For those who work outside the home- how long were you out?

sunflwra · December 2013

I lost the baby on 11/13 and delivered on 11/16 (20.5 weeks). I was planning on being out most of Thanksgiving week so my team offered up that I should not worry about returning until after my vacation on 12/2. I had every plan of returning at that point and then had some bleeding issues, so my OB suggested I take another week to get through my Methergine, so the new plan is to return to work on the 9th assuming all goes as it should.

My disability was approved through the 28th- I think they based it on a normal vaginal delivery. I guess I'm wondering what the "norm" is? How long were you out before returning to work? My work isn't pushing me or anything but I already feel so out of the loop that I think staying out longer may make it even harder...

Noethola · December 2013

***Siggy warning***

Its very different for each person. I was out for one week, before going back to work. Looking back, it was no where near the time I should have taken off. I think for most people, they go ahead and take 6 weeks if they are able to (6-8 weeks is normal maternity leave).

CRUN2012 · December 2013

I was off for about 3 1/2 weeks...I thought it was the perfect amount of time... but of course everyone is different. Some people need the distraction (like my husband) ands some people need more time than others. Would your job be flexible if you tried it out again but decided it was just too much at the moment?

sunflwra · December 2013

I think they'd be understanding if I felt like I had to go back out but I would lose my disability if I returned and left again without a medical reason. Honestly, I'm a little worried that this round of Methergine isn't working and I'm gonna have to do another one. If that's the case, I may have to be out next week as well and it won't really be up to me.

My work people are being really understanding, I just feel weirdly guilty since someone's covering my work and I don't think they know what to expect of me in this situation either :-(

diamante1181 · December 2013

I was given 7 weeks for short term disability. I didn't officially take maternity leave because I was already out on stdl before the twins were born. ML would have been 12 weeks had I taken it. If you are approved until the 28th, I say you should take advantage and take care of yourself first.

VyD81 · December 2013

I'm a workaholic and only took 2.5 weeks off. Physically I was ok, but not emotionally. It was definitely too soon and should've taken my full 8 weeks. Like @diamante1181 said, take the time off to take care of yourself, plus you may not want to be around so many people during the holidays and have to deal with all the festivities.

stefuge · December 2013

I was off for 9 weeks (8 weeks medical due to my c-section and 1 week vacation). For me, I really needed the time to just take it slow and not have to worry about work. Now that I am back at work, things are good and the distraction is nice, but I don't know if I would have felt that way those first couple of months.

mingaling2 · December 2013

A little over a week. In hindsight, I should have taken more time, but at the moment I wanted a distraction from being home alone (DH went back to work after a few days).

BrittianyM · December 2013

Brooke grew her wings on a Thursday so I was out that Friday and then the whole next week. My work would have allowed me longer but my DH was going back then and I didn't want to be alone. My situation was different then yours only because I had already given birth months before.

Heatherhah · December 2013

I lost Sydney at 38 wks 4 days and delivered her via c section so I took the full 8 weeks medically necessary for me. Plus I was on disability through my work there was no way I was going back to work early. I gave birth and you usually get 6 to 8 weeks when your baby lives so I didn't see how I was different even though she died. I needed that time off to deal with my grief and the pain I felt from losing her. Good luck with what ever you decide.

Heather

sunflwra · December 2013

Thanks ladies- I appreciate all of the feedback. I thought I was good physically until I had this bleeding (and lack there of) situation. If I had known up front that disability was going to approve 6 weeks, I may have just planned to have taken off through the holidays but now I feel like my work is going to think that I'm making excuses or putting off coming back. I know I shouldn't care but I do.

I think the distraction of getting back to work would be good for me but I also know that there are still times that the smallest thing will set me off and i'm a bawling mess. Unfortunately, I don't know that there will be time in the not so near future where that will not be the case, so I guess we'll see. Thanks again.

BrittianyM · December 2013

I still cry at my desk at work. I don't care who sees me. If they don't understand then oh well. We are allowed to feel how we feel whenever we feel it.

sunflwra · December 2013

@BrittianyM - you are totally right. Thankfully I have an office with a door- they'll just have to deal with it

bunnybun4 · December 2013

I took off about 2 weeks and it was definitely not enough time.

at the time I thought that I needed some structure and I felt like "so much" time had passed and I needed to be doing normal things. I hate that I pushed myself. I still cry when I think about how I pushed myself back then.

as PP's have mentioned I think it really is an individual preference...I did go back to work one afternoon before I officially returned and just popped my head in and said hi to everyone...I cried when I saw each person but at least it got that out of the way (my mom was with me too).

ugh...so sorry you are going thru this right now. ((HUGS))

angelsnight · December 2013

Because I delivered, I was allowed the 6 weeks for physical aspect but I took it all due to emotional....physically I was fine, I could have gone back to work after a few days.

I definitely needed that time, as it took about a good month or month and a half after returning before I could really deal with being at work a full 40 hours a week.

PerkyErky · December 2013

***siggy warning***

I went back to work after 4 weeks. I need the time off to heal physically and prepare mentally, but I also found going back to work healing as well. I found it helpful to get back to my routine. However the first week back I only made it 3 days and only half the day my first day back.

irons633 · December 2013

It's both of my losses I took the 6 weeks since it's was a vaginal delivery as well as my doctor had me out for that amount of time. Ill be returning to work on 12/18 and I had my daughter 10/18. I'm dreading it though. Hugs!!

ajsweeton · December 2013

****siggy warning****

I went back to work in stages. My doctors gave me the 6 weeks off, but I kept trying to go back. I went in after 2 weeks, but it was way too soon. I walked into a postpartum antibody work up and just sat there staring at the blood crying thinking about how that woman had a healthy baby (she was 17) and how unfair it was. I worked 1-3 days a week until 5 weeks out then worked 4 days the 5th week and went back full time after 6 weeks. I still cry at my desk 1 year later. Unfortunately our desks are all open to each other, but my coworkers understand. My boss also had a late term loss so she has been wonderful through everything. I'd say if you can afford to take the time just take the 6 weeks off. The physical and emotional aspects of loss are very difficult to work through and sometimes it's easier to heal at home where there's no audience.

OSUWifey09 · December 2013

***SIGGY***

My OB wouldn't clear me to come back before 6 weeks because I had a vaginal delivery at almost 35 weeks, and he said he'd give me longer if I needed it - but my paid leave only covered 6 weeks, so I went back. I was grateful for the distraction, but there's no way I could've gone back before then. Even at the 6-week mark, I was pushing it. My work was also flexible and so great with my adjustment back to "normal" life.

I cried at my desk every day those first couple of weeks. I work with college students who knew I was pregnant and got questions about where I had been, but I guess the word had gotten out that I had lost the baby...because no one asked about the baby. I was so glad for that. It was hard to go back, but it was also nice to get back on a routine. No matter what you decide, do what's best for you and your healing. **hugs**

sunflwra · December 2013

Thanks everyone. Looks like i'm going back on Monday. The Methergine didn't work like it should have but my OB wants let my body take it's own course at this point so there might be more bleeding. I nicely reminded my boss that I don't have to come back until the 28th but that I'd like to start back next week but may need some flexibility- she said that would be totally fine, so that gives me some peace of mind. I think the distraction will be helpful and I'm planning to still take most of Christmas week off, so really it's only 2 weeks back before I'll have a break again. We'll see how it goes. I appreciate all of your feedback ladies!

RFraser21 · January 2014

I honestly believe it's up to you and you will know when your ready. I assume most of you ladies aren't Canadian, I lost my daughter at 21w and was allowed mat leave of 15 weeks, but not Parental leave as I had no child to care for. We get a year of maternity leave earning 66% of our wage in Canada as long as you've worked 600hrs in the 52 weeks prior to giving birth. Because of the stress of my job I said f it I'm going to take this time to heal and take care of myself so I took the 4 months and it was the best decision for me. The pain doesn't go away though it just gets easier to manage I guess. I still have days especially lately that I cry when I think about her, or think about how far along I would be right now as I was due Feb.8/14 and I burst into tears. I've been blessed with my rainbow baby and am currently 12 weeks but terrified and that feeling will not go away until this baby is in my arms.

MCH77 · January 2014

I just had a D&E on Friday at 24w and am thinking of returning on Wed. Is that horrible? I'm just not sure I can keep sitting here crying. I guess this means I could be at work crying. I'm not sure what to do. My dr will write me a note for whatever I decide I need. Physically I feel fine, well I'm afraid my milk might be coming in. If that's the case, than ill take more days. I don't know.

sunflwra · January 2014

@MCH77 - I think you have to do whatever you feel is right for you. After having gone through this, I will note a couple of things to think about. I delivered my daughter on a Saturday, recovered/bled for a few days and then had nothing for almost a week and then had a debilitating 2 days of cramping and HEAVY bleeding. I met with my OB and she recommended taking another week. Ultimately, I was out for 3 weeks. Just something to keep in mind- some of the physical recovery may not come all at once. Returning to work did ultimately help me though, things were busy and it helped me get back a small sense of normalcy. I was dreading going back and knew I would have some tough times, but I think it personally would have been harder for me if I'd stayed out longer. I hope you find a good balance for you!

neptunebljc · January 2014

I also took the full 14 weeks off we are allowed in Canada. I think that although I had some hard times, it really helped me to deal with my grief compared to be distracted by other things.

I finally just went back to work today and boy does it feel good. I can talk about what happened and I feel ok with it.

Good luck!

nuttycoconut · January 2014

(siggy warning)

I took 8 weeks off after I delivered my twins (at 22 weeks 3 days). I needed every moment of it. My doctor would have written me out longer if I needed. I am a teacher and had a very rough time going back and probably should have taken even more time off.

In my opinion I think you should take as much time as you are able.

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