What would you do. (Labor & Delivery room issue)

littlepig2 · January 2014

this makes me incredibly angry for you!! not his body, not his decision. I would never have 4 people in there, let alone let people rotate through like I'm some kind of exhibit. thankfully, my hospital's policy is 3 people including DH and absolutely no switching while in labor. I'm sticking with just DH.

I hope that once everything gets started, he realizes what you're going through and drops it. I would be seriously angry and probably tell the nurses that despite what he says, no one gets back there.

potbellypig · January 2014

I wouldn't want anyone visiting while in labour...I was a swearing bitch during contractions, and I would have been embarrassed to have anyone other than DH and the midwife see me that way.

My plans are to have DH, my doula and my midwife. I'll have to call someone to take care of DD but they will be staying home.

With DD, we didn't even tell family we were in labour. The only people who knew were my boss because I had to tell her I wasn't going to work that day. My logic was that I didn't want people texting/calling me/DH asking if we had baby yet. I wanted to just be able to call in the morning and say, hey, guess what? Baby is here! The phone calls were more fun that way

BecksHRN · January 2014

Your vajayjay - your decision. He needs to be more considerate of what you're going to be going through

shellbell3845 · January 2014

I wouldn't be cool with a revolving door of visitors, and I really think this is a decision he doesn't get much say in. During our childbirth class, the instructor basically said as much and had the moms tell their partner who was allowed in. My hospital allows four people in L&d, including DH. My mom and dad will also hopefully be there, but the 4th pass will go unused because there's no one else I want there. During the actual delivery, it will just be me and DH.

LetoileDuNord · January 2014

It'll be MH and our doula during labor. The grandparents wanted to camp out in the waiting room, and my dad even was interested in being in the room for labor, but that's not happening. They will all get a call when the baby is born. MH and I want those first couple of hours to be bonding/skin-to-skin/breastfeeding attempt time, not visiting time.

I'm glad you are sticking up for yourself and letting your wishes be known!

cksmith29 · January 2014

Bookshelves said:

RondackHiker said:

Okay, all these people with extended family (or family FRIENDS?!) who went to the hospital and hung out in the waiting room... Who does that? If I heard a friend or family member was in labor it would never occur to me to drive and sit and wait in a hospital waiting room for hours. That sounds like hell to me.

It's pretty common among my family and our friends. (Not for, like, aunts and uncles, but certainly for parents/grandparents-to-be.) It will be my ILs' first grandchild, and my parents' second. It's their time -- if they want to wait it out, I'm not spending my energy trying to stop them. They know it'll be a long wait. Honestly, had my sister had a normal L&D with my niece, I would've probably done the same thing. :::shrugs::: Different strokes.

This is the same for my family.

OutOfStep81 · January 2014

Yeah, no. It's only going to be me and DH during the entire labor process.

If I were you I'd just start throwing things at whoever drops by to 'visit'. JFC, men can be so ignorant.

ChinaDoll87 · January 2014

Totally your call. It's your discomfort. You decide

karich · January 2014

For us, the whole labor and delivery thing is a pretty private event. As in, just DH and I. We tell our families that I'm in labor, but in no way do we extend invites to come hang out.

I labored for 24 hours with my first, and didn't get back to a post-partum room until after 4am. I hadn't slept in over 36 hours. I'm quite sure I would have attempted physical harm on anyone that tried to come visit at that time.
If this makes you uncomfortable, I think you have every right to put your foot down and say no visitors.

MissDemeanor · January 2014

My vagina, my rules. After LO arrives is a different story

goobermom · January 2014

You sound completely reasonable to me! Not being a bitch at all!

For me, it will be DH, my mom (who works in L&D at that hospital, and so should be able to get us top-notch care), and my best friend (who will be acting as a doula for me).
Other than that, if people want to come visit AFTER the baby is born, and AFTER we have had bonding time, then that's ok. But I'm pretty sure I would TP anyone else who tries to come in while I am in labor.

ShreyaR · January 2014

As it is 4 people in your labor room sounds more than enough! It should definitely be your call!! It's you who's going in labor and will be in pain not your husband! So you tc n do what you want!

NoelMarieFrey · January 2014

elf828 said:

I just have a quick question about the math here. I went back and looked at your original post and it says you are allowed to have up to four people in the room with you. So your SO, your mom, your BFF, his aunt, and his stepmom... that's five people. So someone here is going to be left out of witnessing the actual birth anyway, right? And what if your SO or someone you actually care about being in there with you is not "rotated in" when you really need them? What if second-cousin Sally is there instead? This just seems like so much chaos to me when you need people there who have been to a class with you to learn how to help you through the labor and to help you focus. I just worry about you looking frantically for your SO or your mom when you really need them through a crowd of grandparents and other randoms and it makes me worried for you. I really hope this has been worked out between you and SO in a way that you're actually comfortable with - even though you say it's fine with you, the tone of your replies reads differently to me.

@elf828 my SO is considered a automatic "Patient" in the hospital with me. So he is already included. So its my fault I didn't clarify that. It is him PLUS four people allowed in the delivery room.

megash113

I spoke to him last night and explained my reasoning. Plus, I let him watch a video of what an actual women goes through while she is in labor, and it quickly changed his mind about having visitors during that time. The agreement we came to was when I go in we will let those four people know, but not have the come right away. I will likely be induced, so I am counting on it being a longer process (Maybe?). When it gets closer, we will call those four people and have them come to the hospital so they can be there for the birth and etc. Once baby is here then we will call the rest of our family & friends and inform them that it is ok to come visit during regular visiting hours.

When I spoke with him about it and heard his side, it made sense. He didn't want any of his family, or mine to be offended by us not wanting them to be there during the process. He also didn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings. But after a little bit of talking to and video watching, he understood that I will be naked, legs spread, and in pain, and most certainly not up to rotating visitors.

Thank you everyone for all of the reassurance. It made me feel so much better with approaching him about this.

Firefly9 · January 2014

Even if you aren't pushing out the baby, you are still exposing your vag to the whole room numerous times while you are waiting. No one, other than doctors, will be in the room with me except my H. Just say NO.

RondackHiker · January 2014

megash113 said:
Genuine question: does he understand the reality of being a parent to a newborn? I'm a little concerned now that he's going to be sleeping all night while you're getting up by yourself.

I am too.

I mean, I feel like the fact that labor is painful and involves exposing your vagina is really common sense, and if he didn't understand that I wonder what else he's missing.

NoelMarieFrey · January 2014

megash113 said:

Genuine question: does he understand the reality of being a parent to a newborn? I'm a little concerned now that he's going to be sleeping all night while you're getting up by yourself.

He keeps saying he does. However, I don't think he does. I am trying my best to get him prepared for it. But he sometimes can be hard headed, and decide he doesn't need help realizing much of anything. He didn't take any classes with me, and hasn't really read any books or anything on what happens during the first month and etc, because he states has had previous baby experience (which was his niece, and I hardly would consider that baby experience).

I feel bad saying that because he has been such a trooper through this entire pregnancy, doing whatever I have asked of him (mostly). But you ladies are right, I don't think he fully understands what is about to come.

goobermom · January 2014

megash113 said:

That makes me nervous for you. :-S Is there anyone you could have talk to him about it? One of your dads or an uncle or a friend who's been through it? Maybe he would listen and take more of it in if it was a man-to-man conversation instead of (what he thinks is) you nagging him.

This. Sometime it seems that men listen better to other men. I have a feeling that he's in for quite a shock when the LO comes home from the hospital!

TalkativeMama · January 2014

That seems unreasonable to me. You are going to be in pain (and likely quite angry in the really painful parts - at least from what I've heard). I can't imagine having so many visitors when I'm not at my best, lovely self. Especially, if there isn't even a baby yet. That is not something the WHOLE family needs to see.

I like the idea of making him watch some real labor/delivery videos. Then you can have a talk about the pain you will be going through and how mean you might become to people encroaching on your space when you are in such a vulnerable state. A prenatal class might also be a good option. Hopefully, he'll be able to see that it's not all roses and sunshine.

If that fails, I'd be tempted to make him feel as exposed as you will. I would tell him if he wants to greet and socialize with people in the delivery room that is fine but he needs to be naked the whole time so he can sympathize with how you feel. And I don't mean stripped down to his skivvies, I mean like butt naked, in his birthday suit. Okay, so I'm totally kidding but the conversation could knock him to his senses

I hope he comes around - I would hate for your labor to be stressful for you!

AnnieStanley · January 2014

My husband and I only is my plan. That is the best way not to hurt anyone's feelings. I would remind him you are not in parade. Like someone below said, you will be mostly naked by the end of everything-I wouldn't really want anyone but my husband or mom seeing me and all my business!

Good luck!

Want a personalized experience?

What would you do. (Labor & Delivery room issue)

Re: What would you do. (Labor &amp; Delivery room issue)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

What would you do. (Labor &amp; Delivery room issue)

Re: What would you do. (Labor &amp;amp; Delivery room issue)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

What would you do. (Labor & Delivery room issue)

Re: What would you do. (Labor & Delivery room issue)