Baby Shower Dilemma!!

Luna C · January 2014

LilNunz1 said:

Kina1102 said:

Our families are pretty far away and large enough already that they have not thought to invite our friends. Most might not go anyway since it is a 2 1/2 hour drive from where we all live (friends and us). The BBQ is a shower for us (DH is in charge so I dont know the specifics). The family showers are great but I'm totally not into the games and stuffiness that our mothers want to do (first grandchild). The BBQ was DH's idea on having a low key fun party before we have our little one.

OP, I think you can imagine how the above made everyone interpret this as you throwing yourself a shower. Hence the discussion.

Um, just because she CALLED it a shower doesn't mean it's a shower. Because reasons.

kbellizio3 · January 2014

joules235 said:

Luna C said:

ElTrain5 said:

Also, I think the only appropriate birthday present for an adult (unless you are super super close) is alcohol. If you don't like it, oh well. If you don't drink, you are probably not my friend.

I drink! I DRINK!! Just not for the next five months!

Me too!! I love a good girls night involving lots of wine and revelry! If its a birthday party there also has to be chocolate cake...because wine and chocolate is the best combination!

---------------
I live in New Jersey's "wine country" and the NJ wine growers association hosts a wine and chocolate weekend every February around Valentines day. Needless to say I will be eating ALL the chocolate items and being DD for my DH.

(

Also so I feel like I'm contributing to this thread....just don't throw yourself a shower.

colllydon · January 2014

Yeah...

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

I'm jumping on @ElTrain5 's wagon and saying I don't think it's a big deal to throw your own shower. Mainly because I see the best in everyone and am terribly naive (or so I've been told), and I don't automatically see a shower as gift-grabby. There is no name for a "I want to celebrate my impending motherhood but don't bring me a gift because I'd rather spend time with my friends" party...and frankly I don't think that title would fit well on an invite. If I get invited to a party, I go based on whether or not I like the person in who's honor it's being thrown, I don't really pay attention to who's hosting it. I don't think any of my friends would see it as gift-grabby either. I think it's ok, but I also think there's a right and a wrong way to do it.

That said, if I was throwing myself a shower, it would be simple facebook invites and no registry mentioned unless someone asked. My future SIL's mom threw her baby shower recently, and while it was hosted by someone not the mtb, they included FOUR registry cards in the invite. That I found tacky. I think there are people who throw it for themselves and come across as really gift-grabby and that's tacky. I think people who take a chill attitude and invite me to the shower they are throwing themselves, but with no expectations, are fine. It's just hard to read that from an invite a lot of the time. I'm not going to change the wording of the "shower" because people see a shower as gift-grabby. There are very few other terms for that, and if it's to celebrate my impending motherhood, I want that known.

ETA: I also am not someone who would ever use a hall/restaurant/rented space for a shower. All of the showers that are thrown in my family are thrown at someone's house and are a collection of close friends and family only. Not 100 of your closest acquaintances/distant cousins three times removed.

chloephoebecali · January 2014

If best friends are too poor to throw a shower, then they throw a simple little thing with just the closest girlfriends in their tiny apartment. There is no need to do big fancy halls or meals. After all it's just about showering and celebrating the mom to be, right? If you have a BBQ, just have a BBQ. Skip the baby decor and just have your friends over. Nothing formal. You are already having two showers and I'm sure you will receive more than enough. Have a BBQ after baby arrives if you really want to have a baby celebration with them with baby decor. You can celebrate being able to drink again. As far as adult parties, my rule is if you are buying my meal and /or opening/paying for the bar tab, then you get a gift. If you invite me out to celebrate your birthday (whatever) and have me paying for my own meal/drinks, then you don't get a gift. I will usually buy you a drink, though. I think it would be ridiculous to have to pay for a meal and bring a present to a celebration you invite me to. This seems to be standard in my circle.

MrsP419 · January 2014

Before being on these boards, I did not give most showers a second thought. Second showers are common place with my church friends, and I have been to a bunch. I have been asked multiple times if I think someone will be giving me a shower for my twins. When I asked a couple of close friends (ones who would definitely tell me the truth) "Wouldn't that be considered poor etiquette?" they looked at me like I was crazy and told me that no one would look down on giving some help to a mom preparing to have two babies at once. Now, no one has offered yet, so I have been scouring yard sale sites and trying to buy what I can here and there, while still keeping a private registry for wants/needs that I will share if/when asked. If I never have a shower, that is totally OK by me; I am trying not to accumulate too much stuff anyway. There is no way I am having a post-babies party; life will be crazy enough :-).

With that said, I did go to a second shower recently to a friend who had a girl after having a boy. She was new to the state and it was a full blown shower. I thought it was ridiculous. While I don't think she was the technical "host" (i.e. someone else's name was on the RSVP), she was the host in every other way. It was at her house, she micromanaged the whole thing, and they played the same stupid games and she wanted all the same gear that a FTM would get. I thought it was very over-the-top and she was very rude to the "fake hosts" throughout. I could see right through it, and I did not know her very well.

JNYLP · January 2014

I think you should just invite your friends to one of your family parties. If they're close friends, they will make the effort! I have friends that drove 5 hours to mine with DD! If you really just want to hang out with them all, do a BBQ for fun, not a shower. If you do your own shower, I feel like you're basically just saying you want their presents...

nunzchucks · January 2014

@mommywaldrom, I would just ask your hosts how many people they are expecting to have at the shower. I think that will help you set the guest list.

MrsRage · January 2014

Is it tackier to throw yourself a shower OR send out a shower evite (hosted by 7 people) in Jan for an April shower and put in the invite that it will later be updated with registry info. To me that's like a save the date so people plan to come and bring gifts.

Also.. I didn't know the girl was pregnant until I got the invite but that's another issue.

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Baby Shower Dilemma!!

Re: Baby Shower Dilemma!!

Married DH 7/30/11

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