Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
mschware
member
Re: Husband allowed to get drunk but we can't?
I'm not new. I just hate The Bump.
Let the guy go have fun. You go have your fun, too!
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
So I don't get bored, I like to go out on my own, shopping, getting pedis and manicures, getting hair done or even just going out for coffee. I enjoy all of those things and it's nice to just get away from the family for a while. Maybe see a movie with friends, that would be fun!
I think I know what you mean. The kind of "going out" I'm referring to when I speak about this problem is when we'd wait until 1030-1130 to get to the bar, then party until the bars close. At the bar, there's no food, no ones sitting down, everyones standing and drinking is the only activity occuring. Of course, as others have said, you CAN go out. But IMO we'd all be lying if we said it would be the same and just as fun carting around a bunch of drunk people until 2 in the morning in a crowded bar while tired and pregnant. I don't know, maybe most of you don't agree with me. Of course you can have fun without drinking, and have a girls night. But since you're 21, and when I was 21, most all my friends wanted to do was go out late at night.
I feel your pain and I do think that would be hard, and I would feel like I was missing out. Pregnancy changes our lives from the very beginning but the guys get to continue business as usual for awhile. I think it gets a little bit harder to relate. My only advice would be try to tell him how you feel and offer to have people over more rather than them bar hopping or going out to a club. Hang in there!
IVF/FET #1 - BFP!!
DX - PCOS 2004
FET #2 - scheduled for 11/24/15
If you're sitting at home being a "boring pregnant wife" every time he goes out to have fun then that's on you. And yeah, you're being silly.
I mean, moderation is important. If he goes out all the time it would be an issue. If it's a couple times a month or so then it's not such a big deal as long as he is being safe and responsible, if he can afford it, and if he's not an ahole when he's drunk, etc.
So instead of being bummed about it here's what you should do: plan some fun girl's nights with your friends at the same time. (And if you have to drink to have a fun girl's night then that's a whole other problem.) Also plan some extra fun nights on the town with your guy which involve both of you going out and having a good time. Sure he can have a drink or two when you're out together but the point won't be to get drunk it will be for you both to have some quality time out before baby comes. The times that you are home when he goes out enjoy the alone time by watching a movie he might not like or doing things you don't always have time to do.
I don't mind it too much if DH goes out and has some fun and drinks every now and then. I want my alone time. I do mind it when he comes home late and wakes me up though, especially since i have a hard time going back to sleep. With my last pregnancy, I did cut him off from drinking more than beer when i was 37 weeks along with my first pregnancy, becasue at that point it was a little too close to a delivery date for comfort.
I agree with PP in that guys just don't get it while we are pregnant. In fact, I don't think my husband really got it until i went back to work until 12 weeks after our son was born. Thats when I stopped getting up every single night to feed and he had to take over a night feeding and contribute more (gotta love a good pump). He will tell you that his life changed more when I returned to work than it did when the baby was actually born.
Due June 10, 2014
I was 21 and ex-H was 26 when we got married. After getting pregnant and having babies, my priorities became my kids and there just wasnt enough time and opportunity to go partying with friends. Hiring a babysitter was always my job and if I couldnt get one I would frequently be left at home to care for the kids while he went to bars and clubs with his brothers and friends. There is a reason why he's now the ex-H - and he met her at the bar while I was home with our kids.
I honestly dont see any reason that you cant tell DH that you dont want him to go to clubs without you. Occasional nights watching a ball game at the bar or a friends house is one thing, but I'm not a big fan of a drunk fest guys night at the club.
My DH and I now into our mid-30s don't go to clubs anymore and prefer parties at home.
I still go out with my husband to bars at least once a week. We are very social and love hanging out with our friends; there is no reason why I would feel obligated to stay home. If I am totally wiped out tired, I might choose to hang at home but that's not common and usually if I say I want to stay home, my husband stays too because he'd rather go out as a couple. He does a guys night thing once a week but he has done that since we were dating and it has never bothered me before so no reason for me to feel left out now.
If going out together isn't an option, maybe you can suggest to him that you guys should do more "dates" just the two of you to balance it out? Like go to the movies or something that doesn't involve drinking if being the sober one in a drunk crowd is the root of the issue.
& to what was also asked a couple of times, I'm not invited to go out with them cause it's guys night haha and we don't have money right now. nothing to do with me not being able to drink! I would have loved to be a DD haha. But thank you girls for putting it into perspective for me. Think I was just going crazy, and it's better for me to express it here than flip out on DH for doing nothing wrong!