Well, this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I am 13 weeks pregnant with a girl...I'm so excited to be having a daughter. On the day I found out that all was ok with my pregnancy, my 20 year old "son" informed me that he is a transexual. I am devastated. I am shocked as well as I had no clue...all these stories that you hear that you just know something isn't going as planned did not happen with me. He informed me last night that he has been stealing make up from me since he hit puberty.
I am very supportive of my new daughter, but I am struggling with some pretty intense emotions and I just have no clue how to proceed or how to cope in some instances. I have contacted my local PFLAG chapter and am going to the monthly support group for parents next weekend, but until then I am just reeling with conflicting emotions. Happiness about my pregnancy and an overwhelming fear, sadness, and worry for my 20 year old. To make this more complicated, we do not even live in the same state and despite my insisting that she move here she refuses. This scares the holy crap out of me.
I need support and hopefully just hugs and acceptance here I guess. My husband is 100% supportive as well, but I cannot discuss this with my parents or anyone else I am super close to because she has not informed them as of yet. I am just so confused, hurt...and above all worried. I don't expect that anyone here has experience with this as this only happens to about 1 in 300,000 birth born males. I just had all this inside and felt writing would help me release some of the sadness.
Thanks for listening, but I would ask that if you have a problem with transgendered individuals or issues to please respond with sensitivity or not at all. Just keep any and all judgments at bay. This is difficult for me. Thank you.
Beth
Re: Help and support needed...no judgment please
My personal feeling is that I think it's wonderful that your child feels free and comfortable enough to be who they feel they were meant to be.
Me 39 / H 42 ** TTC since July 2008
2010-2012 Several failed rounds of Clomid & IUI
2012 - Took a break from babies to build our dream home
April 2013 - IVF #1 = Chemical
July 2013 - IVF #2 = BFN
November 2013 - FET = BFP (Finally!)
EDD - July 24, 2014
That being said, I thank you for your reply. I am very conflicted. I am very accepting of my child and just very worried and not sure how to move forward or even help her.
Also, when you talk to her, try not to make it the main topic of conversation all the time. I'm thinking that might put her at ease if she doesn't feel like that's all you're focused on now, you know?
Me 39 / H 42 ** TTC since July 2008
2010-2012 Several failed rounds of Clomid & IUI
2012 - Took a break from babies to build our dream home
April 2013 - IVF #1 = Chemical
July 2013 - IVF #2 = BFN
November 2013 - FET = BFP (Finally!)
EDD - July 24, 2014
I agree with PP about trying to treat your daughter like the person she's always been. You don't and won't have to wrap your head around this in a matter of days. It's going to take some time and that's ok. Right now, just be her rock and I think you'll show her that you're going to be there for her no matter what.
BFP#1: 08/30/12 EDD 04/30/12 m/c 09/04/12 6wks
BFP#2: 01/27/13 EDD 10/06/13 missed m/c 02/25/13 9wks
BFP#3: 10/30/13 EDD 07/05/14 Our little dude was born on 07/10/14 @ 2:19p
Systemic Lupus Erythematosus
TTC Post Chemotherapy
Unexplained Infertility
DH- SA Normal, Lap on 8/8/13
BFP! 11/7/13 EDD 07/15/14 changed to 07/23/14 after first u/s
My Ovulation Chart
I commend you for being strong for your daughter.
*hugs*
Good luck with everything!
You are an amazingly strong and supportive person! We need more people like you in this world!!
I love all the advice you've given and plan to take it and run.
Thanks again for all the support and love. I appreciate it.
I hope we can all be that loving if ever our children came and opened up to us.
Today, I went baby shopping and focused a little on my other daughter. I am trying hard to make sure they both get the attention they need. With this going on it's been hard to focus on the pregnancy but today, I managed to do that and not feel guilty. Of course, shopping made me think back a bit and then a little teary eyed, but I just patted my tummy and thought to my baby...you have an amazing big sister waiting to welcome you into the world
My husbands childhood best friend came out as a female when we were in college. They had lost touch for awhile as she went out of state. The way she shared with friends was through friending them on Facebook with her new profile as a female. It was shocking for my husband as they shared so many childhood experiences as boys. My husband was supportive as is his family.
She has not come home and spent time with us as a female. I just wonder if she is uncomfortable coming back to the town she grew up in or just happy where she is living now. Her family is very supportive of her too so I know she is welcomed by them with loving arms.
I guess I was sharing to say be prepared for how friends and extended family react. Be ready to support her through it as I'm sure it will be an emotional time.
I too was going to add that the sadness you may feel is because it feels like you are losing some of the person that you knew. That is totally normal. I know a few others mentioned it, but I wanted to add it as well.
Lots of hugs to you!