchase a ticket with insurance so you may be able to refund part of it. Also I would try to find a flight during a time when the airport isn't packed.

From what I gather, you aren't going if you have complications but if you feel up to it, you are.

If you are able to go this definitely won't be easy, have all your transportation arranged in advance and I would consider sending my items to the hotel in advance instead of dealing with luggage post partum. There isn't a medical reason you can't supply with formula except that your lo might have formula sensitivity. It may affect your breastfeeding/supply abilities if you do, but many do successfully...you just have to be diligent.

I would take the baby with you vs. leaving her home. Will the ceremony be long? I doubt you will be comfortable as an MOH, I would opt to attend the wedding instead of being in it. Maybe you can have a special reading during the ceremony or do the toast if you stay for the reception?

If you can't go, work out something using Skype for the ceremony!!

daniann333 · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

1) I'm aware the baby may be late; hence the reason I asked about the logistics involved with traveling with a one OR two week old. I included one, under the assumption that the baby could be born late. 2) My OBGYN said that flying with a newborn is a non-issue. She herself flew a week after giving birth. In fact, when I brought up this whole scenario at my first appointment, her reaction was "Oh that won't be a problem. You can definitely make it, provided you deliver close to your due date." That being said, I know it can be done. Whether or not I want it to be done is another matter altogether. 3) I appreciate all of your feedback, but am still looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so. Anyone who can shed light on that would be much appreciated! @Sing2phins My best friend set her date 6 months ago, so suffice to say, I agreed to be maid of honor long before I ever got pregnant.

is it ideal, no. Will you want to, prob not. But to answer your question. There is no medical harm switching between breast milk and formula other than LO might get constipated. And that is assuming that LO will take formula. Once my DS got breast milk, he would not take formula. But there is no medical danger, just make sure there is no milk allergy before giving formula

lollipoppoop · January 2014

karissa2009 said:
Let's put it this way. Thanks to a complicated delivery (following a rather uncomplicated pregnancy), I left the hospital weighing more than when I went in from IV fluids. I couldn't wear flip flops comfortably. I was as far beyond cankles as I could get without my skin actually splitting.

Everything said I should deliver early or on time--I was induced a week late for medical reasons, labored for 48 hours before having a c-section.

I think you must be rich, because there's no way in hell I'd pay for tickets (refundable or not), knowing there is a decent chance I wouldn't get to use them. Not to mention the dress, shoes, undergarments, etc needed as MOH.

Obviously, you're going ahead despite the vast majority telling you what a horrible idea it is.

ETA: forgot to add that my husband had to help me in and out of the shower (which is excruciating when first BFing) and help me dry off the first week (the 2 times I was actually able to shower). Add in incontinence, crazy sweats and BO and the inability to shave any part of myself...

I will say I am probably an extreme, but there was no indication any of this would happen.

My experience was exactly like this except I labored for 20 before ending up with an emergency c section.

shannalaura13 · January 2014

Everyone already covered it, but I'd say opt out as soon as you can! I'll say that at nine weeks post-partum now, I could not have fathomed that. I ended up with an emergency C-Section (four days past my due date) and a daughter in the NICU for a few days, and for 6-8 weeks after I was in so much pain. Even with the best laid plans, things happen. For a few weeks, I couldn't drive, could hardly sit up in bed... And even now I can't stockpile enough milk to be able to go anywhere more than a few hours, let alone overnight.

JuneMrs · January 2014

I think now is the time to graciously tell the bride you would love to be there for her but can't. Even if your baby came on your exact due date which is not very likely you have to give birth, get discharged from the hospital, settle in, and RECOVER. There's no way you will be up for participating in a wedding that soon after your baby is born you will be tired, leaking, bleeding, etc. Even with the best go get em attitude I think trying to do this is nuts. I will also tell you I was in in a wedding 3 months after LO was born and I still was off my weight wasn't right, I was trying to pump in between wedding actives, etc. It just isn't fair to do to yourself, baby, or the bride.

jenniferurs · May 2014

lrachelle80 said:
@jenniferurs - Still planning on going to the wedding? Be sure to keep us updated; we're all waiting eagerly for the report!

Yup, still planning on going. Got my bridesmaid dress in the mail and it looks hideous on me, but I'm guessing that's the least of my concerns.

jenniferurs · June 2014

We chose our pediatrician and discussed our concerns with her. She actually had the same circumstance arise upon the birth of her second child, so she's helping me to create a plan w/r/t a pumping schedule, early introduction of the bottle before I leave, and supplementation of formula if necessary. She didn't seem at all concerned, probably because she herself had previously gone through it, so that was comforting.

The downside? Baby is breech in a pike position and my doctor doesn't think she has enough room to turn, due to my narrow pelvic girdle. We're going to try exercises, acupuncture, etc. to try to turn her over the next 8 weeks, but if nothing changes, I'll be going in at 39 weeks for a c-section. So now instead of 2 1/2 weeks post vaginal delivery, it'll be 3 1/2 weeks post c-section. Can't imagine I'll be able to dance or do any kind of strenuous activity, but both my doctor and pediatrician said I should be feeling well enough by then to partake in everything else.

mrschessie · July 2014

I was told at 32 weeks that my breech baby probably wasn't going to move, but he did at 35 weeks. I knew exactly when it happened too. So nothing is impossible. (Then after he flipped, the ultrasound also showed him being large and the doctor said I'd need to either pray to go into labor at 38 weeks or be prepared for a c-section and a 10 lb baby. I delivered 4 days early and had a 7lb 11oz baby. All that to say that even with all our medical and technological advancements, babies are unpredictable!)

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being selfish for wanting to be there for your friend. I think there's a good chance you won't be up for it, or you'll make it but will be pretty miserable physically, at least, and a good chance emotionally too. But I also think you've got a chance of making it work.

Recovery is so unique. A friend of mine posted pictures of taking her baby on a 1.5 mile hike a few days after giving birth. There's no way I could have done that.

I can't speak for c-section recovery, but here's some of my experience. I felt like my vagina was a giant balloon for a week. Nine days PP I felt like I needed to pee, so I headed for the bathroom and blood gushed out of me like nothing I ever experienced before. It looked like a crime scene in my kitchen. I thought for sure I was going to die lol, but I called the doctor and apparently it's common occurrence 8-10 days PP. A few days later I started running a fever and ended up in the ER with a uterine infection. The whole poop thing is interesting. I was taking stool softeners and I uhh pooped myself. Thankful I was wearing a depends (much better than dealing with pads in those early days!!). So I cut back on the stool softener and had the classic painful poo you hear about. Neither was fun. Honestly the worst part of thinking of being in a wedding for me would have been walking down the aisle and then standing for the ceremony. I tired easy, had this painful pressure feeling in my vagina, and had to hold on to like the kitchen counter if I had been standing for more than a few minutes.

I wanted to leave you with some positives too. My BF experience has been pretty amazing. Owen came out and latched on like a pro and my supply is pretty much perfectly regulated for him. The only pain I experienced was that he developed thrush while I was on antibiotics for the infection. The thrush made my nipples sore, but I used some lanolin, cleaned them with vinegar, got Owen on medication for it, and switched up positions and they were feeling better in a day or two. Today is 10 weeks PP for us, and I've barely experienced any engorgement and no clogged ducts. They only time I leak is overnight when it's been awhile since he ate and that's becoming rarer now. I never needed nursing pads in the day time. I also didn't experience the baby blues--and I'm normally a very emotional person with family history or depression so I was even worried about PPD. I attribute this to the fact that BF went so well and my LO is a great sleeper so I was well rested.

At some point, you'll realize you're starting to feel more like yourself. The hard part is predicting that. It came about 3 weeks for me. Some it's sooner, some later. You need to decide what's best for your family and try not to worry about what others think. I took LO to a Baltimore Orioles baseball game at 4 weeks. I got some looks and even heard someone say something about the baby being in the sun as I walked by. (He wasn't. We purposefully got seats under the roof.) it wasn't as convenient as going to a game pre-baby, but we all had a really good day. Also, I'm a school social worker and my maternity leave was up with 6 days left in the year. I went back to work those days and some people made comments about how I should have just taken them unpaid to be with my baby. But for our family, it would have been too much of a hardship to take more time off unpaid especially since I carry our insurance and had to take some time unpaid based on how our sick leave bank works.

Anyways, back to you. I had a few suggestions--
I know your friend is having a child free wedding, but I was wondering if you could talk to your friend about a different arrangement depending on the venue. At the church I got married, there were tons of Sunday school rooms, many far away from the sanctuary where a crying baby wouldn't be able to be heard. Your MIL and LO could hang out there and you could nurse instead of pumping? For me, nursing would be so much quicker than pumping. You could pump a little before hand to bottle feed if you couldn't be right there, too.

I'd talk to the bride and make some compromises. Like skipping the receiving line so you could pump/nurse and then be back for pictures? I'd let her know that you'll do your best but outside of being present for the ceremony you can't make any guarantees. It sounds like she had a backup plan with the 2nd MOH in case you can't be there at all so maybe all you will need to worry about is standing beside her during the ceremony?

As far as getting there, I'd fly over drive myself. Not sure what your finances are, but I'd consider getting an extra seat if you're doing coach or upgrade to business class. I don't mind breastfeeding in public with my cover, but I've been in coach squeezed beside some large and/or weird dudes before. Just sitting there is uncomfortable enough without trying to get your kid to breastfeed.

SecondTimeinMSU · July 2014

What about enjoying the wedding via webcam? Not exactly ideal but if someone could set it up for you at least you could experience the ceremony in live time. Just an alternative idea though you seem set on going to the wedding.

Xath · July 2014

jenniferurs said:

We chose our pediatrician and discussed our concerns with her. She actually had the same circumstance arise upon the birth of her second child, so she's helping me to create a plan w/r/t a pumping schedule, early introduction of the bottle before I leave, and supplementation of formula if necessary. She didn't seem at all concerned, probably because she herself had previously gone through it, so that was comforting.

The downside? Baby is breech in a pike position and my doctor doesn't think she has enough room to turn, due to my narrow pelvic girdle. We're going to try exercises, acupuncture, etc. to try to turn her over the next 8 weeks, but if nothing changes, I'll be going in at 39 weeks for a c-section. So now instead of 2 1/2 weeks post vaginal delivery, it'll be 3 1/2 weeks post c-section. Can't imagine I'll be able to dance or do any kind of strenuous activity, but both my doctor and pediatrician said I should be feeling well enough by then to partake in everything else.

My main advice to you if you end up with a cesarean is to take the least pain medication you can stand getting away with, and walk as much as possible. These two in conjunction will allow you to walk your body to recover faster, but know your real pain level so you don't overexert yourself.

I wrote this for my BMB after my 3rd cesarean. I hope you find it useful.

I certainly would not have been up for being a MOH 2 weeks pp (LO3 was still in the NICU at that point), but I think you're taking an idealistic but realistic perspective. As long as you are having a continuing open conversation with your bride, and she's supportive of you whether you can make it or not, then why not make plans for the possibility you could make it?

danalawrence · July 2014

^^ echoing @gertiebarden‌ -- great advice. If you have the Csec, get up and walk ASAP. HUGE difference in overall recovery time. I had Csec #2 three weeks ago today. Our daughter was at 38w3d when I went into labor. DH and I are going to a wedding next week and bringing her. I feel great, completely capable of going. Recovery has not been bad at all and I'm 5 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight (go breastfeeding

). Just wanted to throw in a personal account that's less medically traumatic than some I've read above.

jenniferurs · July 2014

danalawrence said:

^^ echoing @gertiebarden‌ -- great advice. If you have the Csec, get up and walk ASAP. HUGE difference in overall recovery time. I had Csec #2 three weeks ago today. Our daughter was at 38w3d when I went into labor. DH and I are going to a wedding next week and bringing her. I feel great, completely capable of going. Recovery has not been bad at all and I'm 5 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight (go breastfeeding ). Just wanted to throw in a personal account that's less medically traumatic than some I've read above.

That's amazing! So glad to hear that it's going well for you!

I doubt I'll be as lucky as you to be so close to pre-pregnancy weight, but I ordered my bridesmaid dress 2 sizes up (usually a 4, ordered an 8) and have a seamstress on speed-dial, ready to make alterations the week of. So I should be good at least in that respect.

As far as the comments suggesting I should talk to my best friend about making an exception to her child-free wedding, we've discussed it and she's offered to secure a private room near the site for my mother or mother-in-law and baby, but my pediatrician recommended leaving her in the stability of the home, rather than putting her on a flight at that age. The bride knows that I'm going to have to pump throughout the day in order to maintain my supply though and she's obviously fine with that.

I'm not looking forward to the whole c-section thing (though, again, like someone else said, she could still flip!), but I've had numerous moms message me on Facebook about their c-section experience and when I asked each of them how they were feeling 3 weeks later, they all said they were definitely feeling well enough to travel to a wedding. So that's promising; though like an earlier poster said, everyone recovers differently, so I can only hope to be so lucky. Even then, I know to expect a certain amount of discomfort, but I'm completely fine with that. Like in this situation, I also had a good number of people tell me that it'd be crazy to go to Key West for 4 days, 3 nights at 7 months pregnant for a bachelorette party, and while I was definitely uncomfortable being on my feet for as long as I was on some days, it was definitely worth it to spend that time with my best friend and celebrate this huge moment in her life. So I don't know. I know I won't be feeling great, but that's fine with me. I've never been too concerned with how I'd be feeling, because I know I can get through it. My main concern has always been with my baby, and when I chose my pediatrician (who's the head of pediatrics at a local top-rated hospital), the first questions I asked had to do with bonding, switching between breast and bottle, and supplementing with formula if my milk supply hadn't produced enough for the weekend. When I found out that she herself had left her child at 2 weeks to attend a wedding and that she had a plan for me, based upon her experience, I felt a lot better about the whole thing and know that my little one will be in good hands with my mother, my pediatrician (who makes house calls and will be on call all weekend in case my mother should need help) and my husband, should he decide to stay behind.

horsemom2012 · August 2014

I live in Louisiana and had to travel alone with a 6 week old baby to evacuate a hurricane. (DH works at a hospital and couldn't leave.) NOTHING about that trip went as planned. I ended up in Tuscaloosa, Alabama in the emergency lane crying as much as LO because a wreck was preventing us from getting to an exit. We were MISERABLE! Airplane travel never goes as expected and the added stress of a newborn will only make it more stressful. Even if you're in great physical shape, you've just put your body through a very traumatic event and it needs time to recover. I would tell your friend now that you won't be able to attend because I can almost guarantee that after baby comes, you will change your mind about going. It wouldn't be fair to your friend to wait until then to tell her you aren't coming.

jenniferurs · August 2014

horsemom2012 said:

I live in Louisiana and had to travel alone with a 6 week old baby to evacuate a hurricane. (DH works at a hospital and couldn't leave.) NOTHING about that trip went as planned. I ended up in Tuscaloosa, Alabama in the emergency lane crying as much as LO because a wreck was preventing us from getting to an exit. We were MISERABLE! Airplane travel never goes as expected and the added stress of a newborn will only make it more stressful. Even if you're in great physical shape, you've just put your body through a very traumatic event and it needs time to recover. I would tell your friend now that you won't be able to attend because I can almost guarantee that after baby comes, you will change your mind about going. It wouldn't be fair to your friend to wait until then to tell her you aren't coming.

Changing my mind won't happen. I've made a commitment and I intend to honor it. Like I said before, at more than 7 months pregnant, the last thing I actually wanted to do was go to Key West for a Friday-Monday long bachelorette party, but I did it anyway. Was I comfortable? No. Was it ideal? No. But my best friend's wedding (and the events leading up to it) aren't about my comfort and what's ideal for me. I'm fine being uncomfortable, so long as it means I get to be there for her.

mkw1013 · August 2014

So currently how far along are you? Should be coming up soon right?

jenniferurs · August 2014

mkw1013 said:
So currently how far along are you? Should be coming up soon right?

Hi! Sorry for the delayed response. My little one decided that she wanted to come 2 weeks early, so she was born last Thursday at exactly 38 weeks.

My milk came in with the quickness and she latched on right away, so things have been going really well in that regard! I'm actually pretty engorged, even after feedings, so my pediatrician and I are going to develop a pumping schedule at our one week appointment tomorrow in order to help drain my breasts and establish a supply for that weekend in September.

I had to have a c-section, because LO remained breech, and recovery has been way more difficult than I would have imagined. But we're 6 days out and it gets a little better each day, so I think I should be feeling well enough to travel in 23 days.

So all in all, things are going well! I'm so in love with my LO, but am still so excited for my best friend's wedding and know my mom will take great care of her while I'm gone.

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