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Attachment Parenting
kristinyoung111
member
TV time
kristinyoung111
member
Lately, I have found myself using my LO's favorite DVD, Hopla, to entertain her while I do certain things, like shower, have private time with daddy, etc. I have tried having her just play by herself while I do these activities, but it never seems as successful as Hopla time. I try to make the times I let her watch the DVD as short and sporadic as possible, but I feel like a bad parent. I am not sure how else to make sure I have uninterrupted time doing certain things. I know you aren't supposed to let babies have screen time before age 2, but that doesn't seem practical!
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Re: TV time
FWIW, DS watched TV starting around age 1. We've limited his exposure to Dinosaur Train and Daniel Tiger, but DH and I like to watch TV and we put one of DS' shows on the iPad while we watch our show.
I wish he didn't, but DS watches about an hour of TV a day. He doesn't always actively watch (he is usually playing with toys too), but it's on for about an hour each day. Otherwise, like your LO, he would interrupt me a lot. And I too use it while I make dinner or clean the kitchen.
TV is an awful terrible horrible convenient distraction, huh?
It is definitely possible, as we are one of the first generations of parents to even have such readily accessible screens as an option. Wearing baby is a big way to get things done. Timing things to when it works with baby is another (for example, during nap, while baby is eating a snack in the highchair nearby, during a calm time of day for baby, etc.) Involving baby is another great tactic. With baby in a carrier, in-arms, or an eye-level high chair, baby can learn things along with what you are doing. Cutting veggies? Give her a butter knife and carrot to bang around. Washing clothes? Have baby help push the clothes over the edge into the machine. Even looking out a window can be big entertainment to a child. During a shower, baby can sit on the tub floor and splash while you get clean. Or, take showers at night when she's asleep, or put some special things on the floor of the bathroom and let her explore while you shower. Change expectations: things will not get done at the same pace as before. Sometimes, you'll try to cook dinner and witching hour will hit and you'll need to eat PB&J instead of the Plan A meal. That is ok!
The great thing about holding steadfast to no screen time now is that your child's brain will stay chilled out and not "demand" as much stimulation to stay calm as baby ages. If it becomes the default now, it will only become more so later. I don't say that to make you feel bed, many parents don't think twice about screen time, but if this is something important to you, you CAN make it work. In our house, not having any sort of TV service or connection makes it easy to avoid this temptation (and saves money).
More Green For Less Green
Tough one. You'll find the moms that use tv tell you 'no worries' the one's that don't use it will lead you away from it. You need to make the decision based on what you think is appropriate for your family, based on your circumstances, and the available research we have about TV exposure.
There are some great suggestions above, though I would avoid wearing baby in a carrier for "private time with your husband" heehee
I do know that yes there are possible negative impacts from early tv exposure that we want to avoid...but at the same time mom's need a few minutes each day to pull themselves together, refresh, re-energize in order to come back to baby to give him/her your all.
So, weigh the pros and cons. Are the long term effects better for your baby if you pop on 20min of video every few days so you and your husband have some hope of connected...which makes your relationship better?
I would try and find other ways to keep baby entertained and to teach how to self entertain so tv doesn't become the main fall back/babysitter.
All that said we have a 60" tv that my 10month old doesn't even notice should we have it on. Zero interest...even if we wanted to try and make her sit and watch. She does love her fridge magnets when I cook. Today, for my bath she stood at the bathtub watching me like it was the most exciting thing in the world...trying to reach in and touch the water. Babies interests change as they grow just a matter of finding what will capture their attention.
8 months is about when DS started getting some separation anxiety, and that's probably what you're dealing with. He's not about 10.5 months and it's gotten a lot better for the most part. I'm single, so I don't have any advice for keeping a baby occupied during "private time" with a mate, but PPs offered some great suggestions for the other times. I especially liked what PP said about adjusting expectations. Things just won't get done as quickly or sometimes as thoroughly now that you have a little person to take care of at the same time.
It's definitely possible to get by without using TV as a babysitter. I don't have a TV in my living room (I keep one tucked away for my N64... i know, nerd), and I definitely don't pay for cable or satellite. I think if I did have it available, I'd be a lot more tempted to use it.
I'd encourage you to read this: https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/Kids-in-U-S-Exposed-to-4-Hours-of-Daily-Background-TV.aspx and the article linked near the top of the page.
Jess & Adam, married 2009, precious Audrey born in 2011. BFP 1/6/13, 6-wk MMC discovered at 9 wks 2/11/13. D&C 2/18/13, second D&C 4/23/13 for retained placenta.
BFP 8/24/13!! EDD 5/1/14, delivered healthy and sweet Zoey Leanne on 5/5/14 by repeat c-section.
I use to shower and do stuff like that at night when she was asleep, but lately when I shower it has been waking her up. I don't know if she is more alert to the noises now than she was just a few months ago, or if it is more that she is waking up as she normally would, but missing mommy more now that the separation anxiety is starting to appear (I do definitely see signs of it, so I'm sure that's part of the issue). I swear once you find something that works things change again!
Oh @KC_13, really? I mean, really? That comparison is so ridiculous and off the wall in this discussion. There was no need for it except for dramatics.
I really don't understand why this topic in particular gets personal, or heated. You are basically telling her not to get too excited because her kid could still be messed up later from having a TV on as background noise. Why go there and why be so nasty about it? That person gave the OP a different perspective and what works for her family. Big f'n deal.
How is sharing what research has shown being nasty? I think its ridiculous to act like tv overexposure is no big deal, a parenting choice and isjust fine. promoting a harmful choice like its just another perspective like in choosing to bf or ff is doing a disservice to parents trying to make educated decisions for their kid.More Green For Less Green
Again, I have no idea where I fall in the TV spectrum at the moment and probably won't until we actually have a LO. I'm just pointing out that the studies that the anti-TV crowd keep posting don't actually say what you guys seem to think they say.
Again, I have no idea where I fall in the TV spectrum at the moment and probably won't until we actually have a LO. I'm just pointing out that the studies that the anti-TV crowd keep posting don't actually say what you guys seem to think they say.
That study was replicated years later with a much larger sample size. can't link but googling backround tv should bring you to it as well as others. you also missed the main point which was not that kids played for an insignificant amount of time less but the time they stuck with each activity was cut in half. considering how much we know about how much cognitive functioning comes from free play it is kind of a big deal.the reality is if 1 or 2 hours of your kids play is disrupted, is it a big deal when the other 10ish hours is quality play? Probably not. When its on for half the day or more then i think it can start becoming problematic.
With that said, I agree that there isn't much solid evidence against TV watching. Most the studies are Epi studies, and I seriously have a love/hate relationship with Epi. IMO, most Epi studies are more conversation starters then hard evidence. They cannot all be as definitive as smoking = lung cancer.
However, I do tend to agree that TV isn't the best source of stimulation and could certainly have negative impacts. With that thought, why risk it? Even for those of whom were exposed to television at young ages and excelled academically, there is no way to know if their potential could have been greater had they not been exposed to television.
I would also be concerned that if my child did end up with learning disabilities or difficulties in school that it was the result of (or exacerbated by) the use of television.
There is also this:
"Having the television on in the background has actually been shown to reduce language learning. Because infants have a difficult time differentiating between sounds, TV background noise is particularly detrimental to language development.
In a study focused on word recognition in the presence of background speech, it was discovered that a 7-month-old infant was not able to distinguish words he was familiar with against the background noise. In this study, a woman spoke familiar words at the same time that a monotone male voice spoke in the background. Unless the female voice was at least 10 decibels higher than the male voice, the child did not understand the woman's words. When experimenters attempted to teach toddlers new words in the presence of white noise, the children could not differentiate between “b” and “ch” sounds at the end of a word, learn new words, and retain new words they had been taught. Researchers concluded that the background noise prevented the children from hearing different sounds in the words and prevented them from paying attention and retaining what they learned."
To kind of go off on a tangent i always notice people mentioning their kid learned letters from a show so obviously that makes it educational and good. that line of thinking is dangerous because it sells tv as beneficial for the younger crowd. rote memorization is essentially useless for a toddler/early preschooler and is nothing more than a skill a parent can use to brag. kids that age benefit from things like fine motor activities, gross motor activities, ample free time with toys/in nature to hone problem solving skills, etc.
That sounds a lot more condescending than i mean to be and i really don't think think kids who watch tv are screwed. i figure i need mindless down time as an adult and every solitary moment of my kids life need not be educational. heck i think getting some interrupted time so i don't lose my shit at my kids is the most substantial benefit of all.
Sorry, I thought the linked article was the informative one I've read before. I can't find it now. Sorry.
Jess & Adam, married 2009, precious Audrey born in 2011. BFP 1/6/13, 6-wk MMC discovered at 9 wks 2/11/13. D&C 2/18/13, second D&C 4/23/13 for retained placenta.
BFP 8/24/13!! EDD 5/1/14, delivered healthy and sweet Zoey Leanne on 5/5/14 by repeat c-section.
Lurking. I never put the TV on while DD was awake until after she was 1 yr old. I was paranoid about it and just didn't think it was a good idea. For showers I always had a bunch of toys for DD to play with on our bedroom floor where I could watch her from the shower.
Now that she's approaching 3 and sometimes exhausting, I do turn the TV on once or twice on weekends and for 20-30 minutes right before bedtime during the week to just help DD chill out.
During the week, I will take DD outside and do plenty of playing and reading with her, but frankly sometimes I'm too darn tired after a busy work day. TV or games on the iPad have saved my sanity a few times.
I do believe that it should be kept to a minimum though and will never allow TV on all day or ever in any of our bedrooms. I can't get all fired up over this issue though. Each family is different.
I could see video games, TV, etc. limiting imagination. Video games for example tend to have a very specific set of goals and don't usually leave room for a lot of creative deviation. Whereas playing with toys, the child can do whatever they like and is not forced into using the toy in a specific way or for a specific goal. Hope that made sense!
And yeah, the shower is right next to her room =[ I wish it was further away.
Yes, the attention span difference is small, however if you use the idea that attention span generally lines up with about 1 minute per age of the child, even a small duration is interesting to me when talking about small children. The book Nurture Shock is a helpful more in-depth read on this the whole idea of educational TV (and many other interesting topics). Bottom line: I've never come across anything that shows early TV is long-term HELPFUL. Even when it comes to anecdotes like letter identification/memorization, the questions arises of if early literacy is beneficial. This is a huge difference between US and some European approaches, and is a question worth asking.
I'm sure the OP is a lovely mother with a delightful baby. Her question was about if no TV is practical, and my point is that not only is it possible, it can be long-term helpful. Many, many kids in our culture live life filled with differing degrees of media, and they will end up being great kids. But, no family needs to default to screen time if that doesn't feel right to them. As a family managing this with no qualms, I am happy to encourage others asking (and with no judgment if they choose something else).
More Green For Less Green
unrelated to the TV usuage.
But is her bed on the same wall as the bathroom? can you move it around so that isn't the same wall? Does she have a white noise machine? Is it loud enough?
I remember going through a phase where the shower woke my son up (I'm not sure the age) but I would take a shower as soon as I knew he fell asleep. I would also take the monitor in the bathroom with me and if he woke up then I would just take a 5 min shower. I promise she can wait 5 mins so you can feel clean
I personally think 30 minutes daily of TV is too much for an 8 mo old. But DH and I are v strict about screen time with our kids. And all that being said, DS1 would get a short (2ish minutes) video when he was 12-18ish months old so he would let his teeth be brushed.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I turned out fine and my upbringing was the same, except I watched wonderwoman and dukes of hazard. In fact I was in the gifted program and graduated with a scholarship.
It boggles my mind that people are such judgemental tight asses.
So if the tv is on- it's on. If something piques her interest she'll watch and then move on to something else. At 2 years old she clearly told us she wanted to be a paleontologist and can identify more dinosaurs than I even knew existed. She also throws in the occasional spanish word - Gracias Dora!
Clearly- we're doing something right. I don't need to read studies or books or put a label on how I parent. We go by our gut and we have a brilliant, funny and amazing child. If I was raising a couch potato that wasn't advancing in all aspects of her cognitive and physical development then I'd address it.
Not all children are the same. Some are exceptions to the rules and "studies".