C-section moms

elm005 · January 2014

This blog entry made me cry today. Especially this section.
"She was sad because she wouldn’t be able to hold her baby right away – or even touch her baby for a while. She was sad because she was going to watch her husband (dressed in scrubs and masked so that she would lose who he was in a sea of masks) carry a burrito bundle out of the room while she remained splayed out getting stitched up. She was sad because she now doubted her body like she never had before."

https://www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com/blog/?p=1429

I know I would do the same thing again for the safety of our son, his heartrate dropped dangerously low. But I still mourn the birth I dreamed of. Especially the skin to skin following. I worry about his experience as well. I know he won't remember it, but I didn't want him immediately handled by strangers. He looks so scared in all the pics my DH took in the operating room.

I just wanted to share in case you could relate.

AarikaW44 · January 2014

I was like you and truly wanted to experience a "natural" birth but due to placenta previa had to have a c-section. We got pregnant through IVF so i was really looking forward to the unplanned water breaking etc. I was lucky enough to have my best friend as the nurse though. She took him over and got him cleaned up and then brought him to me as they were sewing me up. i honestly didn't mind the c-section. I had a pretty easy recovery. I am the perfect candidate for a VBAC but honestly think if we are fortunate to have another one I will just opt for the c-section. There are definitely pluses and minuses to both! Hang in there mommy!

jdebaie · January 2014

I feel this way all the time - except I had the added piece of having to be put under general anesthesia for DD's birth

I'm actually jealous of other people's regular c-sections! They wouldn't let DH in the room because they were putting me under and said he was "only a support person" and since I wasn't going to be awake he didn't need to be there. I literally grabbed DH before they wheeled me in and frantically told him to stay with the baby (I know nothing was going to happen to her but I was completely insane about the fact that I wasn't going to be conscious). I found out later that poor DH just paced outside the door and finally saw DD when she was wheeled out of the room. I feel like I went to sleep pregnant and woke up two hours later not pregnant. I still feel so sad and feel like I missed something. DH took a video of me seeing DD for the first time (and I feel like a million people saw her before me) which I'm so grateful to have. People tell me at least I had a healthy baby as well, but it still makes me sad that I didn't get to be awake during her birth.

CDMay2006 · January 2014

I've read this a couple times and it really hits the nail on the head, especially this, "Here is the point that I think so many people don’t understand….there is the outcome, and there is the journey, and they aren’t one and the same for a lot of women."

AarikaW44 · January 2014

I am so grateful that i didn't have to be put under! I did have a reaction to the morphine and was extrememly sick! So as I was trying to hold my baby for the first time I was also puking. But DH was with him the whole time and got to bond so that was a plus. I do feel that I missed out but am so happy that our LO is healthy and here finally. It was also nice to have him here in 5 minutes instead of 15 hours in labor.

llybeck · January 2014

I really don't like this, at all. Did I want to have a c-section? No, but I wouldn't have been able to deliver any differently and it sure as heck didn't affect my bond with my baby. I wanted to deliver totally med free and from the get go that didn't happen, I ended up having bad PIH/Pre-E and was induced. My fiance was right by my head the whole time during the c/s until they took her out and he got to cut the cord, it was the sweetest part of the whole experience being able to see him with her like that and see the excitement in his eyes. In no way did he get lost in a "sea of masks" and I got to see her before they went to our room. I had to wait quite a while before holding my baby but I fail to see how that is any sort of hindrance to either of us.

I don't want to discredit anyone's feelings and I know a lot of people really get depressed about their delivery not being what they planned but I don't understand this. Your child is healthy. You are healthy. I guess I don't understand how someone could be sad when in the end, everything is just fine.

As far as "doubting" our bodies, that's just crap. That's like saying becuase I have asthma than I second guess my lungs. My body wasn't made to fit my baby through my vagina, big deal. I'm incredibly thankful I live in a time and place where I can get the medical care necessary to still have my perfect little child safely. There is nothing wrong with needed a necessary intervention and I wish women wouldn't fell bad or guilty about this, I just feel so sad for anyone who puts thought into this and thinks that somehow her or her baby were cheated out of something "better."

llybeck · January 2014

jdebaie said:

I feel this way all the time - except I had the added piece of having to be put under general anesthesia for DD's birth I'm actually jealous of other people's regular c-sections! They wouldn't let DH in the room because they were putting me under and said he was "only a support person" and since I wasn't going to be awake he didn't need to be there. I literally grabbed DH before they wheeled me in and frantically told him to stay with the baby (I know nothing was going to happen to her but I was completely insane about the fact that I wasn't going to be conscious). I found out later that poor DH just paced outside the door and finally saw DD when she was wheeled out of the room. I feel like I went to sleep pregnant and woke up two hours later not pregnant. I still feel so sad and feel like I missed something. DH took a video of me seeing DD for the first time (and I feel like a million people saw her before me) which I'm so grateful to have. People tell me at least I had a healthy baby as well, but it still makes me sad that I didn't get to be awake during her birth.

I'm so sorry to hear that, I can understand your disappointment completely. I'm sure that was incredibly difficult knowing not only that you wouldn't be awake but that you didn't have DH there either. This makes me understand better how people can be so upset about a c/s, I didn't realize they still put people under in certain situations.

CDMay2006 · January 2014

llybeck said:
I don't want to discredit anyone's feelings and I know a lot of people really get depressed about their delivery not being what they planned but I don't understand this. Your child is healthy. You are healthy. I guess I don't understand how someone could be sad when in the end, everything is just fine.

It's ok that you don't understand. But you day you don't want to dismiss others' feelings, yet you came in a thread where women are discussing their feelings about their own experiences and imply their emotional experience is invalid, based in your c/s experience. Do you have any idea how insensitive you are being?

MegStark · January 2014

While I understand how one might feel this way, I have to agree with @llybeck. I don't like this at all, and I choose not to let myself think this way.
I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl... and MY body made her that way. Did I want a c-section? No. But I had to get one. Also, my husband being the first of the two of us to hold her is so precious. It was SUCH a proud moment for me when my husband brought me our baby girl. He told me just yesterday that this is the moment he fell in love for the second time (first being me).

I have to add that I'm so sorry to those of you that had to be asleep for your c-section. I've not been in that situation, but I know I would hate it.

CDMay2006 · January 2014

Ugh, i don't understand why some women think it is ok to decide whether another woman's feelings about her child's birth experience are valid. And i'm sure that having general anesthesia complicates and could worsen the experience, but just because some women were not sedated and still have negative feelings does not make their feelings less valid. And it is especially not someone else's place to decide whether or not they are valid.

HBirdie · January 2014

CDMay2006 said: I don't want to discredit anyone's feelings and I know a lot of people really get depressed about their delivery not being what they planned but I don't understand this. Your child is healthy. You are healthy. I guess I don't understand how someone could be sad when in the end, everything is just fine. It's ok that you don't understand. But you day you don't want to dismiss others' feelings, yet you came in a thread where women are discussing their feelings about their own experiences and imply their emotional experience is invalid, based in your c/s experience. Do you have any idea how insensitive you are being?--------------------------

HBirdie: I don't think that she was trying to say you shouldn't feel that way. But I can see why she responded the way she did.

(I may be totally off base about what she meant or didn't mean. I'm not trying to put words into her mouth.)

Here's my take on it:

I had a c-section after more than 30 hours of labor. Caleb's head was so big that even at 9.5 cm dilated, he wasn't even descended into my pelvis. His head started moulding (the coning to fit through the birth canal) before he even got in there. I cried when they told me I had to transition to having a c-section because it was the last thing I expected to have to do when I walked into the hospital, and I was exhausted and sore and emotionally spent. Despite that, there was a part of me that was relieved that it was going to be over soon and that I could rest.

HOWEVER. The reason this blog post makes me prickly and defensive is because I'm REALLY tired of women looking down on other women for not giving birth vaginally or for implying (or saying) that they didn't have a "true birth experience." I don't like knowing that people think my experience wasn't as real or emotional or hard or whatever as theirs was. And it grinds my gears when people say, "Oh, you had a c-section? I'm sorry." I totally disagree with the woman writing this post. I AM exceedingly grateful to have a healthy baby. I am so happy that he was born with no complications. The "at least" is not a bad thing. Yup, my uterus was worn out and had basically stopped contracting by the end. Yup, my pelvis is way too tiny for my baby's massive head to fit through. But I still get my wonderful baby. He laid on my chest thirty seconds after being born. I got to hold him and bond with him within a few hours of him being born. Would I somehow be better bonded if I had gotten to hold him right away? I don't think so. I don't think my heart could be any fuller of this little guy than it already is.

I'm tired of feeling like a failure because I couldn't give birth naturally. So yeah, this kind of thing pisses me off too. Your feelings of disappointment are valid, they are. But so are my feelings (and possibly @llybeck's) of being upset at c-sections being portrayed as the most awful outcome possible.

Edit because the quote box is all kinds of messed up.

MegStark · January 2014

@HBirdie... here here!!! Wonderfully said. I couldn't put into words how mad I get about this subject. THIS. Totally this:

HOWEVER. The reason this blog post makes me prickly and defensive is because I'm REALLY tired of women looking down on other women for not giving birth vaginally or for implying (or saying) that they didn't have a "true birth experience." I don't like knowing that people think my experience wasn't as real or emotional or hard or whatever as theirs was. And it grinds my gears when people say, "Oh, you had a c-section? I'm sorry."

krose0713 · January 2014

In the moment I was told I needed the csection,after pushing for 4 hours, I was very emotional. I had a good cry for about a minute and then somehow I was just ok with it. I didn't care how my baby was delivered, I just wanted her out safe. I was very lucky in that we did skin to skin immediately, and she was never taken from my sight. I held her the whole time I was being stitched up, and then we all went into the recovery room together. Though it's not the birth experience I initially thought I would have, it was still beautiful. I know everyone's experience is not quite so calm, so I consider myself lucky (even though obviously I would have chosen a vaginal birth if I had the choice).

krose0713 · January 2014

I also don't think llybeck is saying she doesn't find the other women's feelings to be valid, just that she doesn't understand or share those feelings.

Jupiter62 · January 2014

Before giving birth, I had a birth plan but I also tried not to put too much stock into it. I knew that a lot of aspects were out of everyone's control. I ended up with a c-section, no anesthesia. All I remember is a few blood curling screams; I didn't even know I could make that noise lol. I didn't get to meet DS until 5 hours later and at the time I didn't even care. Luckily DH got to stay with me through the whole thing. I couldn't have done it without him.

I get pretty jealous when I hear moms talk about their med-free midwife birth and how they got to feed unicorns right out of the palm of their hands, and fairies danced in the background, and it was the happiest day of their life

llybeck · January 2014

CDMay2006 said:

llybeck said:
I don't want to discredit anyone's feelings and I know a lot of people really get depressed about their delivery not being what they planned but I don't understand this. Your child is healthy. You are healthy. I guess I don't understand how someone could be sad when in the end, everything is just fine.
It's ok that you don't understand. But you day you don't want to dismiss others' feelings, yet you came in a thread where women are discussing their feelings about their own experiences and imply their emotional experience is invalid, based in your c/s experience. Do you have any idea how insensitive you are being?

What I don't like is that women focus on this and think they truly missed out on something better, like a c/s is worse than a vaginal birth. It makes me feel like people look down on us for having to do something to protect our child and ourselves, no one should feel like that and it's incredibly sad to me that so many people do. I never said other people's feelings were invalid, they are very valid, but I also don't want to perpetuate the notion that a c/s is somehow less of a birth experience compared to vaginal births.

barnratash · January 2014

Everything @Hbirdie said, especially people looking down on c sections. I was really bummed when they first mentioned to me about a csection and asked to wait an hour. DS's head was moulding and his heart rate went up every time they tried to up my pitocin. I was stuck at 7 cm for 8 hours and had hardly eaten or slept in 4 days and was falling asleep between contractions and puking. They went to get the OR ready and I told DH if I had to push there was no way I could I was beyond exhausted and a c section was the right thing to do. The birth I dreamed of was a safe one with a healthy baby. So I don't like I had less of an experience or im less of a woman because i had a c section.

ejb23 · January 2014

Thank you for posting this! This really hits the nail on the head for how I feel about my delivery. To those of you who had a positive c section experience, you guys are lucky that you aren't able to relate to these emotions and feelings.

elm005 · January 2014

Wow! I didn't expect this to get so heated. I don't agree with or relate to the entire article. The excerpt I quoted really hit home with me though. I went willingly into my c section knowing it was the best thing for our LO. I think what I took from the article was that it is ok to be thankful for the outcome and disappointed at the same time. I am so very thankful that out LO was healthy. I am sad that I didn't get my hour of skin to skin with him. I don't think I am less bonded with him because of it. Just wish he hadn't had to be taken from me, cleaned, measured, printed, and swaddled before I even got a glimpse of him. He was even circumcised before I got to look over his perfect little body because I was so medicated I didn't even think to take that moment. I am happy to hear that everyone didn't have the same experience. Despite all that I would do it all again for him. I was not trying to say I wouldn't.

llybeck · January 2014

I don't think it got heated... I think this is a good thread. C-sections are very stigmatized and there a ton of emotions tied to any birth experience. @HBirdie thank you for putting it in those words, that is exactly how I feel. It's very frustrating when people feel sorry or apologetic because I had a c/s, I get there reasoning but it just furthers people's feelings that it's a huge disappointment. I will not be able to have children vaginally, all my succeeding kids with have to be RCS unless I want to risk the incredibly high probability of even worse complications. I don't want to go into that feeling like I always missed out or that my babies missed out on something much more special. DD is the best thing that ever happened and I just don't ever want to feel bad or disappointed about any of it. But in no way do I think anyone else's feelings ate invalid because they aren't the same as mine.

HBirdie · January 2014

=D>

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