AF came and it hurts all over again

FitMamaInProgress · January 2014

AW: coworkers PG mentioned

My MMC happened in early oct. I waited two cycles- we started trying.. I was sure it happened right away again. I felt pregnant. I was elated and calm over the thought of another chance for a baby.... Then one test came negative.. Another.. Period was late... Another negative test & AF came.

I cry... All I do is cry. I wake up, try to be positive... And I cry. I go to work and see my coworker who had the same due date (who said her baby's nickname is shithead "because she kicks me in the bladder too much.") and I cry. I try to keep it together until I get home and cry...

I felt Okay until the past few days but now it just hurts just as bad as it did when I first found out. My therapist assures me that I'm "normal" but I just feel crazy- like ill never feel okay. ;( I wish life wasn't so unfair.

mara005 · January 2014

((Hugs)) Totally know the feeling. I usually allow myself to have a day to be sad about AF and then I try to get myself ready for the upcoming FW.
You're definitely normal.

Unknown · January 2014

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KStephens514 · January 2014

((Hugs)) You're definitely not crazy. I will go a while of feeling fine and then I'll have a bad day just sneak up on me. So sorry you are having a hard time right now. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

alilbear · January 2014

I totally get it! You're not alone in how you feel, and definitely not crazy. CD1/CD2 is always emotionally and physically difficult for me. Then I try to "let go" and enjoy the short break from TTC - obsessively POAS, waiting to O, waiting to confirm O, wondering if we had good timing, the awful tww, wondering when I should POAS. ((((hugs))))

alm288 · January 2014

I'm so sorry! AF came late for me this week and I let myself think positive and was really hopefully that this was it! POAS - nope. AF decided to show her face the next day. I cried too - I feel like my body is failing me. Hang in there - and you are not crazy! ((((Hugs))))

Frenchteachermama · January 2014

Same here!!! My identical twin is pregnant now and I can't even look her in the face still. AF is 5 days late for me (finally got my temp drop today) and it's been such a mind-fluck. I just can't shake my feelings of anger, sadness, and feeling like a failure. Why can't I be one of those women who get pregnant right away and go on to have a healthy rainbow baby? You are not alone. I am so sorry about your co-worker, does she know about your loss? Maybe if you ask her to keep her negative comments about her healthy pregnancy to herself it might help a little?

Frenchteachermama · January 2014

alilbear said:
I totally get it! You're not alone in how you feel, and definitely not crazy. CD1/CD2 is always emotionally and physically difficult for me. Then I try to "let go" and enjoy the short break from TTC - obsessively POAS, waiting to O, waiting to confirm O, wondering if we had good timing, the awful tww, wondering when I should POAS. ((((hugs))))

So true!

rubysi · January 2014

>:D<

AF is truely a disappointment. Everything you are feeling is normal. I work in retail and some days I am able to talk to people carrying babies and other times I run when people try to show me a picture. It is good you are talking about it. It is a new cycle fx this is the one.

jap618 · January 2014

(((hugs)))

anglndsguse44 · January 2014

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It's so hard to see that stark white space on a PG test, especially when your mind and heart feel differently. Your feelings are completely normal, and it's OK to be sad when you need to be sad! Big ((hugs)) for you!

rmpar29 · January 2014

I definitely understand what you are going through. Grief comes and goes your co-worker sure isn't helping the situation. I've had two longer LPs in the last six months and it hurts so much when AF finally comes. All I can offer you is (((HUGS))) and I hope that you start feeling a little more cheerful soon. Be kind to yourself and know that what you are going through is completely normal and we've all be there.

LydsieMarie7 · January 2014

I've definitely been there too. I hate the sight of my AF because it reminds me of my loss. Time has helped but I still have days where I cry and days where I ugly cry. Thankfully I've gotten better at controlling it but it helps that I have such a support group around here who prays for me constantly. ((HUGS)) T&Ps for you!

BookishMomma · January 2014

Oh, hun. I totally get it. Big hugs to you. No matter how 'normal' it is to feel this way, it still sucks. I found out yesterday that one of my co-workers is pregnant and we would have been due around the same time, had I not had my first loss. I am happy for her, but sad for me because it is going to be so hard to watch her pregnancy progress while I'm still stuck in the land of questions wondering what is "wrong" with me that I can't hold onto my LOs.

@frenchteachermama ((hugs)) to you, too. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to have your twin sister going through the experience that you wish you were having, too. That plus the MF of a late period. Ugh. You deserve a big cocktail. Take your pick.

edit pic

megrae12 · January 2014

((Hugs)) sweetie. I am so sorry. We are all here for you.

peggels24 · January 2014

((hugs)) to you.

MrsG80inTN · January 2014

Hugs! So many hugs. I get where you are at and my heart aches for you. I'm sorry your coworker is so insensitive and not fully appreciating the life that is growing inside of you. It makes your hurt even that much more painful. I think it is totally normal after loss to have up and down emotions and to (unfortunately) have mucked up cycles. I wish it weren't so.

Frenchteachermama · January 2014

@sbg992207 I'll take all three please. Now.

angelaclev · January 2014

((Hugs)) to everyone.

5895WolterA · January 2014

(((hugs))) I am so sorry for all of the pain that you are going through. Nothing about this is easy, that's for sure. I am also so sad that you have to deal with your co-workers insensitive comments. Take care of yourself.

PinkSands15 · January 2014

I'm sorry you are going through this, and I definitely understand how you are feeling. My cousin is pregnant and asked me to be the god mom. I was really excited, but I am also nervous that if I am not pregnant by then (April) this will be hard for me. In addition, a good friend had a due date 5 days after me is still pregnant, and DH and I will be getting together with her as well as another couple that has a 3 month old. It never ends.

I too got myself through the mc by telling myself it will happen again right away. This is our first cycle trying and I am currently a mess in the tww. I now know that I will fall apart all over again if it doesn't happen this month. It is an awful feeling to have.

SamanthaLaura16 · January 2014

Big ((Hugs)) to you.

FitMamaInProgress · January 2014

Busy day- wow thanks for all of the support!

Today was rough. Woke up puffy, sad and had to catch my breath from crying a few times. I'm so darn emotional.

My coworker knows of my mc and even had a MMC in her second tri last year! Ugh . I can't handle eating lunch or breaks w her anymore right now. This 3 day weekend is much needed.

Tonight's goal is just to not fall asleep crying...

Xo to all. I know we've all felt this pain ;(

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