Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: FFFC
So divorced people aren't doing it "the right way" either? What point is your SIL trying to prove? Please explain.
Do you seriously not give a care at all that the ignorant, vile & close-minded vitriol that you are spewing is hurtful to some that read it?
My kids were all conceived spontaneously through sex. That doesn't mean they are more special than the next kid over created through IVF etc.
Why do you think your way is the only way to make a family? I truly hope your SIL never hears this garbage. How hurtful.
You can have your fucked up opinions but there is just some stuff you keep to yourself.
I'm from July/August 2013 birth month board. Rest assured that you have permanently ruined your reputation on these boards as a whole. Go away & take your horrible beliefs with you.
Also, you are the furthest thing from a lady with tact, class & a heart that I've ever seen/heard/read. There are other names, but since I am choosing to be a better person than you I'm refraining from speaking them.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Sorry to keep dragging this up, guys.
@ladyabagail. I also got married at 18 to my high school sweetheart and had a baby at 18. Your immaturity is showing. He was the love of my life, we were going to get through anything! Divorce is not an option! Guess what? As soon as we moved out of my mom's house and real life hit...real life is hard!! We didn't last 3 months after 4 years of dating and having to deal with the real world (you know, one that didn't involve making out in the stairwell during passing periods and sharing a locker).
I got pregnant again with baby #2 by baby daddy number two at 19. Had her at 20. He was also the love of my life and we were going to get married and everything was going to be grand! Then I found out he was a drug addicted alcoholic and I wasted years trying to hang on and make it last because it was the "right" thing. Until he became violent and I knew it was no longer worth it.
I am now 28 and pregnant with #3 by the third man (gasp!!) and he truly is a wonderful man. He takes care of me and my girls like they're his own. He has sacrificed so much for our mashed up family and, now, NOW! At 28 I am old enough and mature enough to deal with life's issues.
I tell you all of this because I am nowhere near the same person today as I was 10 years ago. And you won't be either.
In addition to all of this, I would LOVE to be an egg donor so that someone else can have a precious child to love. I can't, though. I am perfectly healthy, I have an over abundance of eggs, and I can't share them with anyone. I was born in Turkey when my dad was stationed there. An issue with the meat that was shipped to the troops stationed there prevents me from donating my eggs (as well as my much needed O- blood) to anyone. It breaks my heart to watch women try and fail to conceive month after month, year after year, and to know that I could literally take that pain away and the fucking government won't let me. You are so, so incredibly selfish to think a baby made in a Petri dish is any less important, loved, or real than your baby made in the heat of 18 year old passion. You would do well to ask the wizard of oz to supply you with a heart. You need it much, much more than the tin man.
I hope one day you can pull your head out of your ass and see the immaturity you spew. And I hope you are embarrassed and ashamed of yourself. You are still a little girl, being married and pregnant means nothing.
Andplusalso. Fuck off.
Her posts stink of childish jealousy. It's so obvious & I think Jesus is shaking his head at her venomous spirit. Instead of being joyful that she's getting a blessing she is bitching about it.
@ladyabagail : you sound like a spiteful, hateful & miserable individual.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
@ladyagabail, regardless of your immutable opinion, you are immature and ignorant. I feel sorry for your baby, if it will grow up in a home with such judgmental "traditional" beliefs. I feel especially sorry for your SIL, who had to deal with the pain of IF, and also having you look down on her goddamn miracle pregnancy/baby, because she wasn't lucky like you.
You are not special, nor are you right (quite the opposite, if there is any "right"). I was lucky too, I've conceived twice without any intervention, and this last time was literally a last ditch "I hate that I'm not pregnant this month and I want it not to be that way next month". I had sex with my H because it was the right time, in that my 2 yr old was almost guaranteed to wake up in the next 45 minutes, so we got down to business before that. I tried for 2 months to get my first little guy, and about 4 this time. Both times after we were marred (but following YEARS of premarital sex on oral contraceptives!!)
I am lucky, because I am fertile, and you are lucky. We are not special. Your pregnancy/baby is not any more important than your SIL's and it's evidence of your emotional immaturity (and general douchbaggery) that you can even think you are, or that you've done something "right".
I'm also still trying to figure out what point your SIL is "proving" by spending thousands of dollars and undergoing physical and emotional pain to conceive her little miracle, but I'm sure it's something obvious that my nontraditional brain just can't comprehend
I hope you're an AE/troll, although somehow I suspect not. Even if you are, saying things like you have is so despicable it makes me upset that people can even think the sorts of things like you posted. Ignorance is not bliss, it is vile.
I guess I always thought fertility babies were the miracle ones....
-July 2014
So now you're saying that you're better than anyone using ovulation sticks? Now you've attacked an even larger population here.
Guess what, I dated my husband for 5 years before we were married (boom, one up on ya there), we were COLLEGE sweethearts (very much in love), and went through a lot together (as PP said more than making out in high school stairwells). We conceived our daughter within the first four months of our marriage. Well guess what we are ready for another child and are having to go through more trouble this time. Work, thought, emotion by using ovulation sticks. But I assure you still with plenty of love.
When you have gone through the heartache of loosing a child or a pregnancy or try month and month without conceiving maybe you would feel differently. Think about where these other women have been and the road they have been down to get to IVF or other means to become a mother. Congratulations to your SIL.
Pregnancy #3 after two prior losses in 2013
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
That's where my similarities to Abagail end. I am thrilled for my SIL. It was so hard for me to watch her going through that pain. And to be honest, I'm almost as excited for her "science baby" as I am for my "love baby."
Having put a little bit of my backstory out there, I think all (or most) of us can agree that dear Abagail is cray cray, and she certainly voiced a really unpopular opinion in a really childish, offensive way. And we all have the right to react to her craziness. I know that she isn't going to change her mind or her outlook by reading all of the replies to her post, but maybe she'll re-think how she presents herself and her opinions in the future.
Ok I just read all the replies. For whoever said something about me spreading my legs I would like for you to know my HUSBAND and I created our child thru making love. I would not use ivf or any other stuff like that to conceive. A true miracle is a child created thru a husband and wifes passion for each other not in a lab. I'm sorry but I do not feel its right.
I can't wait for the day that child protective services shows up at your house because w comments like that you are way to dumb and irresponsible to care for your love made baby. My child is the most beautiful creature that I have ever been blessed to have in my presence and for you to insinuate that he is sub par to yours because of how he was made makes me sad that our children will be sharing the same planet. Also I can guarantee that my hard work and education will be going to pay for your child's care, because I highly doubt your career or future is very bright. So there you go, you want to get personal chick, lets go!!! You have pissed off this momma bear.
Me 34 DH 31, Together since 2003, Married August 20, 2011, TTC since May 2013
BFP #1 August 24, 2013! MMC discovered Oct. 3, 2013, D&C Oct. 4, 2013
BFP #2 December 17, 2013! MMC discovered Jan. 28, 2014, D&C Jan. 30, 2014
Testing done: male with complete Trisomy 16, not hereditary. Tested me for clotting disorders, all normal.
Feb. 2014 all clear again to TTC! Will start progesterone supplementation with the next BFP just in case. Oct. 2014 more testing just because, thyroid and autoimmune panels = normal. Diagnostic U/S = no abnormalities. Will keep trying for 3-6 more months, doctor still optimistic!
BFP #3 December 11, 2014! Beta #1 14DPO = 122.4 Beta #2 17DPO = 296.8 Please stick little one and be our Rainbow!
Perfect little heartbeat of 156 seen 1/7/15
***Everybody Welcomed***
EDD 8/21/2015 Team Green!
August 2015 Siggy Challenge: Favorite mean girl from a movie or show: Kathy Bates in "Misery"FWIW- I've noticed that my IVF daughter, who is almost three, actually spells better than you. True story, I shit you not.
Aren't you tired of the entire Bump hating you? Give it a rest. You claim to be such a grown up show some maturity and grace and bow out.
BFP 4/4/12 CP 4/10/12
9/20/2013 Came home with our little miracle from the Philippines
11/26/2013 Surprise!!! BFP!
Go home, Abagail.
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo' bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don't think you do
So, you and me are through
Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo' bills?
If you did then maybe we could chill
I don't think you do
So, you and me are through
my dad always said that if you can't be 100% financially independent of your family, you're not ready to get married. Unfortunately my brother didn't heed that and he's going thru a divorce. At age 28 he's never lived outside of home despite being married for 4 years!
ladyabagail may not be living with her folks but its obvious they are still relying on them in some ways. That can only hurt a marriage
Bunny: 10.9.13
Jellybean #2 Due: 2.1.16
F16 July Siggy Challenge: Favorite Summer Activity
Hiking and Baseball Games with the Fam
On another note, I miss you girls of A14. I know I was here a short time but you made my feelers feel.
@ladyabagail. Are you FUCKING kidding me?!?! You live off your parents. You are not ready for the real world!! You need to grow up. Again, I was a teen mom also. I lived off my parents for a few years and guess what? Eventually I was told I needed to make my own way. With no college degree the best I could do was work a dead end retail job. I collected food stamps and government insurance. It took a LONG time (again, I had my oldest 10 years ago) and it was not easy but I finally worked my way up to a position with a company where I would be "ok" if I had to do it on my own. I am fortunate that my wonderful boyfriend actually did something with his life and he can provide for us all of the "extras" but I can guarantee you I would not be in the financial position I am without him, even 10 years later. You do not everything. You are quite literally playing house. Yeah, it might seem awesome and easy, but that's because you are not responsible for yourselves. You don't have to pay rent, electricity, gas, water, garbage...these are things you do as an ADULT. Again, you are still a child. I've been where you are, I know what it will take to move on. You are not ready. I hope you figure out soon that you're not as grown up as you think you are.
This is all I have to say about that.
5 DIUI - BFN
IVF#1 - BFP - AJ 7/12
FET#1 - BFP Due 7/24/14
@Ladyabagail, I, too, married young (I was 20) and thought I was "grown up" and had my shit together. Again, like you, I also happened to meet my husband while I was in high school (we met online!) and we lived on our own without any parental help as soon as I graduated. We both worked; he had a great job, I was going to school, and I even got pregnant two months after our wedding which ended in an early m/c. Not even two months later, my DH's amazing well paying job laid off 500+ workers including him, and I was forced to quit my job and school to move over an hour away to an area that we could afford on a new, very tight budget. (I say this only as a reminder that situations can change and relying solely on your husband for support in this age is naive and completely impractical, but then again, you already admitted mommy and daddy haven't cut the cord, so I partially see where your enabling stems from)
I may not have conceived with IVF, but I understand the sacrifices that those couples have made to have just a small shot at a family of their own. You should feel blessed to be able to conceive so quickly and naturally, and you should not take that for granted, but what kind of person has so much jealousy and spite in their hearts that they cannot have one ounce of empathy for someone who has struggled for the same thing?
Your statement about being grown up is about as factual as your statement that your SIL is having this baby to show you up. To be grown up means to look outside one's self and to realize that there is more to life than what is smack dab in front of your nose.
And you are far to early along in your pregnancy to have everything set in stone. I know it may be before your time, but have you ever heard the expression "Dont count your chickens before they hatch"? Your pregnancy is not guaranteed, just like anyone else's here, and while I pray that you do not ever have to go through a loss, until that child is safely placed in your arms, you can never fully know or anticipate what can potentially go wrong.
This is what I mean about being grown up. It's not about age or marital status, it's about the foresight to think through all possibilities before making judgments about others' choices and lives. If you had any kind of foresight or empathy, you would be thrilled for your SIL! Heck, I dont even know her, and I am thrilled for her!
All of this. I'm so sorry for what you went through, but really, just
=D>
Baby Girl Born: April 2014
If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, I will answer you:
Baby Girl Born: April 2014
If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, I will answer you:
5 DIUI - BFN
IVF#1 - BFP - AJ 7/12
FET#1 - BFP Due 7/24/14