WWYD - Husband may be out of town for birth

hehlke09 · January 2014

I can't imagine going through birth without H…and this is #3 for us. For our last DS my husband almost didn't go to a work conference 4 weeks out because he was worried he would miss it and he would be SO upset not being there. I would personally be disappointed if he CHOSE to go to something instead of being there with me, but everyone is different.

RaeJ004 · January 2014

I can think of very few reasons that would make sense for a husband to not be there during labor/birth (deployment being one). This is not one of them.

katekat8721 · January 2014

chloephoebecali said:
I would be pissed if my Dh actually wanted to go instead of be available for potential birth. There are plenty of other men in military that dream to be there for the birth of their child but cannot. I just don't see one rowing competition, however big (it's not the Olympics), could ever be more important than the birth of your child.

This times a million. It's high school rowing, in a thing that it sounds like they'll go to again next year. I'm surprised this is even a question.

FutureMrsW9 · January 2014

Personally, I would ask him to stay home, it wouldn't even be a question only a week out from my due date. My DH has his yearly work trip to London 4 weeks before I'm due and he's already told them he's not going - I left that up to him and he felt that it was too close and he didn't want to risk being a 6-hour flight away even at that point. Plus, he doesn't want me alone that far into my pregnancy (maybe a smidge over protective, but I'll take it!). So if it were a week out it certainly wouldn't be a question. The other thing is, if you did have the baby while he was away he would probably have regrets about not being there for the birth of his child forever. Also, as some pps have mentioned, they say FTMs typically go late, and I know some who went a day or two late, as well, BUT I know far more who actually went anywhere 1-3 weeks early even with their first - so it's certainly not unheard of.

becomingmommyagain · January 2014

joules235 said:

becomingmommyagain said:

How do you feel about elective induction? Your baby is considered term at 37 weeks.
If you're open to being induced early, I'd discuss your options with your OB.
Just keep in mind, LO can choose his/her birthday when they feel. It's even possible that your due date will change as you progress through third trimester.

If you are comfortable with DH missing the birth, then just relax and let things be as they will. If you'd like your friends to be substitutes for DH, maybe they could take alternate days till he's home. And hopefully with advanced planning they could clear it with their jobs and families.

I'm sorry, but this is a terrible option. Please don't schedule your baby's birth around your husband's work schedule. Babies should stay in as long as they need to and unless there is a relevant medical reason inducing early is reckless and if you find a doctor who will do it for such a trivial reason run and never go back to him/her.

A baby is considered term at 37 weeks meaning that if the mother goes into natural labor at 37 weeks the baby will probably be fine. If dates are off even by a couple weeks, which is quite common, the baby could land in the NICU getting steroid shots to develop his lungs or a whole host of other completely avoidable issues.

Inducing early should only ever be done when there are no other options, medically speaking, and a second opinion should also be sought to confirm said issues.

Bottom line: This is not a safe or smart option

Please allow me to clarify. I was not suggesting that an elective induction at 37 weeks should even be considered - I'm pretty sure it is not even something you could ask for.

OP mentioned her husband was potentially leaving 1 week prior to her due date - at 39 weeks. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, it is acceptable to perform an elective induction at 39 weeks provided the patient meets certain established criteria - hence the suggestion that OP consult with her physician if she would consider elective induction.

https://www.acog.org/~/media/Districts/District I/20120120_ElectiveIOLGuideline.pdf?dmc=1&ts=20140117T1250405858

In any case, we all will have to make decisions on what is best for our situation concerning the birth of our babies. And for some, having their spouse present isn't an option.

Mrs_D_in_KY · January 2014

Sorry, but the birth of our child would very much out rank any special sports event. He might have regrets if he missed it.

HeyAmberNicole · January 2014

Miss Renee and @kbellizio3 Hahaha I'm not that big of a NASCAR fan. I just watch the races thanks to the potential of seeing my man during pit stops Haha

He's the tire specialist for Furniture Row Racing. So, he preps all the tires and hands out the rear tires during pit stops. I'm trying to get to a race before the baby comes, but it's not looking promising!

kbellizio3 · January 2014

HeyAmberNicole said:
Miss Renee and @kbellizio3 Hahaha I'm not that big of a NASCAR fan. I just watch the races thanks to the potential of seeing my man during pit stops Haha

He's the tire specialist for Furniture Row Racing. So, he preps all the tires and hands out the rear tires during pit stops. I'm trying to get to a race before the baby comes, but it's not looking promising!

Stop it that's awesome! I live an hour from Dover and I LOVE going to races. However they're usually the first weekend of June which is quite close to my EDD, so no NASCAR races this year (maybe Dover in the fall who knows)

(

afk2013 · January 2014

I would be livid if my husband even considered it. Family always comes first for any job, unless like PPs said, in the case of military deployments, etc. This happens as an annual event. Being there for your wife and unborn child is way more important.

gregsgurl81304 · January 2014

I definately vote for your DH to stay.

For me it was emotionally hard to expience labor without DH being there. Thankfully we were able to Skype with him until DS decided that he was not going to come out naturally and I need to be preped for surgery.

But the choice it yours, and like other pp have said, how does DH feels about being or not being there?

If you both decide to have him go, maybe you will be able to do the same and live stream it so he could be there in a way.

curlylocks3 · January 2014

becomingmommyagain said:
How do you feel about elective induction? Your baby is considered term at 37 weeks.
If you're open to being induced early, I'd discuss your options with your OB.
Just keep in mind, LO can choose his/her birthday when they feel. It's even possible that your due date will change as you progress through third trimester.

If you are comfortable with DH missing the birth, then just relax and let things be as they will. If you'd like your friends to be substitutes for DH, maybe they could take alternate days till he's home. And hopefully with advanced planning they could clear it with their jobs and families.

Wtf? Babies come when they are ready an that shouldn't be forced unless there is a medical reason for an induction. Most hospitals won't put elective inductions on the book until at least 39 weeks and even that may be changing with the new guidelines/definitions of term pregnancies.

becomingmommyagain · January 2014

curlylocks3 said:

How do you feel about elective induction? Your baby is considered term at 37 weeks.
If you're open to being induced early, I'd discuss your options with your OB.
Just keep in mind, LO can choose his/her birthday when they feel. It's even possible that your due date will change as you progress through third trimester.

If you are comfortable with DH missing the birth, then just relax and let things be as they will. If you'd like your friends to be substitutes for DH, maybe they could take alternate days till he's home. And hopefully with advanced planning they could clear it with their jobs and families.

Wtf? Babies come when they are ready an that shouldn't be forced unless there is a medical reason for an induction. Most hospitals won't put elective inductions on the book until at least 39 weeks and even that may be changing with the new guidelines/definitions of term pregnancies.

Read the clarification and link to American Conference of Obstetrics & gynecology. It is acceptable to do an elective induction provided the patient meets the specific criteria. Criteria one being 39 weeks.

It might not be something you'd consider, but for some families it might be the only way DH will see his child before deploying.

eryale · January 2014

I'd be really really upset if my H weren't at the birth unless it was for extreme extenuating circumstances. I must agree with the ladies who pointed out the risk of deep regret you both may feel in the future, along with how the child may feel if he/she becomes aware that their father chose other kids over supporting his/her mother and witnessing his/her birth. You only get one 'birth day'.... That being said, it's really your decision together. No judgements here, this is just my opinion! Good luck!

katekat8721 · January 2014

becomingmommyagain said:

curlylocks3 said:

becomingmommyagain said:
How do you feel about elective induction? Your baby is considered term at 37 weeks.
If you're open to being induced early, I'd discuss your options with your OB.
Just keep in mind, LO can choose his/her birthday when they feel. It's even possible that your due date will change as you progress through third trimester.

If you are comfortable with DH missing the birth, then just relax and let things be as they will. If you'd like your friends to be substitutes for DH, maybe they could take alternate days till he's home. And hopefully with advanced planning they could clear it with their jobs and families.

Wtf? Babies come when they are ready an that shouldn't be forced unless there is a medical reason for an induction. Most hospitals won't put elective inductions on the book until at least 39 weeks and even that may be changing with the new guidelines/definitions of term pregnancies.

Read the clarification and link to American Conference of Obstetrics & gynecology. It is acceptable to do an elective induction provided the patient meets the specific criteria. Criteria one being 39 weeks.

It might not be something you'd consider, but for some families it might be the only way DH will see his child before deploying.

He's not deploying. He's not making a sacrifice to help his country. He's going to a HS rowing event. It's pretty offensive if these two things are being used comparatively.

curlylocks3 · January 2014

I am extremely familiar with the guidelines, but thanks for trying to school me on them. 39 weeks =/= 37 weeks, and I can't even handle the comparison of deploying being like the OPs situation. That's like the lady who told me she needed to be induced because her husband had scored tickets to the Super Bowl so she needed to be delivered before then.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

becomingmommyagain said:
How do you feel about elective induction? Your baby is considered term at 37 weeks.
If you're open to being induced early, I'd discuss your options with your OB.
Just keep in mind, LO can choose his/her birthday when they feel. It's even possible that your due date will change as you progress through third trimester.

If you are comfortable with DH missing the birth, then just relax and let things be as they will. If you'd like your friends to be substitutes for DH, maybe they could take alternate days till he's home. And hopefully with advanced planning they could clear it with their jobs and families.

Babies are not "term" until 39 weeks. A lot of important development is still taking place even towards the end of pregnancy. Ending a child's gestation to accommodate a rowing contest? Really? https://www.cnn.com/2013/10/25/health/term-pregnancy/
Edit; looks like I'm late to this party.

bebemac · January 2014

What is up with the jerky husbands around here? I even stayed home from work to make sure everything was ok with my cat when she had kittens. This dude doesn't want to support his wife and be a witness the birth of his child? WTF?

KristaU831 · January 2014

high school rowing =/= military deployment/assignment. one you can go to jail for skipping out on, the other you can't.

robbinrl · January 2014

bebemac said:
What is up with the jerky husbands around here? I even stayed home from work to make sure everything was ok with my cat when she had kittens. This dude doesn't want to support his wife and be a witness the birth of his child? WTF?

My husband is very far from being a jerky husband or father. He has been basically a SAHD since our daughter was 8 weeks old since he has worked his rowing schedule to be after 4pm and sacrificed his want to be the main provider for our family.

While this choice may not be for everyone, he is only considering it at my urging and we are looking into having a replacement for him if we go that route.

colllydon · January 2014

robbinrl said:

bebemac said:
What is up with the jerky husbands around here? I even stayed home from work to make sure everything was ok with my cat when she had kittens. This dude doesn't want to support his wife and be a witness the birth of his child? WTF?
My husband is very far from being a jerky husband or father. He has been basically a SAHD since our daughter was 8 weeks old since he has worked his rowing schedule to be after 4pm and sacrificed his want to be the main provider for our family.

While this choice may not be for everyone, he is only considering it at my urging and we are looking into having a replacement for him if we go that route.

Once again I get what your saying but there would be no "replacement" for my DH in this situation. We put family above all else. If you want him to go and you're cool with it more power to you.

robbinrl · January 2014

colllydon said:

I definitely understand that most people wouldn't consider it an option and I am honestly surprised I am with how much I needed his support last time (and we are a pretty attached at the hip couple/family) but I think it is a far oversimplification to assume he is a jerk b/c we are considering it.

The point a lot of people brought up regarding how LO is going to feel down the road definitely has me rethinking how I feel so we'll see where I land in a few months.

colllydon · January 2014

@robbinrl I never said you husband was a jerk.

robbinrl · January 2014

@colllydon oh I know you didn't, sorry I should be been more clear.

I appreciate everyone's input.

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