Feeling pressured (rant)

ilovemld1127 · January 2014

My LO is 1 month old.. and pretty much every night she basically wants to be held while she sleeps.. Until finally she lets you put her in her bed. This happens from around 11-1 until 3-4. I'm exhausted because I can't sleep very well if she's sleeping on my chest. I'm frustrated because my boyfriend who already has 2 kids, my mom AND my brother who babies his 14 month old daughter, are all saying that I need to let her CIO. I'm sorry, I have been reading all the threads about it, and not that I was comfortable doing it anyway, but they have certainly helped me realize what is wrong with it. I do not feel I am coddling her when she wakes back up, and I think it's wrong to "teach her" to self soothe. I know it's impossible and all that happens when I try to explain my reasoning against it, it ends up in an argument. I just hate that I'm feeling the pressure to do something I do not want to do. Letting her cry because I need to make her a bottle or because were in the car is one thing, but because she needs "to learn how to self soothe" is another. It doesn't help that I'm beyond exhausted, and my boyfriend basically gets frustrated 30 seconds in when she's being fussy for him. Everyone keeps saying that I don't want to develop this habit of her sleeping on me every night, but she doesn't sleep with me all night either. I try multiple times to put her in bed and sometimes it takes a while to get her to sleep by herself.. I really am lost as to what to think or do

yty0205 · January 2014

Babies that age cannot manipulate or form "habits." If they want to be held, hold them. Don't CIO for purpose of teaching them anything - they're too young and cognitively immature to "learn" self-soothing.

Keep your head up and stick to your guns. You're the momma - you know best and everyone else can go fly a kite. Good luck!

ETA: words - hit save too fast

thebobloblaw · January 2014

Maybe try setting her in different places to transition into bed eventually? Have you tried the car seat, swing or bouncer if you have, etc? Even if it's not where you would ideally want her to sleep at least it would allow you some rest.

myeverything1203 · January 2014

Sorry you feel pressured that really sucks. ...but Tell them to STFU...it's your baby...basically if you don't feel comfortable they can get over it. You don't have to do anything they say. Just Bc they have other kids doesn't mean they know best. You're the mom...you know what's best for your LO. Sorry if that sounds rude...but sooo many ppl have been talking about CIO. They are Newborns...they need comfort. Go with your instincts.

ilovemld1127 · January 2014

I don't have a swing.. The car seat rely only works if I'm going somewhere because I have to strap her in.. I'd hate to strap her in, have her pass out then take her out.. esp because she wakes up as soon as you undo her straps.. I've tried her little rocking bouncer seat thing, and the cuddle cove from her pnp rocks too, but that can be hard to get her to sleep in also..

ilovemld1127 · January 2014

I don't plan on letting her CIO at all.. I think it's insane. I'm just tired of feeling like people are judging me and making me feel like I'm making the wrong decision

myeverything1203 · January 2014

I don't think you are making any wrong decisions. Have you considered Co sleeping? We got the first years close and secure sleeper. It goes nxt to you in bed and is basically a little bed for them so you can't roll over them or anything and they are close to you. We started out with that..then when she was about a month in a half we put the CO sleeper in the crib since she was used to it and she sleeps pretty good! She still sometimes sleeps in bed with me Bc she sleeps better bit not til later in the am like 4 or 5. She sleeps a majority of the time in the crib. I really hope something works for you! It will get better though

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

yty0205 said:
Babies that age cannot manipulate or form "habits." If they want to be held, hold them. Don't CIO for purpose of teaching them anything - they're too young and cognitively immature to "learn" self-soothing.

Keep your head up and stick to your guns. You're the momma - you know best and everyone else can go fly a kite. Good luck!

ETA: words - hit save too fast

This. My LO does the same thing. He's almost 5 weeks old. You're right to trust your gut on this amidst all the unwanted opinions. At this age they are learning to trust that we'll be there for them. Sometimes that means they just want to be held. Think of the transition they're having to make after 9 months of being in utero. Tell your family it takes time for them to adjust, so chill the eff out!

Lpegirl2013 · January 2014

Are you trying to get LO to sleep in a crib? Many things I've read show that infants don't normally like cribs because they are flat and big and uncomfortable to them at first. I don't plan on trying to get her in her crib for another two months or so or atleast till when she's sleeping pretty much all night long. And I think you are right to just ignore their comments and pressure, people like to think they know what's best, but at the end of the day YOU know what is best for YOUR baby. Crying it out at this young is not okay and can cause many many problems. Now if she is just kind of whining or making noises but not actually crying, try not to pick her up, give her a pacifier or whatever to help her soothe herself back to sleep. That's all the self soothing i think is ideal at this point!

clhathaway · January 2014

Maybe it's because I'm tired but, I'd give them all one last chance and say "I'm lo's mother and I feel I know best, if a habit were to develop WHICH ITS NOT, then I made that bed so I will lie in it." If they keep going after that a simple "blow it out your a**" would make you feel better.

ilovemld1127 · January 2014

I really appreciate all the feedback.. She usually sleeps in her cuddle cove that came with her pnp. She hated her bassinet, every time she moves it rocks.. Plus since she was 9 pounds at birth, she's a bigger baby.. She now weighs close to 12 pounds.. She slept for 6 hours last night so her sleep is getting better, it's just hard to get her put down.. I will def look into the co sleeper.. I was looking at the 3 sided crib one that goes up against the bed before I had her.. Shall see what happens..

Eta that the weight limit for her pnp bassinet is 15 pounds and the cuddle cove weight limit is also 15 pounds which she probably only has a month or so until she reaches that weight

thesportsgal · January 2014

Does she like to be swaddled? What about using a white noise machine?

Lyzza350 · January 2014

It's your baby...you pushed her out of your vagina (maybe?) and in my book that means you get to make the ultimate decision (with your partner). However, maybe try soothing her in the bassinet. Rub her back...offer her the binkie and see if she can stay for a little bit. If she's screaming bloody murder take her out. See if you can get her used to it.

Linny0316 · January 2014

Try the Aden and anais swaddle blankets from target. They are expensive but worth it. I thought LO didn't like to have his arms swaddled, turns out once he struggled for a minute he actually calmed down and fell asleep quickly and he went from sleeping 3 or 4 hour stretches to 7 hrs the last two nights. He is 8 weeks so a little older than your baby but maybe that would help make baby more secure.

Also, I spent more on the good blankets cuz they're breathable and the first time I swaddled I woke up to him with his face covered by the blanket cuz he is big and wiggled out a little. The target blankets I could tuck a little tighter underneath him. It was right where I left it when he woke.

SarahDavis83 · January 2014

Soozerella said:
Six hours at 4 weeks is amazing. Just be glad you have that.

This! Sign me up! I'm lucky to get 3 hrs....

TXmamatobe · January 2014

thesportsgal said:
Does she like to be swaddled? What about using a white noise machine?

This! We do both and it works like a charm. Definitely worth a try.

KelseyKetchum · January 2014

Have you tried the swing? LO wouldnt sleep in his bassinet after 3am but if I put the swing next to the bed where he can see me and hear my voice he falls asleep in a second! I can't sleep with I'm on my chest in bed either because I tense up and my back kills me.

zou bisou · January 2014

There's a middle ground between sleeping only on you and baby crying until she falls asleep from exhaustion in the crib.

People recoil against the word "training" with respect to babies. But when I offer the idea of trying crib "training" with her, think of it in the sense of practicing putting baby to sleep in the crib or wherever you'd like to transition. Start with a nap and make sure sleep is really what baby needs at that time. Take care of every other need first, feeding, changing, burping. Eliminate any other possible needs that you can think of that would interrupt sleep. Then wait till baby is sleepy and get her as comfortable as possible. Swaddle, shush, pacifier, dim room, white noise, go through any sleep rituals you may have (singing a lullaby, bouncing, swaying etc). Make the whole environment as ideal for sleep as you can. When baby's eyes start to flutter closed, lay her down and wait. Don't bother leaving the room. Don't plan to use this time to get other things done. Odds are, you're not going anywhere. Baby will stir and fuss. At whatever level of fussing you decide is enough, pick her up, soothe and get her back to fluttery eyes again. Then put her back in the crib. And repeat, repeat, repeat for an amount of time you've predetermined. Ultimately, baby needs good sleep and practicing crib sleeping has to bend to that. So if it doesn't work in that set amount of time, don't despair. This is practice and it will take lots of it to get to your goal. Keep trying this at naps. You could try during nighttime sleep, but I find we're too tired and needing sleep ourselves to try this at that time.

mamaj1220 · January 2014

I feel like you read my mind! K will not sleep in his crib and won't even snuggle with SO he has to be with me at night. And I know it bothers SO but he is just over 4 weeks I don't care if he wants to sleep with us he will. He also hates his bassinet, some days he will sleep in crib but for the most part it's swing during the day and at night with mommy. My family all says we are creating bad habits but I told them he's a baby and at this point he needs to know that when he needs/wants something he will get it.

mamaj1220 · January 2014

I feel like you read my mind! K will not sleep in his crib and won't even snuggle with SO he has to be with me at night. And I know it bothers SO but he is just over 4 weeks I don't care if he wants to sleep with us he will. He also hates his bassinet, some days he will sleep in crib but for the most part it's swing during the day and at night with mommy. My family all says we are creating bad habits but I told them he's a baby and at this point he needs to know that when he needs/wants something he will get it.

ilovemld1127 · January 2014

We don't have a swing unfortunately.. I wish I did.. But I feel like if I were to get one now she wouldn't like it since she's used to being bounced and rocked in my arms.. I haven't seen this brought up anywhere yet but she also whines in her sleep sometimes.. I thought about getting some gas drops or gripe water because she does get gassy and I'm wondering if that may be gas or an upset stomach?

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