Sister upset over name choice

VeniVidiScripsi · January 2014

I'm close with my siblings and we talk names all the time, even though neither of them are at the point in their lives they are having children. There are some names I've always known my sister considered, and names my brother considered. I wouldn't used them. And they are the same way with names I've always loved.

hubbs173 · January 2014

My brother and sil named my nephew a name that I brought up in conversation. I never said I had a claim on it and I love the name. I'm happy they used the name for my nephew, it really fits him. I was never mad or upset that they used that name. They got pregnant first and I didn't own the rights to that name.
I think if it's a name you really love, use it. I get where your sister is coming from but she might not have a boy when she gets pregnant and her tastes may change. Names I loved a few years ago aren't even a choice now. She is probably more hurt that you're pregnant and she's struggling to get pregnant.

Read247 · January 2014

I'd use it. My sister is a brat too. She decided this month that she wants to start trying for a baby. She called "dibs" on my Gammy's name. My DH and I decided 4 years ago we were using it for a girl, but she doesn't know because we don't tell anyone our name options until the baby is born. The name means enough to me to fight over. Plus we fight all the time so it wouldn't be anything new.

nikki0808 · January 2014

I'm going to go with the apparently unpopular opinion and side with the angry sister. I don't know all the details regarding how long everyone was trying so I'm going on personal experience. It took my husband and I 5 years to get pregnant. If one of my sisters got pregnant before I did and used a name that I adore or as you all have said "claimed" I would be furious. One of the names I love is Autumn Elizabeth which now that I am pregnant isn't on the table, even if it's a girl and only because we don't think Autumn is a good name for a child born in June. So who cares if I never use the name, the fact that a sister - of all people, somebody you open up to and talk about these things with - steals the name I love I would be mad. Then add the anger of infertility that you only understand if you've been through it then you can understand where this sister is coming from.

So, long story short, I say if you value your relationship with your sister on any level you pick a different name. Otherwise I'm sure she will harbor resentment because of it - whether or not you think she's being irrational or not.

katekat8721 · January 2014

FutureMrsW9 said:

I kinda have mixed view on this. On one hand I know how hard IF is and if my sister used one of my future baby names I probably would have been super upset, too. So I totally see it from her side, and the IF probably makes her emotions about it that much worse.

On the other had, she's not pregnant, and who knows if she'll ever actually have boy. Plus, I don't think you can "claim" a name. My SIL used my boy name, which she didn't know at the time and DH and I weren't even married yet, just engaged, so obviously I couldn't say anything. But now I'm actually totally over the name and don't give it much of a thought anymore, especially since she didn't know.

I think if it were me in this situation I would just use the name that you know she doesn't like. You have two that you really like, and hopefully equally so that it's not a big deal and you don't hurt your relationship with your sister.

letsgobowlingx that this is precisely the reason not to share names with anyone until baby is born and already named. We're not telling anyone any names until he or she is born.

All of this. My infertility brain tells me that I'd be really hurt if my sister used "my" baby name. No, you can't claim a name, but the whole argument of "well she's not pregnant!" really rubs me wrong. She'd be pregnant if she could.

It's different if your sis said she didn't like the name because she knows a guy who knows a guy with that name and he was a jerk. Or that it's her BFFs name and she doesn't want her niece/nephew with that name. People are weird when it comes to naming sometimes, but I can understand her reasoning here.

You obviously don't have your heart 100% sold on this because you didn't say it's THE name and you have a top 1 and a top 2. Since that is the case, I'd pick another name to avoid family drama.

noryang · January 2014

shiggybop said:

Unless the name is your number 1, can't imagine another name, I would toss it. I think it would be tough for your sister if she's having a tough time conceiving becoming attached to her nephew with a name she has always wanted.

This IS a tough one but I think this is pretty good advice. Sometimes a name just "belongs" to your child and then you have to go with it. Otherwise - consider doing your sister the honor of changing it.

purtz · January 2014

kcartwright12 said:
I would say there are a bunch of great boys names out there, but you only have one sister. Plus, after struggling to conceive myself, I know how your sister feels. Taking a name she is in love with is just another reminder that her dream has yet to come true. Extremely disheartening. However, that is just my opinion.

This! Think of a new name that is uniquely yours and move on.

Yasm33na · January 2014

Please pick Gannon! Not just because of your sister but because that is an AWESOME name.

To be honest though, if the name meant that much to my own sister, then I'd probably give it up

. I understand how frustrating it can be when someone close to you "takes" a name that you love (my parents took my favourite name, Noah, and named my brother

). It sucked a bit but I got over it and now he's 7 and I couldn't imagine him with any other name. Think of it this way- you'll have a nephew with a name that you love

.

LKHoffa · January 2014

This is unpopular, but I actually DO think you can "claim names." If I told a good friend/relative a name I really liked & planned to use, and that person used it first, I would be pretty annoyed. (The key being "GOOD" friend or relative"- acquaintances don't count.

If she is going through infertility, it might just add insult to injury to use it.

But if you think she's lying about having told you that name, then I think you can still lay claim

becomingmommyagain · January 2014

Is your sister on the IF boards? There was someone over there who's sister is pregnant and announced the names over Christmas...and it happened to be the ones she had been planning since she started TTC.

If you can go back to the drawing board and find another name that you and DH love, I'd leave the names for your sister, especially if she's been TTC for quite some time. Keeping them could put a big rift between you, especially if she's never able to have her take home baby.

afk2013 · January 2014

I think it would be much different if she wasn't actively TTC. I would pick a different name.

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