New to this board from TTTC

jessicamaister · January 2014

I never thought I would be the one from the groups that went through intense infertility treatments in 2012 and 2013 that didn't have a baby. Here we are though 3 years after our dx of severe mfi. Our specialist gave us two different donor bank pamphlets the day of our diagnosis discussion in his bleak grey office. I was crushed. My husband is strong and steadfast and on the way home as I choked on tears he said it would be okay because we would use a donor and have the babies we wanted. Accepting our infertility took a grieving process for me. I don't know if my reaction was "normal" or dramatic but for me the pain was/ is still real. We've gone through ivf w. icsi twice while our friends have married and conceived. We've gone through ivf twice while I stayed at a draining job with an abusive boss just so I wouldn't lose my fertility coverage. After the last failed attempt where our embryos didn't even divide enough to transfer on day 3, I threw in the towel. I went numb. I left that job when presented with a new opportunity and fought with the decision to lose the fert benefits bc my new co. has less than 50 employees which doesn't satisfy the rules in NJ. We were blessed to ever have coverage as I watched the women who supported me on past bump boards sign over checks for astronomical amounts. I deleted the September 2012 sweethearts sticker from my siggy because it hurt to be reminded. After our epic April fail I left the board all together until now. I have finally grown into the place my husband was in 2011 when he didn't even blink an eye at the prospect of using a donor. I've talked to our immediate families (my grandparents had mfi and adopted my mother) who are all on board. I've had talks with a friend who is an adoption counselor.

So, here I am. Jan. 2014, taking a fresh breath and willing to do what it takes to have the family we've always wanted

I am so Grateful to have my dh with his easygoing, loving approach to all things fertility.

We have our donor, waiting for my LH, and we're ready to rock... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Here we go again.

*notes to self* go easy on the nursery pinterest board.

scorpgirl1120 · January 2014

So sorry you have to be here but, honestly this board is so helpful and supportive you will feel good about what you are doing! I went through to same horrible feelings while my DH seemed okay from the get go about using DS. Now, 1 year later I'm 11 weeks and we both couldn't be happier and don't even remember that we used DS half the time!!!

So sorry about the insurance issue. We have paid a lot out of pocket but our insurance is actually quite amazing and we live in a state where fertility is mandatory (Illinois) so it helps a lot. I hope you find your journey through 3rd party to be quick and relatively painless (and less costly than expected). Sending lots of love your way!!!

jessicamaister · January 2014

Thank you!!! feels so good to hear success!!!!!!

lincoln79 · January 2014

i am so sorry for your journey. sadly, it sounds all too familiar. we are currently trying the gestational carrier route. grieving is absolutely normal. i think what surprised me was how it comes in waves and is never quite over.

huge hugs.

we are here to support you.

DoublePortion · January 2014

Welcome to the TPR board and best wishes for success!!

2MamazInSeattle · January 2014

Welcome to TPR! I run our weekly checkin on Mondays and will add you. Please check in. As always, its hard to "welcome" someone to a place no one hopes or expects to land, but this is an extremely supportive board of super cool women and you'll be happy here. Glad you worked through your grief, it's a process and different for each of us. And extra cool that DH is all on board! FX for a great cycle!

liz4paws · January 2014

Welcome and I wish you the best of luck for success!

brooklynesque · January 2014

Welcome. My husband and I had the same dynamic in reverse (we used donor eggs) -- I was okay with it sooner than he was. I know it's incredibly hard to face having to use a donor. But once you're pregnant you and your DH will both be thrilled, and when that baby is born you'll know s/he was meant to be, and if a genie offered to replace your beloved donor sperm baby with some theoretical baby made with your husband's sperm, you'd say hell no.

BeckyP005 · January 2014

Welcome and good luck to you!

melkel559 · January 2014

Welcome! We have the same diagnosis and used DS. Our son was born in Dec and it's true, once you are pregnant and have the baby, the feelings of grieving a chance at a bio child together fade away. Best of luck to you on your new journey!

sarahjeri · January 2014

Grief, in any form is completely normal. We are giving up on something that we thought we would be able to have just like everyone else. Losing something requires time to grieve. I'm glad to hear that your husband is completely supportive, mine was the same with donor, he said, we will have *our* baby. This baby with donor is the baby we were meant to have.

As will yours be.

I understand the OOP without insurance too, we are OOP on everything because our insurance doesn't cover anything for someone with an FSH higher than 25 (mine is like 75, even though we've used a donor who's is 7). Insurance companies, humph!

Lacyj67 · January 2014

Welcome and good luck sounds like you will be cycling in no time!

Want a personalized experience?

New to this board from TTTC

Me (28) DH (34) actively TTC since 2010

My baby lives in my heart. Juliette Marie 1/17/2008 - forever

Re: New to this board from TTTC

Me (28) DH (34) actively TTC since 2010

My baby lives in my heart. Juliette Marie 1/17/2008 - forever

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