Is it okay to have a shower for baby #2?

CJPowers · January 2014

I never post but read a lot. I wanted to see what you guys thought. My daughter will be just two when DS arrives around May 16. I was hoping to have a shower some time in late March for DS. I already made a registry with tons of stuff we need (eg, another changing table, diaper genie, bedding, Bjorne carrier, double stroller,etc.). My mom and mother-in-law haven't offered to throw me a shower and I have no sisters. I asked my mom and she was reluctant. She even mentioned she would ask her friends if that was something "people do". I just don't know if I am asking for too much. I thought maybe DH and I would just do a jack and Jill shower at our house if no one offers. Is it bad to throw yourself a shower? Thanks!

baby3ob · January 2014

I'm on the no second shower bandwagon, with the exception of perhaps if you haven't had a kid in like 10 years or if it is from another marriage. Particularly if no one is offering to throw you one and you are the one that is pushing. Sorry

Did you not have one for LO#1? Please don't throw yourself your own ... it just seems gift grabby in my opinion. Maybe have something AFTER DS is born for a little meet and greet?

kat8805 · January 2014

I don't know about others feelings on it but this seems pretty out there. A second shower? If your mother and MIL seem reluctant, it may be for a reason.

peachysweet4 · January 2014

If someone offers then yes. Throwing yourself one? Never.

I'm having a "sprinkle" it's just a 10-12 girlfriends and my kids will be almost 5 years apart.

EmilyGolden1 · January 2014

No- you can have a BBQ or party after as mentioned above, but a 2nd shower is tacky

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

Maybe a sip n see would be more appropriate?

CJPowers · January 2014

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.

CJPowers · January 2014

A second shower is not tacky

peachysweet4 · January 2014

CJPowers said:

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.

I don't think anyone thinks you mean two showers for same baby. I have noticed tb tends to be negative on 2nd showers. I'm in the mindset of every baby should be celebrated. If no one offers then that sucks, but you're not entitled to one. A lot of people don't have them. In my circle of friends it's common and everyone gets small one for 2nd babies.

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

CJPowers said:
It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.

It's not your family and friend's responsibility to provide for your child. If you're broke, don't get knocked up.

Bootstraps!

AugustGlass · January 2014

If someone offers to throw you a second shower, that's great. But no, you can't really throw one for yourself. I'm sure after the baby is born if you have a small party, like PP's have suggested, friends and family would likely bring something for the new baby.

CJPowers · January 2014

CJPowers said:

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.

I don't think anyone thinks you mean two showers for same baby. I have noticed tb tends to be negative on 2nd showers. I'm in the mindset of every baby should be celebrated. If no one offers then that sucks, but you're not entitled to one. A lot of people don't have them. In my circle of friends it's common and everyone gets small one for 2nd babies.

Yeah, all my friends are asking, "so when is your shower going to be". But my parents are old and they have no clue. That's why DH and I were just thinking of having friends over (men and women and kids) and having a Jack and Jill. It would be like 16 - 18 people or so. My friend did it at her house and it wasn't strange at all. It was fun and all the men got drunk of course since every single one of my friends is pregnant.

kat8805 · January 2014

CJPowers said:
It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.

So pitch the idea to your friends, who are down for 2nd baby showers, to throw one for you. If you "read a lot" here, you probably already knew the response you would get.

busterbeagle · January 2014

It isn't normal in my social circles to have a shower for your 2nd+ baby. If it was and someone wanted to throw me one, I would probably accept but want it to be extremely small. And yeah, there are a lot of STMs here and we will have to buy some things...but I would be really turned off if a friend invited me to a shower she was throwing herself after I just bought her baby gear 2 years ago. My LOs will be about 2 years apart and opposite sex and we are on a tight budget but going to make it work. What about shopping secondhand for some of the stuff like a high chair, clothes, etc? We just moved DD to a booster seat that goes on a regular chair, we are using a second hand dresser, second hand strollers, DD's infant car seat, the same changing table for both kids, etc.

83edwards · January 2014

I don't think a second shower is bad....if someone offers to throw you one. I just did a second shower for my friend, but I offered because I lived out of town when her first was born and didn't get to participate as much as I would have liked.

It is horribly tacky to throw yourself a shower. Really. Your reasoning, while valid, only reinforces that you are being gift grabby....

You don't have to buy all of the things you listed. There are very few things that you actually HAVE to buy for a baby....get the necessities. Also, can you transition your first into some big girl items and use her baby items for this baby?

I'm sorry that it is a struggle financially, that sucks.....but it isn't anyone else's responsibility!

CJPowers · January 2014

If someone offers to throw you a second shower, that's great. But no, you can't really throw one for yourself. I'm sure after the baby is born if you have a small party, like PP's have suggested, friends and family would likely bring something for the new baby.

True, but unfortunately doing it that way although a nice gesture, people will bring clothes, boob cream and food. My friends will do that anyways. We are thinking a wish list or registry would be better so that people can spend their money on things we actually need.

peachysweet4 · January 2014

CJPowers said:

CJPowers said:

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.

I don't think anyone thinks you mean two showers for same baby. I have noticed tb tends to be negative on 2nd showers. I'm in the mindset of every baby should be celebrated. If no one offers then that sucks, but you're not entitled to one. A lot of people don't have them. In my circle of friends it's common and everyone gets small one for 2nd babies.
Yeah, all my friends are asking, "so when is your shower going to be". But my parents are old and they have no clue. That's why DH and I were just thinking of having friends over (men and women and kids) and having a Jack and Jill. It would be like 16 - 18 people or so. My friend did it at her house and it wasn't strange at all. It was fun and all the men got drunk of course since every single one of my friends is pregnant.

If your friends want to throw it at your house that's fine. I wouldn't throw my own though. That's tacky, sorry.

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

CJPowers said:
A second shower is not tacky

If you don't think it's tacky I'm not sure why you're asking for opinions...? Were you hoping one of us offered to throw you one?

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

CJPowers said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

CJPowers said:
It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.
It's not your family and friend's responsibility to provide for your child. If you're broke, don't get knocked up.

Bootstraps!

Your a bitch and your not helpful. Don't respond, thank you.

Shoelaces!

It's "YOU'RE a bitch and YOU'RE not helpful." Was that helpful, LMK?

83edwards · January 2014

CJPowers said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.
It's not your family and friend's responsibility to provide for your child. If you're broke, don't get knocked up. Bootstraps!

Your a bitch and your not helpful. Don't respond, thank you. Shoelaces!

DaisyTortilla · January 2014

busterbeagle said:

It isn't normal in my social circles to have a shower for your 2nd+ baby. If it was and someone wanted to throw me one, I would probably accept but want it to be extremely small. And yeah, there are a lot of STMs here and we will have to buy some things...but I would be really turned off if a friend invited me to a shower she was throwing herself after I just bought her baby gear 2 years ago. My LOs will be about 2 years apart and opposite sex and we are on a tight budget but going to make it work. What about shopping secondhand for some of the stuff like a high chair, clothes, etc? We just moved DD to a booster seat that goes on a regular chair, we are using a second hand dresser, second hand strollers, DD's infant car seat, the same changing table for both kids, etc.

This! DH at times goes months without a job (because he works on contract only). We are still buying our own stuff. We feel it is our obligation, we conceived the child, now time to pay up. As someone else mentioned, buy only necessities and go second hand.

kat8805 · January 2014

CJPowers said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

CJPowers said:
It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.
It's not your family and friend's responsibility to provide for your child. If you're broke, don't get knocked up.

Bootstraps!

Your a bitch and your not helpful. Don't respond, thank you.

Shoelaces!

Lol, didn't someone ask for a new crazy in the FFFC?

Bish please! We are a SINGLE income family. Live within your broke ass means if you can't afford your second child, or let alone the first since you have been on a pay freeze since before she was a twinkle in her father's eye.

CJPowers · January 2014

Thank you to those who responded respectfully with comments and meaningful insight. We will be having a gathering of close friends to celebrate our sons arrival. Before or after birth, that is tbd. Thanks

baby3ob · January 2014

There is nothing wrong with creating an Amazon wish list or registry again (i have one so I can get a discount, keep track of what i need and in the case my family asks me what I need/want). Then - if your friends and family ask what you might want or need, you can point them in that direction.

83edwards · January 2014

CJPowers said:

Thank you to those who responded respectfully with comments and meaningful insight. We will be having a gathering of close friends to celebrate our sons arrival. Before or after birth, that is tbd. Thanks

Peace out.....

kat8805 · January 2014

Oh wait! WTF are you "teaching"?! It's *you're a bitch* and *you're not helpful*

STFU and find someone else to blubber to.

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

In all honesty, my comment about not getting knocked up if you're broke was probably uncalled for. I apologize, however, your attitude towards people needing to spend their money on you because you're broke is insane.

I had a second shower, I'm all for babies being celebrated, but someone offered to throw me one, throwing one for yourself is tacky.

CJPowers · January 2014

Some of you really need to get a life! I know how to spell you're, I'm writing quickly on a phone. You don't need to be rude. Good night

jane8188 · January 2014

CamrynnsMommy said:

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.
It's not your family and friend's responsibility to provide for your child. If you're broke, don't get knocked up. Bootstraps!

This, you chose to get pregnant again, so why should other people be providing for your child that is your responsibility? I couldn't even read what you said with out getting irrationally irritated, because I don't know you so why should I care, but seriously?

83edwards · January 2014

kat8805 said:

Oh wait! WTF are you "teaching"?! It's *you're a bitch* and *you're not helpful* STFU and find someone else to blubber to.

Spanish

mirdamae03 · January 2014

You might want to lurk some more... Throwing yourself a shower is never a good idea, even for a first child. If someone offers, that is totally different, but that doesn't sound like the case here. :-?

RedInLove · January 2014

CamrynnsMommy said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

It's not a second shower for the same kid... I had my daughter 2 years ago and I had a shower. I got necessities (bottles, clothes, swing, bouncer seat, clothes, a single stroller, did I mention clothes)... I mean think about it I have to buy a million things! Car seats, strollers, carriers, furniture, another high chair... The list goes on and on. "Gift grabby" is an interesting term since that's the purpose of a shower. DH and I are teachers and we are broke! We have been on a pay freeze for 5 years. All of my friends had 2nd showers so I didn't think anything of it until my mom seemed hesitant... And now you guys do too.
It's not your family and friend's responsibility to provide for your child. If you're broke, don't get knocked up. Bootstraps!

Your a bitch and your not helpful. Don't respond, thank you. Shoelaces!
It's "YOU'RE a bitch and YOU'RE not helpful." Was that helpful, LMK?

I see what you did there. :-bd

mileswithmyles · January 2014

I'm a teacher on a pay freeze and don't think it is anyone's responsibility but mine and my husband's to provide for our child. If someone offers you a shower, I think it's okay, but throwing your own with the entitled attitude you're having is not.

If budget is an issue, try finding items second hand.

princesscays · January 2014

I'm a no on 2nd showers... Unless there is a large age gap. Just my personal opinion. We need stuff too, but don't feel comfortable asking for more stuff. We will just supply what we need ourselves this time around.

RedInLove · January 2014

OP, showers are a gift from a generous hostess. They are not to be thrown by the parents-to-be, just like a bridal shower is not thrown by the bride herself. Showers are not routine, mandatory, expected, or anything else. They are gifts. Especially when it's a second child. If your friends are eager for you to have a shower, just answer them that there is not one planned, and if they really are that eager for you to have a shower then they will plan one. And people will spend their money on what they want to spend it on, whether you have a registry or not. For my wedding, I received several of the items we registered for, and many wonderful useful gifts that we did not register for. I'm sure it will be the same way when I am treated to the shower my sisters have decided to gift me with for my first LO.

Infant carriers are good for 5-7 years, reuse the one from your first child. When LO#2 is ready for a convertible car seat, either get the one you need or upgrade LO#1 to a new one based on what s/he needs to be in and could transition to, and use the old seat for LO#2. High chairs can be reused, or by the time LO#2 can sit in a high chair then LO#1 maybe can be moved to a booster seat or another alternative. Bottles, swing, bouncer seat, those can all be reused - just buy new nipples and batteries if needed. Things like socks and onesies are pretty unisex, along with even some other clothing items. Got blue jeans? Who can tell if they were bought for a boy or girl? Use them! Besides clothing (due to potential future gender and season-specific sizing concerns), everything else that DH and I are choosing to purchase and/or register for, will be chosen knowing we will reuse them if we have a 2nd LO.

ebox322 · January 2014

Whoa whoa whoa whoa, first of all she's totally right. If you're going to have a second kid...you're going to have to pay for it. Second, if you weren't "gift grabby" then you wouldn't be having a shower JUST to get gifts which you're clearly doing. Boob cream and food is EXACTLY what I wanted after DS was born. If you're friends are so into you having a shower then why isn't one of them throwing it for you.

Don't ask if you're "asking too much" or wondering if its "ok to throw your own shower" if you don't want an honest answer. Which is exactly what you got from every PP in a very nice manner might I add. Clearly if you were a frequent reader than you'd know @camrynnsmommy was saying that lightheartedly.

End rant

ericareinhart · January 2014

Honestly, if one of my friends threw a baby shower for herself with her second kid...definite side-eye.

If you do choose go host a party yourself, I wouldn't even mention the registry unless someone specifically asks about it. That way, you don't look too gift grabby. You may want those big ticket items, but honestly, what are the chances of multiple people coughing up the cash to buy them? You're more likely to have a group of them go in on one together. Cut down your registry to the bare minimum and shop secondhand.

reneewhite90 · January 2014

So I'm not going to lie, I thought this OP was a joke/someone bashing on a PP. This was even more reinforced when I saw how quickly heated OP got when someone called her out on her princess entitlement attitude. I am usually awesome at just lurking posts like this and keeping my irritation to myself, but it's been a LONG day/night.

Your own mother and MIL obviously agree with everyone that posted against what you wanted... But they're probably all wrong, I suppose?

ohwhynot85 · January 2014

No. You don't need another changing table and you don't need another diaper genie and you don't need another baby bjorn. You can't change two babies at once, they can share a shit pail and you won't be wearing a 2 year old in a baby bjorn along with a newborn. Buy what you and your husband need, not want. Those are all wants, not necessities.

peachysweet4 · January 2014

I regret being nice. Good luck with your tacky ass shower. I hope you get lots of tit cream.

dragossoul84 · January 2014

Showers are to welcome you into motherhood you are already a mother. As a mother you should be prepared to provide for your children. We are a single income family and still paying for what we need. Not only are you gift grabby but you think you are entitled to pick the gifts you do receive.

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