Feeling hopeless

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

Ladies, I am in a bad spot right now. These two BFP posts have really got me in a funk.

I know I keep saying I am not totally ready to conceive right now, but the fact that I don't even have the choice is killing me. I am feeling so hopeless and stuck right now-- I don't even have the comfort of charting in hopes that something might happen soon.

Ugh. I am throwing myself a pity party right now.

annibes · January 2014

I'm sorry. I can't make it better, but I can sympathize. Secondary infertility is so freakin' lame.

pettycrocker · January 2014

Yea, it's pretty irritating to all of us. I guess some douchebag trolls think it's hilarious to come and mess with an infertility board. Maybe they got tired of throwing rocks at kittens 8-|

Sorry you are having a bad day Amer. Hugs.

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

I had a pregnant friend offer me her leftover OPKs today. It hurt because she has no use for them anymore and I am no where near that point.

Can I throw a potato or something now?

annibes · January 2014

Maybe explode one in the microwave. The build-up and hissing will be satisfying.

lucky7wife · January 2014

I'm sorry you are feeling down. It is such a rollercoaster. Whenever I feel that way I try to focus on the big picture. All in good time. Have faith your turn will come, and it will be at the perfect moment for you.

KC1212 · January 2014

I'm getting the feeling you want to ttc now but can't?

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. (Hugs)!

freakyfast · January 2014

I'm sorry Amer. (((HUGS))) try not to let the douchy trolls get you down. Just know they have nothing better to do then try to hurt people. They suck.

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

@KC1212- I don't know where I stand. I know I could take clomid and ovulate, and possibly conceive but I feel like its a band aid; I am not ovulating on my own and I want to be able to.

Also, the hubs and I have talked about it, and we keep saying that we want to actively ttc in the spring or summer-- this gives us time to maybe get my cycle on track and hopefully get me set up with a different job that is more conducive to family life. And as naive as it sounds, we really don't want another September/October/November birthday as we have so many in our extended family now. However, the more people who announce their pregnancies the more I want to start trying now.

Jeffreysmom24 · January 2014

Sorry you are feeling down! I hope that you can get some answers soon and a plan that makes sense for you.

bcw2009 · January 2014

Hugs! So sorry to hear you are in a bad spot!! We all go through those times and to be honest I'm not sure what makes them better...just time?! I agree with the others who said maybe coming up with a plan or timeline will help you feel more in control of your situation...

Jen071407 · January 2014

Amerbutt81 said:

@KC1212- I don't know where I stand. I know I could take clomid and ovulate, and possibly conceive but I feel like its a band aid; I am not ovulating on my own and I want to be able to. Also, the hubs and I have talked about it, and we keep saying that we want to actively ttc in the spring or summer-- this gives us time to maybe get my cycle on track and hopefully get me set up with a different job that is more conducive to family life. And as naive as it sounds, we really don't want another September/October/November birthday as we have so many in our extended family now. However, the more people who announce their pregnancies the more I want to start trying now.

(Hugs) I think once you get these questions answered/decided you'll feel better. I personally always struggle with breaks and doing nothing. I completely understand that the initial hurdle to embrace medications to do something that SHOULD happen naturally is incredibly hard, but I think, and I'm guessing others would agree, once you do, it seems like such a logical decision. It has taken me a long time, but I can now easily admit that my body is effed and just needs meds/procedures to help it do what it is supposed to do. I thank science everyday for giving me hope. And since this seems to be honesty day on SIF, I'll add that I would throw the timing thing out the window. There's no guarantee clomid will work the first, second, or in my case 7th, time. You might regret delaying. Of course if it does work right away, I'm fairly certain you'll be so overjoyed you won't even think about the EDD month. ETA: I know you're having a bad day, so I hope that didn't come off bitchy. Just some things to think about that I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out with my RE.

Momarazzi007 · January 2014

I'm sorry

don't let some jerks put you down, they win that way, and you're better than that! I know it is tough now, but maybe it is your heart trying to push you to a decision? You may want to give it more time, but would you be happier 5-10 years later looking back having moved forward? Just something to consider- I was there after my failed FET, and I couldn't wait any longer and I thought on that long and hard a made some pretty drastic actions to get my ball rolling that finally stopped my downward spiral into depression. Not what I wanted to do, but I'll never look back and wish I had waited- I couldn't any longer. I may be way off base, but these are things I think if when my heart hurts like yours is. (Hugs) tomorrow is a new day and a new reason to hope!

GraceyandTroy · January 2014

I agree with the other ladies that suggest making a timeline will help you feel more in control. It's so hard. Your feelings are totally real and normal and there are a lot of us here who understand and share your hurt. Maybe having an agreed upon plan and timetable with what you're going to do now and how long you'll wait till the next step will help you feel like you're doing something and making progress. I'm sorry you're having a down day.

CheesyPeas · January 2014

Just adding in my ((hugs))

SoBelle09 · January 2014

Just adding more hugs. I'm sure your friend didn't mean anything by the OPK offer but I know it hurts

Acegoat · January 2014

Just sending hugs. Secondary infertility sucks. Hope tomorrow is better.

lcloffredo · January 2014

I was in the same boat of not wanting another march birthday and wanting to ovulate on my own so just wanted to say hang in there and that I hope everything works out!

KC1212 · January 2014

I agree with everything @jen071407 said about trying now.

My son took 4 years to conceive. And this time around it took 5 months before I got pregnant. I think if you want a summer baby start now and thank your lucky stars if it happens sooner.

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

KC1212 said:
I agree with everything @jen071407 said about trying now.

My son took 4 years to conceive. And this time around it took 5 months before I got pregnant. I think if you want a summer baby start now and thank your lucky stars if it happens sooner.

Thank my lucky stars if it happens sooner? Wow. That is like people telling me I should be grateful I already have a child. Thanks for making me feel like a big asshole.

The fact of the matter is we are not in a place to be pregnant right now, both financially and professionally. I understand you ladies have traveling this road for a long time, but I am just starting out. And I would like to at least try to ovulate in my own-- I have some time and I think I owe it to myself to at least try.

KC1212 · January 2014

Oh amerbutt81 I didn't mean it that way at all. I apologize sincerely.

cerad5 · January 2014

I feel ya, being benched makes the BFPs that much harder.

Jen071407 · January 2014

Amerbutt81 said:

I agree with everything @jen071407 said about trying now. My son took 4 years to conceive. And this time around it took 5 months before I got pregnant. I think if you want a summer baby start now and thank your lucky stars if it happens sooner.
Thank my lucky stars if it happens sooner? Wow. That is like people telling me I should be grateful I already have a child. Thanks for making me feel like a big asshole. The fact of the matter is we are not in a place to be pregnant right now, both financially and professionally. I understand you ladies have traveling this road for a long time, but I am just starting out. And I would like to at least try to ovulate in my own-- I have some time and I think I owe it to myself to at least try.

I know @KC1212 already explained she didn't mean that in a harsh way, but I want to add I think what she, and I, was trying to say is that, yes, being able to plan and time would be ideal for all of us. The fact of the matter is here we are on SIF not TTGP, so unfortunately we've lost that privilege (for the record many on TTGP have, too). So getting a bfp AT ALL is something we need to be thankful for.

I'm having a hard time understanding where you're coming from. You've said you don't want to start TTC yet, but then you've said you wish you could, and that you would likely ovulate with clomid. Physically not being able to is much different, in my eyes, than choosing not to for financial and professional reasons - which are totally legit if that's the case.

Again, I know you're hurting emotionally right now, and I've definitely been there. I'm not trying to jump on you, just understand better. I sincerely hope you have a better day today!

Momarazzi007 · January 2014

So I was truly trying to be nice, but you got to understand - we are in this board bc we've done EVERYTHING WE CAN to try and conceive. Meds, invasive procedures, timing and everything in between. You, Amerbutt are truly oblivious to how insensitive you are being. I would dare say every woman in here have given up dreams long ago about wishing for a birth month or waiting til it is convenient - I'd dare say wish we could take back those selfish year to have a little more time to try before we can't anymore. We are now praying it happens everyday- before something happens that we are no longer able to have babies. That you are so wishy washy and moping and wether you see it or not, attacking anyone on here- is just amazing to me. Fuck- we ALL ARE LUCKY TO HAVE ONE ALREADY- so even though she didn't say it, if she had said it to me- I'd be like. "You know KC, you're right, but that doesn't stop us from trying. Tomorrow is another day right? Then she'd have told me five fertility dances to do Ina mountain too in the moon light and all would still be good. But seriously- you don't want to take clomid to start ovulating then honestly- you really aren't all in and that is just a slap in the face to everyone here who keeps doing EVERYTHING THEY CAN to get pregnant and you are just pity party out in the middle of us saying "I don't know if I want to be pregnant right now." WE DO.
WE.
DO.
Now I know you're probably going to think in a real bitch for all this, but I'm real attached to these ladies and I don't like how you just attacked and don't have a clue how you are being perceived. Think- think, think. You really need to know your audience. Not attack them and assume all the while looking ridiculous bc you aren't seriously trying. You have to understand, I'm not the only one whose blood is boiling. Please really consider if this is the right board for you right now? Maybe in a few months when you are truly ready come back?

CeCe8579 · January 2014

I agree 100% with Moma!!!

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

@KC1212 I am sorry. I took that wrong and I apologize for jumping down your throat. No hard feelings?

@Jen071407
Ok let me think how I can clear this up. I realize what's in my head doesn't always translate that well. So I have not ovulated or had any sort of menstrual cycle since December 2010. My husband and I have never used any sort of protection or birth control, so even though we haven't been actively TTC, there is obviously something wrong. So I came on this board looking for answers and support.

As far as my "timeline" goes: in a perfect world I will get pregnant in late June/early July, have the most wonderful pregnancy, and loose the baby weight with in two weeks. But we all know that's not how it goes. I know it's going to take a lot longer so we will probably start actively TTC in March or April.
On the flip side, I am about to do a major career change, something I don't want to have to do while pregnant. So on the very very slight chance that we are able to conceive quicker than expected, I would like to be settled in my job a little more.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you ladies are like the high school seniors and I am a freshman-- I am just starting out and I am looking to you for guidance. I know I don't 100% fit your mold, but I am here willing to give you all support and hoping that when it is my turn, you will be there for me. I know I've got a long road ahead of me, and I am just starting out- like you all did at some point.

KC1212 · January 2014

@amerbutt81 apology accepted. Let's not fight.

Please know, that these ladies have been through a lot. It's been a long journey for us. I've been on this board almost a year now and many were already here before me are still here now.

I wish you nothing but success.

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

I know you all have a rough time, I will not deny you that. I respect you all!

But please don't deny me support because I am just starting.

Jen071407 · January 2014

That does help clarify. I will admit though, it is going to be hard for many of us to empathize with your situation because the bottom line is you are not actively TTC right now, for a variety of good reasons, so I don't think you can really understand where most of us are mentally and emotionally. I know I can only speak for myself, but it is hard to offer support when some of your comments, like picking a due date and wanting to conceive without the help of medications, really rub me the wrong way. The majority of us have come to terms with the reality that things like that are just not possible for us - we're infertile. I'm not saying you're not welcome here, I'm just saying, to steal your metaphor, us "seniors" are at an entirely different place than you, so keep that in mind.

Momarazzi007 · January 2014

I really appreciate you taking time to explain your position and all of that makes the puzzle more complete. I went through a huge job change (admin to Engineer) when I did FET Nov 2010, and I definitely attribute the stress to the failure. I totally get trying to be settled first. I think it is hard, maybe really just for me- I'll admit it might just be me- to figure this out. I know this board has years of failure before joining and I think maybe that is where you seems odd man out? I get not ovulating for years and that being concerning- but it doesn't sound like you've been trying that time, just planning on it. Correct me if I am wrong and misreading. I'm a little lost and I want to make sure I am being understanding- So I'm going to ask questions- not to interrogate, but so I understand you better and where you are coming from. Please feel free to let me know if I'm being invasive.
Since Dec 2010, the doctors don't know why, or have any idea? I have little experience with unexplained infertility, could this be it?

+SouthernMomma+ · January 2014

Amerbutt81 said:

I know you all have a rough time, I will not deny you that. I respect you all! But please don't deny me support because I am just starting.

I wasn't going to post, but I fuck the rules at the moment... With all do respect, you ARE NOT just starting, as you have said many time already... you are waiting until the timing is more convenient for you. & That's fine sweetie, but if that's the case, then 2IF isn't for you... YET. The women on this board do not have that liberty to just wait, regardless of the reason.

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

Alright guys... the preferred due date was tongue in cheek, ok? Let's stop beating this dead horse already.

>>Since Dec 2010, the doctors don't know why, or have any idea? I have little experience with unexplained infertility, could this be it?<<

Well, first it was pregnancy of my son. So, that took up 40 weeks of time

After I gave birth in Oct 2011, we just assumed it was because I was breast feeding. After his first birthday and I stopped, nothing happened, so my normal endocrinologist and I started aggressively attacking my Prolactinoma, hoping that was the answer. When my numbers got lower then they've ever been in my life, my endo was stumped. So she referred me to an RE. That's when I was diagnosed with PCOS this past December,

Over the past summer, I wanted to be pregnant so badly I could taste it. I read the Taking Control of Your Fertility cover to cover. Because of my wonky schedule I woke up every single day at 4 am to take my temperature. I studied my cervical mucus. I was peeing on OPKs like it was going out of style. I kept hoping that ovulation was just around the corner. It HAD to be, right? The hubs and I had even agreed that if all signs pointed to a fertile day, we would give it the old collage try. I even peed on pregnancy sticks thinking maybe I had missed the signs. But that day never came. And when I was diagnosed with the PCOS, that's when the hubs and I decided to focus our attention on me changing careers, and understand my new diagnosis better. Also, a part of me changing careers is so that I can commit to charting my cycle with my RE; as it stands right now, I can't get to the office for the blood work and internal exam as much as needed to properly start this regimen.

As far as Clomid goes-- I am not against it. At all. I'll admit, I was a little wary of it at first, but if I have to, I will use it. But to me, I want to asses the issue of my infertility first-- the PCOS/ Prolactinoma. FOR MY PERSONAL SITUATION, I feel like Clomid is a band aid for the underlying problem. If my car was dying on the highway every day, I wouldn't charge the battery and hope it didn't happen again. I would take it to the mechanic to see what was making it do that. And that's how I feel about the PCOS. I want to understand what is going on with my body and be the healthiest version I can be if and when I need Clomid. I won't lie, I am a little bit of a crunchy granola hippie. I like to seek out natural options first. That's just my personal preference and I pass no judgement on people who don't agree with me. If the natural options don't work, then I will hop on the Clomid train. I'll try IUI. I might have to stop at IVF because I don't think my insurance will cover it, and we just don't have the cashmoney to pay for it out of pocket. Unless I turn out to be amazeballs at this new job and start rollin deep. Then bring it.

I have to admit it makes me sad I am meet with so much resistance because I was directed here by both the TTC and TTTC boards, and I really thought I had found people who understood what I was going through. I really don't know where I belong.

+SouthernMomma+ · January 2014

I really don't know where I belong.

Im not even going to read all the other shit you wrote, I just wanted to respond to this part....

ANSWER: Its not here. not yet anyway. audios!

Jeffreysmom24 · January 2014

Maybe the reason you can't find the right board is that you aren't really TTC yet? I think you have stated legitimate reasons for waiting but I have to agree with PPs that it is hard to relate to some of your thinking. In any event, I wanted to wish you good luck with everything. You seem really nice and I hope that things work out for you with the job situation etc.

Amerbutt81 · January 2014

+SouthernMomma+ said:

I really don't know where I belong.

Im not even going to read all the other shit you wrote, I just wanted to respond to this part....

ANSWER: Its not here. not yet anyway. audios!

What the..?? Did I run over your dog or something? That was unnecessarily rude.

Anyway, I see your point. I shall google my questions until I am ready to officially start trying in a month or so.

Thanks for your help ladies. Best wishes to you all.

annibes · January 2014

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I know what it's like to feel alone. I am also trying everything as naturally as possible- my DS has a diagnosis of autism that may or may not have a genetic component and our chances of having another child on the autism spectrum may be pretty high. For that reason, we have avoided invasive treatment. I wish we could just go ahead and do IVF/ICSI, but I would never forgive myself if we ended up giving another child a hard life because we wanted another baby.

We all have different battles. I see both sides of this overall disagreement. In the end, we all want the same thing and will take different paths and go to different measures to go there. But I do agree that one major difference lies in the fact that most on this board are actively trying for #2 or 3. Personally, it is really hard to hear "it will be hard for me when I start trying for my next child" when I look back on the last 3.5 years that it HAS been hard for H and me. I think that stems from a naive jealousy on my part that if someone hasn't started trying, anything could happen. It's like waiting for a drive-by.

Sorry for the mind dump. I'm sick with a cold and my thoughts are all over the place. I really do wish you the best, whatever you decide to do. I think you have provided support to this board and that's majorly appreciated. Part of the issue here as that the group that is here can't sympathize with where you are in your 2IF battle, and so I see you putting out a lot of encouragement but not getting a lot back. I don't blame anyone for this, it's just an unfortunate mis-match.

Want a personalized experience?

Feeling hopeless

Re: Feeling hopeless

Choose Another Board

Search Boards