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Help! DS goes to bed/nap better for dad than he does me... :(

mamablase1mamablase1 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
So, I keep being told this is a phase, but given our current circumstances, I'm really hoping this 'phase' doesn't last long. DH has been laid off since Dec 2, so he has been home every day all day with DS. They have developed quite the bond and I'm so happy about that. However, when DH puts him down, it takes a whopping 15 min tops. He tells him it's time to go to sleep, he gets his animals, his two blankets (don't ask, DS has some weird things..haha), and his lullaby seahorse. Then DH tells him it's time to go to sleep and he'll see him when he wakes up. He leaves the room and 95% of the time there isn't another peep out of DS. DH may be laid off of his FT job, but he also does a paper route overnight. So, he goes to sleep around 8, give or take, and DS's bedtime is between 8 & 9. That leaves me to put him to bed. I've never had such a hard time in the 20 months that DS has been around. When I put him down, I rock him a bit, read, sing, and when I go to put him in bed (asleep or not), he starts screaming like I've just done the worst thing in the world to him. It is horrifying. My process lasts anywhere from 1-3.5 hours! I try to let him CIO for a bit, but at some point, you realize it's pointless. I've tried doing what DH does to no avail. Last night, I was going on 2.5 hours and just so happened to still be in the process when DH woke up. He went in there and was out of the room in 10 min and DS slept the rest of the night w/o a peep. WHY!!!???? This is driving me insane....I dread every night now.
Any thoughts/advice/comfort even hahaha???
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Re: Help! DS goes to bed/nap better for dad than he does me... :(

  • MommyAttyMommyAtty member
    Bedtime should be EXACTLY the same process, regardless of which parent does it. So start doing what your husband does consistently. If you waver or vary, he's going to scream bloody murder to try to get you to hang out for an extra 3 hours. Why shouldn't he? It's working so far. I would recommend doing this with your husband on the nights you are both home and then going solo doing the same process when your husband isn't home.
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  • UMichGirlUMichGirl member
    No advice, but sympathy. Over the last week DS (a week shy of 19 months) has started fighting naps and bedtime with me. I'm the one who puts him down 9 times out of 10 and one day last week after I left the room he started crying. This is now a daily occurrence.

    Like you, I will go in and lay him down, say I love you, goodnight and leave - he's back up and crying the second I leave. DH will go in--DS sees him and lays down without being asked and goes to sleep. Um, wtf?! Thought maybe it was a fluke but literally EVERY night we've gone through this.
    DH wasn't home tonight when I was trying to put DS down to bed. It took so long and I kept having to go back in that when DH did get home (well after DS should have been sleeping) he walked in the room and back out...no more peeps out of DS and he fell right to sleep. We are stumped.

    We did CIO with DS when he was younger and it worked great but this seems different. He's working on his 4 canine teeth right now and his cries get more and more intense until he's screaming and choking. I'm hoping it's just a phase that passes but if not we will have to CIO again eventually.

    Good luck!
    Mr. & Mrs. UMich! July 2006! :-)
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    DX: High FSH/DOR
    It took 44 cycles, just over 3 years, 6 failed IUI's in MI, and 1 round of IVF at CCRM to get our BFP!
    Beta #1 (9dp5dt) = 206, Beta #2 (11dp5dt) = 438
    1st u/s @ 6w5d = 11/11/11 = ONE little bean! HB 120bpm!
    ?Our Baby Boy Born June 26th, 2012?

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  • khill86khill86 member
    Same holds true for us. DH brings DS to bed, lays down with him and in 15 minutes DS is fast asleep. I nurse and rock DS. I'd usually be about an hour, hour and a half.

    I've changed up my routine to match DH's a little more. I nurse DS and when he's done, we both lay down. That's it. He lays down and goes to sleep. Last night I was about 40 minutes. I do the same thing through the night, since DS doesn't STTN, yet.

    Every mom I've talked to has the same experience with LO going down better for dad. Can you incorporate some of your husband's routine into yours? I definitely agree with the PP that doing it your husband's way, but together, for a few nights would be a great start! Good luck!
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  • mamablase1mamablase1 member
    Thank you all for the comments! A new development last night....DH put him to bed around 8:30 and he went down with a little fussing, but not enough to warrant a visit to the room. Then, 3am rolls around and, of course, DH is gone on his route and DS wakes up. I let him go for a bit, then go in and I did not pick him up, just 'laid' him back down (not that he actually laid down), told him it's okay, I love him, and daddy will see him in the am. We did this a couple times and then shortly after I left one time, I hear a big THUD! He has begun to climb out of his crib!!!! He did it twice last night!!! Ugh....I'm not mentally ready for this yet, but I guess it's here. I'm guessing this changes the game.
    Good luck to all of you in the same boat :)
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