New and just starting my IF journey. Any advice?

MrsGumbie · January 2014

Hi all!

First off I want to say I am so sorry that any of you are going through this but I am so glad I found you. I honestly never thought I would be in this situation and unfortunately no one I know has never been in it so they don't really understand. They don't understand that I can't get on social media anymore without out crying over every pregnancy announcement or pictures of their children. They don't understand why I don't want to come to their playdate parties and watch all their kids play with each other. And they don't understand why all their advice and tips on how to get pregnant or the "It will happen at the right time, just stop worrying about it" and "there's always adoption" just makes me want to punch them in the face. So It's nice to have a place to go where people DO understand just how much it sucks.

In my perfect world, my husband and I get married, do all the fun stuff we want before kids, and then decide when we want to get pregnant and make it happen. Everything worked just as planned except that last step. We are now at year 3 of waiting on a baby and every month of negatives that go by is another knife in my heart. My hubby carries guilt on his shoulders every day because he feels like he's a failure at giving me a child and it seems like no matter what I say he can't find peace with it. So in a way I feel like I can't even be sad about it in front of him because it will just make him feel worse. I usually lock myself in the bathroom and try to compose myself before I tell him the news like it's "no big deal" and I just encourage that "maybe next month" will be the one. At last year's OBGYN checkup by doc wanted to refer us to a fertility clinic but I was still in denial at that stage. I told her we would give it another year before that step. Well that year has come and gone and here we are about to start the process of visiting our first fertility clinic to talk about IUI. I am terrified that I'm going to break down in front of these doctors because this just makes our situation all the more real. If anyone has advice on what I should prepare for and what kinds of questions I need to ask at the consultation I am all ears.

xo

CameraBug131 · January 2014

Welcome and I hope your stay here is short. My best advice is just to take it one step at a time. There is so much information to process. On the bright side, I hope you find answers at the RE. They test so many things (blood and otherwise) that hopefully you get some information.

pblge · January 2014

I'll echo Camera Bug--welcome, but sorry you have to be here. I definitely agree with her advice, but I'll add that I don't think you should worry about breaking down. The doctors in this field seem very used to heartbreak and tears. It's part of their job!! I cry all the time in my clinic.

Good luck!

carends · January 2014

Welcome and I hope you finally get some answers. This whole process can be so up and down, but like PP said, it does help to just take it one day at a time. You'll find a lot of help and support from the wonderful ladies here. I also don't know anyone else personally who's been through this, but found a lot of helpful information just by lurking around on these boards for awhile.

As far as IF testing goes, we started with SA analysis for DH, blood work and u/s, then a HSG.

MrsGumbie · January 2014

Thanks ladies! It breaks my heart to read everyone's struggles for a family, but at the same time it's comforting to know I'm not alone. I pray for every couple that ever has to face these challenges, no one deserves to have to go through this. I'm just really hopeful at this stage that they don't find an undiagnosed issue with me also. I don't know if I'm ready for more bad news yet. DH's endocrinologist really has no explanation as to why we aren't getting pregnant with his increased sperm counts so I have a really bad gut feeling there is more to our struggle than we even know yet. Fingers crossed ...

Bean386 · January 2014

I just want to say hang on tight , it's a tough ride but it will bring you and your husband so much more together , crying is not a bad thing we have all been there where you have to compose yourself I front of everyone and act like nothing is wrong just don't bottle up and vent , that is why this forums are so amazing because no one else will understand the stress we have to deal with every day. I hope you get some answers , good luck

And we are here for you

FloridaSun82 · January 2014

Like others have said, I hope you find your stay here short and wish you and your husband the best of luck. Taking the jump to moving to the RE is tough and you will cry. I cry almost every time I go, lol, and they are great about it. With that said, it's important that you feel comfortable at your clinic, with the nurses, the dr, etc. I hope we're able to provide you the support that you need!

marshaleigh · January 2014

Welcome! I'm sorry that you have to be here, but hopefully it will bring you some degree of comfort. Even though the process is difficult, I believe that getting answers makes it a bit easier. Take care.

jkayb123 · January 2014

Welcome! I am also new here and this board has made such a difference for me. I suggest reading the post from @bean365 titled something about "an amazing blogger" it perfectly describes this journey for me (and I think alot of others). I also went through a long period of denial, but as I began to accept this new path I would be taking, doors began to open. I'm going through my first IVF cycle so I don't have much for advice as far as that goes, but I say let yourself grieve and allow the tears and emotion. It's normal, and expected, and needs to come out! The day before my first IVF info meeting I bawled like a hysterical crazy person and then I felt MUCH better. And now you have these amazing ladies on this board to help you along the way. Hugs.

Tea+ · January 2014

Welcome! All the ladies here offer great support. Remember to be good to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve when you need to but try to hold out hope. It can be a very long process. I think everyone here thought things would happen easily and fast. It usually doesn't happen that way. That is something that you have to learn. I hope your journey is a good one and your stay here is short. Good luck! [:

MrsGumbie · January 2014

Thank you everyone! All of these comforting words mean more than you know. @FloridaSun82 I noticed you have a vitamin D deficiency. I have this problem as well. Could this be related to infertility? I've never really tried to connect the two to each other but now I'm curious.

Lillovebug79 · January 2014

I'm sorry that we have all found ourselves here but I'm so glad for this place where my fears, heartbreak, and monthly disappointment is understood. I share your situation as well. We are also dealing with MFI (male factor infertility). I, as I'm sure many do with this issue, also break down alone and then pull myself together before telling my DH. He already feels so guilty that I think my monthly devastation would wear on him terribly. I do want to mention that my RE did say that sometimes just raising the count isn't enough for sperm. Don't worry yourself with thinking something isn't right with you, just wait for the tests. I have had them all done (for the most part) and mine have all been normal. When you do the IUI you will see exactly how many "good ones" you are working with and it may give you an indication of how successful IUI will be. Good luck to you! I hope you journey with your RE will be short and sweet.

FloridaSun82 · January 2014

I would have never thought there was a connection with vitamin D and infertility, but my doctor was very concerned about the low levels and, after I started looking into it, there does seem to be a big correlation.

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