Push Ups as punishment?

MamaLlama14 · January 2014

So the following post just showed up in my newsfeed on FB. I'm all for teaching my kids that they can do anything, but this really rubbed me the wrong way.

"Most people in my life are aware of my 'can't' rule- if you say 'can't', it's five push ups. As a result of having to do push-up after push-up (once bc she was too little to get on the toilet by herself, so without being told we found her doing push-ups in the bathroom ) my daughter is very aware and is constantly on "can't patrol." Well tonight she thought she caught [her brother] in violation. This is how it went down:

Brother: I cannot do this!
Sister: What did he just say?!?
Mom: He said he cannot do it.
Sister: Thank goodness he did not say can't!

Obviously we have some work to do on contractions!

Um, lady, you have some work to do on parenting, not just contractions, if you're having your kids drop and give you five to teach them they can do anything...

spacepotatoes · January 2014

I wonder if she teaches them when it's ok to say "can't"? Because if the kids only have to do this when they are saying it for something they are afraid to try, that's one thing. If they still have to do this for things they legitimately cannot do or do not like, that's a whole other issue.

MamaLlama14 · January 2014

spacepotatoes said:

I wonder if she teaches them when it's ok to say "can't"? Because if the kids only have to do this when they are saying it for something they are afraid to try, that's one thing. If they still have to do this for things they legitimately cannot do or do not like, that's a whole other issue.

I don't even know her (this showed up as something a friend 'liked'), so I can't speculate... but based on her own comment that her daughter was too little to get on the toilet herself and dropped to make herself do five, I'd say she's been well-versed in the process.

I think maybe if you're talking about learning a sport or doing something physical, like learning how to ride a bike or swim or something, it makes sense. But to make a little kid do it for assorted reasons doesn't work for me. Teach her some sort of self-affirming quote or tell her a story about a strong woman who changed the world, hell, punish her and take away TV for an hour if you want... I don't know.

I also think it puts a negative connotation on physical activity if you use it as a punishment. I coached for a long time and didn't like making kids run or do anything exercise related as a punishment because they learn to hate it.

Mimaloo · January 2014

I once babysat for a family who fed their kids a teaspoonful of worcestershire sauce as punishment. Those kids lived in fear and it was really sad....I never watched them again.

Luckyu317 · January 2014

Something is just off with that whole thing. ''...are aware of my rule''. And the fact that the child was doing push ups on her own just makes me think this happens more often than not. Sounds like she's trying to turn them into little soldiers. I don't know, that may be a stretch, but I know my 3 1/2 yr. old wouldn't give himself a punishment on his own. I would be curious to know how old her kids are.

MamaLlama14 · January 2014

Mimaloo said:

I once babysat for a family who fed their kids a teaspoonful of worcestershire sauce as punishment. Those kids lived in fear and it was really sad....I never watched them again.

Ugh that's horrible. In this instance, i DO feel sorry for her kids! (see what I did there?)

Luckyu317 said:

I know my 3 1/2 yr. old wouldn't give himself a punishment on his own.

I would have thought the same thing before this week... my 2.5 year old has recently started refusing to apologize when he hits/throws/etc... and instead chooses to go sit in time out. I guess that means we use time out a lot? Literally, when I told him, "You're going to get time out if you don't say sorry", he said, "Okay, time out." and just sat down and looked at me like, "your move bitch."

mfosburgh · January 2014

Um no. Just no.

I played sports my entire life even as a collegiate athlete and the only time I was ever subject to physical punishment was during athletics. Don't get me wrong I was punished in other ways at home (nothing abusive or anything) but to have a child that isn't big enough to get on the toilet doing push ups seems like a bit much to me. Just my personal opinion... we are raising children not drill masters....

Luckyu317 · January 2014

I get that, @MamaLlama14. What I meant is, if my son did something *wrong* that he would normally get into trouble for, but we didn't catch him doing it, I don't think he would voluntarily put himself in time out.

spacepotatoes · January 2014

The fact that the daughter was doing it on her own was what made me wonder if they are being taught any distinctions. It sounds like they're not but at the same time, kids at that age have a pretty simplistic understanding of things. She could easily have internalized "can't = push ups" as an absolute.

That's one really good reason not to use physical things like this, especially with such little kids, because you can't always predict or control the associations they're going to make and what message they're going to internalize. It may be something very different, and more harmful, that the one you intended to teach.

runningyogimama · January 2014

I think the mom may be trying to teach a good lesson/have good intentions (maybe?), but it just sounds like she is going about it all wrong with punishing any use of the word this way (which the daughter doing push ups for not being able to get up on the toilet is showing!). Kids also need to know that it's okay to ask for help if they need help, and it sounds like they wouldn't do that because can't=punishment.

busterbeagle · January 2014

Wow. It sounds like she's trying to brag about her awesome parenting but she just looks like an ass.

talkthewholetime · January 2014

There's a lot of things little kids truly CANT do ... I cannot imagine punishing them for that. Maybe when they're older and just whining about something they are fully capable of ... But a kid doing push ups because they can't get on the toilet is sick.

LindsayB0505 · January 2014

Wow. We are really into the "I can't" phase right now with DD and she won't even try first just says "I can't". I want to discourage that and encourage her to at least try, but I would definitely NOT use push-ups as a punishment. That seems nutso.

oscarwao · January 2014

Push ups can be an appropriate consequence .... For a middle schooler or older (I'm thinking of the coaches who make their kids do push-ups if they are late to class, etc, things the kid usually knows they could prevent). I really don't get using that technique for a toddler.

83edwards · January 2014

Mom judging is awesome!

I wouldn't use push-ups with my kids either, but this is in no way spanking a 6 month old. It isn't abuse.....

Can't is so much more than a word in our society.....I think it is good that she is trying to change the mentality at a young age! Maybe this isn't the way that we would do it, but she is putting in effort which is commendable because so many parents just don't.

mileswithmyles · January 2014

That seems really ineffective. Reinforcement works better than punishment. Punishment is usually arbitrary and doesn't connect to the behavior you are trying to fix. Not to mention that teaching "can't vs. won't" seems a little beyond what a child at that age can understand.

MamaLlama14 · January 2014

Totally agree @83edwards- I think she's got good intentions behind bad implementation. I am all for teaching kids they CAN do, rather than can't do.... but I don't think this is the right strategy.

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