UO

ceamac0127 · January 2014

Sol1790 said:

I have to comment on the topic of not letting kids run freely now a days. Yes the world has always been bad but I do think now is not the same as before. You can not let your kids run freely out there and not worry. I know as a parent we always worry but no Jasmine will not be allowed to just go outside and ride her bike unsupervised. And I guess when you have been exposed to how bad things can get your view on the world changes. (Takes a deep breath) When I was 6 I was out and about riding my bike in my neighborhood with 3 of my friends. Just right there in front of my house. That day forever changed my life and my families life I was sexually molested by my friends dad. I did not tell my mom because I was scared,she found out 3 days later when I was scared of that man and just cried when seeing him. My life was never the same or my mom's. She became protective. I was never allowed again to go to a friends house to play like I said because until it does not happen to you,you just don't know. And because I do not want that to happen to my daughter I will always keep a close eye on her. Sorry this is so long.

My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry.

tondraluv · January 2014

I absolutely hate when people ask me if i'm going to try to have another child soon, unless it's on here. I feel a sort of pressure especially when family asks.

Sol1790 · January 2014

It's ok ladies it is very sad. And it took years for me to get over that. And it still is hard but because of people like him I can not view the world as a safe place for my daughter.

bhjones1980 · January 2014

I am so sorry that happened to you Sol...

But that also illustrates the point I was trying to make, since the original post was that the world is so much more dangerous now that when we were kids.

This happened to you in that "safe world" we all see as growing up in the 80's (or late 70's) etc. and there was just as many bad people then... but it just wasn't all up in our face by the media, unless it happened directly to you.

Sol1790 said:

It's ok ladies it is very sad. And it took years for me to get over that. And it still is hard but because of people like him I can not view the world as a safe place for my daughter.

ToAoShesha · January 2014

@kate_c nope the

makes everything all better

MKC12/22/2006 said:
Pretty sure I need my flame-retardant suit on for this one...

I just do not get why people get falling-down drunk after their college years. I get that it's a phase in college and kids are experimenting and learning. Once people are older, have kids, etc., it doesn't make sense to me anymore. It seems like a waste of money and a waste of the next morning with a huge headache. For many people I know, drinking too much is their excuse for otherwise unacceptable behavior, too.

:-/

I agree. It's called responsibility... And to add to it. I HATE people that drink and drive!! It's irresponsible and dangerous. It is not called don't drunk and drive.... It's don't DRINK and drive. Many people I know think they are fine to drive unless hammered. If you have had more than 1 or 2 drinks get a DD. Grow up! You could kill yourself or worse someone else. That person/family you killed was someone's baby, mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, and it's not worth it.

Sol1790 · January 2014

@bhjones1980 that is true. I do not even like to watch the news because everything is so sad all the "news" is just sad,bad stories

pinottoparenthood · January 2014

melissad23 said:

none5 said:

There have been a lot of people in the news lately who are on life support--pregnant woman and young girl. I think the families should (be allowed in one case) to say their good byes and let these people go. I would not want to "live" that way. I don't know anyone who would. I don't imagine it would be easy, but I think it would be best.

This has been all over our news (it's like 30 minutes from me) https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/08/newser-pregnant-life-support/4370971/ And I admit I haven't read much on it - but I think it's crazy that they're forced to keep her alive/on life support for the fetus when if she was alive alive and wanted to abort it she could. Just seems so double-standardy to me.

Haven't finished reading all the comments yet... but can the fetus potentially grow to be full-term, be delivered (via c-section obviously), and live a life? I would say right now that I don't want to be kept alive artificially either if there is zero chance of me surviving... but if I were pregnant, I would feel differently. I would want to be kept alive so that my child could have a chance to live. You say that she was legally allowed to get an abortion at 14 weeks... but was she PLANNING to get an abortion? If not, I think it's killing the baby to take her off life support... IF the fetus has the potential to become a viable human by keeping her on life support.

But I'm very pro-life, so yeah.

Mommymorticia · January 2014

tondraluv said:
I absolutely hate when people ask me if i'm going to try to have another child soon, unless it's on here. I feel a sort of pressure especially when family asks.

I completely understand, like it's anyone's business. My cousin is having his second son and my grandma jokingly said, "Well it's your job to give us a girl."

Mommymorticia · January 2014

tondraluv said:
I absolutely hate when people ask me if i'm going to try to have another child soon, unless it's on here. I feel a sort of pressure especially when family asks.

I completely understand, like it's anyone's business. My cousin is having his second son and my grandma jokingly said, "Well it's your job to give us a girl."

pinottoparenthood · January 2014

Sol1790 said:

I have to comment on the topic of not letting kids run freely now a days. Yes the world has always been bad but I do think now is not the same as before. You can not let your kids run freely out there and not worry. I know as a parent we always worry but no Jasmine will not be allowed to just go outside and ride her bike unsupervised. And I guess when you have been exposed to how bad things can get your view on the world changes. (Takes a deep breath) When I was 6 I was out and about riding my bike in my neighborhood with 3 of my friends. Just right there in front of my house. That day forever changed my life and my families life I was sexually molested by my friends dad. I did not tell my mom because I was scared,she found out 3 days later when I was scared of that man and just cried when seeing him. My life was never the same or my mom's. She became protective. I was never allowed again to go to a friends house to play like I said because until it does not happen to you,you just don't know. And because I do not want that to happen to my daughter I will always keep a close eye on her. Sorry this is so long.

Sol, I am so sorry this happened to you :-( How awful.

squatchiebaby · January 2014

@Sol1790 - I'm so sorry that happened. It's good to hear that your mom was supportive and protective of you afterwards. Between that and the incident with the cell phone, I can see how you would not feel safe in this world.

Sol1790 · January 2014

bobosquared said:
@Sol1790 - I'm so sorry that happened. It's good to hear that your mom was supportive and protective of you afterwards. Between that and the incident with the cell phone, I can see how you would not feel safe in this world.

And you would think I live in the most "unsafe" neighborhoods but not at all. You just never know when and where things will happen.

TuckleUp · January 2014

Sol1790 said:

I have to comment on the topic of not letting kids run freely now a days. Yes the world has always been bad but I do think now is not the same as before. You can not let your kids run freely out there and not worry. I know as a parent we always worry but no Jasmine will not be allowed to just go outside and ride her bike unsupervised. And I guess when you have been exposed to how bad things can get your view on the world changes. (Takes a deep breath) When I was 6 I was out and about riding my bike in my neighborhood with 3 of my friends. Just right there in front of my house. That day forever changed my life and my families life I was sexually molested by my friends dad. I did not tell my mom because I was scared,she found out 3 days later when I was scared of that man and just cried when seeing him. My life was never the same or my mom's. She became protective. I was never allowed again to go to a friends house to play like I said because until it does not happen to you,you just don't know. And because I do not want that to happen to my daughter I will always keep a close eye on her. Sorry this is so long.

You're a strong woman, Sol. Your kids are lucky to have you!

JSS1002 · January 2014

Sol1790 said:

@Sol1790 - I'm so sorry that happened. It's good to hear that your mom was supportive and protective of you afterwards. Between that and the incident with the cell phone, I can see how you would not feel safe in this world.
And you would think I live in the most "unsafe" neighborhoods but not at all. You just never know when and where things will happen.

I'm sorry that this happened to you to. I think there is truth to the "there has always been icky stuff, we just know about it more because of technology /media" argument, but I also think that in certain instances, there just IS more crime. For example -- there has been a recent epidemic of young'ish men (ie, under 40), murdering their wives and girlfriends. This has happened so many times in MN this year that it is horrible - one of them was one of my co-workers. Stuff like that In MN always makes the news, so it isn't like the local news just wasn't reporting it until THIS YEAR. Just seems like as a society we're becoming more and more unable to manage our emotions and more shit like this happens.

squatchiebaby · January 2014

melandjames14 said:

I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes: I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!

What would you do if he didnt?

melissad23 · January 2014

pinottoparenthood said:

melissad23 said:

none5 said:

There have been a lot of people in the news lately who are on life support--pregnant woman and young girl. I think the families should (be allowed in one case) to say their good byes and let these people go. I would not want to "live" that way. I don't know anyone who would. I don't imagine it would be easy, but I think it would be best.

This has been all over our news (it's like 30 minutes from me) https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/08/newser-pregnant-life-support/4370971/

And I admit I haven't read much on it - but I think it's crazy that they're forced to keep her alive/on life support for the fetus when if she was alive alive and wanted to abort it she could. Just seems so double-standardy to me.

Haven't finished reading all the comments yet... but can the fetus potentially grow to be full-term, be delivered (via c-section obviously), and live a life? I would say right now that I don't want to be kept alive artificially either if there is zero chance of me surviving... but if I were pregnant, I would feel differently. I would want to be kept alive so that my child could have a chance to live. You say that she was legally allowed to get an abortion at 14 weeks... but was she PLANNING to get an abortion? If not, I think it's killing the baby to take her off life support... IF the fetus has the potential to become a viable human by keeping her on life support.

But I'm very pro-life, so yeah.

Oh - I'm very pro-life too, don't get me wrong. The whole situation is just crappy. And sucks.

JSS1002 · January 2014

melandjames14 said:

JSS1002 said:

I'm sorry that this happened to you to. I think there is truth to the "there has always been icky stuff, we just know about it more because of technology /media" argument, but I also think that in certain instances, there just IS more crime. For example -- there has been a recent epidemic of young'ish men (ie, under 40), murdering their wives and girlfriends. This has happened so many times in MN this year that it is horrible - one of them was one of my co-workers. Stuff like that In MN always makes the news, so it isn't like the local news just wasn't reporting it until THIS YEAR. Just seems like as a society we're becoming more and more unable to manage our emotions and more shit like this happens.

I agree there is more crime. But I sometimes wonder if all of the media coverage encourages it. We make celebrities of criminals. We all know Casey Anthony, and the Sandy Hook guy, and The Dark Knight Rises guy, and the Boston marathon guys. Their faces and stories and strategies are everywhere for all to see.

Totally agree -- we glorify violence in a pretty major way. Dylan Kliebold. He is one of the Columbine kids (spelled wrong I'm sure). I could not tell you a name of any of the victims, but I know his name and face.

camdensmom32 · January 2014

I wore them for years too. Loved the way they look; hated the upkeep, the cost, and the fact that they completely DESTROYED my nails. But I'm a gel / shellac manicure addict now and my nails have never looked better.

I love shellac!!

JSS1002 · January 2014

briannah1010 said:

melandjames14 said:

I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes: I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!

AGREED. My hubby may not do the things the way I usually do them, or do some dumb stuff like put her to bed in just a onesie, but he helps SO much with her. I couldn't ask for more. And he WANTS to, doesn't feel like he has to like some dads I know personally. I love watching him learn to be a dad and how he interacts with her! Me, my daughter and future children are so lucky to have him in our lives.

Without question I do MORE than my husband in terms of housework and childcare. But he does more than me in terms of other stuff - and he does plenty with James, and enjoys it. I also would not put up with a husband who didn't do his fair share or made it seem like it was "woman's work" to do all the kid stuff. As to the question of "what would you do about it?" I wouldn't have married him in the first place if that is how it was going to be. But we got married older, so we had all those conversations as fully formed adults with intense careers who watched all our friends get married young and have these fights. We learned. :-)

KrisM86 · January 2014

melandjames14 said:
I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes:

I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!

I agree completely! The way some of you describe it, your SO barely interacts with your child or acts/feels incapable of caring for LO on their own. Whenever I read those kind of rants or ones where SO doesn't help at all around the house, with errands, etc. my reaction is WFT is wrong with these people and why do these women put up with it?!

I realize sometimes people are just irritated and venting and many SOs aren't as irresponsible and uninvolved as they seem from one post, but it seems that some are. You ladies are great and deserve more! You are both equal parents and should take on equal parenting duties!!

CanukMam · January 2014

melissad23 said:

melissad23 said:

none5 said:

There have been a lot of people in the news lately who are on life support--pregnant woman and young girl. I think the families should (be allowed in one case) to say their good byes and let these people go. I would not want to "live" that way. I don't know anyone who would. I don't imagine it would be easy, but I think it would be best.

This has been all over our news (it's like 30 minutes from me) https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/08/newser-pregnant-life-support/4370971/ And I admit I haven't read much on it - but I think it's crazy that they're forced to keep her alive/on life support for the fetus when if she was alive alive and wanted to abort it she could. Just seems so double-standardy to me.

Haven't finished reading all the comments yet... but can the fetus potentially grow to be full-term, be delivered (via c-section obviously), and live a life? I would say right now that I don't want to be kept alive artificially either if there is zero chance of me surviving... but if I were pregnant, I would feel differently. I would want to be kept alive so that my child could have a chance to live. You say that she was legally allowed to get an abortion at 14 weeks... but was she PLANNING to get an abortion? If not, I think it's killing the baby to take her off life support... IF the fetus has the potential to become a viable human by keeping her on life support.

But I'm very pro-life, so yeah.
Oh - I'm very pro-life too, don't get me wrong. The whole situation is just crappy. And sucks.

I have to agree. if she planned to have the child, then I think it's completely different. She may not want to be on life support... but if it means her child lives she may have made a different choice. Most of us wouldn't fathom that situation. Only her family would know how strongly she felt about life support though and I think they should be trusted to make the decision for her. Personally, I cannot imagine losing the child too. If there was a chance to save a small piece of my daughter/spouse, it would mean the world to me.

Personally, I would want to remain alive for as long as possible. Guess that is my UO

squatchiebaby · January 2014

Re: SO helping out:

I completely agree that this is a subject that should be discussed before you get married. Support (or lack thereof) from your partner should certainly be a deciding factor in whether or not you should marry them. But, as life tends to be, sometimes things don't always go as planned. I guess my question should be - What would you do NOW if he didn't?

I'm not trying to be bitchy. I'm seriously curious. Anytime someone says they wouldn't tolerate this or that I wonder what that really means. What would your response be to the current problem?

arschm02 · January 2014

My UO: how many people bitch about getting the flu shot and then get the flu and say, "I'm never getting the flu shot again." Educate yourself on the vaccine. It protects against 2 strains of influenza... There are multiples out there. Don't even get me started on the morons that think the flu shot is for the stomach flu!!!!

squatchiebaby · January 2014

melandjames14 -

I typed out a long response but deleted it because even I got tired of reading it. The gist of it was that you're right. I use the "love it" button a lot because I'm generally too lazy or busy to reply. But I actually did love what you said.

arschm02 · January 2014

chgibeau said:

KrisM86 said:

I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes: I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!
I agree completely! The way some of you describe it, your SO barely interacts with your child or acts/feels incapable of caring for LO on their own. Whenever I read those kind of rants or ones where SO doesn't help at all around the house, with errands, etc. my reaction is WFT is wrong with these people and why do these women put up with it?! I realize sometimes people are just irritated and venting and many SOs aren't as irresponsible and uninvolved as they seem from one post, but it seems that some are. You ladies are great and deserve more! You are both equal parents and should take on equal parenting duties!!

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]

I can believe that this happens to quite a few people actually. YOu are not alone in this I'm sure. I probably would make DHs life a living hell if he didn't help with LO. He knows better

have you ever just tried leaving to go have you time? If I had a hard time getting DH to help I would leave after he got home from work and say, "I have to run errands. I'll be back around 8." Which is not so coincidently 30 minutes after DSs bed time.

Erin10408 · January 2014

chgibeau said:

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]

Whoa.No one told you to get a divorce. And I don't think anyone is boasting either.

Kate_C · January 2014

chgibeau said:

KrisM86 said:

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]

I am really sorry you felt like this was a criticism of you. I don't think anyone is boasting about having a perfect marriage or child. Such a thing doesn't exist because we're all human.

The key thing is that although you vent, you are also doing something about it. You're in counseling and working together to fix it or figure it out. Don't cry!

Erin10408 · January 2014

@chgibeau And no one personally attacked you. Sounds like you have a really hard time with the lack of effort your husband puts towards your child, and I'm sorry for that. But you do know that you both can make a choice to make it better, right?

And who knows...maybe he's just not that into the baby stage. I hear that about a lot of men, and while I think it's a big bag of bullshit, I do have friends who said their husbands bonded much more with their children once they were older.

JSS1002 · January 2014

melandjames14 said:

KrisM86 said:

I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes: I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!
I agree completely! The way some of you describe it, your SO barely interacts with your child or acts/feels incapable of caring for LO on their own. Whenever I read those kind of rants or ones where SO doesn't help at all around the house, with errands, etc. my reaction is WFT is wrong with these people and why do these women put up with it?! I realize sometimes people are just irritated and venting and many SOs aren't as irresponsible and uninvolved as they seem from one post, but it seems that some are. You ladies are great and deserve more! You are both equal parents and should take on equal parenting duties!!

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]
1) I'm so sorry you feel like this directed at you. It was absolutely not meant that way. 2) Neither MH nor I am perfect. We both make plenty of mistakes, fail on a regular basis, and let each other down. But we also both work our hardest to improve those things about ourselves. 3) And as I stated earlier, him not being an equal partner in the marriage he vowed to would be a major issue in our marriage and something I would insist he work on. But my marriage and yours are different. No two are alike. So how you two work out your problems may not be the same way I would. 4) All I can say is that, in all honesty, the lack of partnership would not fly at my house. We would take major steps in reevaluating our roles as mother and father, husband and wife. If he wasn't willing to hold up his side of the deal, I would have zero patience. That's my marriage, not yours.

I might, actually, get a divorce if my husband wasn't meeting the parenting expectations we agreed upon before we got married. If this were the situation, I certainly wouldn't have any more children with him, unless I was comfortable with the fact that I'd be doing all the work. I mean, I'd give him chances and try counseling, etc - but if it was making me that unhappy, I'd probably bounce. I'm not in that situation, so I can only speculate.

I'm not bragging about my perfect husband (he is far from perfect,and so am I, and so is our marriage), but we got married with both of us having successful and intense careers, and part of the deal was that unless he was going to find a way to triple his income and have me be a SAHM, I was going to keep on being ambitious, and therefore my career and personal life is every bit as vital to our family and livelihood as his is (more, actually), so there's no way that i could be stuck with 100% or even 75% of the childcare. I'd say we're about a 65% / 45%. But then there are times (like when I was sick or when I Went to Chicago for the weekend a few weeks ago), that he does 100%. This weekend, he's going to Vegas, so I"ll do 100%. RIght now he's picking him up at daycare, and I'll feed him and bathe him, and DH will put him to bed.

I only have 2 friends whose husbands don't help, and I predict that they'll be divorced in a few years. It isn't what they signed up for. And most of the men I know in my family and social circle are all involved fathers who WANT to help and be involved.

fireflyz56 · January 2014

chgibeau said:

KrisM86 said:

I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes: I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!
I agree completely! The way some of you describe it, your SO barely interacts with your child or acts/feels incapable of caring for LO on their own. Whenever I read those kind of rants or ones where SO doesn't help at all around the house, with errands, etc. my reaction is WFT is wrong with these people and why do these women put up with it?! I realize sometimes people are just irritated and venting and many SOs aren't as irresponsible and uninvolved as they seem from one post, but it seems that some are. You ladies are great and deserve more! You are both equal parents and should take on equal parenting duties!!

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]

I'm sorry it upset you. Actually, it really upset me too, not just for myself but for so many of the moms on here who at one time or another said that their husbands were not being as helpful as they would like. It took a long time for my DH to start to get involved.

I wanted so badly to put a nasty comment on here immediately after reading it, but decided to walk away from the computer instead. Maybe you guys didn't mean it that way, but to me it really came across as bragging.

I know though that I am one of the more sensitive ones on here so I try to avoid threads that might upset me now. I'm sorry I clicked on this one today.

StephiD · January 2014

I am a lurker, I have been commenting here and there since I found out that I was pregnant. I don't have that much time to be on the bump anymore, and when I am I usually don't comment because I don't really feel that I have much to add most of the time.

But today, I do. My post is in response to less than helpful SO, and my reaction to the situation is probably unpopular...

chgibeau: I have been following your posts because your situation is really similar to mine. They really help me in knowing that I am not alone. My husband and I had talked about how we would learn this parenting thing together when I was pregnant. I have a lot more experience with kids, and I would teach him. Which I do. When he can, he does a great job with out daughter.

But he has been getting less and less interactive with our daughter. When we are both home, he leaves it to me to do everything. I watch her when he is at work. I cook, clean, do the bills, run the errands. The few days when I work, he would take the baby to his mom's house or something. I was getting the feeling that the few times when she was home with him, she was spending a lot of time in the swing or jumper or crib with toys to keep her occupied. I keep asking him if he is ok to watch her, because if he needed time without her I'd find a sitter, and he'd say he was fine.

Last weekend, he insisted that I leave her with him, even though he was really tired and having trouble getting out of bed. I listened to him, against my better judgement. And it was not a good idea. I was at work for 6 hours, and I think that he got up to give her a half bottle and change her diaper once. After 4 hours, he texted me to come home, that he couldn't do this, then turned his phone off and went back to sleep. I had trouble getting out of work.

By the time I got home, I was livid. I have never been so angry. I was having a bad day at work, then my managers were being ridiculous about letting me leave. And my husband: if he couldn't handle the baby, why would he say he could, and why didn't he call someone to help him, he has them saved in his phone and a list on the fridge. Instead, he neglected her? Oh no. (I want to add that she was never unsafe, she was just alone for more time than she should have been.)

I was so angry when I got home. I fed the baby, changed her(her diaper was full and leaking! and she was still in her pajamas), packed enough stuff for her and me to be gone for the rest of the day and the next day. And I left. I needed to think of how to proceed, and I couldn't talk to him right that second and do anything productive. (there would have been a lot of yelling involved)

Was this a deal breaker for me? That is a hard question to ask myself, because I have never thought that I'd be in a situation like this.

I left and went to my aunt's house(an hour drive from me) to clear my head. I stayed there for a couple of hours, then I went to my best friend's house and hung out with her and her husband and her parents for movie night. Then my friend and I had a good, private conversation in my car. By then I had calmed down and was ready to go and talk to my husband.

When I finally got home, he was still asleep. At this point, he couldn't still be tired from staying up late on the computer(which I'd asked him not to stay up too late because I had work in the morning), and it was a little excessive to be pure laziness. He'd been asleep for at least 24 hours. I finally talked to him, and he said that he was too tired to do anything. He tried to take a shower, but he started falling asleep halfway through. He said that his airway was not obstructed, but he felt like he was not getting enough air from breathing. We took Mina back to my friend's house, and we went to the emergency room. Turns out, they didn't find anything, and we are now going through a lot of appointments and tests to find out what is wrong...

I felt bad at first because I was so frustrated with him for not helping me more(this is a problem that has slowly been getting worse and worse), that I didn't immediately notice that something was wrong with him. But this is not my fault. How am I supposed to know what's up if he doesn't talk to me about it. He wants to help, and he feels bad when I ask him for help, If he ever has to say no. So, the problem with us is communication. We talked about it, and we know to talk to each other more when we are reaching our limits. Kind of. It's an ongoing process.

The division of labor, so to speak, is very uneven in our household right now. But if it is going to help him get better, I'm ok with it.

At the same time, I do not trust him to be alone with out daughter. It makes him feel bad each time I either take her to a babysitter when he is available or when I make someone stay here with him, but until he proves otherwise, he will not be alone with her.

melandjames14 Had a great comment. Having a conversation on what is wrong and how to fix it is definitely a great place to start when things start to go downhill. The problem I am having right this second is that he seems very willing to make things more even, but he is incapable. I'm also really bitter that all of the responsibilities are being pushed onto me. The only thing that he does is he goes to work for 4 hours a day. I get everything else :-/ Lucky for me, there are a lot of people in my life who are willing and capable to help me out with the baby so that I get some time away from her, and his mom is helping out with the bills, since I can't work very much anymore. The people who are negative, I just stopped talking to them. I just can't deal with it right now. I've got more important things to worry about. Hopefully, it'll all work out. This doesn't have to be the end of our relationship. But, we definitely need to fix some things.

Sorry this is long. I guess I needed to get that out. I almost deleted this post, but I feel like it may help someone who is in a similar situation, just like others' posts have helped me. I think that it will also help others see the other side of the situation. Hopefully.

JSS1002 · January 2014

briannah1010 said:

fireflyz56 said:

chgibeau said:

KrisM86 said:

I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes: I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!
I agree completely! The way some of you describe it, your SO barely interacts with your child or acts/feels incapable of caring for LO on their own. Whenever I read those kind of rants or ones where SO doesn't help at all around the house, with errands, etc. my reaction is WFT is wrong with these people and why do these women put up with it?! I realize sometimes people are just irritated and venting and many SOs aren't as irresponsible and uninvolved as they seem from one post, but it seems that some are. You ladies are great and deserve more! You are both equal parents and should take on equal parenting duties!!

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]

I'm sorry it upset you. Actually, it really upset me too, not just for myself but for so many of the moms on here who at one time or another said that their husbands were not being as helpful as they would like. It took a long time for my DH to start to get involved.

I wanted so badly to put a nasty comment on here immediately after reading it, but decided to walk away from the computer instead. Maybe you guys didn't mean it that way, but to me it really came across as bragging.

I know though that I am one of the more sensitive ones on here so I try to avoid threads that might upset me now. I'm sorry I clicked on this one today.

I don't get why everyone can complain about their husbands but when people talk about how great theirs is they get slammed for boasting and bragging about how great their life is. I think we should be able to say one thing or the other, or both at times and people not take it personally. I don't think we are out here to bash everyone else's relationships, at least I am definitely not. But I don't think I should be called "braggy or that my life is just perfect" when I say my husband helps me a lot with our child.

To take that even a step further, I don't see how it is bragging to say "my husband meets his end of the deal." It's not like I"m saying that he buys me diamonds everyday and lavishes me with compliments nonstop before whisking me away on romantic vacations. He changes diapers, reads books, plays with his child. To me that isn't bragging -- that's what is EXPECTED of him.

I get frustrated with him all the time as he does with me. And if I wasn't doing the things that I told him I would do when we got married, he'd probably be pretty pissed. WE had an agreement. Neither of us has broken it. There are exceptions in the day to day, but as a rule, we are equals in every aspect.

I'm sorry if it came across as bragging. That was definitely not my intent.

ceamac0127 · January 2014

JSS1002 said:

briannah1010 said:

fireflyz56 said:

chgibeau said:

KrisM86 said:

melandjames14 said:
I don't know if this is an opinion, confession, or rant but here goes:

I would not put up with half the sh*t your SO's get away with!! MH changes just as many diapers, gives just as many baths, helps with just as many naps, and feeds just as many meals as I do!
I agree completely! The way some of you describe it, your SO barely interacts with your child or acts/feels incapable of caring for LO on their own. Whenever I read those kind of rants or ones where SO doesn't help at all around the house, with errands, etc. my reaction is WFT is wrong with these people and why do these women put up with it?!

I realize sometimes people are just irritated and venting and many SOs aren't as irresponsible and uninvolved as they seem from one post, but it seems that some are. You ladies are great and deserve more! You are both equal parents and should take on equal parenting duties!!

So... I'm supposed to just give up and get a divorce? This really pisses me off and I'm about to f-ing cry at work.
DH and I talked a TON about having kids and what our roles would be as husband and wife before we got married and about parenting before I got pregnant. Well, he didn't live up to his side of the deal. And I'm sure I haven't done 100% of what I said I'd do either.

I feel like you guys are just boasting about your perfect husbands and your perfect lives and your perfect children.

Sorry my life isn't perfect.

[runs away to go cry my face off]

I'm sorry it upset you. Actually, it really upset me too, not just for myself but for so many of the moms on here who at one time or another said that their husbands were not being as helpful as they would like. It took a long time for my DH to start to get involved.

I wanted so badly to put a nasty comment on here immediately after reading it, but decided to walk away from the computer instead. Maybe you guys didn't mean it that way, but to me it really came across as bragging.

I know though that I am one of the more sensitive ones on here so I try to avoid threads that might upset me now. I'm sorry I clicked on this one today.

I don't get why everyone can complain about their husbands but when people talk about how great theirs is they get slammed for boasting and bragging about how great their life is. I think we should be able to say one thing or the other, or both at times and people not take it personally. I don't think we are out here to bash everyone else's relationships, at least I am definitely not. But I don't think I should be called "braggy or that my life is just perfect" when I say my husband helps me a lot with our child.

To take that even a step further, I don't see how it is bragging to say "my husband meets his end of the deal." It's not like I"m saying that he buys me diamonds everyday and lavishes me with compliments nonstop before whisking me away on romantic vacations. He changes diapers, reads books, plays with his child. To me that isn't bragging -- that's what is EXPECTED of him.

I get frustrated with him all the time as he does with me. And if I wasn't doing the things that I told him I would do when we got married, he'd probably be pretty pissed. WE had an agreement. Neither of us has broken it. There are exceptions in the day to day, but as a rule, we are equals in every aspect.

I'm sorry if it came across as bragging. That was definitely not my intent.

Sorry for the quote tree, pretty sure it's @melissad23 that hates them

But all of this! I couldn't have said it better myself. We support you all when you vent about your H/SO but we are supposed to keep out mouthes shut forever about our H/SO? That doesn't seem like the point of these boards - to focus on the negatives in life and never the positives.

ClandestineX · January 2014

@bhjones1980 - I know that the media covers nothing but negative things now days, so you cannot help but focus on it. I also know that the media glorifies criminals, which would further make someone who has a mental/personality disorder who decided to want to commit crime have even more of a reason to. To be honest, I think it is set up that way to distract from Capitol Hill, but that is for another time.

I do think it also has to do with the place. The ghetto has always been dangerous, but it is even more so now days. The small towns and nice communities may be getting safer, but it also depends where they are at as well. Small communities near Detroit might have higher crime than a small community in Idaho or something.

I can understand @Chgibeau , we have some issues, but I also know it is 100% foreign to him and he is way more active now than he was when Connor was a newborn.. so I hope as Connor gets older.. the involvement improves. My husband is not very good at figuring out what to do without someone telling him or having a list. we've had arguments in the past about it.. but he is trying.. although to someone like me is baby steps.

I think all relationships have their issues that someone else wouldn't deal with. Like I could not handle a guy who couldn't hold down a job... while I do not mind making the money and working, he better too or go to school. I know some woman would not handle someone like my guy who is negative nancy. That is the special thing about being with someone.. we are compatible for a reason and we each handle different situations differently.

MrsHartman7 · January 2014

@JSS1002 what in the hell is that thing in your siggy?

ETA: Ok its gone now but I swear to god it was a pink tailed she-wolf looking thing that was freaking me the H out.

Erin10408 · January 2014

What others have said. Why can't I say positive things about my husband? This seems to be a big issue with women in general, not just this board. I just think its another stupid way for women to compete with each other

My husband is obsessed with our daughter. He is totally equal in the childcare and would do more if he could. And I'm not saying it to brag. I'm saying it because im proud of what an awesome father he is, and if someone gets their undies in a bunch about that, its their own issue.

cfattig · January 2014

I liked what @ClandestineX said....that different relationships are compatible for different reasons. Thats so true, and we are all with our SOs for some reason(s). If you want to brag about some characteristic of your SO go for it. If you want to complain, go ahead. If people don't want to read it, they don't have to. There are positives and negatives to every relationship, and one thing I've noticed from 12+ months of lurking on this board (which yes, makes me look like a total creeper) is that regardless, women are very supportive of each others different situations about 95% of the time on here. My DH is getting better as Sawyer gets older. I would say initially we "shared" the baby work 90/10. Now I'd say it's improved to more 70/30. Changing diapers intimidates him for some reason, but he helps with mealtime and loves occupying and paying with him. And I'm okay with that. Usually. We are living in construction chaos, and he is singlehandedly doing our whole house remodel, which is also important family work. So I'm okay with taking more responsibility for baby. Come child #2 someday, my positive outlook on our arrangement may change.

sherina825 · January 2014

Re: S/O
It's not fair to say that things that others' SOs are unacceptable and that you wouldn't put up with this or that. Of course you wouldn't. I'm sure that there are lots of things that I wouldn't put up with from my husband that wouldn't cause many women on here wouldn't bat an eyelash. We all have our own personal non-negotiables. That's why we didn't marry the same person.

pinottoparenthood · January 2014

@cmcmillan0901 Yes! Don't talk about it! And also, stop bragging about how Addison is hitting all her milestones early! You she devil!

melissad23 · January 2014

@cmcmillan0901 - Well, I dont think I'm the only one, but yes.

(Although they're exceptionally more annoying when I'm mobile bumping and not on my computer)

@pinottoparenthood - I miss the smiling Rhys in your siggy pic!!

Want a personalized experience?

UO

Re: UO

Choose Another Board

Search Boards