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February 2013 Moms
Unpopular Opinion
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Unpopular Opinion
1. Thanks for the compliment on the babe!
2. I realize now that my "liking" the post on the spanking thread doesn't align with my butthurt feelings about the ADHD/CIO thread. I'll own up and admit that I was being incredibly hypocritical in this situation. I should have thought much more about it before I liked that post or got all up in arms about the CIO thread. I apologize for my hypocrisy. You're right, that post on the spanking thread was rude, and it was stupid of me to like it. I'll own up and admit I was wrong. Thanks for those of you who called me on it.
Same here. Ugh
Now I feel like I should read the spanking thread, which I had been avoiding so far.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
Drea - I don't think that being vocal in your beliefs means you are necessarily insecure. I consider myself pretty vocal here, but it's because I'm opinionated. I'd be just as opinionated if I weren't crunchy. And when you're on a message board whose point is to discuss opinions about various parenting choices, well, being vocal is sort of the point. These are the kinds of topics I would love to discuss in real life with the other mothers I know, but can't because it isn't socially acceptable outside of an anonymous internet forum. It's sort of why I come here.
I respect and admire opinionated vocal people, regardless of whether or not they agree with me. I really enjoy lively debate. I mean @Rynleigh and I are very different people, with very different belief systems, however, I really enjoy her input on these boards and am glad that she posts. Even in some of our most heated discussions, for example on circumcision, she has posted links and other information that I have found useful. I'm glad she's opinionated, because without people like her I wouldn't learn about the other side of the issues I feel so passionately about.
@PeanutR1 is another person who is very opinionated. I don't always agree with her POV, but I think her input here is valuable.
Without vocal posters we would all just sit around here braiding each other's hair and posting GIFs, but would we be learning anything from one another?
Perhaps the problem this board seems to be having right now is that there is a group of posters who actually do want to just sit around and braid each other's hair and they don't appreciate the lively debate. There is another group of posters who do appreciate lively debate and can do so without feeling like it's a personal attack, so they aren't bothered by it.
Guilty as charged. :-)
Full admittance - I dislike debate, confrontation, controversy, etc. Just not my personality!
On the public assistance issue: It SUCKS that people who genuinely need it go without while people who don't are working the system. But that's not a reason to throw the whole thing out the window, it just means we need better ways of preventing abuse. But from what I understand, the abuse isn't as widespread as people think it is, but it IS very visible because the people taking advantage tend to flaunt it. If I wasn't at work, I'd try to find the actual statistics, but I do recall reading that after welfare reform, the vast majority of welfare recipients only receive benefits for a short time, so most people really are using it as it was intended. But as long as people who truly need it can't get it while other people who don't, can, that's a huge problem.
On judginess: I actually think it's possible to be judgmental while respecting other people's right to their own opinions. We ALL make parenting decisions because we think our choices are the best ones. If we didn't feel that way, we'd make different choices. I think people feel judged if someone give a moral or ethical reason for their decisions because they assume that person thinks anyone who does differently is therefore immoral or unethical. This may be true, but not necessarily.
I make a lot of parenting decisions based on or influenced by what's good for the environment (BFing, CDing, buying local organic food, etc.), so if I give my reasons for those decisions, no matter how neutral I try to make my tone, I can see how people might feel like I'm judging them, though I hope I do a good job of making it clear that I respect other parents' decisions regardless of whether I agree with them or not.
And I'm on the "I like a good debate" bandwagon as long as it doesn't devolve into name calling. I like learning about different points of view and having to examine and back up my own. I think it's how we grow as people.
Oh, and I am not on my period. Or pregnant. And I am insanely jealous of whoever said they just got their first PP period. I got mine at four months PP. :-(
I have a Daughter born 2/26/2013. She is pretty much amazing!
I do have some opinions on the feeling judged topic. I already kinda mentioned this in a post that I wrote about drama on TB, but seriously if anyone things that what is going on in our threads is "drama" or "being snarky" it is no where near that. All you need to do is look at some of the newer month boards, that is some drama and some snark!
I think the fact that no one has been called horrible names, and there are no fbombs flying all over the place is an indicator of how much more tame this board is. Yes there are things to be disagreed on, but doesn't that happen everywhere in life? Wouldn't it be completely boring if we all agreed on everything and sat around and sang songs while holding hands?
I personally love the "debates" on here, mainly because I am so intrigued by how everyone else does life that I love to hear how something worked out in your family. I love hearing stories of how CIO, spanking, being crunchy etc. worked out for your family. I mean ultimately isn't that all we have, is our own stories of how something worked out in our own families. I love to hear how all of you (in your different ways) handled a situation that we are currently going through. Does that mean that I am going to try absolutely everything that I hear? No, but I enjoy reading it all, thinking about it and figuring out what will work best for my family.
I think +adamwife+ had a good point earlier (and sorry if I misquote or what, but I think this is what you were trying to say) about people passive aggressivly arguing about something. I cant' find the quote at the moment but maybe what we actually need is people to just be honest about what they are calling out so that we can talk about it and move on. All this "well someone said something" is basically middle school crap. Say you disagree with someone, tell your side of the story and move on.
Married to DH 10.29.11
DD born 1.26.13
DS born 6.12.14
#3 due 12.6.16
There was a period of time in my life when sharing UOs and debating was much more important to me - that deprogramming phase when I had freshly come to discover that most of what I was raised to believe was based upon untruths and a warped sense of morality. I was on a very strong defense line for many years. But then I had a new wave of challengers to my opinions who made it clear that I'd gone from one extreme to the other.
Most people here wouldn't know that I had planned to circumcise - and was even adamant about it - up until 2011, when I started talking to other parents in other nations and was challenged enough to begin seriously researching the topic - I was still in a fenced state on the issue as recently as spring of 2012. But the more research I did, the more I learned, the more I realized how much my choice to circ would have been based on flawed and cherry picked information... and I finally let it go.
My UO for the week is that I know I am not always right, I know that there are topics that will truly always be "personal" and should not be generalized, and I am never opposed to having my ideas or views challenged, and I am not afraid of coming off as a bitch in order to shock others into doing the same.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
@tarheelmama202 But no one is wrong 100% the time, my love. Just remember that. And having emotions is a good thing, in my book. It's possible to be sassy and classy. I think you rock both like a boss.
About your last paragraph, I had to go to an all day work 'let's grow and bond!' silly thing once but there was one thing said that was really good; Assume good intent. When you're reading something or talking with someone, don't automatically assum they're out to get you, think you're horrible or anything. Quite the opposite. If you read something and the intent is ambiguous, assume the author had good intent. It really helps reduce stress and it lets me answer more wisely (I think). So, I guess my two cents is perhaps we continue with our debates but everyone starts out with the assuming that everyone else has good intents.
My two cents on the whole college thing: My dad was going to pay for 4 years of a State University for me. I was an A student growing up and I even went as far as getting my dorm room assigned at CSU but backed out. Wow, that pissed my dad off. College wasn't for me even though on paper, you would think for sure I would be at least going for 4 years. My dad was very frugile with his money, he was single and I was an only child. It was very nice of him to save money to pay for my school but it wasn't the path I was headed down. In return down the road when he realized that I was going to be fine without going to college, he offered me some money to put on a down payment for my first house.
Fast forward to my own children: I won't be able to pay for their entire education even with a really good paying job. I do, however, put money away for both kids out of every paycheck into an account. When it's time for them to decide on their future and if they want to go to college, I'll only have enough money to cover about half of what it would cost. If I didn't ave two kids (TTC#2) then I would have enough to pay for one to make it through. I would pay for them both if I had the money and if that is the path they were headed down, but in reality, I have put the amount of money that I can afford out of every single paycheck into an account and they can do with it what they please. If they use it to buy a house instead, then that's fine with me.
And for the people who feel like they are in the minority, you shouldn't. There are more of us out there than you think! I don't bedshare, babywear, we did CIO, introduced solids at 4 months, formula fed because I wasn't able to produce more than an ounce of breastmilk and I am sure the list goes on and on. I don't typically talk about my decisions on those topics because really I am doing what works for us.
I rarely post here anymore, but I gotta say, the drama may just make me come back. I really like that this board is *usually* a safe place to ask questions, but this provides much better entertainment! :-*
Feeling judged: I don't. I have - rightly or wrongly - a lot of confidence in my decisions as a mother because I am the only person who knows *my* family and what it needs. I bounce ideas off of friends, sure, but I'm not likely to get all worked up about what some stranger on the internet thinks about my decisions.
Being liked on the internet: Who cares? There are definitely women on here I don't like. So what? There are also women that I have NOTHING in common with in real life who I adore. +adamwife+ and I agree on basically nothing and would likely never be friends IRL, but she is hands down my favorite person I have never met. Because she manages to come across as respectful, wise, and fair-minded even when confidently expressing her opinions. That ain't easy over the internet.
College: Both my husband and I have undergraduate and graduate degrees from elite universities and professional, highly paid jobs. Our parents helped us substantially in order to achieve this and that is a gift I value tremendously. We lead a very priviledged existence because of our parents' generosity. We also live in a very wealthy, priviledged area and our kids will attend school with kids who have obscene amounts of money. I realize that that means that our kids will be raised with certain expectations and entitlements that make my stomach turn a bit. My husband and I spend HUGE amounts of time discussing how to keep our kids grounded. We have ideas, but no answers, except that we will do whatever we can to support our childrens' educations because it is very important to us that our kids have good educations and the degrees/skills to succeed in life. We hope to set up our financial assistance in a way that comes with responsibilities and allows our kids to succeed in life while also learning the importance of being independent. Like I said, we have ideas, but no answers. I share all this just as another viewpoint, not because I have any opinion on what others should do. I think *most* parents just try to do their best - for some parents that means paying for education no matter what they have to sacrifice for it, for others it means not paying for education even if they can afford it. To each his own.
Politics: I don't discuss politics on the internet. As someone mentioned a few weeks ago, it's just a terrible forum for it.
FWIW, I also think there should be more wine.
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014