Bridesmaid dress anxiety

Kinipela7 · January 2014

I'm in my best friends wedding on May 16th. My due date is May 20th. She originally had 4 bridesmaids but 2 of them have already backed out (because they are dumb - not the brides fault) so if I'm not in the hospital then I will surely show up (the ceremony is going to be 10 minutes long). She really wants me to wear the same dress as the other girl. Am I even going to fit into a normal dress by then even if I size up a bunch? I have no idea how big I'm going to get! I asked her about me wearing a maternity dress but she stressed that she really wants us to be in the same dress. She is my best friend and I've known her for 25 years so I will do anything for her, but I don't want to look incredibly ridiculous and ruin the pictures either. She has not picked the dress yet, but she wanted a short dress (knee length, a certain color and chiffon)

Help!

babygabe614 · January 2014

If she won't budge on letting you get a maternity dress, I would guess you'll just have to size up quite a bit and get it taken in where you are narrower (ribcage, possibly bust, etc.). I wonder if she realizes that the way a non-pregnant woman looks in a dress is going to be totally different from someone 9 months pregnant - i.e. if it's going to be short like you mentioned, it might bare a bit too much, no matter how much you size up, and just won't be flattering for you at all.

FWIW, if it were my best friend, I'd ask her again to reconsider and explain that 1) as someone days away from giving birth, your comfort should at least be somewhat considered as well and 2) she might regret this decision when she looks back on pictures of you trying to squeeze into something that just isn't working, rather than something equally pretty but that would work for your body at that point.

lest12 · January 2014

Eeehhh... I can't speak to how the dress will fit or what you should do, never having been 9 months pregnant and in a bridesmaid's dress, but I wish she would think about it. It sounds like she has a 'vision' for how she wants this to turn out and it probably just won't, you know?

Hopefully, the staff at the bridal shop or wherever will have suggestions, I am sure they've done this a million times before.

texasmama2014 · January 2014

Sticky situation... My sister-in-law was 6 months pregnant in my wedding. She bought a dress several sizes up, and had it tailored to fit her bump.
I would try to convince her to buy late, and something loose around the belly. Also do you have a good seamstress? They can work miracles!

lellymine · January 2014

You'd probably have an easier time looking great and feeling great if she picked out something with an empire waist. Then you can order a size up and have it taken in closer to the wedding in the areas that you need.

diagonalley · January 2014

Quite frankly I think it's a bit ridiculous and unrealistic of her to expect you to wear a regular dress when you have the potential to be ready to give birth. My best friend was pregnant in my wedding but due 2 months after the wedding and still wore a maternity dress. At first the selfish part of me was bummed that she would have a different dress than the rest of the girls, but she found something similar and unless people were really staring, I doubt they'd have noticed or if they did, would have attributed it to her bump. There is just no way for you to predict how big you'll be and do you really want to have to deal with numerous alterations at that point? I understand she's your BFF, but she's being a bit bridezilla, in my opinion.

jshrop · January 2014

I understand want your wedding to look a certain way, but if you're having a momma ready to pop in your wedding, you let her wear a maternity dress. She's lucky if you don't show up in Yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I was just MOH in my sisters wedding and she was fine with us wearing what we picked as long as they were the same color and length. The wedding looked great!

Unknown · January 2014

This content has been removed.

Kinipela7 · January 2014

Thanks! I'm hoping that when we go to the store, she realizes how ridiculous I'm going to look and how much of a hassle it's going to be if I'm in a regular dress. I don't think she is being a bridezilla, I just don't think she exactly knows how big I am going to look like at all. Honestly, I just didn't want to feel super self conscious while standing up in front of a bunch of people and in a bunch of pictures which is sounds like at that point, I probably will feel like that anyway!

FutureMrsW9 · January 2014

Other than short, does she know what kind of cut she wants? If it has an empire waist you might be able to pull it off if you add extra length. If it's knee length your bump is going to pull it up a lot, especially 6 days out from your due date, which you definitely need to think about so you're not showing everyone your Britney! I know this sounds silly but I've seen it first hand.

The other thing is, if you order now having no clue what size you're going to be most likely you're going to need TONS of alterations unless you get super lucky (FX right!). Actually, if the wedding is in May you probably need to order ASAP so that you get the dress on time - my BM dresses needed 4-5 months, but that's besides the point. Alterations can be ridiculously expensive. So that's just another aspect to think about. I would definitely ask to speak to the seamstress if she's available when you're shopping and get her opinion. They see this kind of stuff all the time so they might be able to make a suggestion, or even help to lead the bride to the decision that different dresses will look best ;-)

MrsCase1 · January 2014

You lost me at chiffon in May. Here in TX you'd sweat right through that thing!

I think it is worth it to re-address this issue with her. It is one thing to be a supportive friend, another for her to be a bridezilla and insist on you wearing an unforgiving, non-maternity dress. Seems she could alter the parameters a bit to be slightly more accommodating.

FutureMrsW9 · January 2014

mrsgerman said:

ugabamafans said:

Kinipela7 said:

Thanks! I'm hoping that when we go to the store, she realizes how ridiculous I'm going to look and how much of a hassle it's going to be if I'm in a regular dress. I don't think she is being a bridezilla, I just don't think she exactly knows how big I am going to look like at all. Honestly, I just didn't want to feel super self conscious while standing up in front of a bunch of people and in a bunch of pictures which is sounds like at that point, I probably will feel like that anyway!

You will, there's just no way that you're going to be comfortable that last month, let alone in week 39. Hopefully she'll let you wear flip flops or some other comfortable shoes. Because you'll probably be swollen and heels are going to be miserable.

Oh yeah I forgot about the tree trunk ankles!

This is a good point! You're definitely not going to be able to wear heels at that point! And if you're one of those miraculous women who can, I can't imagine it being comfortable.

MrsRage · January 2014

My friend is getting married in Mexico on July 11.. Obviously I won't be attending (giving her the news today). However she is still having a church ceremony here July 19, so about a month after I'm due. How am I supposed to know what I'll be able to fit into then? We are going dress shopping in the next few weeks.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

My suggestions are: 1) Definitely have her order something with an empire waist; 2) Either order about 4 sizes up, and take the dress to a seamstress to have her fit it to you or 3) Order just 1 or 2 sizes up, and order "extra fabric" if they have it, so that a seamstress can add layers/length to the front of the dress to cover the bump. Either way, it'll be pricey to have the dress altered, I would let her know that before you commit to it.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

Just thought of something else....she could have you both order matching dresses, but have them be long length. That way the other BM could just have it hemmed to a short length, and you could have it hemmed to adjust for extra length in the front. that would probably be cheaper.

MrsRage · January 2014

ugabamafans said:
@MrsRage - can you put off ordering? If not, I would order way up. You don't know how much weight you are going to gain or how quickly you will be able to lose it.

Yes, I think I have some time but she's pretty anxious to go dress shopping. We'll see if she'll still want me in the wedding after I tell her I'm pregnant.

Kinipela7 · January 2014

MrsRage said:

My friend is getting married in Mexico on July 11.. Obviously I won't be attending (giving her the news today). However she is still having a church ceremony here July 19, so about a month after I'm due. How am I supposed to know what I'll be able to fit into then? We are going dress shopping in the next few weeks.

Good luck! It's so hard to guess!

rainbowdashh · January 2014

I'm in a wedding in April. I haven't ordered my dress yet because I'm not sure how to do the sizing. But I am wearing the dress in the first link that @ugabamafans posted. It fits really flowy under the bust so I'm not too concerned. If the wedding was right before my due date, I would talk to my friend again. She's being a little unreasonable, in my opinion. Bridesmaids are doing the bride a favor, it's not the other way around.

jeannebean82 · January 2014

Wow, and here I was stressing about being a BM in a wedding on July 12 (EDD June 20). I agree about ordering the dress several sizes bigger and getting an empire waist style. Your boobs will be ginormous and I think that style will give you the slimming factor since you won't know what your midsection will look like a few days postpartum. Kudos to you for agreeing to do this!

rainbowdashh · January 2014

Kidding! I tried on one of the dresses posted. I'm wearing this because it has straps and I have huge boobs as it is.

https://m.davidsbridal.com/mt/www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Long-Crinkle-Chiffon-Dress-with-Twist-Front-Detail-F15633_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

Kinipela7 · January 2014

I straight up refuse to wear strapless! Luckily, she did say she didn't like strapless dresses anyway!

mrs_drc_rn · January 2014

My best friend was in another friend's wedding when she was 7 months pregnant but bought a maternity version of the same dress we all had. It looked exactly the same, I think they just did some of the stitching different on the waist to accommodate the bump, so maybe the dress she has in mind would have that option? I think it's a bit selfish for her to not consider the fact that you're pregnant because alterations can really add up, especially when tailoring it for a pregnancy!

lest12 · January 2014

My sister is getting married 3 months later and she is letting me order my dress after havong the baby... I'm the MOH though and she doesn't mind if my dress is different.

However, it makes ME nervous to wait that long to find something, but what else could I do?

There aren't any good options in most of these situations, IMO.

JNYLP · January 2014

I was HUGE the week before my DD came! That being said, I wore summer dresses that I normally wear with stretchy material... I also and in weddings when baby will be 7 weeks and 4 months! I have NO idea what size I'll be then! I feel your pain!!! I'm just gonna size WAYYYYY up!!!

diagonalley · January 2014

ugabamafans said:
So long as she has a realistic expectation in the dress that she picks out, I think it's possible. You're going to feel like a whale, no matter what. You will need to size up (a lot).

If she chooses something with an empire waist like the first link, then I think you'll be ok. But the bottom link is unrealistic and is going to be a no-go.

Yes:
https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Long-Sheer-Chiffon-Dress-with-Beaded-Neckline-F14867_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

Yes - this one is made of jersey:
https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_One-Shoulder-Long-Jersey-Dress-with-Cascade-Back-F13185_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

No:
https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Long-Strapless-Stretch-Satin-Dress-F15586_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

I believe the first one you linked was the one my pregnant bm wore, but in black

sacarroll1983 · January 2014

David's Bridal has a really nice shorter chiffon dress that is maternity appropriate but isn't a maternity only dress. I had two pregnant bridesmaids and two non-pregnant bridesmaids in the SAME style dress and they all looked great. I know that David's Bridal has some other cuts as well that are considered maternity appropriate while not looking like a maternity dress. I posted some examples below, the models might be thin, but a couple of my bridesmaids were size 23 and the others were a size 6 and 8, the dress look great on ALL of them.

megzep · January 2014

Who's paying for the alterations and extra yardage you'll need?!? I'm sorry but I don't think I could justify the stress of feeling HUGE, the pain of going to get altered probably numerous times PLUS the expense. Any reasonable bride would offer to pay at least for alterations, IMO. at least I would.

curlylocks3 · January 2014

That is ridiculous. I'm sure there are women out there who fit into a regular dress but if she really cares about you being there she will be happy to have you wearing whatever you want and feel comfortable

Eta: I know you said the other two bridesmaids backed out for reasons unrelated to the bride, but after reading this I have to wonder if she somehow played a role in their backing out.

Kinipela7 · January 2014

curlylocks3 said:

That is ridiculous. I'm sure there are women out there who fit into a regular dress but if she really cares about you being there she will be happy to have you wearing whatever you want and feel comfortable Eta: I know you said the other two bridesmaids backed out for reasons unrelated to the bride, but after reading this I have to wonder if she somehow played a role in their backing out.

Nah, she really is not being a bridezilla at all - she just has no clue. 1 bridesmaid lives in Japan and she is flying back for her own sisters wedding already this year and she can't afford to fly back twice. The other bridesmaid will be in rehab soooooo yeah.

curlylocks3 · January 2014

curlylocks3 said:

That is ridiculous. I'm sure there are women out there who fit into a regular dress but if she really cares about you being there she will be happy to have you wearing whatever you want and feel comfortable Eta: I know you said the other two bridesmaids backed out for reasons unrelated to the bride, but after reading this I have to wonder if she somehow played a role in their backing out.

Nah, she really is not being a bridezilla at all - she just has no clue. 1 bridesmaid lives in Japan and she is flying back for her own sisters wedding already this year and she can't afford to fly back twice. The other bridesmaid will be in rehab soooooo yeah.

Not a bridezilla but thinks it is appropriate to ask someone who may or may not even make the wedding to purchase a bridesmaid dress and stand up in it 4 days after her due date? Does not compute. Wait, the wedding is in May? Am I on the wrong BMB?

Kinipela7 · January 2014

curlylocks3 said:

curlylocks3 said:

That is ridiculous. I'm sure there are women out there who fit into a regular dress but if she really cares about you being there she will be happy to have you wearing whatever you want and feel comfortable Eta: I know you said the other two bridesmaids backed out for reasons unrelated to the bride, but after reading this I have to wonder if she somehow played a role in their backing out.

Nah, she really is not being a bridezilla at all - she just has no clue. 1 bridesmaid lives in Japan and she is flying back for her own sisters wedding already this year and she can't afford to fly back twice. The other bridesmaid will be in rehab soooooo yeah.
Not a bridezilla but thinks it is appropriate to ask someone who may or may not even make the wedding to purchase a bridesmaid dress and stand up in it 4 days after her due date? Does not compute. Wait, the wedding is in May? Am I on the wrong BMB?

I knew about the wedding before I got pregnant, but didn't know when in 2014 she was planning. I got pregnant but didn't tell anyone until after 1st tri and she then decided on the date before I was able to even tell her. I gave her the choice of leaving me out of the wedding, but she didn't want to do that (shucks).

P.S. No I'm on the wrong board

jckeown89 · January 2014

If she hasn't picked the dress yet, can you persuade her to pick a dress that also has a maternity option? I would think a regular bridesmaid dress will be incredibly uncomfortable for you!

REJ1982 · January 2014

I haven't read most of the other comments so forgive me if this is repetitive, but my friend just asked me to be in her wedding in May, when I'll be over 8 months pregnant. We went to David's Bridal the other day and they were very helpful. They gave me a fake bump to strap on as I tried dresses on. The bride ended up picking short satin dresses that weren't going to work for me (mostly because of the length...my belly would have made it way too short) so I found a long dress in a similar style on top (with more give in the waist

) and am going to hem it the week before the wedding. My mom and I both like to sew, and will do it ourselves. Hopefully it won't need any more alterations, but it fit well on top with the baby bump

Oh, and I ordered three sizes up from normal...they said it's easier and cheaper to take it in than to add fabric. Good luck finding something!!

Kinipela7 · January 2014

REJ1982 said:

I haven't read most of the other comments so forgive me if this is repetitive, but my friend just asked me to be in her wedding in May, when I'll be over 8 months pregnant. We went to David's Bridal the other day and they were very helpful. They gave me a fake bump to strap on as I tried dresses on. The bride ended up picking short satin dresses that weren't going to work for me (mostly because of the length...my belly would have made it way too short) so I found a long dress in a similar style on top (with more give in the waist ) and am going to hem it the week before the wedding. My mom and I both like to sew, and will do it ourselves. Hopefully it won't need any more alterations, but it fit well on top with the baby bump Oh, and I ordered three sizes up from normal...they said it's easier and cheaper to take it in than to add fabric. Good luck finding something!!

Which dress was it if you don't mind me asking? We are going to David's Bridal so hopefully they will be just as helpful when we go. The girl on the phone was totally clueless!

Kinipela7 · January 2014

Another question for you people that have already gone through labor.

I just found out that I am going to be in my sister's wedding at the end of July (2 months PP). I will fit into a regular dress by then right? I know I will still need to size up, but how much?

JNYLP · January 2014

Kinipela7 said:
Another question for you people that have already gone through labor.

I just found out that I am going to be in my sister's wedding at the end of July (2 months PP). I will fit into a regular dress by then right? I know I will still need to size up, but how much?

I'm also in a wedding July 26, and I will be ordering up prob at least 2
Sizes. With DD, I had an emergency c section so I didn't even start working out till she was 8 weeks. I was nursing and lost some weight, but was still eat bigger than normal. I wasn't back to normal until she was 4 months and that's because I worked out everyday. But it's easy for other people. Also, this pregnancy may be so different for me! I'd rather have too much fabric to work with that not enough tho... good luck!!!

REJ1982 · January 2014

Kinipela7 said:

REJ1982 said:

I haven't read most of the other comments so forgive me if this is repetitive, but my friend just asked me to be in her wedding in May, when I'll be over 8 months pregnant. We went to David's Bridal the other day and they were very helpful. They gave me a fake bump to strap on as I tried dresses on. The bride ended up picking short satin dresses that weren't going to work for me (mostly because of the length...my belly would have made it way too short) so I found a long dress in a similar style on top (with more give in the waist ) and am going to hem it the week before the wedding. My mom and I both like to sew, and will do it ourselves. Hopefully it won't need any more alterations, but it fit well on top with the baby bump Oh, and I ordered three sizes up from normal...they said it's easier and cheaper to take it in than to add fabric. Good luck finding something!!

Which dress was it if you don't mind me asking? We are going to David's Bridal so hopefully they will be just as helpful when we go. The girl on the phone was totally clueless!

Okay, this is the dress that she picked for the rest of the bridesmaids - https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-One-Shoulder-Dress-with-Ruched-Waist-84333_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Short-Bridesmaid-Dresses

As you can see, there's no way I'd be squeezing my 8 month pregnant body into that without it looking ridiculous...LOL. Thankfully, DB has a lot of short and long dresses with similarly styled tops, which makes it easier.

This one is the one I ended up buying...paid a little more for it than the others, but it's worth it to me to look good (better, at least): https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_One-Shoulder-Satin-Ballgown-with-Fan-Detail-F14430_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Long-Bridesmaid-Dresses

This one doesn't have a waistband (score), and the rusching (sp?) across the stomach actually has a lot of give in it, which is perfect. I'm only 4 months along now and not showing much at all yet...the bump they gave me to use wasn't huge, but hopefully big enough - at least it gave an idea of where the dress would fall, and have to give...

There are quite a few options, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I was hoping the bride would go with chiffon because it flows a little better, but she really liked the satin - I had to try a few options on, but in the end we found something we were all happy with. Once I hem it, I don't think anyone will be able to tell much of a difference. Oh, and the color we're doing is peacock, a darker blue. Just remember the darker the color the more it hides

Kinipela7 · January 2014

REJ1982 said:

Kinipela7 said:

REJ1982 said:

I haven't read most of the other comments so forgive me if this is repetitive, but my friend just asked me to be in her wedding in May, when I'll be over 8 months pregnant. We went to David's Bridal the other day and they were very helpful. They gave me a fake bump to strap on as I tried dresses on. The bride ended up picking short satin dresses that weren't going to work for me (mostly because of the length...my belly would have made it way too short) so I found a long dress in a similar style on top (with more give in the waist ) and am going to hem it the week before the wedding. My mom and I both like to sew, and will do it ourselves. Hopefully it won't need any more alterations, but it fit well on top with the baby bump Oh, and I ordered three sizes up from normal...they said it's easier and cheaper to take it in than to add fabric. Good luck finding something!!

Which dress was it if you don't mind me asking? We are going to David's Bridal so hopefully they will be just as helpful when we go. The girl on the phone was totally clueless!

Okay, this is the dress that she picked for the rest of the bridesmaids - https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-One-Shoulder-Dress-with-Ruched-Waist-84333_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Short-Bridesmaid-Dresses
As you can see, there's no way I'd be squeezing my 8 month pregnant body into that without it looking ridiculous...LOL. Thankfully, DB has a lot of short and long dresses with similarly styled tops, which makes it easier.

This one is the one I ended up buying...paid a little more for it than the others, but it's worth it to me to look good (better, at least): https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_One-Shoulder-Satin-Ballgown-with-Fan-Detail-F14430_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Long-Bridesmaid-Dresses
This one doesn't have a waistband (score), and the rusching (sp?) across the stomach actually has a lot of give in it, which is perfect. I'm only 4 months along now and not showing much at all yet...the bump they gave me to use wasn't huge, but hopefully big enough - at least it gave an idea of where the dress would fall, and have to give...

There are quite a few options, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I was hoping the bride would go with chiffon because it flows a little better, but she really liked the satin - I had to try a few options on, but in the end we found something we were all happy with. Once I hem it, I don't think anyone will be able to tell much of a difference. Oh, and the color we're doing is peacock, a darker blue. Just remember the darker the color the more it hides

Cute! We made an appointment and we are going this weekend! Her color is Regency (pretty much Grape) - I think it will be dark enough!

kcartwright12 · January 2014

Hopefully she will pick an empire style dress that will give plenty of room for a growing belly. I believe most places will have you come in three days before the wedding to make sure everything fits perfectly, since you're expecting. If not, contact a seamstress in your area. If she picks a fitted style dress, then she is just being cruel and you should insist on a maternity gown that is similar in style and/or color. She'll understand once she gets pregnant. Good luck!

arekeweg · January 2014

Not sure your friend would go for this but when my sister got married, her SIL was pregnant. My sister had a two piece formal picked out so the skirt had the stretchy band added at the top and it worked perfectly! She said it was the most comfortable formal wear she's ever worn.

My mom was in her sister's wedding when she was busting at the seams with twins. They did something very similar for her where the other bridesmaids had dresses but they made a matching one as a top and skirt (with the band to fit).

If this isn't an option, I'd go with what PPs have said and get a maternity version of the dress.

Kinipela7 · January 2014

This is the dress that was picked. I tried it on with their bump pillow and it didn't look terrible, but it'll be tricky with the 1 shoulder. I'm short as it is so I'm not worried about the length. I tried on a really big size and it was super long on me. I don't know though - think we can work with this?

https://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-One-Shoulder-Crinkle-Chiffon-Dress-F15608_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

Worst case scenario - it doesn't fit and I return it and get a maternity dress if she wants me to stand in the wedding.

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