Do I really have to be the one to bring up circumcision?

ebox322 · January 2014

We never really thought twice about having DS circumcised while I was pregnant. However, the day after he was born when he got a full once over from the pediatrician, she said that there was something on the underside of his penis (maybe a vein I want to say? I feel like a shit mom that to this day I don't remember what it was) that was veering to the side when normally it would be straight up the center of the underside. Therefore, the ped said that the ob wouldn't do the circumcision...that they don't do it if anything looks different AT ALL. So the pediatrician had us go to a pediatric surgeon and assured us that what was "different" was really nothing and the circumcision could still be performed.

So he had the circ at about a month old, with the plastibell method. His fell off about a day or so early and he SCREAMED when it did. Since then, the skin has fused back together a little bit. His doctor has said that we can wait until he's about 3 to see if it detaches on it's own or we'll have to have it redone...which will require general anesthesia.

Our situation is obviously just a scenario that happened to happen, and we both had agreed that we wanted to do it. He's happy and healthy and it never bothers him on the daily...it just kinda sucks that it went down the way it did. I don't really have any advice on "yes do it" or "no don't". At the end of the day, I agree with PPs and it's really a personal decision between you two and I hope you can find a solution!

KBowen715 · January 2014

We circumcise, and the only real argument I have for it, is that it helps with cleanliness when they are dirty preteen boys who bathe themselves. I don't feel strongly about it, and I'm sure there are many valid points for people who wish not to do it. I let my husband make the call with it as it is his right of passage or whatever with a son.

Good luck!- I'm sure either decision will be just fine.

sisterjanet · January 2014

@busterbeagle I would be in the same but opposite boat if I were having a girl. I saw a Louis CK thing on youtube where he talked about changing his daughter and it sounded like the poo goes into the vag, so I'd be worried about figuring out how to clean a vag if this one were a girl.

IBackBevo · January 2014

kramja01 said:

Sadly, I think the answer is yes and yes. DH and I were discussing circumcision a few weeks ago and I asked the same thing. DH played a ton of sports growing up, and he said while guys don't necessarily flat-out "compare" genitals, both having a small penis and an uncirc'd penis were great cause for ridicule in the locker room. Apparently there was only one boy DH knew growing up that wasn't circ'd (we clearly live in an area where circ'ing is very popular) and took a ton of crap for it. I don't really know anyone in our families or friends with children who haven't circ'd. (but this is not something we talk about over the dinner table, of course)

At first, I read this as you saying your DH was ridiculed for having a small and uncircumcised penis and I thought, "Woah. I bet her DH would love that she just admitted his penis was small on a public chat board." Then I re-read it and realized it was a reading comprehension fail...but I got a good laugh first.

It also made me think of what this world would be like if girls compared vaginas in the locker room and I got a terrible mental image. I don't even remember ever looking at anyone else's boobs much less anything more. My mind was always: Keep the eyes on the face.

KBowen715 · January 2014

We did the plastibell when my sons (who are now 11 & 9) were born. I don't know of the newer methods, but I'm going to look it up now.

The bell took awhile to fall of and did cause some minor bleeding.

pistolpackinmomma · January 2014

IBackBevo said:

kramja01 said:

Sadly, I think the answer is yes and yes. DH and I were discussing circumcision a few weeks ago and I asked the same thing. DH played a ton of sports growing up, and he said while guys don't necessarily flat-out "compare" genitals, both having a small penis and an uncirc'd penis were great cause for ridicule in the locker room. Apparently there was only one boy DH knew growing up that wasn't circ'd (we clearly live in an area where circ'ing is very popular) and took a ton of crap for it. I don't really know anyone in our families or friends with children who haven't circ'd. (but this is not something we talk about over the dinner table, of course)

At first, I read this as you saying your DH was ridiculed for having a small and uncircumcised penis and I thought, "Woah. I bet her DH would love that she just admitted his penis was small on a public chat board." Then I re-read it and realized it was a reading comprehension fail...but I got a good laugh first.

It also made me think of what this world would be like if girls compared vaginas in the locker room and I got a terrible mental image. I don't even remember ever looking at anyone else's boobs much less anything more. My mind was always: Keep the eyes on the face.

I definitely had my boobs looked at. And made fun of. I was criticized for not wearing a bra (I couldn't even fill an A cup) then when I did wear one I was made fun of for wearing it when I didn't need to. Also I have moles by my nip on one boob that looks like air bubbles. Those were made fun of too. Kids are assholes.

busterbeagle · January 2014

Yep, poop gets in the vag. DD actually called hers (and mine) "poop" for awhile.

Miles2Go · January 2014

I thought all girls with locker room experience were well versed in changing clothes without being nude. I can definitely change a shirt and bra without flashing any boob at all.

IBackBevo · January 2014

@pistolpackinmomma - That is awful. I guess I lucked out because I don't remember ever even having a conversation about what anyone looked like undressed. I remember plenty of other teasing, but I guess in my school there were, at least, some limits.

sisterjanet · January 2014

busterbeagle said:

Yep, poop gets in the vag. DD actually called hers (and mine) "poop" for awhile.

Yay for more knowledge, but ew.

julesf817 · January 2014

My husband isn't, his parents are Irish and it isn't really something they do in Ireland I guess. We won't be doing it either.

As for the guys saying they want their sons to "look like them" i guess I just don't get that arugment at all. Not sure about you ladies, but my bits didn't look anything like my mom's when i was a kid, since the whole "shaving" trend wasn't really a thing in the 80's. I don't recall it causing me any confusion.

aforst · January 2014

Both of my boys are circumcised. DH and I were on the same page with wanting to have it done. I wasn't with them when it was done, so I can't say how it was for them. I do know that they both came back very calm and asleep. Neither of them appeared to have been screaming/crying. It didn't seem to be too painful for them afterwards. There is gauze on it that we just put a lot of Vaseline on so it wouldn't stick to the diaper. My pedi pulled it off for us at their first visits and all was fine from there.

It's obviously a very personal decision. We were happy with our decision, but I'm sure they would have been fine had they not been circumcised. I know a lot more people are opting not to do it. I hope you and your husband can come to a decision you both feel ok with.

pistolpackinmomma · January 2014

Miles2Go said:
I thought all girls with locker room experience were well versed in changing clothes without being nude. I can definitely change a shirt and bra without flashing any boob at all.

It was 7th grade. The first time I ever had to change in a locker room or in front of others. I quickly learned how to do it without being nude.

TaylorHam86 · January 2014

I've been wondering about this too but haven't brought it up with my husband. Thanks for starting the conversation. I guess I'm neutral on the penis sitch. I'll probably let my husband decide. I feel like I know a lot more after reading all the responses though.

ETA: I did notice at my OB yesterday that they have a big flyer up saying if you want your boy to be circumcised, you have to pay the OB office $200 prior to being 37 weeks and the hospital charges an additional $25. So that's one other thing for us to consider.

aforst · January 2014

sisterjanet said:

ykristos said:

sisterjanet said:

I didn't especially care, but it seems like not the best idea to have a healing incision in a diaper. (The people who plan to not circumcise and ask about care confuse me. Not that you don't have to keep an intact boy clean, but I'd be way more worried about keeping a circumcised boy clean enough.)

This part squicks me out too. I mean, it seems that there is rarely an issue with this, but obviously not necessarily the best place for an incision on an newborn.

Newborn poo can be really liquidy too, so it's not like it's going to stay in the back of the diaper and make it easy to keep the baby's parts clean.

IDK, this was never an issue for us. The incision was very heavily wrapped in gauze. There really wasn't any way that poop was going to get to it. We also kept it doused in Vaseline. When the gauze came off, the incision was completely healed.

TecheB · January 2014

My DS was circumcised at about a week old in pediatrician's office. That's when/where they do it in our area. They did strap him down to a board and we were there to witness it. It was horrible, but he cried for a few minutes then I nursed him and he was ok. Used lots of Vaseline in diaper to make sure it stayed clean and didn't get stuck to diaper. Healed quickly and has been a non-issue since.

I do have a good friend who did not have her first son circumcised b/c Father didn't want it. She then had 2 more boys with her husband and they are circumcised. Yes they do compare/tease and the oldest did have infection at around 3 resulting from not properly cleaning area.

CamrynnsMommy · January 2014

I'm with @rocknroll64, I deferred to my H because I had no strong feelings either way. If we are having a boy he'll be circ'd.

pandadair · January 2014

We are not. I asked my husband two questions: 1) Is there anything that would make you consider removing your daughter's clitoral hood for non-urgent medical reasons? And 2) If your daughter said she was getting made fun of because of the way her labia looks and/or said that some guy lost interest in her because of that, would your solution be to suggest she have some of her perfectly healthy genital tissue excised? No? Then I think that same reasoning should be applied to your son.

Side note: My sister and I are totes weird, but we've (verbally) done a vag comparison. Verdict is genital idiosyncrasies must run in the family. No word on my mom's junk, though. She just stared at us like she wasn't sure how we could be her children.

pandadair · January 2014

dbautista88 said:

Oh! I like this question. We were so sure we wanted to circumcise, not so sure anymore (on my behalf). I need to look up more info because I thought it was supposed to be a good thing because of "cleanliness" and "less likely to get infections".

As someone who has, umm, "dated" enough men of both American and non-American origin, I can assure everyone that cleanliness shouldn't be an issue. Not to get all graphic, but I'm pretty sure most of our nether regions would get, well, stank if we never practiced basic hygiene down there, either. It can't be that hard to teach your son to wash himself like any other functioning person does.

ajbbmh · January 2014

We have chosen not to circumsize due to my husbands experience when he was a newborn. He was circumsized and almost bled to death after being cleared to go home. He is horribly terrified it will happen to our LO so he has asked that he not be. He said most kids won't even realize they don't "match" daddy and I fully support him because of his experience.

ABColeslaw · January 2014

busterbeagle said:

Yep, poop gets in the vag. DD actually called hers (and mine) "poop" for awhile.

this is called poogina and not something you have to really about with a boy.

Kate070 · January 2014

I always knew I didn't want to circ, and was really relieved when my husband agreed. I just can't see a reason do irreparably alter my child's body without medical reason. If he, when he gets older, wishes he were circumcised, he can make the decision to have it done. I just don't feel right making that choice for him, especially when it can cause issues (like higher rates of impotence, according to a human sexuality class I took in grad school) later in life.

As for the "matching" issue... this just seems an odd argument. Yes, DH is circumcised, but it'd be easy enough to explain that he had a procedure DS didn't, if it ever comes up. Besides, it's not as though they'll look alike in every other aspect. DS could just as easily ask why he doesn't have pubic hair, or a gazillion other traits he won't share with one of the other of us.

Hooper88 · January 2014

Our little guy will not be circumcised. Seems like he is born with it for a reason to me. DH is circumcised and after some research he agrees that it is an unnecessary procedure. Also I don't imagine cleaning an uncircumcised penis as they get older is any more challenging that cleaning a vagina which it seems like most teenage girls have no problem with...I think that someone not learning how to properly clean there body is a bad reason to make a decision.

And penis or not my DH was not given full rights to this decision.

pandadair · January 2014

Hooper88 said:

Our little guy will not be circumcised. Seems like he is born with it for a reason to me. DH is circumcised and after some research he agrees that it is an unnecessary procedure. Also I don't imagine cleaning an uncircumcised penis as they get older is any more challenging that cleaning a vagina which it seems like most teenage girls have no problem with...I think that someone not learning how to properly clean there body is a bad reason to make a decision. And penis or not my DH was not given full rights to this decision.

Oh, they are

.

ciarasoleil · January 2014

We are having a boy and I have left the decision up to my husband, I feel that we won't because I don't see the purpose in it and my hubby isn't. I like my hubby's penis and don't see anything wrong with not circumcising

ABColeslaw · January 2014

I think this is a personal decision. Being from a half Jewish/Christian background comments like "the procedure is terrible" get to me a little. I wouldn't do something terrible to my son. Let me tell you something, my son went in to get his done, and fell asleep during the procedure. It couldn't have been that bad. Like drifted sweetly off to sleep and didn't stir when cut. Being a girl from a mixed background, I didn't have terribly strong feelings, it made sense to circ since everyone I knew was, but I wasn't against not doing it either. I left it up to my H since he has a penis and my H chose to circ. We have had no issues. The healing was nothing compared to dealing with the umbilical stump and it literally caused my son no discomfort. If this baby was a boy we'd be doing it again.

Whatever you decide to do is the right decision for your family and your son. I'm pretty neutral on this and will go ahead and say it won't be a wrong decision either way.

@pandadair lol I've had this same conversation with my sister. I will tell you, my junk is a little longer than I think most women deal with and I will get my "lips" eerrrr shortened if when I have the money to do it. Sometimes during sex they get pushed up a bit. If my daughter had the same issue and asked me what to do I'd tell her if she thought it would make life more comfortable to go ahead and snip that shit. lol. If some dick didn't want to be with her because of it, then fuck him. But I did once see a porn where the poor girl had a situation that I think most men could just not get over. My H was actually so turned off he couldn't watch it.

meli1025 · January 2014

DH is, yet when DS was born we both couldn't imagine his poor little penis being cut. My OB did not recommend it and I truly believe there are no medical benefits, it is purely for aesthetic or for religious purposes. DS's ped said there are plenty of arguments for either side and he wasn't concerned at all that we chose not to circ DS. We haven't had any problems and will not be circumcising DS2 either.

ykristos · January 2014

TaylorHam86 said:

I've been wondering about this too but haven't brought it up with my husband. Thanks for starting the conversation. I guess I'm neutral on the penis sitch. I'll probably let my husband decide. I feel like I know a lot more after reading all the responses though.

ETA: I did notice at my OB yesterday that they have a big flyer up saying if you want your boy to be circumcised, you have to pay the OB office $200 prior to being 37 weeks and the hospital charges an additional $25. So that's one other thing for us to consider.

Whoa. I have already read that some insurances no longer cover it, but I'm not sure how widespread that is.

pandadair · January 2014

ABColeslaw said:

I think this is a personal decision. Being from a half Jewish/Christian background comments like "the procedure is terrible" get to me a little. I wouldn't do something terrible to my son. Let me tell you something, my son went in to get his done, and fell asleep during the procedure. It couldn't have been that bad. Like drifted sweetly off to sleep and didn't stir when cut. Being a girl from a mixed background, I didn't have terribly strong feelings, it made sense to circ since everyone I knew was, but I wasn't against not doing it either. I left it up to my H since he has a penis and my H chose to circ. We have had no issues. The healing was nothing compared to dealing with the umbilical stump and it literally caused my son no discomfort. If this baby was a boy we'd be doing it again.

Whatever you decide to do is the right decision for your family and your son. I'm pretty neutral on this and will go ahead and say it won't be a wrong decision either way.

@pandadair lol I've had this same conversation with my sister. I will tell you, my junk is a little longer than I think most women deal with and I will get my "lips" eerrrr shortened if when I have the money to do it. Sometimes during sex they get pushed up a bit. If my daughter had the same issue and asked me what to do I'd tell her if she thought it would make life more comfortable to go ahead and snip that shit. lol. If some dick didn't want to be with her because of it, then fuck him. But I did once see a porn where the poor girl had a situation that I think most men could just not get over. My H was actually so turned off he couldn't watch it.

Hey, man, no shame in the game if you've got an uncomfortable lip situation. I'd tell my daughter the same thing, but, like, you said, NOT because some dbag thinks all women should look like his Playboy centerfold. Which, by the way, only all have innies because showing "pink" is considered too risque. There is definitely a wide range on that sort of thing, so I can see where the extreme may be off-putting.

dragossoul84 · January 2014

I chose to have the procedure done on my son not so he would match DH but because of personal experience. My first husband was not circumcised and he complained about it all the time he had really wished he was and talked about the difference in keeping it clean. I also worked at a nursing home and men there that were not would some times get to a point where they didnt really take care of things themselves or couldn't. Either way it is a deeply personal decision.

haylo33 · January 2014

We are having a boy and he will be circumcised. There was a kid in high school who was tortured over it. Kids are mean. I understand both arguments, this is just what we decided based on our experiences.,

jenb_99 · January 2014

We circumcised DS. There was no discussion.

IBackBevo · January 2014

The idea of matching penises makes me snicker.

I wonder if my DS will grow up and say, "Dad, I'm glad my penis looks like yours."

typeset · January 2014

TaylorHam86 said:

ETA: I did notice at my OB yesterday that they have a big flyer up saying if you want your boy to be circumcised, you have to pay the OB office $200 prior to being 37 weeks and the hospital charges an additional $25. So that's one other thing for us to consider.

This really bugs me. OBs are not experts on tiny penis and shouldn't be doing circs. Pediatric urologist, pediatrician, mohel--sure.

spinsoffresonance · January 2014

I'm Jewish and we're raising the kids Jewish so we will be circumcising if we have a boy. DH isn't and he's okay with it and with LO looking different than him. Personally, if it wasn't for religious reasons, I wouldn't do it and don't really understand why so many Americans do. I'm originally from Europe and no one there is circumcised. If so many countries don't do it, there really can't be that much of a medical benefit.

Apparently boys do really compare penises, and not just when they're kids I know way more than I want to about DH's fraternity brothers penises. But since the circumcision rates are about 50% in the US, no one should be getting teased about it either way now.

Miggg · January 2014

I was actually really worried about this issue as it appears to still be such a common thing in the U.S. I am strongly opposed to it, just can't see it as anything other than genital mutilation. I completely understand that others have religious beliefs that support it and, while I respect those differences, I just couldn't personally do it.

I sat down with DH and explained my thoughts and showed him some information and, to my surprise, he did actually agree with me. That's definitely a tough conversation though, good luck to all those who have to tackle that!

cnbean · January 2014

We did with DS1 and will be again. Personally I know a few guys that had issues from not being circumcised and I would rather do it before there are tons of problems. DS healed very quickly and never had any trouble from his. It never seemed to bother him at all, and I don't think we even put vaseline or anything on it.

bumpuser9353653 · January 2014

We don't have a son, so we've never really discussed it, but I guess I've always assumed we would if we did have a boy b/c DH is. And I've always figured an in-tact part would be harder to keep clean when, as a pp mentioned, they are "dirty preteen boys". I knew boys in middle school who went through a not-going-to-shower-for-3-days phase. gross. You can preach all you want to your kids about good hygiene, but preteen boys always concern me in the well-cleansed department. Seems the general consensus is that it's a personal decision and there's no "right" answer. GL!