Out of state wedding 2 weeks after due date

jenniferurs · January 2014

Hi all!

I'm currently only in my first trimester, but had a question for the more experienced vets.

I'm the MOH in a wedding 16 days after my due date and trying like hell to figure this all out. My mom offered to watch the baby for a weekend, while I travel from FL to NJ for the wedding, but I'm unsure if this is even feasible. Is it possible to pump enough milk to last an entire weekend that soon after giving birth? And if not, is it okay to supplement with formula for that weekend or will that create some sort of future issue?

The other option is that my mother-in-law offered to fly to NJ with us and care for the baby while we're at the wedding. While that means I'd only have to pump for a day, rather than the whole weekend, I'm unsure if it's safe for a 1 or 2 week old to fly on a plane and I can't even imagine the logistics involved in making such a trip work.

I'm struggling with the nuances involved with these different options, as this is my first pregnancy and I'm completely naïve to caring for a newborn. As such, any advice/insight you could offer would be much appreciated.

Thank you so much in advance!

SoSweetTea1124 · January 2014

Ok this is riddled with problems for me....

1. you are assuming that LO will make their grand appearance on their due date..... only happens in like 2% of cases. You can go into labor a couple of weeks before your due date, or a couple of weeks after your due date... No one can really tell you when. You may be in the hospital while your friend is getting married.... who knows?

2. Leaving your newborn child that close after delivery is probably a no no.... that is your bonding time, you need that period to establish a bond with your baby, not to mention the fact that I highly doubt it if you are going to want to leave the baby after that short a time.

3. Your milk will probably not come in for 3-7 days after baby is born.... you will not be able to pump enough milk to supply your child over an entire weekend unless you worship the milk gods and you start producing enough milk for triplets right from the get go.

4. Do not put your newborn baby on a plane if you can at all help it! Are you CRAZY?? Your LO has NO immune system AT ALL.... NO NO NO NO NO.... do not do it!

I would tell your BFF that you arn't going to make it to the wedding at all, you will have just given birth and there is no way it will be possible for you to make the trip.

This is all pretty much common sense, that wedding is your last priority when it comes to having a newborn baby. That baby comes first and foremost!

Hopefully you decide that traveling from FL to NJ mere days after giving birth is a no go, but if you decide to do it I would seriously question your mental capacity.... Good Luck!

Mailmans Baby Momma · January 2014

Ha! You think you're going to the wedding, but you're not. I can't believe you're even considering it.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Priorities change when a baby is involved, or at least they should. If they don't, well, actions speak for themselves.

VegasGal1978 · January 2014

ALL of what PP said. Even if you had your LO early, your body may not be feeling well enough for an all day affair. I remember going to BRU and Target a week after delivery. I was out for two hours and I was in pain and exhausted when I got home. Also, I had my LO on 11/10. We had a wedding to attend on 12/20. I was not prepared to leave my newborn with a sitter and it wasn't appropriate for her to come with us. I stayed home. I would definitely bow out of the wedding now before it gets too close. I would hope that your friend would understand.

ASmallWonder · January 2014

Yeah, no. The first response had all the major points. Those are VERY valid points, every one. My first son was two weeks late and THEN I had a csection. Sorry to say but even if you're not pregnant or have a baby fresh from the birth canal, you will not be attending this wedding.

taraleanne · January 2014

No- sorry, it's not going to work. Even if baby is early, your supply won't be fully established so pumping and bottle feeding won't be a good idea as it could mess with your regulation. If the bride has never had children, she won't understand this but you're going to have to break it to her. Also at that age you won't want to be away from your baby for 5 minutes let alone a few hours, or a day and definitely not a weekend.

agfox92 · January 2014

Is driving a possibility? Then you can take lo with and not have to worry about the germs of the airport and airplane. If not and you are comfortable with leaving lo with you mom, use formula. Don't forget to pump while away though. Also if that's the course you go, make your trip as short as possible. My lo was born two weeks before thanksgiving and that didn't stop us from seeing family for the holidays but we drove everywhere and had shorter trips. For me, I felt fine by 2 weeks PP so it just depends on the person and how they feel.

bmhopkins · January 2014

I couldn't even sit comfortably for the first 4 or so weeks. My hormones were all over the place too. I would be happy one moment, then crying the next. I would so not want to travel and leave my LO that soon even if I had felt up to it.

CaitS07 · January 2014

I agree with all of the above and please note: it will be gut wrenching to leave your baby that young.

msditz00 · January 2014

Adoptive parents fly with newborns all the time, so of course it can be done. It is ideal? No. But if it is between leaving the baby or bringing him/her, then I would choose the flight. Also, travelling with an infant is really a breeze. It is when they are older and can figure out ways to wreak havoc on those around you that travelling becomes an issue.

If you are OK with the possibility that you may have to cancel due to delivering very late or unexpected health concerns, then plan on bringing the baby.

I am a very relaxed, go with the flow mom. But even I wouldn't even bother entertaining the idea of going to the wedding. Refundable flights are expensive, and risking losing the nonrefundable flight fees just sucks. It is a lot of money to take a gamble on. I would rather take that money to the casino!

jenniferurs · January 2014

1) I'm aware the baby may be late; hence the reason I asked about the logistics involved with traveling with a one OR two week old. I included one, under the assumption that the baby could be born late.

2) My OBGYN said that flying with a newborn is a non-issue. She herself flew a week after giving birth. In fact, when I brought up this whole scenario at my first appointment, her reaction was "Oh that won't be a problem. You can definitely make it, provided you deliver close to your due date."

That being said, I know it can be done. Whether or not I want it to be done is another matter altogether.

3) I appreciate all of your feedback, but am still looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so. Anyone who can shed light on that would be much appreciated!

@Sing2phins My best friend set her date 6 months ago, so suffice to say, I agreed to be maid of honor long before I ever got pregnant.

lollipoppoop · January 2014

What if you have a c section? My ob would never clear me to fly after having one and I could barly walk

Mailmans Baby Momma · January 2014

jenniferurs said:
1) I'm aware the baby may be late; hence the reason I asked about the logistics involved with traveling with a one OR two week old. I included one, under the assumption that the baby could be born late.

2) My OBGYN said that flying with a newborn is a non-issue. She herself flew a week after giving birth. In fact, when I brought up this whole scenario at my first appointment, her reaction was "Oh that won't be a problem. You can definitely make it, provided you deliver close to your due date."

That being said, I know it can be done. Whether or not I want it to be done is another matter altogether.

3) I appreciate all of your feedback, but am still looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so. Anyone who can shed light on that would be much appreciated!

@Sing2phins My best friend set her date 6 months ago, so suffice to say, I agreed to be maid of honor long before I ever got pregnant.

This really bugs me: looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so.

Medical advice should come from your doctor, not an Internet forum. Here you're just going to get opinions and experiences, and they're like assholes...everybody has one.

My opinion: of course it can be done, but it's up to you whether or not it's something you want to do. I personally didn't want my baby on formula if I could keep from it, but there's nothing wrong with doing so.

Also, my understanding is that you build your milk receptors within the first few weeks after giving birth, so even if you go, you should be pumping every 2-3 hours if you're really wanting to breastfeed.

Edited typos because long responses on mobile are hard while a baby is on my booby.

jenniferurs · January 2014

Mailmans Baby Momma said:

1) I'm aware the baby may be late; hence the reason I asked about the logistics involved with traveling with a one OR two week old. I included one, under the assumption that the baby could be born late. 2) My OBGYN said that flying with a newborn is a non-issue. She herself flew a week after giving birth. In fact, when I brought up this whole scenario at my first appointment, her reaction was "Oh that won't be a problem. You can definitely make it, provided you deliver close to your due date." That being said, I know it can be done. Whether or not I want it to be done is another matter altogether. 3) I appreciate all of your feedback, but am still looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so. Anyone who can shed light on that would be much appreciated! @Sing2phins My best friend set her date 6 months ago, so suffice to say, I agreed to be maid of honor long before I ever got pregnant.
This really hugs me: looking for an answer as to whether one can switch between formula and breast milk or if there's a medical danger in doing so. Medical advice should come from your doctor, not an Internet forum. Here your just going to get opinions and experiences, and they're like assholes...everybody has one. My opinion: of course it can be done, but it's up to you whether or not it's something you want to do. I personally didn't want my baby on formula if I could keep from it, but there's nothing wrong with doing so. Also, my understanding is that you build your milk receptors within the first few weeks after giving birth, so even if you go, you should be pumping every 2-3 hours if you're really wanting to breastfeed.

jenniferurs · January 2014

CitrusXoXo said:

What if you have a c section? My ob would never clear me to fly after having one and I could barly walk

JamieMaffenbeier · January 2014

Before my dd came I had nooooo idea! Thought I did, but I had no effin clue. I had the same situation happen though, my good friend got married on my due date. I was suppose to be in her wedding, but she graciously understood that I would not be there, let alone stand up for her! And being a MOH is a big deal, you have a lot of responsibility. So not really fair to you, your baby, and the bride! But if you feel you have that all work out, the chances of it working breast feeding wise seem slim. Breast feeding is really hard in the beginning, and taking a trip away from babe sound like a disaster as far as being successful goes. And if you end up bringing the baby be aware that your new found boobs will do some crazy shit, to include spraying milk all over!

mmmchu2 · January 2014

Bring is really hard! You need to be with your baby to get bfing started and going. I would never leave my nb for more than a couple hours let alone a weekend. I have a 6 wk old and wouldn't even want to fly or travel or leave the baby at this point let alone a week or 2 or 3 after he was born! Tell your friend right now you will not be there!

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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jenniferurs · January 2014

stlucia_wife said:
If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital.

And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?!

Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital.

So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!

Lol at you making it about partying.

Karadee1 · January 2014

The thing about pregnancy and childbirth is that the whole process, especially at the end, is completely unpredictable. Adjusting to life with a newborn is hard, and no way would I want to travel during those precious first few weeks for anything. It doesn't matter if you already agreed to do whatever for the wedding, that little baby is going to be your number one priority, and it will be not in his or her best interest to travel like that during their first days outside the womb, for something like a wedding.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

jenniferurs · January 2014

stlucia_wife said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:
If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital.

And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?!

Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital.

So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!

Lol at you making it about partying.
Wait, am I missing something. I thought weddings where a huge celebration and a party?! Weddings must of changed since 2008.

Yes it's a celebration, but to classify it as me wanting to party is to completely bastardize the true meaning of the day. It's not about partying. It's about watching my best friend of almost 20 years marry the man she's in love with. A day she and I have been talking about for as long as I can remember. The wedding could end right there and include no reception whatsoever and I'd still want to be there for it. So no, my desire to be there has nothing to do with a desire to party.

VegasGal1978 · January 2014

I know your main concern is short term formula feeding, but as a FTM you really don't have any clue what you are in for. I sure as hell didn't. There are so many things that you need to consider BEFORE even figuring out how to feed your baby during the wedding weekend. First, when are you having your baby? You just don't know. Next, if you intend to BF this is not as easy as just having the baby latch and your milk just magically appear. Four weeks in, I was still struggling, doing triple duty by BFing, pumping, and supplementing via bottle. This took so much time. Additionally, if you have trouble BFing and your LO is not gaining weight you may need to have numerous Drs visits over a stretch of time. There is still more too. Delivery complications, possible c section, how will your body heal regardless of delivery method, adjusting to a new way of life and I am sure there are a million things I am missing. It would be very unfair to your friend if you got to the week of her wedding and something changed preventing you from being there at the last minute. How would she feel? And above all your baby needs you. Imagine coming into the world and being without the one person you know best even for just a few hours. Please please please reconsider going through with this.

jenniferurs · January 2014

VegasGal1978 said:
I know your main concern is short term formula feeding, but as a FTM you really don't have any clue what you are in for. I sure as hell didn't. There are so many things that you need to consider BEFORE even figuring out how to feed your baby during the wedding weekend. First, when are you having your baby? You just don't know. Next, if you intend to BF this is not as easy as just having the baby latch and your milk just magically appear. Four weeks in, I was still struggling, doing triple duty by BFing, pumping, and supplementing via bottle. This took so much time. Additionally, if you have trouble BFing and your LO is not gaining weight you may need to have numerous Drs visits over a stretch of time. There is still more too. Delivery complications, possible c section, how will your body heal regardless of delivery method, adjusting to a new way of life and I am sure there are a million things I am missing. It would be very unfair to your friend if you got to the week of her wedding and something changed preventing you from being there at the last minute. How would she feel? And above all your baby needs you. Imagine coming into the world and being without the one person you know best even for just a few hours. Please please please reconsider going through with this.

There was some really good insight here. Thanks for the advice!

VegasGal1978 · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital. And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?! Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital. So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!
Lol at you making it about partying.
Wait, am I missing something. I thought weddings where a huge celebration and a party?! Weddings must of changed since 2008.
Yes it's a celebration, but to classify it as me wanting to party is to completely bastardize the true meaning of the day. It's not about partying. It's about watching my best friend of almost 20 years marry the man she's in love with. A day she and I have been talking about for as long as I can remember. The wedding could end right there and include no reception whatsoever and I'd still want to be there for it. So no, my desire to be there has nothing to do with a desire to party.

Is experiencing this wedding with your friend more important than building a bond with your own child during the first weeks of life? Is it more important than BFing your child? I would hate to miss my BFFs wedding but sometimes other things take priority. You can't do everything all the time.

jenniferurs · January 2014

VegasGal1978 said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:
If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital.

And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?!

Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital.

So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!

Lol at you making it about partying.
Wait, am I missing something. I thought weddings where a huge celebration and a party?! Weddings must of changed since 2008.
Yes it's a celebration, but to classify it as me wanting to party is to completely bastardize the true meaning of the day. It's not about partying. It's about watching my best friend of almost 20 years marry the man she's in love with. A day she and I have been talking about for as long as I can remember. The wedding could end right there and include no reception whatsoever and I'd still want to be there for it. So no, my desire to be there has nothing to do with a desire to party.

Is experiencing this wedding with your friend more important than building a bond with your own child during the first weeks of life? Is it more important than BFing your child? I would hate to miss my BFFs wedding but sometimes other things take priority. You can't do everything all the time.

I just think the whole "building a bond with your child" thing is a little overblown. If I'm away from my child for the day, I don't think it'll somehow cause an irreversible rift. One of my coworkers never took maternity leave. She came back as soon as she was cleared to leave the hospital. This meant she was away from her child for at least 9 hours Monday-Friday, even in those early months. And she couldn't be closer to her kids. So yes, of course I'm going to want to bond with my child, but I don't think being away from the child for the day is going to inhibit me from doing so. Whether or not it's even possible for me to do so is an entirely different story, but that's not going to stop me from wanting to be there.

jenniferurs · January 2014

VegasGal1978 said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:
If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital.

And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?!

Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital.

So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!

Lol at you making it about partying.
Wait, am I missing something. I thought weddings where a huge celebration and a party?! Weddings must of changed since 2008.
Yes it's a celebration, but to classify it as me wanting to party is to completely bastardize the true meaning of the day. It's not about partying. It's about watching my best friend of almost 20 years marry the man she's in love with. A day she and I have been talking about for as long as I can remember. The wedding could end right there and include no reception whatsoever and I'd still want to be there for it. So no, my desire to be there has nothing to do with a desire to party.

Is experiencing this wedding with your friend more important than building a bond with your own child during the first weeks of life? Is it more important than BFing your child? I would hate to miss my BFFs wedding but sometimes other things take priority. You can't do everything all the time.

I just think the whole "building a bond with your child" thing is a little overblown. If I'm away from my child for the day, I don't think it'll somehow cause an irreversible rift. One of my coworkers never took maternity leave. She came back as soon as she was cleared to leave the hospital. This meant she was away from her child for at least 9 hours Monday-Friday, even in those early months. And she couldn't be closer to her kids. So yes, of course I'm going to want to bond with my child, but I don't think being away from the child for the day is going to inhibit me from doing so. Whether or not it's even possible for me to do so is an entirely different story, but that's not going to stop me from wanting to be there.

VegasGal1978 · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

jenniferurs said:

If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital. And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?! Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital. So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!
Lol at you making it about partying.
Wait, am I missing something. I thought weddings where a huge celebration and a party?! Weddings must of changed since 2008.
Yes it's a celebration, but to classify it as me wanting to party is to completely bastardize the true meaning of the day. It's not about partying. It's about watching my best friend of almost 20 years marry the man she's in love with. A day she and I have been talking about for as long as I can remember. The wedding could end right there and include no reception whatsoever and I'd still want to be there for it. So no, my desire to be there has nothing to do with a desire to party.

Is experiencing this wedding with your friend more important than building a bond with your own child during the first weeks of life? Is it more important than BFing your child? I would hate to miss my BFFs wedding but sometimes other things take priority. You can't do everything all the time.
I just think the whole "building a bond with your child" thing is a little overblown. If I'm away from my child for the day, I don't think it'll somehow cause an irreversible rift. One of my coworkers never took maternity leave. She came back as soon as she was cleared to leave the hospital. This meant she was away from her child for at least 9 hours Monday-Friday, even in those early months. And she couldn't be closer to her kids. So yes, of course I'm going to want to bond with my child, but I don't think being away from the child for the day is going to inhibit me from doing so. Whether or not it's even possible for me to do so is an entirely different story, but that's not going to stop me from wanting to be there.

I agree that a day wouldn't kill your relationship with LO. Hell, I sent mine to the hospital nursery on the first night. But bond building is more than just being together for just the sake of being together. It takes time to get to know one another. And it is a huge life change. With everything that comes along with building the bond, it would be difficult to throw something as massive as a wedding into the mix . If you have your heart set on BFing, it's really important that you stay on top of it. I wouldn't take a day off if it can be avoided. Of course you want to be there for your friend, but please don't underestimate the feelings you will have about leaving your LO once s/he arrives. How you feel then may be very different than how you feel now.

jenniferurs · January 2014

VegasGal1978 said:

jenniferurs said:

VegasGal1978 said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:

jenniferurs said:

stlucia_wife said:
If you go 2 weeks late you would still be in the hospital.

And why the hell would using FF be dangerous? And why the hell are you asking strangers for medical advice?!

Let's say you go a week late, who is going to talk LO to their appointments? We where dealing with jaundice and had to go to the doctor every day to make sure she was getting better. We did this for 5 days. Our pedi was avoiding her going back to the hospital.

So if this happened to you you are going to have grandparents take on your duties so you can party?!

Lol at you making it about partying.
Wait, am I missing something. I thought weddings where a huge celebration and a party?! Weddings must of changed since 2008.
Yes it's a celebration, but to classify it as me wanting to party is to completely bastardize the true meaning of the day. It's not about partying. It's about watching my best friend of almost 20 years marry the man she's in love with. A day she and I have been talking about for as long as I can remember. The wedding could end right there and include no reception whatsoever and I'd still want to be there for it. So no, my desire to be there has nothing to do with a desire to party.

Is experiencing this wedding with your friend more important than building a bond with your own child during the first weeks of life? Is it more important than BFing your child? I would hate to miss my BFFs wedding but sometimes other things take priority. You can't do everything all the time.
I just think the whole "building a bond with your child" thing is a little overblown. If I'm away from my child for the day, I don't think it'll somehow cause an irreversible rift. One of my coworkers never took maternity leave. She came back as soon as she was cleared to leave the hospital. This meant she was away from her child for at least 9 hours Monday-Friday, even in those early months. And she couldn't be closer to her kids. So yes, of course I'm going to want to bond with my child, but I don't think being away from the child for the day is going to inhibit me from doing so. Whether or not it's even possible for me to do so is an entirely different story, but that's not going to stop me from wanting to be there.

I agree that a day wouldn't kill your relationship with LO. Hell, I sent mine to the hospital nursery on the first night. But bond building is more than just being together for just the sake of being together. It takes time to get to know one another. And it is a huge life change. With everything that comes along with building the bond, it would be difficult to throw something as massive as a wedding into the mix . If you have your heart set on BFing, it's really important that you stay on top of it. I wouldn't take a day off if it can be avoided. Of course you want to be there for your friend, but please don't underestimate the feelings you will have about leaving your LO once s/he arrives. How you feel then may be very different than how you feel now.

See I know absolutely nothing about breastfeeding, which is why I came here in the first place. Your posts have been really helpful and I truly appreciate them/you!

taraleanne · January 2014

@jenniferurs there is no medical danger in switching between BM and formula. The problem is the timing. It would be a bad idea to start introducing formula in a baby so young if you don't plan to continue doing it because putting baby to breast is how you regulate your supply AND for both you and baby to learn. There is also the issue of nipple confusion in a baby that young. I believe the general recommendation is to wait 6w before introducing a bottle and pumping to an EBF baby, any earlier and it could wreak havoc with your supply and baby's latch/learning curve. BF isn't a walk in a park, if you want to develop a healthy supply and a healthy BF relationship then it should be breast only in the beginning.

I should say though, that many women do introduce formula in a newborn as a supplement, to help their babies gain weight in the beginning if they are having trouble getting baby to latch or their supply to meet baby's demand) but they are still with their baby 24/7 and offering breast first. Honestly, if you HAD to go to this wedding then you're going to need to take the baby with you but the timing is really really poor, once you have the baby you're going to see that it's just not going to work, airplane or not. But being so close to your due date and SO many unknowns I really think you're going to have to skip this wedding. Sorry.

jenniferurs · January 2014

taraleanne said:
@jenniferurs there is no medical danger in switching between BM and formula. The problem is the timing. It would be a bad idea to start introducing formula in a baby so young if you don't plan to continue doing it because putting baby to breast is how you regulate your supply AND for both you and baby to learn. There is also the issue of nipple confusion in a baby that young. I believe the general recommendation is to wait 6w before introducing a bottle and pumping to an EBF baby, any earlier and it could wreak havoc with your supply and baby's latch/learning curve. BF isn't a walk in a park, if you want to develop a healthy supply and a healthy BF relationship then it should be breast only in the beginning.

I should say though, that many women do introduce formula in a newborn as a supplement, to help their babies gain weight in the beginning if they are having trouble getting baby to latch or their supply to meet baby's demand) but they are still with their baby 24/7 and offering breast first. Honestly, if you HAD to go to this wedding then you're going to need to take the baby with you but the timing is really really poor, once you have the baby you're going to see that it's just not going to work, airplane or not. But being so close to your due date and SO many unknowns I really think you're going to have to skip this wedding. Sorry.

Thanks!

SnoopyLuv · January 2014

My biggest concern would be postpartum bleeding which will go on for 6 weeks or more. Standing makes it worse. You will literally be having one of the worst periods of your life standing at an altar with your breasts leaking. That just sounds like disaster in a nice dress, you will probably want to wear spanx. I mean, I can't even fathom that.

I'd bow out of being MOH as far as duties and tell your friend you'll be there if you can, as a guest. Do not put this kind of pressure on yourself.

Littlemama01 · January 2014

This is my personal opinion on your OP. The plane doesn't scare me and wouldnt be the reason for not going..BUT- I would 100% not be prt of the wedding party, I would step down. You'll understand if you keep reading. I was 9 days overdue, and then had a c section. I didn't leave hospital until 2 days after birth and most c's actually stay until 4 days pp. at 3 days pp, I was swollen like an umpaloompa, im talking about tree trunk legs, feet too big to fit any of my shoes, swollen belly, face, hands...it was NOT pretty. i was pale like a ghost, i looked like death seriously. now looks and discomfort aside, i would never be able to have a bridesmaid dress because i never would have predicted the swelling..not to mention dressy heels or even dressy flats...this did not subside until 8 days pp, and only did because I did alot of resting with my feet elevated above my heart. Reason 2, at about 5 days PP my H and I, and LO went grocery shopping..I was an emotional wreck and this isnt just me...it's normal baby blues, hormones are crashing all around you...so DH left me and LO alone In Line and I started crying because I was scared I would get to the front of the line and not be able to unload the cart onto the moving belt thingy....I cannot imagine being a focus of someone's wedding and be in that emotional state. Reason 3, being a MOH you will be required to get your hair done, makeup, help bride..etc..there's no way you can do all that and have to pump, clean your bleeding vag, try pooping etc...everything takes longer, even with LO out of the picture. I literally could not care less about anyone other than LO and me until 3-4 weeks after baby. Now, regarding Bf and formula, plenty of moms give formula, breastmilk or a combination, but breastfeeding is a struggle for the best of us, so you MAY cause yourself a lot of headache by FF or leaving LO even for the day and pumping. You might not. But you won't know until you are there dealing with it. So yeah go to the wedding as a guest if you really want to be there, but I wouldn't recommend standing for her. Hope that helps and apologies for no paragraphs, I'm one handed on iPad.

SnoopyLuv · January 2014

Oh yes, the swelling! This is something no one tells you about but you sometimes swell up WORSE after birth than before, especially with a c-section. With both babies I had NO swelling at all the whole pregnancies. It took over 6 weeks for my feet swelling to go down so I didn't have to wear flip flops, crocs or slippers. I totally forgot about that.

jenniferurs · January 2014

Wow. Thanks girls! Very informative. And scary, haha.

I wonder why my doctor made it seem like no big deal. Certainly doesn't seem that way now!

jenniferurs · January 2014

I would pump instead of breastfeed the day of the wedding, because the bride is having a kid free wedding and I haven't been told that an exception is being made in my case. That being said, my mother in law would be watching the baby while we did hair/makeup/photos/the ceremony and even if I weren't to attend the reception, I imagine the baby would have to feed at least once during that time. Pumping had nothing to do with wanting to drink alcohol.

bensmommy518 · January 2014

I think its pretty clear from PPs that the wedding is not a good idea for many reasons but if you insist on toking I would really recommend just going as a guest.

I just wanted to address the switching between BM and FF thing. Three weeks after I had DS I got shingles and could not breastfed because of the medication. I had to go from EBF to EFF for about a week and was then able to go back to EBF. It is possible but it was hard and I was someone who had no latching or supply issues to start with who was lucky enough to get a baby without nipple confusion. (So basically no problems) If you have any of the normal BF difficulties you will turn what is hard at best into something potentially insurmountable either physically or emotionally.

mstamant · January 2014

You think you'll be wearing a formal gown within days of delivering your child? I envy your innocence. I got the courage to change out of yoga pants at four weeks pp.

Best case scenario, you feel great and take your baby with you but even with that option you need to realize you'd be taking away from your friends special day. Being MOH is demanding, you need to be there for pictures, bending to pick up her dress, rushing around to do hair and make up. To be honest, you won't be up to it physically or mentally, and you'll be throwing quite a bit of dough out the window on a gamble that you are the first woman to painlessly deliver a perfect baby and to produce a weekend's worth of milk out of the gate. Hell, maybe your baby who will be so independent from birth that she or he will change their own diapers!

In all seriousness this isn't really an issue because when you see your baby you won't want to leave their side, especially those first few weeks. But just make sure you don't set your BFF to count on you, only to let her down.

taraleanne · January 2014

@jenniferurs there is no medical danger in switching between BM and formula. The problem is the timing. It would be a bad idea to start introducing formula in a baby so young if you don't plan to continue doing it because putting baby to breast is how you regulate your supply AND for both you and baby to learn. There is also the issue of nipple confusion in a baby that young. I believe the general recommendation is to wait 6w before introducing a bottle and pumping to an EBF baby, any earlier and it could wreak havoc with your supply and baby's latch/learning curve. BF isn't a walk in a park, if you want to develop a healthy supply and a healthy BF relationship then it should be breast only in the beginning.

I should say though, that many women do introduce formula in a newborn as a supplement, to help their babies gain weight in the beginning if they are having trouble getting baby to latch or their supply to meet baby's demand) but they are still with their baby 24/7 and offering breast first. Honestly, if you HAD to go to this wedding then you're going to need to take the baby with you but the timing is really really poor, once you have the baby you're going to see that it's just not going to work, airplane or not. But being so close to your due date and SO many unknowns I really think you're going to have to skip this wedding. Sorry.

mrsseguin · January 2014

SnoopyLuv said:

My biggest concern would be postpartum bleeding which will go on for 6 weeks or more. Standing makes it worse. You will literally be having one of the worst periods of your life standing at an altar with your breasts leaking. That just sounds like disaster in a nice dress, you will probably want to wear spanx. I mean, I can't even fathom that.

I'd bow out of being MOH as far as duties and tell your friend you'll be there if you can, as a guest. Do not put this kind of pressure on yourself.

This 100%...

OP, I know your intentions are good, and I don't doubt that your really trying to figure all this out to be with your best friend on her wedding day. Realistically, you came to a board asking our advise because we've already had our babies, and 99.9% of people have told you that it won't work for many reasons. Do what you want, but realistically everything about any scenario of going to the wedding is going to be a nightmare. I'd stay home.

Mailmans Baby Momma · January 2014

jenniferurs said:
I would pump instead of breastfeed the day of the wedding, because the bride is having a kid free wedding and I haven't been told that an exception is being made in my case. That being said, my mother in law would be watching the baby while we did hair/makeup/photos/the ceremony and even if I weren't to attend the reception, I imagine the baby would have to feed at least once during that time. Pumping had nothing to do with wanting to drink alcohol.

Your pumping will rain on her kid free wedding. Graciously step down.

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